


He Will Be Loved

by LifeRecently



Category: The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, And Blake Shelton as a clueless but lovable dummy, Blake riding a mechanical bull, Do you see what I did with the title there, Fluff and Crack, Hurt/Comfort, I sort of torture them let's be real, I'm Sorry, I'm sorry again, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mild Angst, Slow Burn, Starring Adam Levine as a ridiculous idiot, There's no real plot it's just fluff, They'll get together at some point, UST, a motherfuckin' romcom, a total screwball comedy, and hurt, boys get sick, did I mention slow burn?, enough UST to take out a small elephant, fake boyfriends, gay clubs, gay cruises, lots of hugging, lots of singing, lots of snuggling, on many levels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 23:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 97,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6588463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LifeRecently/pseuds/LifeRecently
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternate universe with one divided point: Adam Levine is out and proud. And maybe in love with Blake Shelton. Although the validity of the last point being AU is up for debate.</p><p>Or: Adam refuses to admit he's in love with Blake, writes 'Shevine' on people's arms while drunk, sings 'Neon Light' publicly, is tricked into going on a couple's cruise with his best friend, takes seduction tips from Pharrell Williams and is a giant mess. Also, Blake sings a lot of Maroon 5 songs, just because.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beauty King of Only 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome to this crazy whirlwind of madness. Several things:
> 
> -I'm sorry if real people stuff offends anyone or the people themselves. I see it more as taking liberties with projected personas from the TV show. I don't mean to imply that any of this is real, sad as that is for many people.
> 
> -This is an AU, so there are differences between this world and ours. Most revolve around Adam being gay.
> 
> -The time periods in this fic don't really match up to the real-life 'Voice'. It's supposed to take place during Season 9, but the timing of various divorces don't quite match.
> 
> -The contestants don't match the show either. Yeah, sorry about that.
> 
> -This is crazy slow-burn, but that won't last forever. However, if unrelenting UST is not your thing this is probably not your fic.
> 
> -I intend this to be a little cracky. That is, weird stuff happens that might not be completely realistic. Just roll with it.
> 
> -And finally, I try to avoid angst as much as possibly, so if dark fics are your deal this might not work for you.
> 
> That is all, enjoy, and please leave a comment if you have anything at all to say!

Adam let out a deep sigh of frustration as he rested his chin on his desk. It was 4 a.m. Not a typical time for working adults to be awake. But he wasn't really a normal person, and his schedule didn’t adhere to a business-hours type job.

It didn't make him feel any less weird for it.

He moved, groaning as he rested his cheek on the cool top of his glass table. He could feel his hair brushing against his various papers: the songs he was working on, some legal-type documents he was avoiding looking at and signing, and other things he had strewn there. The rock singer closed his eyes and felt a little better, but could feel the thoughts racing in his head. He rubbed his face frantically with his hands, yawning shortly after.

He was mid-yawn when his phone buzzed loudly.

He cursed and sprang up, grabbing the device and quickly unlocking it.

'Still awake? :),' it read. Adam didn't even have to look at the name to know who had written it.

Asshole.

'Asshole,' he replied, tapping the letters with too much pressure, and switched the phone off, smacking it face-down on the table a little harder than necessary. By the time he walked over and flopped onto his couch, though, he was smiling a bit. He grabbed a ball and began tossing it in the air.

Adam always had to be doing more than one thing. Sometimes it was tapping hands or feet, sometimes it was pretend-drumming with chopsticks, and occasionally it was throwing a ball or pen in the air. He'd always had ADHD, and no amount of medication could really erase the frantic pace his mind worked at, even when he was tired to the point of exhaustion.

His phone buzzed again from his coffee table and he reached over and grabbed it quickly.

'Try meditating ;),' the text said. Adam frowned, looking at it. Had he talked to Blake about his meditation? Or had he simply taken an accurate shot in the dark?

Shutting his eyes and putting the phone down, he breathed deeply in and out: it was worth a shot. He had stayed awake late writing song lyrics, but hadn't kept track of the time at all. Now he was stuck in an over-tired, semi-hyper and stressed mode.

The breathing helped and as he attempted to find his center, or whatever he was supposed to be doing. He had gotten better at it, but he still didn't totally buy into the idea. He was more of an in-the-moment type of guy, and settling down and leaving himself was a hard task.

His phone buzzed once more.

He glared at it, and turned over to lie facing away from it, but after a few moments shot out a hand and picked it up.

'Have you tried being the jack-off you naturally are...literally? ;););)'

Feeling extremely annoyed and his face start to heat up, Adam chucked his phone clear across the room, where it fortunately landed on the soft carpet with a dull thump.

He let out a bark of laughter and stuck a pillow over his face. Life sucked.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Being on Ellen wasn't the biggest drag in the universe, mainly because she always had the best dressing room snacks and was a more genuine person in a field of very fake talk-show hosts. Adam preferred visiting her, and had always had a good time making appearances.

Today, however, he was feeling tense and sleep-deprived, and mostly just wanted to be at home or in the studio with a guitar. But he was doing neither of those things, so he half-heartedly ate his tasty snacks and reluctantly allowed the make-up artists to do their jobs. His hair had grown out quite a bit and usually by this time he would cut it, but he was delaying on it. He liked the slicked back, semi-jelled look he was pulling off.

He heard his cue and stood up to go on stage, adjusting the bottom of his shirt and scuffing his shoes as he walked. Seeing Ellen, he smiled naturally, and took a seat on her stiff couch that required sitting ramrod straight.

"Adam!" Ellen said, throwing her arms out.

"Ellen!" He replied, plopping down on the couch.

They went through the obligatory small-talk about his albums, how 'The Voice' was going, how the band was doing, and then, naturally, his love life.

"So... seeing anyone since last time we spoke?" she asked as the audience cheered loudly.

Adam sighed, leaning back on the couch uncomfortably.

"I feel like it's always hard to answer this question. It's like, if I’m just seeing men casually, then I'm just this promiscuous gay man embodying an outdated idea about gay men being unable to form romantic attachments."

The crowd wooted loudly at this, and Ellen nodded encouragingly as he continued.

"But then, if I'm in a relationship it's like I'm not a sexual being anymore,” he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration as he continued, “and there's no in-between that's not being an incredible man-slut or a penis-less Ken doll, and I don't really feel like either right now."

The audience cheered loudly again, and Adam looked out on the entirely-female audience, suddenly very grateful that this was the only interview he had agreed to in the coming months. He wouldn't get this reception everywhere.

Ellen looked at him with deep empathy, and sighed as well.

"Try being a lesbian," she said with a complete dead-pan, and Adam had to laugh along with the audience.

"But now, I have to ask," she said as the laughter died down. "How's your Bromance, hold the b, with Blake Shelton?"

Adam groaned in response. It was easy to answer these questions when they were around each other and Blake always had an entirely inappropriate quip to answer with, but on his own Adam never knew quite how to respond. He always agreed to be asked because he didn't want to appear like he was trying to hide anything, and he knew it was good for the ratings on the show.

"Keep the b," Adam said, rubbing his face with his hands. "It's definitely a Bromance. I mean, Blake's like that with most of his other friends. He's just a guy that's very comfortable with who he is and I'm glad he didn't act differently with me. He's a great guy and I just... I love him, you know?"

The audience cooed loudly in response.

"No, no, no, no!" Adam said laughing and stood up, waving his hands in front of him. "That's not an 'aw' moment. This is Bromance! It's not supposed to be cute! It's manly affection."

"It's pretty cute," Ellen hummed, eyebrow raised as she turned her attention to the monitor. Adam looked behind him as well to see a familiar gif from the show that he had seen on many websites, many different times in his late-night lurking. It was the one where Adam was being lifted up and kissed on the neck by an incredibly happy-looking Blake. Adam himself looks uncomfortable as he tries to escape the other man's grasp.

"Uh... yeah," Adam mumbled, staring up at the image, unable to tear his eyes away. He did though, and looked back at Ellen. "The guy's married, you know. And it is possible for gay guys to have male friends, just like straight men and women can," he finished and stared at Ellen challengingly, as if daring her to disagree.

He went home with a massive dog bed for his new puppy and a deep desire to sink into his own.

 

* * *

 

 

"Has Blake Shelton split with country-singer wife Miranda Lambert, finalizing his second divorce? Are the allegations of cheating true? Find out after this commercial break!"

Adam had just been watching the end of the news and fiddling around on his computer when the blaring voice had shocked him out of his day-dreaming.

He could watch it. He was against tabloid shows on a deep moral and ethical level, but...

He shifted his eyes around the room as if checking for anyone watching. He slowly closed the lid on his computer and sidled carefully over to the television.

Pictures of Blake and his wife flashed onto the television before he could even attempt to turn it off.

"The divorce proceedings between Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert were finalized today as..."

Adam didn't hear another word as he sat back on to the couch with a loud thump. He was totally blown away that Blake hadn't even tipped him off to the divorce. He had been aware that things had been rocky, and that Miranda wasn't really visiting LA during The Voice tapings, but he hadn't known it had gotten to this point.

Adam watched the rest of the programming, eager to soak up any details his supposed best friend had failed to provide, and was mildly offended that TMZ didn't even feel it necessary to imply that he was having an illicit affair with Adam, like the rest of the tabloids loved publishing. He then paused to reflect on how absurd it was to feel that way.

It was time for outraged texting.

'Hey, had to watch TMZ to find out you were divorcing'. Quick and to the point, he didn't even feel sorry for being rude and blunt.

'Srry, a lot going on,' was the reply 20 minutes later, and Adam allowed himself to sulk by his piano before texting back.

'Well you can talk to me if you need to,' he responded, reluctant to be the bigger man, but knowing that Blake was going through a hard time.

'Thanks bud,' was what he got right before he was going to bed. He was pleased with himself for only being slightly annoyed and only mostly sad that there was no further information. Well, he would see Blake next week when the filming of the new season started.

 

* * *

 

 

The first days of filming on The Voice were always secretly Adam's favorite. He would always say to others that it was the finales, or when his team was completely assembled, or when he got a great steal. But the first couple of days really were exciting, particularly when it was the 9th time he was doing it.

He got acquainted with the familiar surroundings of the lot, the set guys that he casually knew, the sound guys that he joked around with. The catering was somehow always the same and he picked through his well-loved favorite breakfast items.

Even the smell of the theater felt the same, and the past seasons of the show rushed through his mind as he stretched, making his way over to his well known red chair. The audience hadn't been allowed in yet, but the large room was buzzing with set people rushing around to get everybody ready. It wasn't like being on a tour set where people would stop and gawp at him as he walked by; everyone was totally used to him, and it made him feel more normal than any other public situation did. There was a reason he had never decided to leave The Voice. Well, more than one reason, actually.

Peering out from behind his red chair, he saw a certain somebody that he had been trying not to look like he had been looking for.

"Blakey!" He called out playfully, swinging around the chair toward him. Blake looked like he was seriously texting, hunched over on his chair staring at his phone. He looked up when Adam called, smiling.

"Don't call me that," he replied, and climbed out of the chair, coming towards Adam and scooping him up in a tight embrace. "Have you been eating at all in the past year? Jesus." To emphasize this point he picked Adam up and down as Adam laughed.

"Shut up, you ass!"

"Ah, yeah I've missed the intelligent insults," Blake quipped, finally letting Adam go. Adam felt like seeing if he could get away with sitting on Blake's lap for an entire episode this season. Probably not.

"How you doin’, bud?" Adam said, sobering up and looking at Blake with concern. There were bags under his eyes and his hair was in a disarray from being mussed.

"Just a lot to deal with, with this... thing, y'know," Blake explained, pulling out his phone again and frowning.

"Is it... messy?" Adam asked, not really knowing what to say. Blake was usually pretty closed off about private things, or anything having to do with emotion, despite his songs sometimes being entirely about them. Adam himself still had a hard time with it.

"Yeah," Blake breathed out, then corrected himself. "Nah? I don't know."

The country singer sighed deeply and wandered over to sit on the edge of the stage in front of the chairs.

"Just annoyin’ stuff to hash out. Who gets the house. Who gets certain things. That kind of thing."

"Well, like I said, I'm here, Country," Adam said seriously, following him. He put his hand on Blake's shoulder and pushed it a little back. The bigger man caught the arm and pulled Adam into him, embracing him tightly again. Adam leaned his head onto Blake's shoulder. Yeah, those interview shows asking about bromance without the b were getting hard with the shit that they were constantly pulling.

"There, there, buddy," Adam crooned, rubbing Blake's back supportively as the country singer clung to him, sticking his head in Adam's neck. The smaller man paused, allowing this to happen, but desperately trying to think platonic thoughts. Like puppies. Maybe kittens. Blake Shelton holding puppies and kittens. Unhelpful.

Pharrell was completely unfazed as he entered the scene. As in, Pharrell was a chill enough dude not to be bothered by two dudes hugging longer than was socially acceptable, but was so used to Adam and Blake's brand of relationship that it didn't even blip his radar. Adam thought that maybe one day it would be so much that he might actually be shocked. Or not.

"Hey, guys," the slighter man said, not looking up from his phone and setting into his chair. The producers liked doing a run-down from the chairs because it was the perfect place to reference any changes or announcements about the set. But it was sort of an awkward place to meet-up and talk.

"Hey, Pharrell, what've you been up to?" Adam asked, trying in vain to not look as though he were standing with a giant man-child tucked into his neck.

"Yeah, this and that. Been recording some really sweet artists. I should send you some stuff," Pharrell replied, looking up briefly from his phone. Adam noted he looked closely at Blake before looking down again.

"Blake okay?" the R&B singer asked suddenly. Adam wondered that too as he felt himself getting used to the hot body-heat radiating from Blake. Yeah, the first days of filming were really the best. It took about two minutes to get used to being around Blake again. He breathed his friend's scent in deeply, taking in the musky sort of woodsy smell before quickly glancing up to check if Pharrell was watching.

"I'm not ever sure if Blake's okay."

Blake pushed Adam away mildly at that comment and leaned back, lying on the stage.

"My life is a stinkin’ mess," Blake stated in a defeated way, staring up at the high auditorium ceiling.

"Hey boys," said a voice from off-stage, and Blake popped up quicker than Adam could have expected.

"Gwen!" Pharrell called, smiling brightly and running over to her, giving her a hug. Adam didn't know Gwen Stephani well. She was older than him, but seemed pretty cool. Their crowds just didn't run together.

Gwen walked over to her chair and settled in it experimentally, tentatively exploring the functions. Adam went over to show her a few of them.

"I'm so excited for the show! I've been watching it forever!" Gwen said brightly. Adam felt like her enthusiasm was contagious and could feel himself smiling in return, but it quickly faded when he noticed Blake texting again.

"It'll be great," Pharrell said, walking back over to his own chair and settling down in it. "I was really excited to start when I first got here. Doesn't take that long to get used to things." Pharrell looked significantly over at Adam who had gravitated back to Blake again.

"Oh yeah. You guys are like the best part of the show."

Blake looked up at that and smiled at Gwen. Adam could hear his heart crushing a little. He pressed his hands into his pockets and looked out at the stage waiting silently for the directors.

 

* * *

 

 

The first auditions were great. 'The Voice' was so good because they didn’t send out any weird singers like on 'American Idol', where you had to tell someone that their life-long goal was completely unrealistic. They got some young singers who needed to work on things, and some not the best but usually good-looking artists who usually had good day jobs, but they mostly got fantastic singers that made your heart beat a little faster and lit up the whole room. Also sometimes picked the wrong coach.

"You've got to pick me," Adam said, looking seriously into the young country singer's eyes. "We'll go places. Good places. Country and rock are a match made in heaven."

"Where did you say you were from?" Blake asked lazily from across the judge’s aisle.

The crowd cheered loudly and Adam groaned along with them.

“Oklahoma,” the singer said quickly in reply. Blake slowly looked over at Adam with a cocky smirk, making Adam’s face heat up.

"He has this life-long ambition of beating me with a country artist," Blake explained to the confused looking musician on stage who was gripping his guitar like it was going to decide to leave. Adam got up suddenly and made his way quickly over to the other man’s chair, slapping his hand onto Blake's mouth.

"There, that's better," Adam crowed triumphantly, ignoring the muffled noises Blake began to make.

"I'm a great coach. I don't have any singers like you, which means you'll be super special, man. Like, I'll bring you cupcakes and whatever you want."

"You're bribing him!" Gwen gasped out, laughing.

"I'm not surprised," Pharrell added dryly.

Adam looked down at Blake who wasn't struggling, but simply sitting patiently with Adam's hand on his mouth. The country singer raised his eyebrows and looked at Adam with deep amusement, and suddenly to Adam it wasn’t funny at all, but was getting hard to breathe right. Suddenly it felt like they were in a much different place and all alone, and when Adam took his hand off of Blake's mouth, it would be to lean down and-

"Uh," Adam heard a voice from the stage say hesitantly. He whipped his hand off of Blake’s mouth and backed up to his own seat, turning away from Blake's tilted and curious-looking face and looking at the contestant again.

"I'm gonna go with Blake."

Blake stood up and cheered as the contestant rushed down to meet him in a handshake. Adam felt shaky and nervous, looking around the room like everyone could tell what he had been thinking. But no one was looking back at him, instead watching Blake sit triumphantly back down again. In some ways coming back to 'The Voice' wasn't as perfect as he had thought.


	2. He Had Some Trouble With Himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Neon Light,' if you haven't heard it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXXszJUmmik

Gwen Stephani was cool, and Adam was always excited for a new member on The Voice team that mixed up the dynamic and added competition. Gwen certainly mixed it up and contestants were excited to see her and reminisce about 'BANANAS' and other stuff. He even liked the dynamic of the Pharrell/Gwen interaction, although it could hardly compete with the Adam/Blake banter.

But.

Blake had started spending a lot of time with her. Like when Adam came over after the show to shoot the shit and hang out, Blake and Gwen were bent together closely discussing something that looked mega serious, and Adam had to duck back out of the door before either of them could see him. Or when the cameras weren't rolling and Blake was messing around with the audience and called Gwen the most beautiful singer on the planet. It all seemed artificial and stale, and Blake had just left his wife! Not that Adam was judging.

And he certainly wasn't jealous.

On a Saturday night Adam ended up with his band-mates at a cool party in Beverly Hills of an up-and-coming new rock group that Adam had forgotten the name of already. That might have been because he was already drunk.

"Look, I'm not saying but I'm saying that I think Justin Bieber's probably a little shit," Adam said slurring deeply towards his companion. The young mid-twenty something girl looked both amused and uncomfortable. "How could he not be? Those clothes that he wears. I don't mind the hair though, I admire the hair."

"Adam," James, his band-mate, said coming up to him, bemused. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Important stuff," Adam replied, but got distracted by the light from a phone playing a video clip. Adam realized he could hear Blake Shelton's voice.

"Wait," He spluttered, wobbly standing up as James rushed to support him. "Wait, what the hell universe is this where people are watching videos involving Blake Shelton at a Beverly Hills party?"

"Sorry, man," said the youngish dude with a buzz cut and eyeliner on. "The whole Gwen Stafani/Blake Shelton or 'Shefani' thing is big right now and I'm into it."

Adam's addled mind could not comprehend this at all.

"What?" he choked out, falling over and crawling over to the young guy who seemed unphased.

"Well, I mean, I preferred 'Gwake' as their couple’s name, but I guess 'Shefani' is sexier."

"They're not a couple," Adam whined from the floor, barely aware that he sounded like a 5-year-old.

"Dude," the guy said, looking down at him for the first time, "there are so many signs. There are pictures of them hooking up all over the place. And just hanging out. And plus they're really cute. Shefani has this whole star-crossed lovers vibe, the whole country singer meets rock artist has this crazy opposites dynamic that's adorable."

"I don't know who you are," Adam said, his arm draped over his face as James came over with a glass of water. "But I completely hate you. You embody everything that I hate. Tell me the name of your band so I can bury it so far beneath the earth that it is set on fire."

The young guy with mascara looked suitably freaked out from where he seemed to be swaying, or maybe Adam was swaying.

"Calm down, old fella'," James said from above him, handing him the water. "Maybe we should call it a night."

"We were the country/rock thing first, James," Adam said desperately as the young guy grabbed his friends and left the house quickly.

"Adam," James pleaded, looking all adult-like from the couch. "You were never with Blake, you guys just joked around."

Adam sat up and regretted it, making it halfway before heaving slightly. He tried a second time and succeeded, feeling proud. 

"A bromance is real, man," Adam said emphatically. "It's as real as anything. What we had was real..." He trailed off laying down again feeling queasy and tired.

"Yeah, man," muttered James, sounding tired as well. "Maybe we should call it a night. I'll go find Jesse..." He trailed off and stood up looking around the yard and house.

Adam groaned from his place on the floor. He was feeling tied up inside and in pain. Intense emotional pain.

"I can't do this anymore," Adam groaned miserably, splaying his arms out.

"Yeah," James answered, not really listening but looking around almost desperately for Jesse. He could almost feel Adam's propensity for drama swelling up to create a scene, if only he could get them out of there. He spotted Jesse over by the Karaoke. Grabbing Adam's arms, he attempted to haul him up in the right direction.

"I'm a rock star," Adam ground out, using his arm to brace himself off the floor as he hung onto James.

"Yeah, buddy, you sure are."

James began to drag him slowly outside and along the pool.

"Shevine sounds better than Gwake anyway," Adam added to a nearby party goer who thankfully had a hard time seeing him in the darkness. He swayed slightly again, gripping his friend’s shoulder tightly before stopping so James was jerked back.

"You know what?" Adam declared, pulling himself from his friend's grasp.

"Fuck Blake Shelton!" Adam screamed, pumping up his fist into the air and drawing yells of encouragement from the crowd listening the Karaoke up on a slightly elevated stage in front of the pool.

"I am just as good as that asshole!" He screamed some more and made his way through the parting crowd towards the Karaoke machine. That was the last thing he remembered before everything went black.

 

* * *

 

 

Adam groaned as he slowly came to awareness and felt the throb of a splitting headache. He opened his eyes to unfamiliar surroundings but realized quickly that he was at James' house. After spending time in the bathroom rubbing his face with water and moaning loudly, he made his way downstairs where he could hear his friends... laughing.

"It's the man of the hour!" Jesse called from a stool at his kitchen island, his laptop out and open.

Adam beelined for the refrigerator, taking out a cold water and downing it forcefully, while pulling out a mug for coffee.

"Ugh, what happened last night?" Adam grumbled, slumping onto a stool across from the guys and resting his face in his hands, gripping his mug of coffee.

"Well," James started, looking at Jesse with a smirk and chuckle. "Where to begin..."

"There's the part where you had the crowd shouting 'Fuck Blake Shelton,'" Jesse cut in, snickering. "And you wrote 'Shevine 4ever' on a girl’s arm with a Sharpie."

Adam placed his mug down a little too quickly and it clattered loudly. He gaped at his bandmates.

"But don't worry," Jesse said, throwing his hands up in a calm-down gesture. "None of that got leaked to the media, mostly because they already had this."

He turned his laptop around to face the other man, and Adam's eyes tore through the Youtube page trying to understand what he was seeing. That was definitely him, on top of a small, well lit stage, microphone in hand. He definitely wasn't wearing a shirt. The title was, "Adam Levine Wasted And Singing Country." Adam looked back up at his friends, taken aback and totally in shock. There were 500,000 views since 4 a.m. when it was posted.

"Yeah, they surprisingly had, like, two Blake Shelton songs in the Karaoke machine," James continued, and then both of his friends were totally cracking up in front of him, using the kitchen island as support as they howled with laughter.

"No," Adam spluttered out, holding the mouse over the play button. "Please, God no."

And then he forced himself to watch the first part of him messily covering 'Sangria' as he encouraged the crowd to sing along with the chorus. Shushing his friends repeatedly he listened to a not-too-bad rendition of 'Neon Light' as the crowd's cheers almost covered his singing voice.

"How the hell did they have 'Neon Light'?" Adam asked resentfully as he watched his shirtless body sway singing, almost toppling over before someone came over and pushed him up. "That only came out like, last year. What the hell? And where the hell were you guys?" He asked, looking up at the duo.

"We couldn't stop you; you gained control of the crowd quickly and they pushed us away. It was pretty impressive, actually," James said, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye as he calmed down.

"Exactly how many Blake Shelton songs do you know by heart, Adam?" Jesse added, raising an eyebrow. "How many times have you watched those videos?"

Adam left the room in a huff and returned to James' bed, pulling up the comforter over his head and curling into a neat ball. Maybe it wouldn't even be a thing at the next 'Voice' recording.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a thing. It was most definitely a thing.

Adam managed to play it cool and just listen to the artist on the stage without paying attention to any of the other coaches. He drummed it out on his leg in the in between auditions and played with his phone. He stood up and talked to the audience closest to him. He avoided eye contact persistently with anyone who was sitting next to him. He felt like he was going to make it, until-

"There's a Neon Light..." Pharrell crooned softly, but loudly enough that everyone could hear him, right after being picked in a contentious fight between him and Adam for the last contestant.

Adam swung his arm out and pointed at him immediately.

"You shut your mouth!" he said loudly, but Blake was already off of his seat laughing and Gwen was giggling from her own chair. The audience applauded and pretty much exploded with laughter.

Adam rested his head on his hand and leaned away from the rest of the coaches, looking the picture of irritation.

"I'm fully prepared to offer you a country contract right now," Pharrell teased, smiling good-naturedly at the other man. Adam had never felt one ounce of negative feeling towards Pharrell.

Until today.

He glared back.

"I don't think I coulda' done it that well after drinking that much," Blake added on, smirking down the line at Adam.

"You're an idiot and I hate you," Adam mumbled, pressing his face deeper in his hand and sliding down his chair, hoping to disappear.

As their chairs swung around in preparation for the next audition, Adam sat up and looked resolutely at the rest of the judges.

"No more mention of this upon penalty of death."

"I'm curious about somethin' though," Blake said thoughtfully, rubbing his chin. "Have you ever even had Sangria? How'd you manage to make it so convincing-"

Blake was cut off by Adam charging his chair as the spectators screamed wildly in approval. Adam stopped in front of Blake's chair grinning evilly, before shooting out his hands to rustle up Blake's hair. Blake began to push him off, but gave up, laughing as Adam mussed his hair.

He gave chase as Adam retreated back to his own chair, copying the other singer’s earlier movements and running his hands through Adam's hair as much as he could manage. Eventually the two of them were cackling so hard that they couldn't even have the next contestant come on. Carson Daily finally had to come out and settle them down.

It wasn’t the worst outcome that Adam could have predicted. It wasn’t bad until Blake pulled Gwen in for a private hug at the end of the episode, quietly thanking her for something as the crowd 'awww'ed in a way they used to for him and Blake. He wasn’t jealous, he really wasn’t, just annoyed and curious.

 

* * *

 

 

He was maybe a little jealous, he thought to himself, standing outside Gwen Stephani's trailer at 7 a.m. pacing and deciding whether to knock or not.

Before he could make the choice, the door swung open, almost hitting him in the face.

"Adam," Gwen said looking at him and sounding confused.

"Gwen," he replied evenly, looking pointedly past her to the interior of her trailer.

"Do you want to...come in?"

"Yeah, sure," he responded casually, stepping in and admiring how much nicer Gwen's space was than his.

"Adam," Gwen said sitting down and looking at him intensely. "I feel like there's been some tension between us since I started here."

Adam wandered around the room looking at Gwen's pictures and knick knacks before taking a seat on the leather, really?, couch and facing Gwen.

"That could be true," he replied evasively, unable to maintain eye-contact and looking out the trailer window.

"Is there anything I can do to fix it?"

She looked so lost and sad when Adam looked back at her, that Adam felt bad that she'd gotten caught up in his immature feelings. Maybe this was something he couldn't prevent, and if Blake were to get with anyone, shouldn't he be glad it was someone as sweet as Gwen?

"Ahh," he started, slightly floundering as he tried to decide what to say, "look, are you dating Blake?"

Gwen's immediate response to this was to blink furiously. Then she let out a short bark of laughter. Then she slowly brought her hands to her mouth and looked distressed.

"Oh, Adam," she breathed with enough pity in her voice that Adam just wanted to walk out of the trailer right then and there. "Blake's been going through a lot with his divorce and honestly I've been having some issues with my own marriage, and we sort of came together on it and have been talking about it a lot."

"Really?" Adam asked, holding his breath a little and feeling significantly better.

"There's nothing romantic about it, Adam," she replied, smiling at him.

"Now," she said, narrowing her eyes at him, "what's going on?"

"Um," Adam muttered, looking around for an escape.


	3. He Was Always There to Help Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those that commented! They make my day!
> 
> This will be regularly updated, do not fear.

"I think I get it," Gwen admitted, tangling her hands together nervously as she regarded Adam. "I mean, you don't have to say it."

Adam looked back at her defeated. He dug his feet uneasily into the plush carpet and avoided the older woman's gaze.

"Do you-" she started hesitantly. "Do you need a hug?"

He wasn't that close to Gwen, but he was feeling oddly vulnerable and off, and she was somehow oozing female support and kindness. Normally he would try to maintain his stoic composure, but Gwen opened her arms and Adam felt himself giving in to a giant friend hug.

It was still sort of a normal friend hug when Blake and Pharrell came into the trailer looking for them.

"I saw you come into here an hour ago," Pharrell explained, taking in the scene and smiling. "I thought there was going to be this crazy love-triangle thing that I would have to read about online."

"Am I still a manly man after this?" Adam asked hopefully from somewhere in the vicinity of Gwen's stomach, lying down on the couch, tucked into her lap.

"Bro, you need to rework your definition of masculinity," Blake countered from the trailer entrance.

Adam looked up, dismayed, at the other man.

"Since when did you say 'bro'?"

"Since when have you been bffs with Gwen?"

"Since when have YOU been bffs with Gwen?"

"I can't take you guys anymore," Pharrell groaned, holding his head. "I'm going back on set, we're filming again in 20."

Blake and Adam grinned at each other and did a customary air-five for annoying Pharrell so much that he had to leave.

After he left, Blake took a seat on the other side of Gwen, lifting Adam's legs up and into his lap. Lying there, nestled in the warmth of two awesome people, Adam felt all was right in the world. If this was how it was, maybe there would be a steamy story in the tabloids at some point. On the other hand, gay, he thought, looking up at Gwen's feminine face.

However, Blake’s hand on his leg was driving him absolutely, up the wall crazy. He’d had a lot of experience with other guys, but it was mainly misses among the hits when it came to mixing romantic feelings combined with hooking up. Somehow at 36, the list of men that could make him wild by simply touching him was limited to… his straight best friend. Blake’s fingers started pressing into his leg like he was starting some sort of massage and Adam was tempted to bang his head against something, if not for the fact the Gwen was the closest thing to his face.

"Adam needed some affection," Gwen offered to a curious-looking Blake after no one had spoken for a while.

"And he came to you?" Blake asked dubiously, lifting an eyebrow.

"I'll have you know many people come to me for advice and warm friendship."

"Well, I can't argue with that," Blake conceded, slightly stroking Adam's left calf. Yeah, this was pretty much the best thing ever.

Eventually, Blake moved Adam to get up, and Gwen attempted to slightly push Adam to indicate that he should move. He didn't. She tried again.

"Gotta get to it, Rock Star," Blake said, ruffling his hair. Adam countered by flailing his arms futilely back at him. Feeling like your entire inner body was melting was not an indication of being head over heels in love with someone, Adam insisted madly in his own mind.

Gwen looked sympathetic.

"Adam and I will come along in a bit," she broke in, pushing Blake out of the trailer as he sputtered.

When the door closed she turned back to Adam.

"Ohhh, you've got it bad," she chuckled, coming towards him.

"No comment," Adam sighed in response, picking himself up and stretching.

"I heard you've been providing amateur anti-Gwake tattoos around L.A. recently."

"Oh seriously?" Adam wailed, grabbing the door knob. "That too? I'll never find out everything I did that night."

Gwen sobered up and put her hand on his arm as he turned the handle. He turned just his head towards her.

"Seriously, Adam," she said, eyes shining with sincerity. "You can come talk to me whenever. It must suck to go through this alone."

Adam turned the handle and opened the door.

"Thanks," he sighed, pulling her along with him towards the studio.

 

 

 

 

 

He scratched at his wig uncomfortably as he sat at the bar listening to the pumping of the music echoing in the large room. He hadn't been to a gay bar in a very long time. He had gone a lot when he was newly awakened to his sexuality at 16, sneaking in with a fake ID with some friends from school. But after he became famous and came out to the world, going to a bar and being recognized by overly-enthusiastic fans became quickly exhausting.

When he did meet guys nowadays, it was at band-type parties, and being an openly gay iconic singer made it that much easier because he didn't even have to make a move. Guys sort of saw him and made their way over, hitting on him. And they were always into music, which was cool too.

But tonight he really hadn't had time for it. The memory of Blake molesting his leg in Gwen's trailer was fresh in his mind, and he felt like anonymous sex was the only way to get it out. And drinking. He was having more trouble with the first part.

He was The Sexiest Man alive, so it should have been easier than this. It was quite possibly the wig that had probably been intended for a woman that he was wearing, he reflected, looking down the bar of stylish LA men. Yes, most definitely, he thought, pulling at it a bit and trying not to look miserable.

A man sat down in the seat next to him, ordering a drink. Adam turned toward, him, assessing.

"Have you ever heard of Maroon 5?" Adam asked, yelling over the music. This was the first test. He couldn't get into it with a man while wearing a wig, only for the guy to discover mid-way that he was with a famous pop star. He might have a heart attack or something.

"Is that a color?" The man answered, looking both confused and hot. Score.

Adam noticed the music changing. Just to his luck, 'Moves Like Jagger' came on and he heard his own voice blasting through the club.

"D'you like this song, man?" He asked innocently, darting his eyes around feeling paranoid about being discovered. No one was even looking anywhere near him. Man, these guys were self-centered.

"I'm not much into music. It's okay, I guess," the guy said, swirling his drink around disinterestedly. Adam looked at him suspiciously. Were there people that weren't into music?

"Do you like the guy singing?" he added, "I've heard he's really attractive."

Admittedly, he was having a little too much fun with this guy. But he'd had a hard and slightly traumatizing day dealing with the madness that was 'The Voice'.

"He's...okay," the guy replied looking like he wanted to say something else. "Maybe you could look him up? A lot of famous people live in LA, you know?"

Adam laughed loudly and clapped the guy on the back. He wasn't too bad at all. And he was hot. Adam had always had great criteria.

Now came the awkward part. He wanted to ask this guy if he wanted to have sex. He could, he was in a room of gay men and most people wouldn't be put off by it. But it was a weird question.

"D'you want to come over to my place?" Adam said haltingly, looking over the other guy again.

The guy paused and looked consideringly at Adam. Maybe the wig was throwing him off?

"Yeah, okay," the guy said. "I'm Jeff, by the way."

"Blake," Adam replied, giggling. Yeah, definitely a long day.

 

 

 

 

 

They drove over to Adam's place in separate cars, which was classy. Hopefully the paparazzi would get some shots of them coming over and decide he wasn't asexual anymore.

As soon as they pulled in and got out, Adam immediately pinned Jeff to the door, kissing him somewhat frantically. Man, Jeff was just the unsexiest name. It was hard to even think in your mind when you were kissing.

Before he could get to any of the good stuff, like maybe opening the door and not being outside, he heard an awkward clearing of a throat above him.

"Hey," Blake announced, standing by his pick-up truck trying to like he wasn't watching his friend in a wig make out with a strange man.

"Blake, what the hell?" Adam blurted out, attempting at an equal casualness and failing.

"Yeah, I texted you and you didn't respond so I came to check on you?"

"Who the hell does that? Seriously? Maybe I was just sleeping!" Adam responded, feeling a little hysterical.

"Maybe I should go," Jeff said, watching the exchange with wide eyes. Adam had forgotten he was there. He sighed and slipped off the stupid wig that was falling into his eyes.

"This looks," Jeff continued, watching him take off the wig with suspicion, "...complicated."

"Yeah, sure," Adam sighed, getting out his keys. Blake Shelton: total cock-block. The world should know.

Jeff stepped out of the doorway and towards his car. He paused, however, when he was almost there and turned back around.

"Wait," he said. "Are you in that Maroon band?"

"Yeah, you got me," Adam admitted, looking nervously at Blake. Well, this revealed a lot about the kind of night he was having.

"Good luck with that, Blake," Jeff smiled, opening his car. "Hope you guys make it."

Blake laughed loudly in response and Jeff gave him one more long look before driving off.

"Gwen said you were having a hard time about something," Blake explained, entering Adam's house. The dogs went crazy like they always did and Blake knelt down to gently pet them. Wow, irony of ironies. The last thing he needed was Blake showing up when he needed to be distracted from Blake. But he couldn’t feel bad about it or even think about kicking him out.

"I brought pizza and beer," Blake added, bringing out way too much pizza for two men.

"You wanna watch American Idol and make fun of the judges?"

 

 

 

 

 

The weirdest thing about Adam and Blake's relationship: Blake never touched Adam when it was just the two of them. He had discovered this on his first trip to Blake's ranch when he was attempting to dismount a horse and Blake was supposed to be spotting him. And let him completely fall on the ground.

It also seemed like the more people that were there to watch, the more Blake would touch Adam. Like he was only comfortable around him on national television. Very strange.

It was no exception tonight as Blake carefully took the other end of the couch as Adam turned on the television, turning to the auditions of American Idol. It looked like a repeat, but Adam didn't care.

American Idol had a very different tone from The Voice; namely, the coaches were kind of assholes. However, Adam and Blake enjoyed not just attacking the coaches, but occasionally, in the privacy of their own homes, being very critical of the contestants in a way they couldn't be on 'The Voice'.

"Noooooo," Adam cried, gesturing his beer towards the TV. "Your pitch is crazy off. You're just bad. You shouldn't even be singing!"

"Man, if you did this on the show we could 'ave our own Simon Cowell," Blake joked, stuffing pizza in his mouth.

" _Someone_ needs to tell her," Adam continued, stuffing his face with pizza as he talked, "They screen the guys on our show. On this they just do it for their sadistic audience that needs to see people fail."

"You mean us?" Blake said through a mouthful of pizza.

"Fair point."

"So," Blake started, turning away from the show. "What was Gwen talking about somethin' stressing you out?"

Adam could feel himself growing tense. What was he supposed to say?

"Yeah, just getting tired of being asked at interviews about my love life."

" _Ellen_ stressed you out about your love life?" Blake interjected dubiously.

"Yeah, well. She doesn't look it, but she can be persistent," Adam replied, taking small bites of his pizza.

"Looked like you were doin' just fine there tonight," Blake said slyly.

"You mean Jeff?" Adam croaked.

"Oh, you knew his name. Good, I was worried there."

"Who are you to judge? I've seen the tabloids. You're a major player right now, man; you're everywhere. Doing club girls, doing models, doing weird female country artists that only sing about player country guys, which is incredibly ironic, by the way."

Blake was full out laughing at this point so Adam gave him a second. The other man finally stopped and picked up his beer.

"Hey, I met this guy the other night who had Shevine written on his arm," Blake changed the subject, directing his attention back to the show.

"What, still?" Adam blurted, causing Blake to look back at him, confused.

"I mean," Adam tried to backtrack, "That stuff washes off fast, did he do it that night?"

"Yeah," Blake said slowly. "I saw him do it. He was just so excited about us. I reckon' it just must make some people happy, and that sorta made me happy."

"That's sweet," Adam replied, licking the pizza sauce from his fingers. "But it's creepy. Also, there are just as many Shefani fans nowadays." He finished talking and looked closely at Blake for a reaction.

"Yeah," the country singer groaned as he stretched out on the couch. "There's nothin' to that. You know as well as I do that Gwen is just really easy to talk to."

Adam considered him for a few moments, before turning back to the TV. Maybe Blake and Gwen really weren’t a thing. Really, they would probably just admit to it if they were.

They ended up watching several episodes of American Idol, periodically getting into fierce debates about which singer they would pick. Eventually they passed out on the couch, and if Adam ended up on Blake's shoulder, neither of them mentioned it in the morning.

 

 


	4. He Always Belonged to Someone Else

Important fact: Adam Levine hated interviews. He always said stupid shit and made his publicist very mad.

"I'm not going to say any stupid shit and make you mad," Adam explained over the phone, talking to his over-worked publicist.

"You'd better fucking not, Adam, we've been through enough of this," she groused. Adam could hear her long nails tapping on her desk impatiently. "You know, to most of my clients I advise that they avoid relationships, so their fans can pretend they're available. But with you?" she paused on the line, taking a deep breath, “Please find a boyfriend, please, please."

"Hey! I've been mostly good! I'm not in my twenties anymore, and I haven't been having crazy anonymous sex constantly! I'm actually feeling kind of judged here," Adam muttered, fiddling with an award on his table, feeling mildly pissed.

"Tell it to your therapist," she responded dryly. Adam pulled the phone away from his face and glared at it. "At least do an interview."

"Noooo, noooo," Adam pleaded. "Please don't make me."

She made him.

 

* * *

 

 

The Colbert Set was pretty sweet, and even had some good treats backstage. Adam greedily hoarded his favorite chips and chocolates, pretending that this was his sole purpose for being there.

Eventually he dragged himself on stage and plastered a smile on his face. He tested out Colbert's couch, noting it was slightly more comfortable than Ellen's. Maybe this would be okay.

"I didn't know you had your own show," Adam started when the applause died down, still munching on chocolate. Was it a rule that he shouldn't be eating? He looked around the set making sure that no one was giving him the eye.

"I'm sorry?" Colbert responded, thrown off by the comment.

"I thought you were still on the 'Daily Show with Jon Stewart,'" Adam said, uncomfortable that he had shaken the dynamic up and made Colbert look uneasy. He always changed things from the rehearsal; it was always more interesting that way. Maybe this was why his publicist hated him.

"There is no 'Daily Show with Jon Stewart,'" Colbert cut in dryly, lifting an eyebrow.

Adam stopped chewing his chocolate.

"What?" he asked, surprised. "When did that happen?”

The audience clapped and laughed good-naturedly, and Colbert decided to take it in stride.

"I think you're trying to distract from the topic of your own life," Colbert countered, grinning.

"Try me," Adam said, tucking the rest of his food away. There was a pause as Colbert leaned his head in his hands and smiled at Adam. Adam crossed his legs and then uncrossed him. They stared at one another.

"Sooooo…. how's the gay thing going?"

Adam tilted his head back on the couch, groaning. The crowd laughed loudly.

"I'm sorry, don't you have writers on this show?" Adam accused. The audience ‘oooohhed’ quietly in response. Colbert didn't answer; he was clearly waiting.

"Look,” the rock singer started, sitting upright again, “of course it's tough to be openly gay and a massive public figure." He crossed his arms and leaned into the seat. "When you think about the people that are out and really popular, you can almost count them on your fingers. I mean, I know there are more gay stars than that, but what pops into your head isn't that much."

Colbert looked considering, as though he were trying to count as well.

"And think about who comes to mind: people like Neil Patrick Harris or Ellen DeGeneres. They're great and doing their own thing, which is awesome, but they're not really...sexy," Adam continued, trailing off. "I mean, sexuality is supposed to be about sex, naturally. Romance is in there too, but most relationships have large doses of both. And sex is fine when it’s straight people doing the sex. Just like gay people are fine as long as you don’t talk about what they do behind closed doors. It makes people uncomfortable when it shouldn’t. And that’s in part because the gay community shies away from pressing the issue! We need more gay people talking about all the sex they’re having.”

 "Like your controversial lyrics, ‘pressing my fingertips into every inch of you’ and ‘keep him coming every night?" Colbert asked, grinning as he recalled the lyrics. “Can we say that?” he directed to an off-stage director mockingly.

"Yes! Do you know how much hate mail I got for that song after I came out? It wouldn't have been any kind of issue if I were straight, but all of a sudden I was promoting inappropriate sexual behavior to teens. Can you believe that? They wouldn't even sell it at Walmart!"

Colbert nodded, remembering the whole debacle.

"So yeah, now in my mid-thirties, I'm really perplexing to mainstream society. I'm not really fitting into the box of gay they expect from me. I'm not pretending I don't have sex, and I'm not shying away from it when I do. It's part of who I am, and I’m not going to pretend I’m some non-threatening minority.”

"You did shock America with the recent release of your 'Sugar' video," Colbert added.

"Yeah, we had this idea first to do a whole wedding crashing thing, which would have been great. But we had all these generic videos for our earlier songs, and the band agreed that it really hasn't matched the place the lyrics had come from. So for 'Sugar' we made a, well you could say graphic, video involving me chasing a guy."

"Yes," Colbert said, looking closely at Adam. "I had also heard that your original 'Misery' video was dubbed too steamy for public consumption."

"Yeah! That was crazy! There wasn't anything explicit at all, but just because it was two guys going at each other, they refused to use it!” Adam breathed deeply. “I figured that we're in 2015 and this sort of thing should be out there. The way I am; it’s not going away. I might never have long term boyfriends, or get married. Maybe the straight community should quit imposing its concept of relationships on ours.”

There was a pause of silence and then the audience cheered wildly. Adam looked out at them, having forgotten they were there. He had gotten pretty into what he was saying, and he'd forgotten he was being interviewed at all.

“So, how do you really feel?" Colbert joked, stacking up his papers and looking at the audience.

Colbert's people thanked him and shook his hand as he gathered his things to leave the show. He even got a teary-eyed hug from a stage-hand who called him his idol.

All in a day's work.

 

* * *

 

 

The interview was all over the internet and had sparked so many fierce talk show debates that Adam had to temporarily only watch Cartoon Network. Or at least that was the justification he was giving himself.

Blake had sent out a big supportive tweet of him which had made him feel way too happy and tempted to run over to his house and give him a hug, which he resisted. But he did leave the page up on his computer to check out every once in awhile. Or couple of minutes.

His mom called him and gushed and started crying, finally putting his siblings on the phone so he could have a normal conversation. It was probably the best interview Adam had ever given and he had somehow even made himself the spokesman for the LGBT+ community in the process. Not that he really knew what to do with that, or felt like he really deserved. He didn't feel somehow like a moral enough person to do it. But he guessed that was probably the point; that there wasn't one way to be queer that was 'right'.

It would be easier if he himself felt more comfortable with where he was at in life. It was true that it was fine to be single and well-past the young adult phase, but it was sort of lonely. And Adam had always desperately wanted to start a family with kids of his own. So there was that.

It wasn't that there weren't cool guys out there either. There were, and Adam had met them. But five years ago when The Voice started and he had met Blake Shelton, things had gotten slightly complicated. Slightly complicated in the sense that he had the best time of his life on the show and he eventually realized that it wasn't due to the fiercely competitive environment, or the satisfying process of mentoring, but the big idiot country star that he never thought he'd get along with, let alone like.

Yeah, Blake Shelton had sort of ruined his life. And Adam had to find some way to move past it and figure out how he was going to grow up.

 

* * *

 

 

Adam liked to practice his quick fire hitting of his button in between auditions during Blinds. He found that it intimidated the other judges, and gave him a boost of confidence in the process.

"Do you think we've ever found that intimidating, Adam?" Blake asked from the end of the row. Why had they chosen to move Blake and Adam to opposite sides of the judges row? Had Adam been staring too much? It only made it harder to glare at the other man.

"You just admitted that you have," Adam chuckled, rubbing his hands and going in for another practice shot. The crowd went wild. Particularly the side nearest to him that were waving crazy Adam Levine signs and yelling at the top of their lungs. His popularity had gone up in recent days.

He grinned and decided to do some crowd wooing. It was all part of the process of winning over the contestants; if you had the crowd cheering your name, it was fantastic peer pressure for the contestant. He got up and stretched, hearing that there was a five minute delay in the next contestant coming on stage. Perfect.

He started a light jog over to the audience seats that turned into a full run as he realized he hadn't moved in quite a while and his limbs needed a stretch. Unfortunately, he wasn't really paying attention to where his feet were landing.

It was one of those weird moments when your brain decided to react to something in the most bizarre way possible, and instead of time slowing down as he slowly fell, he suddenly could vividly picture the way the producers were going to use this cut for every commercial break and promo for the episode. He could see the crowd cheering and then suddenly stopping, someone making a loud distressed noise, the on-site medics rushing over to his fallen form. Every teaser before the commercial break would include it and they would save the footage for the last five minutes of the show.

He came back to the real world and realized all of it had actually happened. He was on the hard floor staring up at the ceiling and feeling dazed. His ankle hurt like hell, and the room was mostly quiet. People were standing in their seats and trying to crane their necks to get a better look at him. What the hell did they think could have possibly happened? Did people imagine he cracked his head open and was bleeding out? He pulled himself up at that thought, hoping that he could dial down the drama by doing so. He liked drama, but not _that_ much. Not this much, with the entire room staring down at him.

He groaned and put his hand to his head.

"Woh, there fella'," he heard, and turned his head to see Blake knelt down by him. Adam was a grown man, but damn if he didn't feel like bursting into tears right then and there and grabbing onto Blake's nice looking brown leather jacket.

"You're okay," Blake said soothingly, putting his hand on Adam's arm. His calloused hand was dry, but very warm, and for a second all of the pain in Adam’s leg was gone, and he was simply focused on the heat. Then the searing pain came back with a vengeance.

"Fucccck," Adam breathed, holding his foot close to him tenderly. "That was really stupid."

"Yeah, you managed to injure yourself on this idiot-proof set. I guess they're going to have to reevaluate it," Blake directed slyly to the producers, who had run out with some directors.

The on-site nurses got everyone move but Blake, who glared at them and said something in country that convinced them to let him stay. They had Adam hop over to a chair and inspected his ankle with unnerving focus. Adam realized at some point that he was holding Blake's hand, and tried to take it out of his grasp. Blake didn't seem like he was having any of it, and held on, smiling back at Adam. The rock singer might have had a second where he was glad he had injured himself, before slapping his own head to chastise himself.

"You've already hurt yourself enough, idiot," Blake said to this, keeping their original hands locked together, and grabbing his other hand so it probably looked like he needed to be held down from far away. Adam glared at him.

"You're good to go," the nurse said, patting his wrapped up ankle. "I'd advise against putting any weight on it for the next couple of week. It's a nasty sprain."

One of the directors sidled up from the side and looked uneasy.

"Do we have to suspend filming? This is going to mess up our timeline completely."

"I mean," the nurse started, frowning and tilting his head. "He just sits on this show. I'm sure that would be fine."

"Hey! I do more than just sit," Adam interjected, but as usual, no one was listening but Blake, who smirked in response.

"Well, we could get some crutches..." another producer trialed off, looking skeptically at Adam.

"I'm fine," Adam sighed. "Just a bruised ego. We can finish taping today, just gimme a little while to get something to dull the pain."

The nurse handed him a bottle of aspirin and the singer leveled the other man with an unimpressed look at the potency of the chosen drug.

"Are there any crutches lying around on set?" the director asked, looking around as the others did the same.

"I've got it," sighed Blake as he stood up and stretched. Then he leant over and picked Adam up bridal style.

"No no no no," Adam moaned, stretching his arms out in a futile attempt to get away. The crowd cheered for the first time after the unnatural and uncomfortable silence as Blake hefted him up.

Adam was actually enjoying being in Blake's arms, and could even take in his musky, earthy scent and soft body. But it looked thoroughly and entirely ridiculous. He looked up at the live feed of footage on the big screen in the front of the room to confirm. Yes, ridiculous, he mused as he noted the size difference between the two of them, and the way he fit perfectly in the country singer's arms.

He finally conceded to the treatment, threading his hands over the back of the Blake's neck and nestling his head in his shoulder. Well, he was injured, he could give in to feeling defeated and needing comfort. Gwen and Pharrell looked on in concern and a little amusement, in Pharrell's case, as they walked by the judge's chairs.

“I’ll go with you two,” Gwen said, standing up quickly and walking with them. “Do you need any help?” she directed to Blake, catching up.

“Nah, he’s as light as a sack of flour,” Blake explained, adjusting his grip on Adam and tossing him slightly in the air.

“I hate you,” Adam moaned, drawing out the ends of the words, but carefully resettled in the crook of Blake’s neck.

“Adam, don’t pretend you don’t love having all this attention on you,” Gwen said aptly, and Adam wondered when they had gotten to teasing territory in their relationship. Maybe it was when his face was pressed into her body.

They got to Blake’s trailer and the country singer deftly swung him over to the couch. He sat down with Adam still in his lap, reaching into his pocket for the bottle of medication.

“This has gotten intimate very quickly,” Adam murmured, inches from the other man’s face. He was suddenly glad Gwen had come, because surely Blake wouldn’t act this way if it was just the two of them. Which was a little depressing.

“I think you’re going into shock,” Blake said, fishing out the required dosage of painkiller. He placed them in Adam’s palm and moved the other man next to him on the couch, grabbing his hips and lifting. The rock singer felt like maybe he was going into shock; he was a little dizzy and out of breath. And unable to lean away from Blake at all.

He took the pills dry and leaned down on Blake’s shoulder. He was gradually getting very, very tired.

“Take five, Levine,” said Gwen, and Adam felt his eyes slipping shut.

The next thing he felt was warm and comfortable. He was surrounded by a familiar scent and could hear the deep tones of someone he trusted in the sort of way that allowed him to stay mostly asleep without feeling the need to wake up. But there was also another voice, and he started a bit.

Blinking slowly, he noticed the pattern of the shirt in front of his face, and remembered where he was. In Blake’s lap. In Blake’s trailer. The lap part was the distracting bit. He attempted to remain still to maintain the situation for as long as possible.

“Blake,” Gwen’s voice came from above him. He heard Blake hum in response, and could feel the other man’s body vibrate against his. That was one item off the bucket list, at least.

“Y’know, you and Adam…” Here she trailed off and sounded uncomfortable. Adam tensed, wondering what on earth she thought she was going to say. ‘You and Adam, are you cool that Adam’s wants you super bad?’ or ‘You and Adam, when’s that going to happen?’

Neither of these endings came, and Adam imagined there must have been some sort of non-verbal response. He wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or relieved.

He felt fingers carding through his hair and couldn’t resist the sigh that came out. Why was Blake so good at making him feel good? It really wasn’t fair.

“Come on, Rock Star,” Blake said softly, making the other man shiver from his lap. “You told everyone that you would be able to come back.”

Adam growled low in his throat and attempted to tuck himself further into the thigh he was resting on, causing Blake to laugh. The country singer ran his hands through the other man’s hair again, but roughly, and shocked, Adam bolted up from his lap.

“I’ll have to remember that one for waking you up,” Blake said grinning, and Adam sort of hated him right then. How could he not understand what he was doing to him?

“I’ll give you a piggy-ride onto set,” Blake announced, crouching down to pick Adam up. And that was exactly what they did. It was glorious.

 

 

 

 


	5. I Drove for Miles and Miles And Wound Up At Your Door

The rest of the day went better than Adam had expected. Everyone was super chill, and confrontations over the remaining contestants was minimal. Adam didn’t even call Blake stupid once, feeling too grateful and still warm from quite possibly the best nap of his life. His ankle did still hurt like hell though, and by the end of filming he was getting irritable and stressed.

He let the rest of the coaches duke it out over the last contestant, a pop-rocky guy who hadn’t quite nailed all his notes but was enthusiastic and fresh.

Being the only person who didn’t push his button was sometimes nice, and in this case he just stayed out of the conversation. But, several minutes in, there was clearly a stalemate, with the contestant on the stage feeling torn equally between all the judges. He was beginning to look distressed as he listened to the pleas from the three other singers.

“What do you think, Adam?” The man on stage asked, and the rock star jolted, not having expected to be addressed. “It’s just that, I’ve always loved Maroon 5, and I would have loved for you to be my coach. And it’s amazing having three people turn, but I can’t choose!”

“Uh,” Adam answered inarticulately, having somewhat felt the day catch up to him and having a hard time saying what he was thinking. He looked down the line of coaches. “Honestly?”

He pulled himself up slightly and readjusted his leg as he spoke.

“I think you should pick Blake,” he said without really thinking. The audience was totally quiet in response, listening carefully. “He’s a super chill guy who won’t get on you about any little flaws you might have. He sees the big picture of things, and people’s voices, and he’s so positive that you’ll forget you’re even in a competition. I think for you, someone who might be a little stuck in one genre, being pushed out of your comfort zone with him might help a lot too. If I had to pick a coach he’d be the one.”

The audience exploded with applause, along with Blake who had a massive smile on his face and clapped big, long hits.

“Well,” the contestant said, smiling now, “I think I’ll go with Blake!”

He came off the stage and met Blake in a half-hug and gave Adam a high-five on the way out. As Adam stretched and tried to remember if this was the last one for the night, he saw Blake approaching, a huge smile on his face. The country singer stopped in front of his chair.

“That was touching,” he said, bending close to Adam. “Wasn’t that touching ya’ll?” he asked the audience, standing up and stretching his arms out.

“I never knew you felt that way,” he continued and now he was dangerously close to Adam, clutching the other man’s arms as he bent over. The rock singer thought his heart might actually break from how adorable and genuine the other man looked; an open smile on his face, slightly red and somewhat tired from the day. All Adam wanted to do was be swept into his arms and lifted back to that trailer. And suddenly he was. Lifted up that was.

Blake swung him up in his arms, bridal style as he laughed and swooped him. As much as Adam was enjoying it, he was still really tired and hurting and wanted the filming to stop.

“Ugh, not again,” he said, squirming to get out.

“Shush, we’re having a ‘bro moment’,” Blake decided, bringing him past the judges, and past the audience. Adam was thrilled.

“We’re done here, see ya’ll tomorrow,” Blake shouted, before exiting the main stage, making his way towards the cars in the back. Adam was sure he would actually get flack for that move tomorrow; the producers usually decided when they were done, and sometimes liked to take the end of the night as a time to introduce the last contestant who might be tired and a little emotionally vulnerable. Adam was impressed with his balls, but he figured that should probably be a private thought, based on the way it was phrased.

“I’m driving you home,” Blake announced as they got closer to the cars in the back lot. Adam didn’t even have the ability to protest, just curled up in the front seat of Blake’s pick-up in a ball.

He woke up slightly when Blake lifted him out of the car, having a momentary feeling of confusion as he wondered where he was. This was amplified once he was inside and felt someone taking off his shoes. And his pants.

“Hey, buy a girl a drink first,” he muttered, and heard the country star’s answering chuckle.

“How the hell do you even get into these pants?” Blake asked, tugging, sounding genuinely confused. He eventually got them off, and Adam wondered, dazed, if he was going to assume the other man slept in the nude. One could hope.

“Are you going to be okay for the night?” Blake asked, clearly stopping at the pants. Adam was not disappointed. Totally not at all.

“Dude, I just busted my ankle, I think I’ll survive,” the younger man answered, pulling his plush covers up and spooning them, spreading out on the bed.

He slipped a little into sleep without noticing, but opened his eyes in shock when he felt lips press to his forehead before disappearing, and saw Blake turn to smirk as he walked out the door. His heart pounded harder than it ever had in any of the years when he had taken every manner of guy home to this very bed to have fun. He breathed deeply and buried his head in his pillow. That man would be the death of him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Adam did not wake up in the morning wanting to sit in a chair for the next 8 hours in a crowded and noisy room. He was tempted to call someone and lose himself in the deep recesses of his bed where no one would find him. But honestly, the pop singer felt deeply for the contestants who traveled sometimes all the way across the country for one shot to audition on the show. If Adam didn’t show they might not get their chance, or could strain already difficult money situations.

He pulled himself out of bed and put on his comfiest outfit, which made him look like sort of a bum, but whatever, and dragged himself downstairs to call a car. He did a double-take, though, when he saw the man sleeping on his couch.

Blake had managed to awkwardly fit his ginormous body onto the length of the couch by curling up slightly, and the sight of him wrapped around Adam’s soft blue blanket, legs pulled up and mouth slightly open made the other man want to call in sick more than his injury had and just sit on the carpet in front of the country singer and watch him sleep for the rest of the day. In a less creepy way than that sounded, though.

Blake blinked his eyes open sleepily as Adam crouched in front of him, carefully not leaning on his injured leg.

“You slept on my couch,” Adam observed dumbly, still in shock.

“That is what happened,” Blake said, sitting up and stretching, revealing a thin patch of lightly developed torso. Adam swallowed heavily.

“Uh, why?” the pop singer asked articulately. Blake stood up and cracked his back, walking over to Adam’s fridge like he owned the house. Adam’s dogs crowded around him as he walked and he gently pushed them with his legs. It didn’t feel weird how domestic it suddenly was to see Blake in boxers with his hair ruffled from sleep, drinking lazily straight from the milk carton in his living room. It pulled at Adam’s heart and he realized he was smiling so hard it hurt. And also he was putting pressure on his leg which was killing him.

“You sure you wanna’ go in today?” Blake observed, taking in Adam’s pained expression and frowning.

“Yeah, I think I’ll be okay,” he replied, hobbling over and getting something to eat.

 

 

* * *

 

 

He really wasn’t okay though, and by the time the morning session had ended, he was in so much pain he could only cope by leaning down in his red chair and pressing his face into his arms. The other judges looked over with concern. Blake had already complained repeatedly to the producers, asking them to end filming early for the day, and although they had acquiesced enough that a couple hours were shaved off, Adam didn’t know if he would make it.

“You look like hell, Adam,” Pharrell said, leaning over and frowning at the other man.

“I say fuck it, let’s just all leave,” Blake bellowed from his chair, all in a tizzy. Adam sort of liked this angry, protective side of the other man, but it wasn’t helping. He had already had to stop him from simply picking him up as he had the other day and dragging him out. It was important to the pop singer that they got through the auditions of people that had already come out. He could only imagine that if he hadn’t been found early in his singing career, making the trip to do this show would have meant the world to him. He didn’t want to ruin that for any other person.

“Look,” Gwen looking shifty but concerned said, coming up to Adam. “I had some surgery a while ago…” she paused here and glared at Pharrell who had lifted his brows. “Not that kind! But anyway. I have some left over… Well, some heavy stuff….”

Adam lifted his head up and regarded Gwen.

“You’re offering me drugs?” he asked slowly.

“Yes,” Gwen replied, looking around as Carson Daily walked up.

“We are officially best friends now,” Adam said, taking the pills into his hand.

“Woooh, now,” Carson said, coming closer and taking in the scene. Gwen explained her idea and the show host paused, obviously thinking it over.

“Let me discuss this with the producers,” he replied, and walked away.

Adam doubted they would let it happen, and wondered if he should just take them anyway. He was getting to the point in his pain that any idea sounded like a good one. And he trusted Gwen. Sort of. Even if he had wanted her to vanish about a week ago.

“Are you sure he won’t have some sort of… reaction?” Blake asked, narrowing his eyes and looking concerned. He looked like he wanted to jump up again and hover near Adam’s chair.

“Have you ever taken narcotics before?” Gwen asked.

“No,” Adam replied simply.

“Well, it will be a day of learning for everyone then.”

Carson came back over taking large strides and looked positive.

“So the producers are totally into it. They’ve been kind of concerned about you, and were kind of thinking they would have to shut down for the day anyway,” he said, gently rocking Adam’s shoulder. “To be honest,” he continued, but quieter, “I think they’d like to see you get dopey and up the ratings.”

“They don’t care about his well-being at all,” Blake said, incensed from his seat. Adam was finding his crazy protectiveness kind of sexy. Adam quickly took the pills and swallowed them without thinking too much, just wanting to feel better. Blake narrowed his eyes at him.

“You’re sitting over here with me then,” the country singer announced, coming over and throwing Adam over his shoulder.

The crowd, mostly chatting at this point suddenly roared seeing the interaction.

“How am I supposed to press my button from over here?” Adam yelled, punching Blake’s back lightly.

“I guess you’re out of this round, friend,” Blake replied stubbornly, carefully setting Adam in his chair as though he were delicate china. “Your team’s almost full anyway; the rest of us need to catch up.”

This was true, but Adam crossed his arms and pouted anyway, complaining as Blake scooted next to him. There was barely room on the chair for the two of them, but they fit. Adam wondered if he could get away with just sitting on the country singer’s lap instead. He felt a little woozy, wondering if the drugs were kicking in.

The next audition went by in a breeze as a young country singer belted his heart out but ultimately didn’t get any turns. Adam had tried to push the button several times, giggling and getting his hand pulled away by Blake. He could tell the older man was both concerned and amused, and settled down holding both of Adam’s arms. Adam might have whispered ‘kinky’. Blake might have turned beet red and refused to tell the rest of the coaches why.

It was clear as the next audition started that the drugs were kicking in. Adam’s face was plastered to Blake’s arm as he pressed into the other man, eyes half-lidded. He probably looked like a puppy. A sexy puppy.

Adam was in a very happy place, though, and had forgotten, magically, any of the problems in his life. It was great. Blake was here, the chair was heated, he could ask for nothing more.

Adam's eyes widened as the audition song started playing from the sound system of the auditorium, quickly reaching out his hand and pressing Blake’s button. Blake gasped and turned to him with wide eyes.

“They haven’t even started singing yet!” the country singer accused as the chair turned, revealing a young woman looking shocked as she opened her mouth to start singing.

“ _I’ve made up my mind,_

  
_Don’t need to think it over,_

  
_If I’m wrong I am right,_

  
_Don’t need to look no further,_

  
_This ain’t lust,_

  
_I know,_

  
_This is love_ ,”

Adam was singing along with her, happy that she had a great voice as well as excellent song choice. The other judges were clapping and laughing at Blake’s still-shocked reaction to Adam’s button push, but quickly pushed their own buttons.

Eventually Adam was belting the chorus out with the young woman and Pharrell was bent over his chair laughing at him. As the song wound down, the rock singer attempted to get up to give a standing ovation as Blake pulled him down. Adam ended up in Blake’s lap, squirming and trying to get up.

“I think,” Gwen started, giggling. “I think Adam has something he wants to say first,” she said as the contestant waited on stage, looking confused.

“You are,” Adam started, slurring and cupping his head in his hands. “You are soooooo great.”

“Is he…. drunk?” the young woman asked, directing her question at Gwen.

“Madame,” Adam stated indignantly, “I am, in fact, high.”

“How many of those pills did you give him?” Pharrell asked, out of breath and looking curiously at Gwen.

“Half the recommended dose for an adult!” Gwen responded.

“Lightweight,” Blake commented fondly as Adam closed his eyes again, nestled in the larger man's arms.

“I’m going to try and talk to this young woman because she’s been waiting so patiently,” Pharrell said, once he and the audience stopped laughing. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Amanda,” the woman responded, smiling a little more confidently, “I’m 26 and I’m from LA.”

Adam whooted tiredly from Blake’s lap and the other judges looked at him.

“Let me just start by saying--” Pharrell started, but was interrupted.

“Who is the song about?” Adam asked, pushing forward and looking intensely at Amanda.

“What?” Amanda asked, looking at Adam like he was completely out of his mind.

Adam stopped and looked down, narrowing his eyes at the arms holding him in place. He grabbed Blake’s phone from the top of the chair and flung it across the room.

“What the hell?” Blake cried, moving Adam carefully and racing to get it. Seeing this, Adam stood up and hobbled onto the stage. The audience was mixed between people making shocked sounds and people laughing. Blake bent over, inspecting his phone, not noticing the change.

“I could tell when you were singing,” Adam said, placing his arms on an overwhelmed looking Amanda on stage, “that you were singing that song to someone.” The pop singer leaned in close, invading the woman’s personal bubble.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Amanda said uneasily, but didn’t move away.

“I think you broke my phone, Levine,” Adam could hear Blake saying from off-stage.

“That song is about being in love with someone. It’s about chasing pavements. Who is making you chase pavements, Amanda?” Adam demanded, shaking her slightly.

Pharrell was slightly out of his seat observing the developing situation with concern.

“Uh, Blake, you might want to reign your man in…” he said, making Blake look up from the floor where he was desperately trying to get his phone to work.

“What the hell?” the country singer said, observing the stage and quickly standing up and heading over.

Amanda was looking progressively more uncomfortable. Adam was staring her down.

“Peter,” she finally said, putting her hands on her mouth and letting out a single sob.

“What?” Pharrell and Gwen said in unison from their chairs.

“He’s uh,” Amanda continued, tears running down her face. “He’s backstage, and he’s always been there for me, but I’ve never told him how I felt…”

“Amanda!” A voice from off stage yelled, followed by an attractive young man running up to the woman on the stage and embracing her. Blake had finally made it to where Adam was standing and promptly picked him up and heaved him over his shoulder, bringing him down to his chair again.

“We’re going to have a long talk about personal property,” Blake said, but Adam could barely hear him over the cheering of the audience. Amanda and the mystery man were kissing passionately on stage.

“What just happened?” Pharrell said slowly, frozen in his seat.

“I pick Adam as my coach!” Amanda yelled, pumping a fist into the air and grinning at the pop singer, who was slumped over Blake and smiling.

“He’s not even in this round,” Blake spluttered, catching up to what had just happened.

“Amanda, we’re going to be great,” Adam said proudly.

“I’m very confused,” said Gwen, staring at the smiling couple on stage.

Amanda came down to hug Adam awkwardly across a very perturbed-looking Blake while the audience cheered and the judges looked baffled.

Yes, everything worked out, Adam decided, leaning back into Blake.

 

 


	6. I've Had You So Many Times But Somehow I Want More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm referring to this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjVNZ_gUrXc when I talk about Blake's reaction to Pharrell's music.

It was bright and early on a cheery Monday morning in LA and Adam Levine was in one of the places he hated most in the world: a meeting.

Somehow when he became a star he imagined that his life would be devoid of all the boring normal-people things like paperwork, staff meetings, bosses and water coolers. But some of them remained a prevalent part of his life, and none more so than the meeting. There were many types of meetings. There were some meetings that involved just the coaches and Carson Daily, which were the best kind and involved snuggling into Blake's side and laughing at jokes. There were the meetings where he mostly nodded and ignored what his publicist was telling him, which weren't too bad until she realized he wasn't following at all. And then there was the worst: the all-staff Voice meeting which involved really dull procedural and rule-type things, and usually ended up with Adam finding out he'd agreed to something in his contract that he had no idea was actually in there.

"Wait, that was in my contract?" Adam sort of yelled at the head director, who averted his eyes nervously towards the head producer, who nodded in affirmation.

Adam put his forehead slowly on the table-top.

"It doesn't sound that bad," Blake said thoughtfully from his chair.

"Of course it doesn't sound bad to you, you grew up in the woods!" Adam shot back.

"That sounded like you were tryin' to make it an insult, but I'm not offended," Blake replied mildly.

"So... We have to camp in the woods? That's it?" Gwen tried to clarify, looking less than excited.

"Yes! This is publicity for the airing of 'The Blinds' this Fall. We want to show you guys on a bonding trip in the woods! We'll show it as a promo. And that's what's in your contract," she added, looking over at Adam.

"I thought that part meant like that cool action video we did last time!" Adam groaned, head still in his arms.

"It actually sounds pretty fun," Pharrell commented unhelpfully. Adam picked up his head and glared at him.

"We'll have you in tents the first night, and then we'll move you to a cabin for the rest of the shots," the producer explained, smiling. Adam thought privately that he looked like the devil.

"And the best part!" the director explained excitedly, "We're going to give you guys cameras to take footage! We're not going to be sending a film crew at all!"

"That's the best part?" Adam grumbled.

"This is kind of great," Pharrell said, clearly warming up to the idea.

"So we'll finish up the final auditions this week, and then send you out on Friday," The producer explained, picking up some papers and handing them out. "Here are some details..."

"You're sending us in one tent?" Adam squeaked, looking over the papers in surprise. No one seemed to be listening to him, though.

"It should be a great time. This is a thank you vacation for having such a great start to the season!"

"A vacation?" Adam asked to a room that was clearly not paying him any attention. Blake smirked at him though, and patted his hand consolingly. Adam actually felt comforted by the dummy's great big warm stupid hand and felt more angry about it.

"Good work team!"

"I sort of hate my life," Adam said quietly and hobbled slightly out of the room.

 

* * *

 

 

There were lots of bugs, was the first thing Adam noticed. The second thing was that his ankle was mostly healed and he couldn't really play it up anymore. The third was that there actually was just one tent, and no one had set it up. Adam sat heavily on a log and contemplated the direction his life had gone.

"Say 'hi' to the viewers, Adam!" Blake said cheerily, holding a camera in his face. Adam glared at it.

"I'll bet you've been secretly waiting for this," Adam said resentfully. "All this time you knew we would end up in a situation like this and you'd finally be the one in his element. This is for all the times I got you lost in LA and laughed at you, right? All the clubs we went to where you basically couldn't talk to anyone under the age of 30 because all the cultural references you didn't get."

Blake looked considering and tilted his head.

"I guess now that you mention it, I reckon' that is true. You were a dick. Wow, I feel even better now!"

The country singer skipped away toward the lake looking as happy as ever.

"Ahh, this is beautiful," Gwen said breathing deeply and sighing from beside Adam, totally decked out in designer camping-wear. Adam hadn't even known that was a thing.

"Come on, Adam, cheer up and make of this what it is!" Gwen continued, running up to the large lake in front of their campsite.

"A complete disaster?" Adam said, watching her trip slightly and quickly right herself before she could fall into the water.

Blake was crouched down filming the fish swimming in the water and grinning. Pharrell finally made his way out of the car in what must have been, for him, comfortable out-door wear, but looked highly impractical to Adam. The smaller man had approached the pile of material that was supposed to be the tent and put his hands on his hips, looking intimidated. 

Observing this, Adam couldn't help the small smile that slowly crept on his face at this completely dysfunctional group of people attempting to live in real-life nature. He laughed and ran over to Blake and pushed him into the lake.

  

* * *

 

"I'm going to get you back for that," a grumbling Blake said as he removed his shirt and twisted it in his hands, trying to get out the excess moisture. Blake didn't look out of place at all in his normal, worn, everyday typical Voice outfit of flannel and jeans. He also didn't look silly with his shirt off, Adam observed. He recalled that he'd never seen Blake with no shirt, and even a thorough google search had never revealed anything. Adam had tried. More than once.

He wasn't sure if it was something Blake actively hid, but he couldn't understand why, if that was the case. The country singer's broad shoulder were revealed, with freckles dancing on top of strong shoulders. He had slightly built abdominal muscles that didn't really hold anything to what Adam had, but were nothing to be laughed at. Eventually Blake gave up on trying to dry off and went to the car to change into his swim suit, coming out in bright blue shorts that brought out his eyes.

"Soooo, not that I'm keeping count or anything, but it's been a solid 20 minutes that you haven't looked anywhere but Blake's torso," Gwen observed, sitting down next to a motionless Adam, just off the shore of the lake where Blake was doing lazy backstrokes. Pharrell had busted out his sunglasses and was laid back on a blanket in the grass not too far from them, earbuds in and humming. The sun was strong and fierce enough to dry Blake's clothes, but not so much that it was unbearable. Adam felt pleasantly warm, removing his shirt so that he was in just the swim suit he had worn on the way over in the car, having thought ahead.

"Yeah, I'm archiving it for future reference," the rock singer admitted without thinking. Whatever, it was just Gwen.

"That sounds incredibly creepy," Gwen replied, in a half-shirt and jeans herself. Adam had pegged her for a bikini girl, but he guessed wearing a bikini to the lake was a little odd.

"Have you ever thought about just telling him how you feel?" Gwen finally asked, and Adam was surprised it had taken her this long.

"Look, this isn't some after-school special on Disney, honey," Adam replied, lifting up his expensive sunglasses to the top of his head so he could regard her with raised eyebrows. "I'm not going to confess my feelings to a straight guy and have a happy ending."

Gwen frowned, as if she hadn't really thought about it. Well why should she? She'd never had to.

"There are like, three options," Adam explained. "One, he'll freak out and basically never talk to me again. Two, he'll be mostly cool with it, but be a little weird around me, and it'll basically destroy our hangouts, or three, it won't change anything."

"...Or he could feel the same way."

"What are the chances of that? Seriously. He's been married twice. All of his songs involve making out with women at bars or behind buildings."

"Maybe that's all the more reason for it. Maybe he's been hiding from himself all this time."

"Look, I'm not following some 'my straight best friend falls in love with me' pipe-dream. I'm not going to lose everything for something I know can never be." He trailed off here and looked morosely at the sunset, reapplying his sunglasses and putting his arms on his pulled-in knees.

Gwen turned to him with raised eyebrows.

"Has anyone ever told you you're sort of a drama queen?"

"Just about everyone I've ever met."

Adam saw motion in the corner of his eye, and watched as Blake pulled himself out of the lake. The country singer started walking over to the pair rather quickly, a grin on his face.

Adam cursed and scrambled up, tripping slightly before running in the opposite direction.

"Adam, just come quietly and there won't be no trouble!" Blake yelled, following after him running.

Gwen picked up her camera, recording silently with her hand over her mouth. Even Pharrell pushed down his sunglasses to watch the chase with a smile.

Adam looked spastic as he ran with long limbs flailing. His bare feet dug into the soft grass as he periodically fell, both yelling and laughing, only a few steps in front of Blake. Eventually Blake cornered him against a tree, and Adam, looking a little bit truly terrified at finally being caught, started yelling 'no' as Blake bent down to pick him up. Carrying him in his arms, Blake brought him to the edge of the lake before throwing him in. Adam made a clean ark in the air screaming at the top of his lungs before hitting the water and going under. Blake roared with laughter at the edge of the lake, before being pulled by the ankle into the water by the smaller man. The two men took turns dunking each other and doing some impressive mid-swim wrestling. Their screams of laughter reverberated throughout the woods as the sun set, and Gwen leaned back on her towel feeling like the studio owed her a crapton of money for that footage.

Eventually the two dragged themselves out of the water as the sun finally went down and the temperature dropped.

"I'm going to get started with the tent," Blake said hoarsely, still smiling widely and heading over to where the tent was a little aways from the lake.

"Oh thank God," Pharrell muttered, having spent a significant amount of time trying to figure out the first part of putting together the tent. He pulled up his towel, following the larger man.

"That is going to be the most embarrassing video of me on the internet," Adam said, attempting to dry off, but still smiling.

"Seriously?" Gwen asked, smirking. "I've seen one of you inciting an audience to chant 'Shevine'."

"What?" Adam asked, jerking his head up and looking around to make sure Blake wasn't too close.

"Oh calm down, a friend sent it to me."

"I'm never going to escape that night..."

"Let's see if the guys managed the tent," Gwen replied, grabbing Adam's arm and directly him toward the other coaches.

 

* * *

 

  

The tent got put up, mostly. Adam, never one to back down on a challenge, took half the instructions and attempted to shove everything together as quickly as possible, ultimately assembling something that immediately fell apart. Blake and Pharrell poured over the remaining instructions, the country singer carefully directing the smaller man and slowly making progress. Adam eventually gave in, giving up on going it alone and contritely coming over to let Blake lead him. Gwen announced her directorial debut and settled down with the camera and a bag of popcorn in front of the men, recording their frequent arguments and failings. The tent they ended up with looked smaller than the picture on the box and Adam eyed it suspiciously.

"Are they trying to get us to have an orgy?" he asked as the three men laid out on the grass in front of the tent, exhausted by the effort of making it.

"Adam, d'you even think about the things you say? What the hell would they do with footage of an orgy on a family show?" Blake demanded from his place on the ground. He was sweaty and his hair was matted down on his forehead and Adam was trying to stay as far away from him as possible. For the sake of the other man's virtue. Not that it stopped Adam from imagining things from his place on the grass.

"They could sell it," Adam said, groaning as he turned over and sat up.

"Who would buy that?" Pharrell asked, and there was a brief silence as they all considered that.

"I'll set up a fire," Blake said, interrupting the silence, and lifting himself up with a grunt, brushing off his pants. Adam got up and wandered over to the car.

"I brought my guitar," he mentioned as he climbed into the vehicle.

They finally congregated, half-drunk with exhaustion around the camp fire.

"Can we call it a day?" Pharrell moaned, head-in-hands. The fire crackled and Adam shifted closer to it for warmth. Smelling it reminded him of childhood memories of camping with family and summer and made him warm and content. He pressed his leg against Blake next to him, feeling great.

"No, I need this shot," Gwen demanded, pulling out her camera and focusing on Adam and his guitar. The men all groaned.

"Come on, it's perfect," Gwen insisted, getting closer to Adam for a better shot. "We are on a singing show, after all."

"Really?" Adam said playfully. "All this time and I just figured it out. Was that what all those people were doing on stage?"

Gwen punched him, hard.

"Should I play something of mine?" Adam asked. He could literally hear the crickets chirp in response and was mildly offended.

"How about the one where you want to have sex and then do, but are still upset?" Blake contributed sarcastically.

"We could one of yours. Like the one where you're drinking in a bar and start making out with a random woman for no reason," Adam shot back.

"Boys please," Pharrell said, putting his hands up in 'stop' gesture. "You both sing about ridiculous things, let's move past it."

"Do we need to bring up 'Come Get it Bae'?" Blake asked dryly, turning to the other man. "I still can't decipher those lyrics..."

"Okay, that's it, I'm playing 'Wonderwall'."

To be fair, it was a pretty awesome cover of the song, in Adam's opinion. Pharrell may have fallen asleep in the middle of it. Blake looked sort of intensely at him over the fire as he sang it, frowning like he was thinking about something else hard. Adam sometimes wished he could peek into the other man's brain, if only for a minute.

Once Gwen had her footage, they picked themselves up and tried to make sense of the inside of the tent. There was just enough room to sleep comfortably side by side in their sleeping bags without really touching. But once the fire was put out, it became very, very apparent that it was mind-numbingly cold. Cold enough that Pharrell quickly suggested that he and Gwen share the same sleeping bag.

"Please don't have sex next to me," Adam pleaded, trying to get warm and failing. "I will have nightmares."

"Calm down, Levine," Gwen grumbled, apparently not as sweet in the middle of the night. She tucked in with Pharrell, leaving the sleeping bag mostly open so it could fit both of them and closed her eyes to go to sleep.

Adam was having a harder time getting to sleep in his own bag next to Blake. He shivered, attempting to warm up his numb feet and hands, ending up in a ball with his teeth chattering.

"Oh for the love of-" he heard from Blake before being scooped up into his arms.

He heard the zipper of Blake's sleeping bag open up before he was engulfed in the glorious heat of the older man. He silently thanked jesus, which was odd because he was Jewish, before wrapping his body around the other man and pressing his cold feet to Blake's own. The country singer was radiating heat and Adam reflected that he had never really been this close to the other man. His head fell perfectly into the slot under Blake's chin, which already weirdly knew would work.

He thought that maybe this trip hadn't been a total loss. It could, in fact, be one of the best days he'd had in a long time.

 

* * *

 

 

He woke up to the unfamiliar feeling of being warm but cold at the same time and very uncomfortable. He slipped out of the tent to relieve himself in a bush before wandering back inside, zipping himself into the warmer enclosure. He wasn't really awake enough to think that it was very odd that there were three other people in the tent, or that he was climbing into a sleeping bag that wasn't really meant to fit two grown men, he just wedged inside and wrapped his arms around the larger man inside, breathing deeply a woodsy, thick scent that he knew he knew well, and feeling safe. The other man returned the hold and tucked the smaller man under his head. Adam's foggy brain had no idea where he was, but he knew it was beyond awesome. He groaned deeply and rubbed his face against the other man's stubble, slowly waking up but feeling good.

"Can we try to keep it PG in the tent?" a voice asked sleepily, and startled, Adam turned his head to see Pharrell Williams.

Slowly the events of the last day played out in his head, and he laughed lightly, stretching out as well as he could, stuck in the sleeping bag.

"Man, we can't record anything about this tent situation," Pharrrell said quietly, still aware that the other two members of their tent were still sleeping.

Pharrell was right. At some point in the middle of the night Gwen had escaped from the sleeping bag she and Pharell had been sharing, and she'd thrown one arm over Blake's chest where it was resting lightly. The other arm was holding Pharrell's hand for some reason. Both of Blake's arms were wrapped around Adam's chest tightly and he had a dopey smile on his face.

"Yeah, I agree," Adam whispered, attempting to extricate himself from the bigger man's arms. Predictably, Blake was scary strong and he couldn't. He sighed, not really upset and moved his arms under his head to observe the top of the tent as he drifted back to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

When he woke up again he smelled bacon. Picking his head up out of the sleeping bag he was in, he lifted his head up to confirm. Yes, eggs and bacon.

"I love you," he said to Blake as he peeked out of the tent's entrance, observing the other man with a frying pan over the fire.

Blake grinned up in response at him, but it didn't quite meet his eyes. Odd, Adam thought.

"Blake's a little freaked out that we had to pour water on him this morning to get him off of you," Pharrell said mildly from atop a rock reading a book.

"Um," Adam blinked, trying to understand that sentence. "What?"

"Blake wouldn't let go of you in his sleep," Gwen explained from where she was, bent and stoking the fire. The tops of Blake's cheeks turned red and Adam's stomach flipped. He wished he had his camera.

"And none of this woke me up?" Adam asked skeptically, stretching and leaving the tent.

"Not even the screaming," Pharrell said, turning a page carefully in his book.

Adam laughed and came around to a silent Blake, putting his arm around the other man and tugging him slightly. Blake pushed him away with a small smile and continued his cooking as Adam put on a thick sweater.

"What's on the agenda for today, guys?" He said, laying down on the soft grass and putting his shades back on.

"They literally sent us an agenda for the week, Adam," Pharrell commented from the rock.

"Oh, was that what that was?"

"We're moving to the cabin today."

"Oh thank God," Adam sighed.

They came together on their logs around the fire for breakfast, eating and chatting and laughing, recalling the prior night. They made a vow not to talk about the tent again.


	7. Tap On My Window, Knock On My Door

The cabin was huge. Well, at least it looked big from the outside.

"TWO BEDS," Adam yelled from inside, while his companions unloaded the car. "THERE IS A CONSPIRACY FOR US TO ALL HAVE SEX AND THE PUBLIC MUST BE MADE AWARE."

"Here, hold this, Adam," Pharrell said hefting a bag into the other singer's arms as he came into the house. Pharrell was very used to Adam and wasn't phased by his loud outburst.

"Is no one else outraged at this?" Adam asked desperately, holding the bag in his arms and looking lost.

"A cabin in a place like this isn't meant to hold too many people," Blake argued from one of the rooms, placing his belongings down. It was true that they were in a more secluded area of woods in California, trying to avoid any popping up of random paparazzi. The living room in the cabin was huge with a massive fireplace and  a very tall ceiling. The rooms were on the second floor accessed by a landing that overlooked the kitchen and living area. Adam unloaded his parts of the car and immediately flopped down on the couch, picking up his bag of snacks and a magazine.

"Well you know where to find me for the rest of this atrocity," he said munching away.

"We need to get some pictures posing in woods looking like we're getting along before tomorrow," Gwen announced, looking over some of the logistical papers she had brought in.

"Yeah? Can you just photoshop me in? I'm not moving," Adam said from his spot on the couch, spread out and looking comfortable. Gwen walked over and pulled his arm up, looking unimpressed.

"Come on, boys, we have a photo shoot to do!"

 

* * *

 

The photo shoot was less fun than Gwen had made it sound. It involved balancing the camera precariously on trees and rocks and then attempting to run into the frame and get their arms around one another. Adam slipped during one particularly difficult shoot and fell into some mud, and when Blake laughed he retaliated by jumping on the other man and smearing mud in his hair. The whole thing had sort of gone downhill from there as Gwen was perfectly made up, standing next to two very dirty men who were still trying to slap one another over Pharrell.

Tired and annoyed again, they all trudged back to the cabin in the early afternoon, fighting over who would get the first shower in their spacious, but singular bathroom. Gwen won out and strutted into the bathroom as the men fell onto the couches in the living room.

"I'm completely done with nature," Adam moaned, trying to take off his wet socks and failing.

"We've been here for a day and a half," Blake responded flatly, walking over and assisting him, carefully pulling down from the top of the sock as Adam groaned his thanks.

"How's the ankle?" Blake asked, looking closely at it. Adam hoped his feet didn't smell, but suspected they didn't since they'd only been out for a few hours.

"Lemme check it out," Blake continued, and walked into the kitchen, coming out moments later with a wet washcloth. He then approached Adam, kneeling in front of him and applying the warm cloth to his feet. Adam moaned appreciatively, feeling tense muscles relax as the hot, wet material touched them. Pharrell continued to read his magazine, looking like he was trying to pretend he wasn't next to a man washing another man's feet.

"It looks much better," Blake observed, tentatively touching the foot and ankle. Adam thought this must be what whatever heaven/hell combo he would end up in one day would be like; blissful, but pure torture.

Then Blake started rubbing his ankle and he decided it was leaning more towards heaven. He hoped Gwen wasn't concerned about the noises coming from the other room, and he put a fist to his mouth to stop them from coming out too loudly. He unintentionally made awkward eye-contact with Pharrell who slowly raised one eyebrow, and quickly averted his eyes back to Blake. But when he saw the fierce concentration on his flesh the other man was directing at him, he felt like he couldn't stay either without having an unintended reaction in the middle of the living room.

"All done," Gwen announced, coming out of the steaming bathroom, clad only in a towel. She took in the scene of the room and blinked.

Blake looked at the other men and grinned, bounding up and running through the door as though he anticipated a race.

"Gwen, you saved me," Adam breathed, looking over her mostly-naked form and feeling his body calming down.

"I really hope you don't mean what I think you're saying," Gwen replied, glaring. Pharrell was staring at her intently, and Adam hoped that was a consolation.

Gwen left in a bit of a huff and Adam leaned back on the couch, closing his eyes. Their late night had caused all of them to be lethargic, and it was finally catching up to him.

 

* * *

 

 

When he woke up again, he did so slowly, letting the whole situation come back to him as he grappled with waking in an unfamiliar setting. He opened his eyes to see Blake staring at him.

"Uh, hi," Adam said, breaking the older man out of whatever trance he had been in.

"Hi," Blake replied, smiling slow and warmly from his spot on the couch across from him. The fire was roaring and the large room was a lot darker than it had been earlier. Pharrell and Gwen were nowhere to be seen.

"I was, uh, reading," Blake said suddenly, shifting his eyes in a guilty-looking way. Adam knew that the other man had always been really bad at lying, but he didn't see why he would need a reason to avoid the truth.

"What... were you reading?" Adam asked curiously, not seeing a book. Blake looked struck.

"It's, uh, in the other room," the country singer responded uneasily.

"And then you came in here."

"Yeah."

"Okay," Adam said slowly, feeling like he was missing something.

"Gwen and Pharrell took the two beds."

"Damn them," Adam said emphatically, punching the couch but mostly joking.

"I keep trying to sleep on the couch, but I keep falling off," Blake explained, gesturing to the small couch under him. He looked sort of like the saddest thing in the world, and Adam suddenly wanted to make everything in his life better.

"We could push the two couches together?" Adam suggested standing up, feeling like he was signing his own death warrant somehow. Another night pressed up against Blake and not doing anything untoward? He must have a masochistic streak, he thought as they attempted to push the couches together.

Once they had, Adam left temporarily to take a quick shower after realizing he had missed his earlier. When he got back warm, body loose and tired, he saw that Blake was already on their makeshift bed asleep in nothing but boxers and a t-shirt. Yes, definitely a little masochistic, he decided as he looked around for a blanket. He found a large one on a chair and flung it haphazardly over the other man.

He climbed over the top of the couch and carefully pulled up the blanket, slipping in and pressing into Blake. Well, it was a small two couches, that was excuse enough to get close. Blake immediately pulled him closer, wrapping a leg around Adam's thigh. So, Blake was more forward than he would have guessed. Gritting his teeth and thinking about puppies, he eventually gave into the warm embrace and the sound of Blake's even breathing and fell asleep.

This time they woke up together. Nose to nose. In a very quiet cabin.

"Hey," Blake said, his voice scratchy and deep from sleep. The other man smiled slowly and stretched out his legs under the blanket.

"Hey," Adam squeaked, turning onto his other side and burying his face into the back of the couch, trying to get the image of an adorable, sleepy Blake out of his mind.

Blake took this as an opportune time to rub his scratchy face across the top of Adam's shoulders. Adam let out a bark of laughter and slapped at him, trying to fight the warm feeling pooling in his belly. He stood up abruptly, pulling the blanket with him. He stepped over the couch quickly and ran into the bathroom, calling dibs loudly and slamming the door.

"That was a long shower," Gwen observed, eating her breakfast at the dining table with the other men, as he came out later on, fully dressed and drying off his hair. "And funny, there's no steam, almost like it was col-"

Adam threw a piece of bacon from his plate at her and sat down, face red, to eat his breakfast. Blake was quietly looking down at his plate and eating sleepily, checking his phone. No one talked for a while, just eating and feeling tired.

"Are we allowed to go home now?" Adam asked somewhat desperately into the silence. Pharrell laughed and went to rinse off his plate.

"Yeah, the studio really liked all the clips we sent them. We have a couple days off before we start filming the battle rounds next week. We can leave whenever, we just figured breakfast might be good before we hit the road."

It wasn't a bad trip, Adam thought as they left the cabin. He looked back at it as they walked down the path to the car, almost missing its isolating presence and the good time they had briefly had there. Getting into the backseat, though, with Blake winding his arm around the back of his headrest, Adam honestly couldn't wish he were anywhere else.


	8. I Want To Make You Feel Beautiful

Being back at home was magical, and Adam immediately buried himself in his bed and took a nap as soon as his friends dropped him off.

The next day they had a meeting with the studio to discuss what footage to use, and Adam alternated between being extremely embarrassed at his own antics and laughing hysterically as the clips were played for all of the executives to see. They made their final decisions, ignoring Adam’s protests after the particularly embarrassing one of him completely sleeping, mouth wide open, through Blake chasing Pharrell with a frying pan after being doused with water. But it was a less painful meeting than the last one, and Adam left feeling refreshed and happy.

He couldn’t say the same for Blake, who had been checking his phone for most of the meeting and frowning. Gwen had looked over with concern as well, meeting Adam’s eyes as they had a moment of unspoken understanding of concern over their friend.

Adam laid out on his couch that night with his dogs, all cuddled up, and decided to check in on Blake. Three hours later and he was staring holes into his phone on the side of the couch, trying to decide what to do. He couldn’t just spring in on the other man because of an unanswered text. Well, he reflected, Blake had done that to him once. That probably made it right.

  

* * *

 

 

"You weren't answering your phone so I came to see if you were okay," Adam said as the door opened. Blake was wearing a slightly ripped shirt and flannel pajamas. It was ridiculously endearing. To top it all off the country singer looked miserable and had a huge pout on his stupid country face. Adam immediately gave him a hug.

Eventually they made it inside and Adam took a seat next to the other man. His condo wasn't a total mess like it might be if he were an ordinary bachelor going through a messy divorce; Adam knew he had a cleaning person come in. But it did look more disheveled than it usually was, and the rock singer frowned as he took it all in.

He turned to Blake suddenly when he heard what suspiciously sounded like a sniffle.

"Are you crying?" He asked, edging closer to inspect the hunched-over man. Blake was sitting on the couch, head in hands, rubbing his face and sighing. "Dude, I don't know how to handle crying, as much as I talk about it in my songs."

Adam paused, reflecting on how ironic it was to have men who almost exclusively wrote songs about dealing with relationships and love, not know what to do when another human being was expressing emotion. The version of him in the songs he wrote always seemed so cool and collected. Maybe he could tap into that… He tried to think about what song-Adam would do. 'Lost Stars' has someone crying in it. Hmmm...

  _'And I thought I saw you out there crying_

_And I thought I heard you call my name'_

 Unhelpful. What was the point of song-Adam making this observation? What did he do to help out that poor soul in the song?

 Maybe this is what he had been thinking about when he had written it, he thought, looking uncomfortably at Blake.

 He put his arm over Blake's shoulder, aware that the man usually had little tolerance for touching when they were alone, past a hello hug. However, it must have been okay in this instance, because Blake immediately turned and stuck his head into Adam's neck. The younger man could feel warm, wet tears hitting his collarbone right away.

 "Aw, shoot," Adam said, really feeling bad at this point. He waited for Blake to calm down, and settled comfortably on the couch, wrapping his arms around the larger man.

 "Can we pretend this never happened?" Blake asked pitifully after a short while.

 "No," Blake punched him lightly on the shoulder, "I think you've forgotten that your best friend is an inconsiderate asshole who will hold everything and anything over you."

 Blake pushed the younger man off of him and wiped his blotchy, wet face with his shirt.

 "It's not about Miranda," he started, darting a look over at Adam before wiping his face with his hands again. "It's more about the situation."

 Blake got up and walked over to his fridge, grabbing a bottle of water and opening it. He looked extremely uncomfortable and seemed like he just needed to be doing something while spilling out his guts to Adam.

 "It's like--" Blake paused and took several gulps of water, "This is my second divorce. And I really, truly loved her," he looked upwards, like he was remembering some distant memory, "And we were great, but it just sorta’," he pursed his lips together and looked frustrated, "It just stopped. The feeling stopped."

Blake came back over to the couch, where Adam was sitting stock-still, afraid that any movement or sound would scare the other man off from talking about his feelings.

"No one writes love songs falling out of love, you know?" Blake sighed heavily and put down the water, turning to Adam for support.

 "That would be a major downer at a concert after 'This Love'," Adam couldn't stop himself from saying, unhelpfully.

 Blake took a deep breath again, clearly caught up in what was bothering him enough that he could ignore Adam successfully.

 "I feel like--" the country singer drew another shaky breath, "like there's something wrong with me." Here he looked at Adam with watery blue eyes, bigger than they had ever looked. It tore Adam's heart up, and he felt like locking the door and never letting anyone talk to the other man again.

"Maybe I'll never be able to grow old with someone. I think about it and I just see these faceless women in my future, a line of the them. Call it romantic or whatnot, but I'd like for there to be just one."

 Adam's hand shook slightly as he prevented it from grabbing the other man into another firm hug again. Blake's body was intensely radiating 'hug me' but he was as far from Adam on the couch as he could be, which Adam took to mean the opposite. But he also didn't know how to respond. He could write millions of sonnets about how lovable Blake was, and even if they were only friends, Adam would stick by him until the day he died. But he somehow felt that was inappropriate to say. Also, somehow, Blake talking about these faceless women of the future only served to remind the rock singer how far away from being that person in Blake's life he was and would ever be, and it was unbearably depressing.

 "Have you ever been in love?" Blake asked sincerely, turning his big blues on the other man. Adam started and felt his eyes go wide in shock. Was he literally in a romantic comedy movie right now? Was the man he was in love with really asking if he'd ever been in love?

 "What the hell Blake?" he finally spat out, "My songs are all about love!"

 "Most of your songs are about lust," Blake replied, lifting an eyebrow cockily, as though he hadn't been crying five minutes ago. "And we all know your reputation."

 Adam was actually a little offended. And maybe a little hurt. His best friend didn't think he'd been in love before? At 35?

 Blake seemed to see how upset he had made Adam, because he hesitated, but took out his phone. He quickly typed something in and then brought it to Adam's face.

 "This is the first link when I Google you," he said as Adam processed how dirty it sounded when Blake said, 'Google you'.

 Adam's eyes roved over the page, stopping at the first link titled, 'Adam Levine and the Twincestial Three-Some of the Decade'. He grimaced slightly, remembering how much press the incident had gotten.

 "To be fair, Jerry and Dave were great guys," he hedged, trying to avoid the original question, "Ran a bakery and everything. Very charming."

 Blake looked at him intensely, face still blotchy and red, tears still formed in the corners of his eyes. Adam wanted to take a picture to make his next album cover. It would be a crazy hit. He took a breath and sighed loudly.

 "Yeah," he said, answering the question from before.

 "Yeah?"

 Blake smiled softly and Adam was glad that he could provide a distraction at least. In his misery.

 "Yeah, never quite got over it." He didn't meet Blake's eyes as he said this, having never been good at keeping secrets, at least not to anyone's face.

 They sat like that for awhile looking at each other, Adam with a bitter-sweet look on his face, and Blake smiling sadly. Blake yawned and the moment ended, the rock singer turning a concerned look on his friend.

 "When was the last time you slept?"

 "...Probably at the cabin to be honest."

 Adam got a little warm at the thought that Blake had felt comfortable enough sleeping next to him to forget his troubles for the night.

 "Let's get you to bed," he said standing up, not thinking about how that particular phrase sounded.

 Blake's eyebrows shot up and he smirked.

"But we haven’t even been on a real date," the country singer replied in a teasing voice. Adam felt his face slowly heat as he stood ramrod straight and walked awkwardly towards Blake's bedroom.

 "Shut up," he muttered half-heartedly, and mostly to himself as he got into the bedroom. Blake let out another wide yawn as he entered the door, slipping off his jeans casually as Adam, wide-eyed, looked resolutely at the wall.

 Blake slipped under the covers and stretched his long legs out as he settled down.

 "You gonna read me a bedtime story?" the older man asked sarcastically, but seemed grateful for the other man's presence.

 "Sure," Adam answered easily, sitting on the side of the bed closest to the older man. He fiddled with the comforter Blake had for a second before making a show of pretending to open a book. "Once upon a time there was a giant asshole of a man from the South who sang weird country music."

 Blake guffawed, seeming surprised at the sudden story, but amused. He looked expectantly at Adam when he paused, and the rock singer decided to continue.

 "And across the country in a big city, lived a sexy, beautiful singer with a successful career and millions of fans."

 "I want to see where you're plannin' on goin' with this," Blake muttered sleepily, his eyes half-lidded. He looked like a sleepy kitten. Adam wanted a picture so badly his fingers were itching.

 "One day, they were asked to be on a TV show together. The man from the South was super intimidated that he had to work with such a famous and popular and sexy man,"

 Blake snorted.

 "But when the two met they became best friends right away. They were competitive though, and the famous pop singer won a lot of battle rounds. Eventually he ended up winning the whole competition, and also the next several seasons."

 "I don't think it happened like that," Blake interrupted, half-asleep with his eyes shut. Adam glanced at him smirking and then continued.

 "The country singer tried really hard to win, but always fell a little short. The pop singer from the city had a terrific sense of music and was a great coach. He ended up winning every time. And this made the country singer very angry. Sometimes they had fights."

 Adam looked carefully at Blake and noticed that the other man's breathing had evened out and he was asleep. He smiled.

 "But the city boy loved him anyway," he finished, whispering to himself.

 He stood up and watched Blake sleep for a few seconds, before leaning down carefully. He gently pressed his lips to Blake's forehead.

 He flicked his eyes up, though, when he heard the bedroom door opening quickly. Miranda stood there, bustling in with bags flying around. She stopped in her tracks when she saw the other man in the room. Her eyes widened and she dropped her bags. Adam realized he still had his lips on Blake's head. He didn't know how he got into these situations.

 Miranda about-faced and walked into the living room. Adam followed, tripping slightly and rushing to catch up to her.

 "That wasn't really what it looked like," he said, grabbing the counter and watching the woman closely. Miranda took out her phone casually and looked calm.

 "You didn't waste any time, did you?" she asked in not the nicest tone.

 Adam winced.

 "Look, he's been pretty messed up recently and I just came over to help."

 Miranda sighed the sort of long-suffering sigh of a woman who had had too much out of life.

 "Adam," she started, finally looking up at him somewhat pityingly. "I knew you were in love with him when I first met you," Adam stopped breathing and felt a deep chill settle in his stomach, "And I ignored it because I knew how easy it was to be in love with Blake. But don't you think it's been long enough? You're not going to find what you're looking for."

 Adam attempted to be unaffected by this, but dropped eye-contact with Miranda. It felt sort of like his heart was being ripped up from the inside. He was finding it hard to breathe. He was wondering if anyone was out there.

 He found himself outside Blake's condo a little while later, realizing that he had been able to make some sort of exit, but unable to really think about it.

 When he got home he totally didn't cry. It was more like dry sobbing. He wasn't prone to it, but somehow all of his bottled up feelings had been released by the direct confrontation. No one had really said those things about Blake so him directly before. Maybe he was an idiot, if he thought he could just spend the rest if his life following Blake around like a sad puppy and knowing nothing was going to come out of it. What if he never tried seriously for a real relationship because he was deluded by the idea that there was only really one guy for him?

 He took out his phone dialed Gwen's number decisively, surprised that he actually had it.

 "Gwen, I need you to set me up."

 He paused, considering.

 "But like, not on a date. I need," he paused for effect, "a _real_ boyfriend."

 

* * *

 

 

Miranda, he reflected, walking up to Gwen's awesome house, was not a bad person. He'd been very upset with her after the whole ordeal, but after thinking about it realized it must be hard for her. She probably didn't understand why things didn't work out with her and Blake. She might be blaming herself. Also, she had been totally honest with Adam and made him face the reality of his life: he was a hopeless idiot.

 Gwen met him at the door, looking serious.

 "So I didn't want you to think that I wasn't a cool diva who had tons of gay friends," Gwen started, taking his arm.

 "Okay, slightly offensive, but I'm listening."

 "Basically, I just didn't want you to have to call Christina," she continued, pulling him towards her backyard where a party was just starting.

 "Yeah, maybe I should have called Christina," Adam said thoughtfully. Gwen turned then to face him, forcefully.

 "No, I can do this," she said resolutely, "I'm a diva. It's fine. I know the perfect guy."

 "Yeah, but is he," Adam sighed, " _boyfriend_ material?"

 He really was in a rom-com. A bad one.

 "He's not a psychopath," Gwen responded slowly.

 "That's a start."

 

* * *

 

 

They walked up to a large group of people, but Gwen led him around them, to a man standing by the drink bar. The man had blond hair, wide shoulders and a very attractive smile.

 "Hi, ya'll," the mystery man smiled and said in a thick southern accent as they approached.

 "Yeah, this'll work fine," Adam murmured under his breath as he leaned his arm on the table, giving his sexist smile to the guy.

 "Okay, so I might have forgotten that detail and now feel like a bad person," Gwen said from his shoulder, trying to pull Adam away.

 "Go away, Gwen," Adam said without turning his head from the other man. Gwen sighed and hesitated, before walking away.

 "So, have you heard of Maroon 5?"

 Bill, as it turned out, had heard of Maroon 5. He thought they were okay. But he'd always thought Adam was incredibly hot. Bill was a drum player for a small rock band that mostly played in LA. Adam was into it. Or mostly into his accent. Not thinking about why though. He was totally over Blake. He was trying to be totally over Blake. One of those.

 They talked for the rest of the party. It turned out they had similar taste in music and had both grown up in the city. Adam thought Bill was a pretty cool dude. He started moving in towards getting the other man to go home with him when he paused. Wait. It was different this time. He had to move slowly.

 It was weird, though, because he had been distracted during most of the party by the sensation of eyes following him. Not that it was a phenomenon to be stared at, hello, sexiest man alive here, but this was singular and unstopping. He whipped his head around another time to try and catch the creeper. Maybe he had a new stalker. His eyes widened, though, when he finally caught the man lurking in the shadows.

 “You invited Blake to this party?” he hissed at Gwen and dragging her away forcefully from a group of giggling women.

 “Blake comes to all my parties,” Gwen responded, blinking. “He brings lots of booze and is a happy drunk.”

 “Did you not hear my traumatizing story?” Adam continued, incensed.

 “Yeah, but it’s not like I invited Miranda,” Gwen replied, gently extracting herself from Adam’s grip. “Besides, you’re getting over him, right? This should help.”

 Adam decided that Gwen was actually evil. Like the worst of the worst.

 “It doesn’t help me when he’s glaring holes into me while I’m trying to seduce Bill.”

 “Oh,” Gwen replied mildly, “Yeah, he sort of hates Bill. I guess they’ve gotten into it about rock vs. country or some stupid thing like that.”

 “Great,” Adam said, pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing.

 “That’s good! It’s like a giant ‘fuck you’ to Blake if you start dating him.”

 “No it isn’t! I’m not trying to say, ‘fuck you’ to Blake,” Adam said, pulling Gwen further from the party and curious glances towards them, “And he’s my best friend, I need him to like who I’m dating. What the hell do I do now?”

 “Maybe take a Xanax and pretend you’re not the world’s biggest drama queen,” Gwen supplied unhelpfully, before turning back towards her friends. Adam heard someone mutter ‘sick burn’ quietly, as he glared at the woman.

 “Look, if you like the guy, go for it. Screw Blake. He’s been dictating your life for a while and has to know it. I say do what you want.” With this Gwen walked back over to her friends and left Adam standing by the pool, mulling over her words.

 Adam wandered back over to Bill, briefly raising his hand to acknowledge Blake who had gone over to a group of people to talk, but was still watching him surreptitiously out of the corner of his eye. Bill was waiting patiently, now next to the pool, nursing a drink and smiling as Adam approached.

 “So,” Adam started, feeling suddenly awkward despite having talked to this guy for a while, “I heard you know Blake Shelton.” Adam watched Bill carefully, hoping they could all be adults about this and maybe rise above whatever weird fight was going on between the two men.

 "Oh yeah, he's a total asshole." Okay, apparently not.

 "I gotta warn you," Adam started, pulling the label off his beer uneasily, "He's like, my best bro. So if you guys are fighting or whatever--"

 "You're friends with that loser?" Bill asked. Adam felt like instead of a romcom his life was now a teen-drama 90's movie, like 'Bring it On'. Maybe there would be a dance-off.

 "Uhhhh." Adam was at a total loss for words. This guy was supposed to be in his mid-thirties. What the hell did another grown man say to something like that?

 "He's supposed to be a country singer too, right? But he's just a wannabe. The only reason he has fans is because he's pretty and he's using that to get young people. Man, what a joke."

 Despite sounding intensely like a straight out of the 90's idiot (seriously, 'wannabe'?) the guy was starting to piss Adam off. But he didn't know quite how to get out of the conversation. He really hated it when people said Blake wasn't a real singer. He was an awesome singer, and people just loved to ridicule country.

 "Look," Adam said, backing slightly away from the other man, "You have a right to your own opinion, but Blake is awesome. He's great at what he does, and he's great at supporting other artists, and... I think--" he took out his phone and turned it on quickly, "Yeah I think I need to be somewhere else."

 Bill frowned and followed Adam back the few steps he had taken. "What's the deal, man? I thought you were cool. If you hang out with that dumbass, though, guess it can't be true." Adam was actually getting pretty pissed now and clenched his fists. "I mean, his wife just left him too," Bill let out a big laugh that attracted the attention of the other party-goers on the other side of the pool, "He must be a real piece of work if two women have left him. Man, I bet no one wants--"

 Bill would have finished, if Adam hadn't reached his arms out and sent him flying into the pool. Adam stared down at him as he spluttered, coming up for air and waving his arms. Well, hopefully he could swim. The other people at the party had started clapping and laughing, and Adam saw Gwen and Blake making a bee-line for him.

 "What did he say?" Blake demanded, looking pretty threatening at his height with his back straight. Adam wouldn't want to mess with him. "I'll beat the crap outta him, just tell me what he said."

 Gwen held one hand on Blake's arm looking exasperated as Blake looked threateningly down at the water where one of Bill's friends were pulling him up.

 "I see you chose the drama queen route despite my advice," Gwen said dryly.

 "You deserve each other!" Bill said scathingly as he stomped out of the party, soaking wet and looking miserable. Well, it could have been worse, Adam thought.

 "He was a dick. I was done."

 "So you pushed him into the pool?" Gwen burst out, pushing Adam towards the door, a fuming Blake following closely behind, "Remind me never to try and set you up again."

 As they got to the door she calmed down, taking a deep breath and looking at Adam.

 "Look Adam," she started, handing him his light coat. "Go home and get some rest. We're filming lives on Monday. I think maybe you need to spend some time--" she glanced at Blake who was putting on his own jacket, "thinking about what you really want."

 Adam sighed and opened the door, thanking Gwen and stepping outside. He turned to Blake who was still following him, now with an air of concern and curiosity.

 "Come on, I'll tell you about it," he said smiling a little and opening the door to his car.

 


	9. I Know I Tend To Get So Insecure, It Doesn't Matter Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I saw this interview with Taylor Swift where she talked about Adam having a phobia of show tunes, and I wondered what exactly that meant, so that's where this is coming from.
> 
> Link to 'On My Own' here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EOla4fbRFM
> 
> Thanks to all who have stuck with it to this point! I have no idea what I am doing, but some people seem to like it so I will continue!

  


Life was… a little annoying after the pool incident. After hearing the full story, Blake had looked stuck between giving Adam a massive hug and simply having a strange smile on his face and an intense look in his eyes. Despite how nice it felt to have a bro moment, he was simply filled with so much affection and love for the other man in that moment, that it reminded him how desperate he was to move on with his life and find someone who really wanted him. He decided to throw his own party at his house and invited all the coolest bands, or at least all the bands that he knew, and planned everything out intricately. He even decided to tell Blake he wasn’t invited, and had to deal with the fallout of pushing a man with the most dramatic puppy-dog face out of his house without giving in and just letting him come.

 It was a great party, but he made little movement in way of Operation:Boyfriend, as he called it privately to himself. He was about to give up when Jesse introduced him to a chill guy who wasn’t looking for anything serious, but had bills to pay and didn’t seem to want to hassle him. It gave Adam an idea.

  
  
  


 

 

“Are you seriously paying someone to date you?” Gwen demanded, bursting into Adam’s trailer where he was eating, fork seconds away from entering his open mouth.

 “Yes?” Adam squeaked.

 Gwen threw herself down on his couch with little finesse and faced him with a jerky motion.

 “You’re supposed to be the ‘Sexiest Man Alive.’”

 “Why does everyone always use that against me?” Adam asked, putting down his spoon in frustration, but then deciding against it and sticking more noodles in his mouth.

 “Isn’t it technically illegal,” Gwen asked, pursing her lips and looking concerned, “to pay someone money for something like that?”

 “I hadn’t thought about it like that… Is paying someone for romantic favors really illegal?” Adam asked thoughtfully.

 Gwen let out a loud breath and stomped over to where he was still munching on his noodles.

 “OF COURSE PROSTITUTION IS ILLEGAL!”

 They both turned when they realized the door had been opened. A slightly stunned looking Blake was slowly closing the door and backing out.

 “I’ll come back at a better time,” the country singer mumbled and then scampered out.

 “Great, now I’m going to have to explain that,” Adam muttered.

 “Maybe you should have to! What the hell are you thinking?”

 Adam sighed and pushed away his empty plate, standing up and depositing it in the garbage before taking a seat in his special swivel chair and facing Gwen for real talk.

 “Look, it started out with Phil as a fake thing. I told him I would pay him to sort of hang out and not make a big deal out of it,” Gwen opened her mouth to probably complain some more, but Adam held up a hand to stop her, “I’ve been having such a hard time finding a guy who isn’t a total dick or just wants to date someone famous. For some reason… it made me feel better about the whole thing. And we’re getting on great and everything! We have absolutely nothing in common and can’t hold a conversation, but it’s great! I have a boyfriend!”

 “I think you need a therapist,” Gwen muttered, sinking into the couch and turning her head up to the ceiling, as though silently praying to a higher power.

 “You know, my publicist has also said that to me…” Adam replied, checking his mini-fridge for more food offerings before filming started again. He sat down with an apple and wiped it on his shirt.

 “So, you and Phil are actually a thing now?”

 “Yeah, ‘thing’ might be a good word for it.”

 “And how’s Blake taking all of this?”

 “What do you mean ‘how’s Blake taking it’?” Adam sat up straight in his spinney chair and looked at Gwen, surprised and a little thrown. “How’s he supposed to take it?”

 “I mean,” Gwen said slowly, clearly trying to pick her words correctly, “You guys have been hanging around a lot since the divorce and this is probably cutting into that time. Hasn’t he seemed a little weird since you started ‘dating’?”

 “What do you mean?” Adam asked, blinking.

 The door swung open again and Blake’s head stuck through the small space that was created.

 “I hope I’m not interrupting y'all's sex talk in here, but I need Adam.”

 Gwen gave Adam a significant look, as the rock singer stood up quickly and went to the door.

 “We weren’t talking about sex,” he said as he brushed the front of his pants of crumbs as he got outside. It was a sunny, warm afternoon, and the trailer area looked as nice as it ever did when it was mostly metal and concrete. Blake looked nice in his button-down shirt and jeans, but Adam was not getting distracted.

 “Sure,” Blake said doubtfully. “Look, I just wanted to tell you that there’s some guy waiting by the stage door and he looks creepy as hell.”

 “Oh, that’s probably Phil,” Adam said, craning his head to try to get a glance at the other man.

 “Phil?”

 Adam took a minute to appreciate the effect being able to say his new phrase would have, smirking up at the taller man.

 “My _boyfriend_. 100% real. No one’s getting paid,” Adam said, trailing off at the end.

 “What was that last part?” Blake asked, shifting his eyes slightly away from the mystery man towards Adam.

 “He’s probably just looking for me,” Adam deferred, walking toward Phil, who was leaning against the wall near the stage door, smoking.

 “Hey man, sorry for crashing in like this,” Phil said, looking a little embarrassed. Phil was only a little shorter than Adam, and had black hair and pale skin. He was skinny and not well-muscled, but had a handsome face. He was pretty good-looking. Well, actually, he was literally a male-model.

 “Don’t worry about it. Come on, Zoolander, let’s go back to my trailer.” Adam took Phil’s hand and guided him back towards the trailers, where Blake was standing with a frown on his face.

 “You promised no Zoolander jokes,” Phil grumbled, but followed the other man, curiously glancing at Blake as they walked past. “Hey, is that your bouncer?”

 “Who, Blake?” Adam asked, looking at the imposing figure of a miffed-looking Blake. “Nah, he’s harmless.”

 Gwen was already gone when they got inside the trailer, although Adam noticed she had sent at least five texts to his phone, complete with several emojis Adam had never seen.

 “What does the little eggplant one mean?” Adam asked the other man, peering down at the screen of his phone.

 “Dude,” Phil answered, eyebrows raised.

 They tinkered around on their own phones for a while, Adam trying to calm down Gwen, and Phil… doing whatever it was that popular, attractive men in the modeling world did on their phones. Adam tried to crane over to see.

 “D’you,” Adam started, wondering why Phil had visited, “D’you wanna make out or something?”

 Phil had moved and was peering through the blinds of the trailer, though.

 “That giant hunk of man is still outside,” Phil commented, turning back to his phone.

 “What?” Adam went to check for himself. Blake did sort of appear to be a bouncer, standing threateningly outside his door looking somewhat angry. “He is. What the hell? He doesn’t normally do that.”

 “Is he some sort of ex I should know about?”

 “Is this a relationship thing?” Adam asked excitedly, turning back to Phil. “Do we talk about our exes?”

 Phil lifted his eyebrows again and looked unimpressed, which was his signature move, and Adam felt a little sad. He conceded that it was sort of depressing that a man in his mid-thirties had never been in a real relationship. Particularly considering his current one involved financial transactions.

 “He’s not an ex, he’s just my best friend.”

 “Am I supposed to believe that?” Phil asked, finally shutting off his phone and slipping it into his skinny jean pocket. Impressive feat, Adam thought admiringly. “He looks like he’s going to murder someone.”

 Adam checked again and agreed with the assessment.

 “Yeah, maybe I should talk to him.”

 Adam left the trailer quickly, grabbing a banana on the way. Their break had been extended, Gwen had texted him, but it was about to end and Adam was still hungry. Adam was always hungry, but whatever. Blake turned to him, startled, when he came out.

 “You’re cock-blocking me,” Adam said without pretense.

 “What?” Blake choked out.

 “This actually happened the last time I tried to get laid too,” Adam said, narrowing his eyes and looking closely at Blake. “D’you like, know when I’m trying to get some?”

 “No,” Blake protested, sounding shocked. “No I do not know. I need to--” he cleared his throat and paused, looking around uneasily, “I need to talk to you.”

 “Okay, talk,” Adam replied easily, crossing his arms and staring the larger man down.

 Blake looked behind himself nervously again before leaning closer to Adam. The rock singer, unprepared for a close face-full of Blake Shelton, blinked and swallowed deeply. Blake always smelled a little bit like the woods, and now it reminded Adam of the time they had spent pressed against one another sleeping. Not a memory he needed at the moment.

 “I think that guy’s a drug dealer,” the country singer said in a low, conspiratorial tone.

 Adam sighed. “No, he’s just a male-model. You’d be surprised how easy it is to confuse the two. You should go back to your trailer, our break’s almost up.”

 Blake hesitated, turning back to Adam, unsure, before finally turning and walking, shoulders hunched, back to his own trailer. What the hell was that all about? Adam reentered his trailer, seeing Phil look up as he walked in.

 “You should invite him up here, he’s hot. We could have a threesome.”

 “No threesomes,” Adam scolded, throwing out his banana peel and sitting down. “And you have to go, we’re filming in five.”

  
  
  
  
  


Blake was still subdued when they got back to their chairs for the filming of the promo for the Battle Rounds.

 “Man, what’s going on with you?” Pharrell asked during the break, turning toward the other coach.

 Blake sighed and put his face in his hand. “My life is a mess. I think I have to head to Oklahoma for a while to work out some more stuff.”

 “Aw, man, all that’s still going on?”

 “Yeah, and Miranda seemed pretty pissed the last time she came over and I have no idea why--” Adam froze from his chair where he was covertly listening to the conversation, “And we need to go over stuff again before it’s all settled.”

 “Man that’s rough,” Pharrell empathized, standing up and putting a hand on the larger man’s shoulder. “Hey, was that creeper in the lot your new man, Adam?”

 Adam pretended like he totally hadn’t been listening in on the conversation or had been caught by Pharrell.

 “Yeah, he’s mine,” Adam replied cooly, still really into the idea of having a boyfriend, but not really that it was Phil, who was cool but didn’t really click with him or anything. “We’re together. It’s legit.”

 “You don’t need to say it three different ways, man,” Pharrell said, giving him a look as he sat down.

 “Chill, Pharrell,” Gwen said from her seat, “Adam’s still trying to get used to the whole thing. He’s like an overexcited puppy.”

 “That’s great Adam, I’m sure he’s a good guy.”

 “Yeah, good for getting heroin…” Blake muttered to himself. The other judges all turned to look at him as Carson announced they were good to go to start working with their contestants for battles. Blake got up with a humph and left the room immediately, Adam watching him curiously as he walked out.

  
  
  


Adam liked coaching for the Battle Rounds, because it was basically the whole point of being a coach on the show; doing all the mentoring stuff. But it was easy to miss the auditions and the dynamic with the other three coaches, and he realized, reflecting, that this season actually had a really great mix of personalities. He liked Gwen’s kind, yet assertive demeanor, especially after he had found out she wasn’t with Blake. And Pharrell always kept him calm and down-to-earth. And Blake, despite dealing with his divorce stuff, was always fun to be around. Adam felt a pang of longing, which was ridiculous because they were all together like, five minutes ago and now he was supposed to be in his element, coaching.

 “Adam,” a hesitant voice asked from the microphone, “Can I start?”

Adam’s new contestant was, for the show, unusually into Broadway musicals. It was widely known that Adam had a complete phobia of show tunes, so when the woman had reiterated that she might prefer one for the battles, he was intrigued by the prospect of shaking up the show a little bit. He’d asked her to pick her favorite one out, and now he was sitting, reluctant to get the show moving. He really wasn’t a fan of show tunes. He found them… emotional and sometimes ridiculous. He had managed to avoid even the most popular of tracks.

His contestant looked confident, but uneasy, shifting from foot to foot in front of the microphone, waiting for the music to start after he’d given her the cue. He smiled reassuringly, but pulled one leg up on his chair, bracing himself for the number.

 

_On my own,_

_Pretending he’s beside me_

 

Adam’s eyebrows shot up as he listened to the first lines of the song. Oh, this is good, he thought. And oh, she’s really good too.

 

_All alone,_

_I walk with him ‘til morning_

_Without him,_

_I feel his arms around me_

 

And this was… a really sad song. One that Adam felt he could really connect with.

 

By the middle of the song, the rock singer was gently moving back and forth, legs pulled up tightly to his chest in his chair. The song was really getting to him. It was like, his whole life in one song. All his struggles in one song. And what the hell was he doing with Phil anyway when he didn’t feel one ounce of this towards him? Adam felt a lone tear run down his cheek, but was still too involved by the contestant's singing to notice. She did notice, though, and stopped singing, shooting him a concerned look as he stared blankly out into the set. Adam didn't even notice the click of her heels as she ran from the room.

  
  
  
  
  


The contestant burst into the room of quietly chatting coaches. Lunch had already started for Pharrell, Gwen, and Blake, who didn’t normally shoot on the same day, but had all been around for the promos.

 “Uh,” the woman started, feeling more awkward now that she was in the room with famous people.

 “What is it, honey?” asked Blake pleasantly, looking up from his sandwich at the distressed woman.

 “I think,” she said slowly, “I think I broke Adam.”

 The judges didn’t look that surprised, particularly Pharrell who rolled his eyes and turned to Blake, expecting him to take control.

 “What is he doing?” Gwen asked.

 “He’s sort of…” she waved her hands in circles in the air hoping this would communicate her confusion, “lying on the floor and not moving or responding to us at all.”

 Pharrell’s mouth twitched into a smile, as Blake’s mouth drew into a frown.

 “What happened before that?” Pharrell questioned, placing a reassuring hand on Blake’s shoulder as the man started to get up.

 “I was singing something from a musical?” It wasn’t intended to be a question, but she couldn’t help but say it that way.

 “Ahhh,” Pharrell replied knowingly.

 “He’s not supposed to listen to those after last time,” Blake said gruffly, throwing the rest of his food out and getting up. “I’ll handle this one.”

 “Oh no,” Gwen said, grinning and standing up, “I’ve heard about this, I want to see too.”

 “I guess I’ll see how bad it is this time,” Pharrell added, cleaning up as well.

 They walked swiftly down the hall, but Adam’s contestant caught up to Blake.

 “What is it?” she asked, perplexed and worried.

 “Ah, darlin’, don’t worry about it. Adam isn’t supposed to listen to show tunes at all, on account of the last couple of times he had bad reactions.”

 They approached the door to the studio and Blake led the way, opening it.

 “Why?” she asked, perplexed, pushing through the door after the other coaches. Adam was where she had left him, on his back on the floor gazing blankly at the ceiling. The members of the band who had been playing with her were gathered around him, looking both lost and exasperated.

 “Because he’s the most dramatic man on the face of the planet.”

  
  
  


Eventually they gathered around him, and Blake knelt close to his form on the floor, delicately prodding his shoulder, trying to elicit a response. Failing, he groaned and moved, sitting criss-cross next to the other man's head. He grabbed both of Adam's shoulders and shook him slightly.

 “Adam, it’s over; she’s not singing anymore. Come back to us.”

 “I think that was the saddest song I’ve ever heard,” Adam said distantly, still staring upwards, unblinking.

 “What song was it?” Blake asked curiously, glancing back at the contestant who was still hovering by the door. She told him and explained that it was from ‘Les Miserables’.

 “I don’t know that one,” the country singer admitted. “How does it go?”

 “No!” Pharrell yelled, jumping in and kicking Blake on the floor. “He’s almost out of it, there’s no need to start it again.”

 “It’s about unrequited love,” Gwen explained sadly, looking at the motionless form of man on the floor. “It’s about chasing after something you’ll never get.”

 Blake looked at her, and for a while they stared, neither of them saying anything. The air was thick with tension.

 “Am I dead?” Adam asked into the empty room. Pharrell started laughing loudly and Blake looked down at the smaller man on the ground with a smile, gently pushing back the hair on his forehead. Adam finally blinked, noticing who was in the room for the first time before sitting up and curling around the country singer in a hug, somehow ending up in his lap. Adam tucked his head into Blake’s chest, curling into a ball and humming.

 “Does this happen… a lot?” asked a voice from the front of the room. The judges looked up to see the contestant still standing there, looking a little more relieved now that her coach was off the floor.

 Blake started rubbing reassuring circles into Adam’s back and rocking him gently.

  “Fortunately, no,” Blake responded. “But this one seems worse than normal. He does know about it, so I’m wonderin’ why he agreed that you should sing somthin' like that."

 The contestant shrugged helplessly, coming closer to examine the rock artist. 

 “It’ll wear off in a while. Quicker if we get him on the drums or guitar.” Blake attempted to get up, pushing the younger man off of him, but was only met with a tighter grip on his shirt and a frustrated whine.

 “Should we call Phil?” Blake asked, thinly veiled disgust evident in his voice.

 “Who’s Phil?” Adam replied, muffled from being pressed to Blake's chest.

 Gwen sighed loudly and knelt down beside the two men.

 “Let’s get you on the drums Adam.”

  
  


It took another 30 minutes to get Adam out of Blake’s lap. When he did, he was led dazedly to the drum set, where he cautiously picked up the drumsticks and for a moment simply stared at them. After a while, he finally began to play, picking up tempo and finally going all out, starting to sweat and move. The other coaches watched in amazement as he went furiously at the drum set, and Blake smiled, grabbing a chair and putting his heads in his hands to watch. He was still there later, just watching, after the band and other coaches had gone home, and helped Adam to his car when he was almost falling over from playing so much.

  



	10. It's Not Always Rainbows And Butterflies

Battle Rounds were finally starting on the show and Adam was super excited. Actually, he had been trying to get some distance from the whole show-tunes incident after a long and boring meeting where the producers suggested that anything from a musical be banned from the show. It was fine, but not so much for his now-bereft contestant who had to pick out an alternative music selection. The studio had given her the morning to go over her new song choice with her partner, but the two had pushed Adam out of the room for a while, after the three had worked together for most of the early morning. It was a little tough trying to fit days of rehearsal into a few hours, and the girls were seriously stressed out and just wanted their harmonies to come together nicely. Even though it was supposed to be a competition.

Adam strolled back to his trailer to find, yet again, Blake glowering in front of it with a frown.

“I thought I should warn you, Phil is back,” the country singer grumbled.

“Why are you warning me? That’s awesome,” Adam replied, a skip in his step. He liked spending time with Phil, he was a cool friend and they found something they both liked: laughing at photos on Instagram. It was a great way to kill a morning.

“Aren’t you supposed to be writing your next album, anyway?” Adam asked curiously. Blake had been talking about it the whole time they were filming the coaching sessions in the past week.

“I have writer’s block,” Blake said, wandering back to his own trailer. “Do you think your boyfriend carries Adderall, or just the hard stuff?”

“Not a funny joke anymore, Blake,” Adam sing-songed as the other man shut the door to his trailer.

Adam hopped happily in his, spying Phil on his couch.

“Hey man!” he said, and gave the other man a bro-handshake. That was totally the way one greeted their boyfriend.

“Hey,” Phil said quickly, shoving something shiny into his backpack quickly.

“Uh, what the hell is that?” Adam asked, peering inside and pulling out the mystery item before Phil could intercept the move.

“Are these--” he held up the metal bracelets, “Are these handcuffs?”

The rock singer suddenly frowned and moved to hold them with only two fingers, eyeing them suspiciously and turning to Phil with raised eyebrows.

“Not for that, Jesus!” Phil exclaimed, snatching them back. “I’m doing a photo shoot that’s police-related and have to get a photo where I’m being arrested. I just wanted to know what it was like.”

“What, being arrested?”

“Yeah,” Phil replied, looking a little embarrassed.

“Well, did you do it?”

“Yeah,” the model admitted, “It was actually pretty fun.”

Adam fiddled with the handcuffs, testing their strength and admiring how shiny they were.

“I’ve never been arrested,” Adam muttered thoughtfully, eyeing the device. Phil paused for a moment before his eyes lit up in understanding.

“Here, let me show you,” Phil explained, loosening the bracelets before putting Adam’s arms behind his back and securing them. “Are they too tight?”

“No,” Adam replied, testing their strength by trying to pull his arms apart but feeling a little intimidated that he was in such a vulnerable position. “I feel like I can cross something off my sex bucket list though.”

“If we try to have sex, Blake is going to burst through the door,” Phil intoned, rolling his eyes.

“Oh God, please don’t let Blake in while I’m like this,” Adam pleaded, having enough of the handcuffs. “Okay, let’s take these off.”

Phil smiled and felt his pockets. Then he bit his lip. Then he cursed loudly. Adam wasn’t feeling too good about all of it.

“What?” the rock singer asked, knowing the answer already and wincing.  
“Soooo, the key might be in my car,” Phil said delicately.

“Shit shit shit shit,” Adam said, attempting to pull his hands from behind his back out and failing miserably. He sat on the couch and banged his head lightly on the wall.

“It’s no problem, I’ll just go out and get them.”

“I guess I’ll stay here then,” Adam whimpered, “And pray that I won’t have to do the afternoon taping looking like I’m in a low budget prison porno.”

Phil jetted out of the room quickly, and Adam was left to his own devices. It actually hurt a little to be stuck in a position where your hands were stuck behind your back. It was even more annoying when Adam discovered that his right hand itched.

He looked around the room for something to alleviate his itching and couldn’t see anything low enough that he could rub against that he wouldn’t simply push over. After a while, he conceded that the blinds were somehow his best option, standing up and backing into them. However, after he had rubbed his wrist frantically, he noticed that he was...stuck. As in, the cord for the blinds had wrapped around his handcuffs effectively pinning him against the covered window. Great.

It wouldn’t have been that bad really. It could have been a salvageable situation. Except then the air conditioner automatically turned off, as it was supposed to every few hours. The only problem was that the remote was on the other side of the room. It got very hot, very quickly. And Phil was nowhere to be seen.

20 minutes later, Adam was starting to feel dehydrated, sweating profusely and mostly just feeling incredibly uncomfortable. He squirmed around from his place in front of the window, still feebly trying to extricate himself from the evil blinds. He could just open the blinds and yell and probably get someone’s attention, but he was still trying to get people to forget the last couple of incidents where he had been a complete idiot and messed things up.

To cool down he had the bright idea of taking off his shirt by grabbing the bottom of his shirt in his teeth and pulling it over his head, which he was actually successful at, and was feeling sort of proud of, when he heard a knock at the door.

He froze. Phil wouldn’t have knocked.

This is what Blake saw when he opened the door: his best friend, shirtless, gleaming with sweat, handcuffed, looking at him with wide, guilty eyes.

Neither man spoke as they simply gazed at each other, both wishing they were somewhere else. Well, actually one of them wishing that. Blake gulped audibly and looked at a total loss for what to do, which was kind of a first, Adam thought.

“So, this isn’t what it looks like,” Adam started, “Actually, I don’t know what someone would make of this situation since I’m alone.”

Blake blinked, still speechless.

“Look, could you get me a bottle of water and put it to my mouth; I’m dying here.”

This was, apparently, the last straw for the older man, who quickly backed out of the trailer, slamming the door behind him on the way out.

“Well, I guess this is my life now,” Adam said sadly to his empty trailer, before the trailer door banged open again. “Hey! Can we be careful with the door, please.”

  
“Adam,” Gwen said, rushing in, and out of breath, “Blake came in shouting about an emergency but didn’t really explain and said he need to take a shower? Which I didn’t understand…” She trailed off, looking up and seeing the state Adam was in. Pharrell came in behind her, quietly closing the door, but snickered as he took in the scene.

“Ah, okay, I see where he’s coming from now,” Gwen muttered, taking in Adam’s shirtless form with wide eyes. “Am I interrupting a soft-core porn shoot?”

“Phil was supposed to get the keys, but he disappeared.”

“Adam!” Phil yelled, bursting in and slamming the door open again. Adam winced, there would definitely be a mark there. “So, turns out I locked my car keys in the car as well, so I called someone and finally got both pairs…” He trailed off like the others had, taking in the people in the trailer and Adam’s sweating form.

“How did it get this much worse?”

Eventually they got Adam out of the cuffs and the air-conditioning on. The rock singer quickly downed two cold bottles of water before collapsing on his couch and ordering a still-laughing Gwen and Pharrell from the trailer, leaving Phil behind for emotional support. Well, Adam had thought he would have been supportive…

“Oh God, and then Blake came in?” Phil laughed. “That poor man! I mean he’s already clearly in love with you, so to have that image in his head has got to be torture…”

“What?”

“....Nothing, Adam, continue living in your self-imposed ignorance. Don’t you need to get back on set?”

 

  

 

 The best part of the battles was... stealing, Adam decided. Well, he'd known that from the very first time he had had the satisfaction of doing so. It was great to make the contestant that thought their time on the show was over suddenly realize that they were far from it, but it was even better to see the face of the judge you won them from. Best of all was when multiple judges tried to steal, and the contestant chose you over everyone. But, it wasn't very fun to be stolen from. Adam was done with it after his dehydrated afternoon. 

“You can’t do that!” Adam exclaimed, standing up and turning to his now-former contestant.

“It’s called a steal, Adam,” Blake explained patiently, but sarcastically from his chair, although still unable to make eye-contact with the rock singer, “You’ve been on the show for nine seasons, you know what they are.”

“Well, yeah, but you can’t have her,” Adam protested, crossing his arms and slumping into the chair.

“Are you high again?” the country singer drawled, his accent coming out thickly. Adam didn’t let himself get distracted though. The accent was sometimes distracting. “Has your boyfriend been selling you drugs?”

“Stop calling my boyfriend a drug-dealer, you country-bumpkin!”

“Can we, like, pan the camera away from them and pretend they’re not talking?” Pharrell asked, turning to Carson who seemed perplexed by the situation.

“This is like half the show, Pharrell,” Carson explained, not moving his eyes from following the back and forth between the two arguing men. “If we got rid of it there would be no footage.”

Pharrell stared at him blankly in return.

“Adam, you can’t steal back your own contestant,” Carson finally sighed, cutting into the argument.

“I un-pick her then.”

“You have to pick someone to lose, that’s the whole point of these rounds.”

Adam groaned loudly.

“They’re just both really good. And I don’t want Blake to get one of them and win the show because then I would feel like I could have prevented it.”

Blake smirked evilly from his chair and Adam hated him a little bit. Actually, it wasn’t really a feeling of hatred, but more just wanting to pounce on him and show him who was boss. The image was a little distracting in his mind and Adam resolutely turned back to his two contestants. One former.

The girl he hadn’t picked, but Blake had stolen, was moving around uneasily and starting to shift towards the country singer. The audience didn’t seem to know what to do and were mostly laughing, but seeing this starting cheering her on.

Blake stood up encouragingly, holding out his arms for a hug from the young woman. Adam sprang up and ran over to him quickly, bypassing the other judge’s chairs. The rock singer pulled down the country singer’s arms with most of his strength, his lanky limbs stretching out to try and gain leverage. Blake seemed amused but kept his arms up. Giving up on his original strategy, Adam decided to simply enter Blake’s arms and wrap himself around the other man, encouraging Blake to lower his arms and fully embrace him. Blake started by ignoring the other man, but smiled and swooped him into his arms, picking him and burying his head in the rock singer’s neck. Adam blushed and tried to push the Blake away as the other man pressed his nose into his collar bone. With a groan Adam finally extricated himself, admitting defeat with a bright red face and walking sadly back across the judge’s area.

“That was kind of messed up,” Adam muttered as he took his seat again, glaring at Blake on stage hugging his new contestant.

“Adam, you just tried to break the very foundation of this show by acting like a five-year-old,” Gwen said, somewhat exasperated, but still in a fond voice.

“He’s going to win now, he’s going to win…” Adam whined a little in the back of his throat. Gwen patted his arm comfortingly as well as she could from her chair.

Blake sat down with a self-satisfied smirk, ready for his own contestants to go up. It became obvious as they began singing that they were both, also, fantastic, and Adam began to devise a way to get Blake back by stealing someone from his team. Yeah, that would show him.

As the song wound down, Adam sat up straight in his chair and looked out at the nervous contestants with strength and self-assurance.

“Well, as I can tell that Adam is getting ready to steal one of these fine ladies, I’m going to have to talk them up so another coach can compete against him,” Blake said, head in hand and leaning casually towards Adam.

“What the hell, Blake!” Adam spluttered, making a fist and raising it at the other coach, “You just stole one of mine, so I should get one of yours!”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Gwen commented.

“I’m going first,” Adam said, standing up and talking over Blake, who had attempted to start to praise the two women. “I think… I think you know which judge to choose for this steal.”

Pharrell sighed loudly and leaned forward in his chair, glaring at Adam. “Adam, sit down already. Blake hasn’t even picked anyone yet to win this round, and no one’s pushed their buttons to actually steal.”

Adam pouted and crossed his arms in his chair. Blake looks back up at the two women and began speaking.

“Look, ladies, you both did fantastic jobs up there. Meghan, you have great vocal control, but I also saw Tracee taking some creative leaps with the way she changed the song around so this is going to be--”

Blake had to stop talking as he suddenly had a lap-full of Maroon 1 in his lap.

“Okay, I’m Blake now, so listen,” Adam said, holding his hand on Blake’s mouth and positioning himself comfortably between the country singer’s legs. “You, Meghan, you rock, and you, Tracee, you’re awesome, but there can only be one American Idol…” He paused and frowned.

“Who were you going to pick?” the rock singer whispered loudly to Blake, without taking his eyes off the two women. Blake responded by pulling Adam near to respond and getting so close to the smaller man’s ear that Adam began to feel his cheeks heat up. “Okay, Tracee! You are still on Blake’s team! And Meghan! You’re on my team. See? It all works out.”

“Can he do that?” Pharrell muttered, but the crowd’s roars were too loud to hear his protestations.

Adam crowed in delight at his win and wandered back to his chair, putting his feet up with his hands behind his head, ready for the rest of the night of battles.

 

 

 

 

Some time later, Adam and Phil were lounged on opposite ends of Adam’s couch, legs up, with beers in hand. It was a pretty chill Saturday night, and Phil had dropped by unexpectedly, showing up at his door with a 6-pack wanting to hang out. Adam had been down, he didn’t have plans and had been snoozing on the couch with his dogs.

They had settled into companionable silence, neither usually knowing what to say to the other, but not feeling awkward about it. It was why Adam had asked him to be his fake boyfriend in the first place; they got along and didn’t have drama. But… sometimes it got a bit boring. Adam had popped on the first thing on Netflix, taking out his writing notebook and scribbling out ideas, finding the background music less distracting than someone else might.

“So,” Phil started. Adam looked up, slightly startled, not having expected the other man to start talking. “Who’s John?”

“John?”

“Like, John from your first album, Songs About John.”

“Oh,” Adam yawned, closing his notebook and sitting up. “Yeah, he was this guy I knew in my twenties. Was head over heels for him. So I just wrote the whole album about him.”

“Were you ever with him?” Phil asked inquiringly. Adam tilted his head, slightly confused by the other man’s interest. Also, he didn’t think he’d ever had this long of a conversation about one another.

“No,” Adam replied shortly, remembering it all with a frown. “I never told him how I felt. And I don’t even know if he was into dudes.”

“Ah,” Phil answered, and Adam thought that was that until he spoke up again. “Have you ever been in a relationship?”

Adam paused before answering, knowing it might sound a little weird, especially when he wrote about relationships all the time.

“Not really,” he admitted, turning to the movie and pretending to watch it. “Just never found the right person. I mean--I’ve been with people, sure,” he amended quickly, turning to the other man, “I was kind of seen as a man-slut for a while. I think I was on a list of the world sluttiest celebrities? But that was mainly in my twenties.”

“So why haven’t you now? What about that Blake guy?”

“Blake is straight!” Adam shot back, tired of talking about it already.

“Are you sure?” Phil asked doubtfully. “He’s always around. I mean, whenever we’ve tried to get with each other he’s there, mysteriously, so I mean, I’ve pretty much just given up.”

“Is that what that was? I just figured we realized we would be better friends.”

“Well, you’re really hot, so, I mean, it was more that I thought Blake would beat the crap out of me if I tried anything…”

“What? Has he said that?”

“Nah, I mean, unless you consider the looks he’s given me.”

“I think he’s just worried,” Adam insisted, getting up for another beer.

“Whatever you say, man. But I’m telling you, that dude has the major hots for you.”

Adam sighed as he sat down, and then two men finished the movie in relative silence. After it was done, Adam walked Phil to the door, conceding to the idea that this was going to be a platonic fake relationship. Well, it would have been more complicated if it hadn’t been.

After he closed the door, the rock singer turned around to pet his dogs, when he heard the door re-open, and saw Phil stick his head back inside.

“Dude,” Phil hissed, sounding freaked out. “Dude there’s somebody out here.”

“What?” Adam asked, alarmed, turning around quickly.

“Yeah, check it out.”

They stood in the darkness of the driveway, peering out into the black with squinted eyes, trying to discern a figure.

“I don’t see anything,” Adam replied, whispering and then wondered why he was doing so.

“Right there,” Phil said, gesturing to the road, where Adam could make out… a pick-up truck?

“That’s Blake’s truck,” Adam said dumbly, blinking at Phil. Phil leveled him with a significant look, raising his eyebrows and saying a lot without talking.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” Adam whispered fervently.

“He’s here just to make sure we don’t have sex,” Phil argued, walking over to his car. “And see? We didn’t. You can tell him his mission was accomplished.”

“I’ll go talk to him,” Adam sighed, and waved Phil off as he turned down the driveway. When he was done, he saw that Blake was still there and walked resolutely over to his truck to meet him. Opening the passenger’s door of the truck, he settled in without even looking at the other man, crossing his arms and tapping the floor of the truck with a foot.

“What the hell, man?” he asked, turning to Blake at last. The country singer at least had the decency to look slightly ashamed. He had a baseball cap tilted low on his face and some bags of fast food at his feet.

“You are literally a stalker,” Adam continued chastising the older man.

“I came over to hang out! And then I saw Phil’s car. So I just… decided to wait,” he finished lamely, pouting slightly.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Blake added, trying to smile at Adam. Adam wasn’t falling for his cute expressions. Well, he was, but it didn’t matter, he couldn’t let things go on like this. “Also, I don’t trust Phil. I think he’s going to sell you for drug money.”

“Sell me?” Adam spluttered. “Like as a sex slave or something? Dude, are you writing fanfiction here?”

“I’m just sayin’, he’s a shifty man and you shouldn’t trust him.”

The two men stared each other down for a few minutes, Blake reaching down occasionally to grab a french fry.

Adam finally sighed, “Look, just text me next time? You freaked Phil out. You’re making him think that you do crap like this all the time. Plus, it’s unhealthy in a ‘Twilight’ kind of way.”

“What?”

“You know, Edward Cullen stalking Bella around all the time and watching her through his window. It’s creepy and possessive.”

“I’m just sitting in a truck eating fast food and waiting to hang out!” Blake exclaimed, gesturing vehemently to his french fries. He looked at Adam again and sighed, “Yeah, all right, I’m sorry. I just feel like he’s always around when I come around.”

“Well, yeah, you guys both inexplicably show up on the same day constantly.” But Blake wasn’t looking at Adam anymore, choosing instead to stare out the window at the line of empty houses on the block.

“Take me to get more food, I’m hungry,” Adam demanded after a while. Blake smiled and turned on his car, driving them down the silent street.


	11. It's Compromise That Moves Us Along

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: As a celebration of reaching 1,500 hits on this story, this chapter has one of my favorite fanfiction tropes in it. Also it's on a boat.
> 
> Thank you to all that comment, it really makes my day to read them on the way to work. Each one makes me super smile. Thanks, guys!

They stepped up to the large cruise ship on the dock, both stopping for a minute to feel a little intimidated by its size. Couples were running around getting their belongings together and walking the long step way onto the boat, showing their tickets and being let in. The hot sun was beating down on the boardwalk, and a light breeze lifted up Adam’s shirt as he turned to Blake.

 “Wait, who’s idea was this again?” Adam pleaded beseechingly, eyeing the couples and masses of people and wanting to turn back to the car already.

 “You wanted to go on a celebrity cruise,” Blake replied calmly, lifting an eyebrow and dragging Adam across the platform. “Gwen said this was the most exclusive one she could get us onto. No one will bother us.” He sounded a little skeptical about the last part.

 Hefting the bags more comfortably on his shoulder, they pushed past the waiting groups of people up to the entrance to the boat.

 “Besides,” Blake added, “I needed some time away from the Miranda stuff…”

 Adam frowned and stopped resisting being towed. Blake was right, he had been really stressed out recently, although it had seemed like the divorce stuff was winding down, so it was a little confusing how upset the other man had been acting. And constantly coming over to his home. And constantly practically kicking his fake boyfriend out of his house.

 Blake handed their tickets to the bored looking man at the door. The man smiled and waved them through, adding,

 “Hope you rekindle the love!”

 Adam and Blake, who had almost passed the man and were on the boat, turned around suddenly, but the ticket man was already talking to a new pair of men.

 “Excuse me?” Blake croaked, turning back toward the main platform of the cruise ship.

 “Um,” Adam added unhelpfully, also taking in the scene. There were shirtless, muscled men playing volleyball. There were shirtless, oiled men reclining by the pool-side. There were beautiful, recognizable famous men ordering martinis from the bar.

 “Where are all the women?” Adam asked somewhat desperately.

 “Why is that your first question?” Blake asked, bemused from beside him. “You’re gay.”

 “I still enjoy being around women! And I’m trying to understand what the hell this is!”

 “It’s a gay cruise for men having trouble in their relationships,” a man near Adam said sassily, looking at him from above pulled-down sunglasses.

 “Oh my God, I really am in a romcom,” Adam moaned, leaning over his baggage.

 “Come on, drama queen, let’s go find our room at least.”

  
  
  
  


 

 

“There’s only one bed!”

“Are you going to be like this all day?” Blake asked, fond but exasperated, from over where he was pulling out his clothes from his bag. “I’ve already pretty much gotten over this, to be honest. And look at these menus, the food looks great.”

“How did this happen?” Adam asked, sprawled out on top of the bed. “Why did Gwen do this? I thought we were friends.”

“It is a pretty good prank,” Blake said thoughtfully from the minibar, peering at its contents. “We’ll have to get her back.” He smirked as evilly as Blake could, being incredibly good-natured and friendly. Adam was still a little intimidated.

“How the hell are you taking this so well?” Adam asked.

 “Well, I dunno,” Blake started, finishing his packing and lounging on the couch. “It looks like a great cruise, people aren’t going to bother us, and it’s not like we actually have to pretend to be together.”

 “I guess you’re right. That would really be too much,” Adam replied, his heart beating a little faster at the prospect of even being in a fake relationship with the other man. “Life wouldn’t be cruel enough to put us in a situation like that.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Wait, you’re not actually together?” Rostam Batmanglij, band-member of Vampire Weekend, demanded, cocktail in hand.

 “Uh, yeah we didn’t know this was a couple’s cruise,” Adam admitted sheepishly from his beach chair.

 “Well, you’d better be careful,” Rostam replied, eyeing a man wearing all black with sunglasses and an earpiece warily. Adam and Blake turned to look at the man as well. He looked very out of place among the brightly colored men and pool-gear.

 “What do you mean?” Blake asked.

 “This cruise is super hard to get onto. Like notoriously hard,” Rostam started, swirling a cherry in his glass. “So… there are some people that try to sneak on. Like women dressed as men, men who are straight playing at gay, and gay guys that aren’t even in struggling relationships. So basically, they added some security on the ship to throw off anyone that wasn’t together.”

 “Are you serious?” Blake asked.

 “Throw off?” Adam squeaked from next to him.

 “Yeah and yeah. They’ll drop you off at the closest island and you have to find your way home. You also get banned from every cruise or party in LA for life.”

 Adam looked a little green and bewildered. Blake looked like he was about to start laughing.

 “Anyway, you’d better pretend you’re together, and make it convincing.” Rostam picked up his drink and stood up to go over to his boyfriend. “But from what I’ve seen on “The Voice”, it won’t be that hard for you guys to fake a relationship, if it’s really faked to begin with.”

 Adam let his body fall from where he’d lifted it up on the fold-out chair, letting himself lay out completely on the chair, looking up at the sky.

 “Is the world really this cruel?” he asked, seemingly to himself.

 Blake sighed and leaned back in his own chair, sipping at his pina colada.

 “Adam, we’re on a ridiculously exclusive and expensive cruise ship in the sun next to a pool, are things really that bad?”

 “This is what hell will be like, I know it.”

  
  
  


 

Eventually Adam settled down, and the two men simply lounged by the pool, watching the other couples and thinking over their situation. Adam was getting a lot of attention, though, stretched out and exposing his fit body to the group of men. Two men were sidling their way over, looking as though they wanted to speak to him. Blake glared and suddenly grabbed Adam’s hand, making the rock singer’s heart thump heavily in his chest. What was he, twelve years old?

 “Are you Adam Levine?” asked one, nervously scratching his elbow and looking awkward.

 Adam stretched, extricating his hand from Blake’s with regret and sitting up, happy to get attention from a fan.

 “I am! And which of the albums is your favorite?”

 “Actually,” the other man said, looking a little braver than his friend, “We wanted to know if you were really dating Phil Best?”

 Adam blinked and slumped slightly. Blake frowned and gave Adam a significant look, as though reminding him not to blow their cover.

 “Yes?” Adam answered, but it came out as more like a question. He looked nervously over at Blake. “I mean, yeah, but this is my other boyfriend.”

 “Oh that’s cool, I’m totally into polyamory,” the man replied, and Adam blew out a sigh of relief.

 “Yeah, me too,” Adam said, having no idea what the word meant. “I’m so down with it, been doing it all my life.”

 “Well,” the man replied, smiling, “If you see Phil, let him know that his new shipment’s in, and he can get it whenever. He’ll know what that means.” With that, the two men walked away, leaving behind a confused looking Adam.

 “I fucking told you he was a drug dealer,” Blake said triumphantly, pumping a fist into the air.

 “Shut up, Blake,” Adam replied, rolling his eyes and putting his arm behind his head again. It wasn’t really the worst trip ever.

  
  
  


 

 

 

It was the worst trip ever. Apparently couple’s counseling was included in the itinerary and was mandatory for everyone. Blake and Adam were seated in a group of four other couples in a small room, where a man sitting in the front was explaining the process. They were instructed to talk to the group as a whole about what their relationship issues were, but to end it by talking what they loved most about the other person. Adam pushed himself low in his chair looking miserable as Blake tried to stop his lips from twitching into a smile. Blake grabbed Adam’s hand again, smirking as they listened to the other couples. As the other men went through and it got closer to Adam’s turn, the rock singer started to feel more distressed and tapped his foot. Blake turned to him, frowning, noticing his discomfort and began rubbing the other man’s hand with his thumb. Blake’s hands were soft and warm, dry with noticeable calluses probably from growing up doing yard-work. Adam felt himself calming down and smiling softly.

 “Mr. Levine, you’re up,” said the voice of the group leader. “Tell us why you’re here today.”

 “Because we have some very bad friends,” Adam grumbled from his slouched location in his chair.

 “Sorry?”

 “Yeah, um. Blake and I are having some relationship issues…”

 The group leader looked skeptically from one man to the other, clearly knowing something about popular television.

“Mr. Shelton,” the man began nervously, “forgive me for asking, but I wasn’t aware that you were… gay.”

A man dressed in black with black sunglasses and an earpiece? What the hell? near the door turned sharp eyes to Blake suddenly, making Adam shift uneasily.

“Pansexual, actually,” Blake replied smoothly, not skipping a beat. Adam blinked. That was way too fluid to be something he had just thought up. He looked at the country singer with narrowed eyes.

“Alright,” the leader said smiling, and checking his clipboard again, “So… Mr. Levine?”

“Ah, yeah,” Adam said, sitting up and looking at the group. “Yeah we’ve just-” ‘Stick as close to the truth as you can,’ Blake had said to him before they’d come in,’ “--Blake had just gotten out of a long-term relationship when we got together,” the other men in the room nodded understandingly, “And so he’s been pretty hung up on it, wondering what went wrong and all that.”

Adam looked over at Blake nervously, wondering if he was saying the right things. The other man was frowning and looking back at him, but didn’t look upset, just like he was remembering the Miranda stuff again.

“And since we’ve gotten together,” Adam continued, turning to the group leader, “Well, we haven’t been very physical? Like, he doesn’t want to touch me when we’re alone.” Adam trailed off uncomfortably and refused to look at Blake. Well, he was keeping as close to the truth as he could, just like Blake had said.

“Hmmm,” the group leader, what was his name? Todd? Todd replied, sounding sympathetic. “Yes, although some couples can be sexually intimate easily--” Adam coughed, “--some of the more romantic aspects of intimacy can be neglected. It could be that Mr. Shelton isn’t comfortable with the relationship yet, or perhaps his own feelings toward you.”

The group turned toward the country singer, who looked uneasy and distinctly out of his element. Well, this was sort of payback for how comfortable Blake had been in the woods, Adam thought a little viciously.

 “Uh.” Blake coughed and put his hands awkwardly in his lap. “I guess, um, since we haven’t...done anything, I just feel a little awkward around him. Kind of… out of control I guess.”

 Adam felt the heat rise on his face as he wondered if Blake was also trying to stick close to the truth. Was that really how Blake felt when they were alone? Out of control? Adam suddenly felt hot and charged, looking at the other man with surprise, which was mirrored around the room.

 “Wait,” Todd said, scooting forward in his seat and sounding like he was getting sucked up into the story like it was a particularly engrossing harlequin novel, “You two haven’t been together... physically?”

 Suddenly Adam remembered the predicament they were in and shot a glance at the man by the door in black. The rock singer sucked in a breath and waited for Todd’s reaction.

 “That’s adorable!” Todd declared, and the rest of the men in the room chittered in delight as well. “You don’t hear about that too much these days! Wow. Why are you choosing to do that?”

 “Uh...” Blake seemed at a loss for words, and Adam reflected that it wasn’t very often that it happened. Usually, regardless of the situation, Blake kept his cool, always exuding a deep calmness that countered Adam’s nervous energy. It was one of the things he liked best about Blake. But, seeing the man floundering, his cheeks flushed with red, was completely adorable as well. Adam grabbed his hand reassuringly again, just because he could. “We’ve been best friends for a while, and… we didn’t want to mess things up,” his gaze flickered to Adam’s, “It’s too important to mess up,” he finished, sounding incredibly genuine. Adam felt like he was going to tear up a little bit. A man ‘awwed’ quietly from the side.

 “That is…” Todd started, pulling out a tissue and dabbing the corner of his eyes. “That is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard here. Adam, why don’t you finish by telling Blake what you love about him.”

 Adam, heat still high on his face looked desperately at Blake, who having finished his big speech was starting to look smug at the other man’s discomfort.

 “Yeah, well. Blake. What do I love about Blake?” Adam started, feeling his hands getting sweaty, “Well, he’s great. I haven’t met that many people from the South, and when I found out he was going to be going to be on the show with me, I was… concerned, I guess? Like is he going to be an ass? Is he just going to talk about trucks and beer and pretty women? And also I was a little concerned he would give me shit for being gay, you know? But then he turned out to be so, so nice. Like even from the first time I met him,” he looked at Blake, sort of forgetting that he was being forced to make this speech, “And then we just made fun of each other on the show, but we were such good friends that we could say anything and we wouldn’t get upset. Like we were in some kind of perfect balance. And now, when I get really stressed out or upset about something, he’s always there to even things out. And he’s just a great artist. I don’t even like country, but I’ve listened to all his albums a thousand times. He just… The way he is when he’s coaching, too, he’s so supportive to these vulnerable young people who so many people could be mean to. He nurtures them and pushes them and they win. He just… he makes the world a better place by being in it, and I’m proud to be his friend.”

 The room was silent and Adam startled when Blake suddenly grabbed his hand in a fierce grip. The country singer was smiling warmly at him, affection ringing clearly in his eyes.

 “Okay, that is just the sweetest thing ever,” Todd said from his position leaning forward in his chair. “You guys don’t even need to be here, it just sounds like you’re progressing naturally in your relationship. But, let’s hear about what Blake thinks is going on.”

 The two men, who had been smiling at one another, looked at Todd, surprised. Blake sighed, like he had thought he had gotten out of talking about emotions for the day.

 “I, uh,” Blake started, “I guess like Adam says, I guess we could be more… intimate,” he sounded pained and even winced a little at the phrasing, “I sometimes feel like Adam is a little… busy.”

 Adam looked over at him surprised. What was he talking about?

 “He’s been,” Blake looked over at the younger man quickly before turning back to Todd, “He’s been hanging out with a ‘friend’ for a while and we haven’t been spending enough time together…”

 “A ‘friend’?” Todd asked, narrowing his eyes and sounding angry. The rest of the men in the room turned to Adam as well, looking like they were getting pissed. Jesus, how ironic was it that they were upset that he was spending time with the man that was supposed to actually be his boyfriend?

 “He’s just a friend!” Adam said indignantly, alarmed at the irony of the situation. “I can have friends!”

 “It’s just sort of new,” Blake said, smirking slightly, and Adam realized the other man was sort of enjoying have the room team up against Adam and having sympathy directed his way, “Our relationship is new, and I want to spend time with him. And it always just used to be the two of us until Phil came along. Adam has plenty of friends, but he’s been spending a LOT of time with Phil.”

 Adam assessed the situation, eyeing the angry men in the room and noting that the worst way to die as published in the world’s major news outlets would be to be mauled by angry gay men on a cruise ship.

 “I want to spend time with you!” Adam said. “But you’re still completing divorce stuff, and you’re always in Oklahoma, and I miss you!”

 “Okay, we’re getting somewhere now,” Todd said, eyes intensely locked on the scene--and hey, where did he get popcorn from?

 “I miss your stupid face when you go away,” Adam said, unable to stop. Blake looked sort of shocked. “And I just wish you would get over the Miranda stuff! You don’t need to dwell on this idea that you’ll always be alone, because I’ll be here! I’ll always be around! And you’re a fantastic human being, so don’t spout this bullshit about how you’ll die alone and no one loves you, because I love you, you idiot!”

 Todd clapped lightly from where he was sitting and the rest of the members of the group did as well, some taking the hand of their significant other and smiling wetly.

 “Wow,” Todd said finally when he was done, “That was great. Really heartfelt. Blake, why don’t you finish by telling us what you love about Adam.”

 Blake looked stricken from where he was sitting, still clearly trying to process what Adam had said and failing. He opened his mouth and then closed it.

 “Adam is… special,” he started hesitantly, rubbing sweaty palms on his legs, “He’s the 'sexiest man alive', y’know? And I think sometimes he thinks people like him for his looks. But it’s more than that. He’s a very caring person. When he works with his contestants, they light up and respond to his energy. He genuinely wants to help them. He even came in when his leg was all messed up because he didn’t want them to have to go home,” the country singer paused to take a deep breath, “At this point, I don’t know what I would do without him. We’ve been together so long, been the ones to help each other out. I depend on him,” Blake looked at Adam and smiled shyly, and the rock singer thought his heart would explode in his chest, “He hasn’t really been in a relationship before and that makes me sad. He deserves the best. He deserves to be loved. And I'm really afraid,” Blake’s voice cracked and Adam was startled, “I’m afraid that he’ll find someone better than me to do that. Someone that can give him something I can’t. Or just won’t.” Blake closed his eyes and rubbed his face, looking genuinely upset.

 What had Blake meant by that, Adam wondered, watching Todd come over and give the larger man a hug. Something that Blake couldn’t give him, or simply wouldn’t give him? What did that mean? 

But Adam was deeply touched about the other man's feelings about him needing to be loved. It didn't really explain why he hated Phil, in that case. But it did make his heart ache a little to hear.

 Regardless, Adam felt mentally exhausted, like he could go down for a long nap, but not because he had run around all day, just because he had unleashed a tidal wave of emotions. Blake looked similarly haggard, and as they made their leave of the room, Adam directed the pair back towards their room even though it was only 3 p.m.

 They refused to look at each other, either because the confessions they had made had hit a little too close to home for the both of them, or because they had been confronted with a little too much understanding for how close they really were as friends.

 When they got to the room Adam retreated to the bathroom to take a shower, silently gathering his things and resolutely not looking at Blake. When he got back from the bathroom Blake was sat up against the pillows in the bed, a book out and reading. With new, completely sexy-looking reading glasses. Wow, way to make life difficult. Adam was fully dressed in sweatpants and a tank, and felt exhausted, but stumbled a bit, remembering the one bed situation and eyeing the love-seat as he contemplated whether he could fit on it for a nap.

 “Oh just get over here,” huffed Blake from the bed, not looking at the book.

 Adam walked over the the bed and attempted the lie down, mindful that it wasn’t too large and he didn’t want to disturb Blake by touching him.

 “You can get closer.”

 “You look about as nervous as a long tail cat in a roomful of rocking chairs,” Blake said gruffly, still reading, “I heard you at the meeting, y’know. If you want to--” he paused and sounded strained, “--touch, that’s fine. All the better for practicin’ our fake relationship.”

 Adam didn’t even comment, he was tired and kind of done with words. He turned over and nestled comfortably into Blake’s side, crushing his face against the other man’s hoodie, which the country singer looked great in. The material smelled deeply of the woodsy, musky scent that Blake always had, and Adam felt himself relaxing more than one of the couples massages advertised in the material would have done for him. He let his eyes slip shut slowly as he gazed up at Blake in glasses, feeling content and in the right place.

 

 

 

When Adam woke up he was warm, but not unbearably so, and very comfortable. Blake must have fallen asleep at some point and Adam observed that his own fingers were still clutched in the material of the other man’s hoodie. He yawned and pressed his face into Blake’s side again, stilling as the other man grunted softly and turned over, swinging his arm around the rock singer. Effectively trapped under the larger man’s arm, Adam looked around, as though afraid someone was watching and judging him before wrapping his own arms around the country singer, pressing the length of his body into the other man. He did say it was fine to touch him, Adam argued in his own mind.

They got up together by dinner, neither mentioning the fierce grip they had ended up in, although considering the way they’d slept during their woods trip, there was really nothing scandalous about it. One of the main dining halls was having a Karaoke dinner celebration, and Adam laughed silently behind his hand as he led Blake towards it.

 They found a table for themselves and ordered the exquisite items on the menu. Blake’s somewhat dreary demeanor, after having spilled out enough emotional information for a year, cleared up a bit after spying some baby back ribs and onion rings on the menu. While Adam, being somewhat more reserved and mostly vegan, ordered an interesting cauliflower dish. They both turned to the stage when the Karaoke started, Blake shooting Adam an amused look at the choice of entertainment.

 “That stuff about missing me, was that true?” Blake asked after they had gotten their food and had started eating. Adam felt his cheeks heat, having thought that they had silently agreed to never mention the therapy room again.

 “Was that stuff about me cheating on you with Phil true?” he shot back, happy to have one upped the other man.

 “Sort of,” Blake replied casually, biting into a onion ring with gusto. Before Adam could respond to that, another song started and a very drunk man took the stage and started singing loudly. Soon the song finished and Adam glared into his meal feeling very much like he had lost the last argument.

 “Our list for Karaoke participants is currently empty!” A voice cried from the stage, coming from a man wearing a pink wig.

 “Blake,” Adam started, wondering if he should even ask, “what did you mean when you said that there was something you wouldn’t give me but wanted to?”

 Blake stood up abruptly, looking uncomfortable and clearly trying to escape Adam’s question.

 “You there!” the man in the wig demanded, pointing from the stage at Blake. “Come up here and sing something.”

 The audience clapped encouragingly as Blake looked around confused, and then back at Adam. The country singer visibly gulped as Adam implored him with his eyes to stay put. Blake seemed to make a decision and turned around resolutely, headed for the stage. He chatted with the host of the event for a moment before taking place on center stage, looking quickly back at Adam, who was glowering, before looking out into the rest of the audience.

 “Ladies and gentlemen do we have a treat for you! Blake Shelton has come onstage to sing for us!”

 The crowd erupted in cheers as Blake grinned from the stage and took a few small bows.

 “Blake will be singing, ‘Sunday Morning’ by Maroon 5.”

 Adam ducked low in his seat hearing this, wanting to avoid being seen and pointed out as the singer of the song. But he realized they had been seated in a rather dark corner of the hall, and no one was looking his way. He also remembered Blake saying in an interview once that ‘Sunday Morning’ was one of his favorite songs. Adam smiled warmly remembering that, and forgot about his previous line of questioning toward Blake. Which was probably Blake’s plan to begin with.

 

_Sunday Morning rain is falling,_

_Steal some covers share some skin,_

_Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable,_

_You twist to fit the mold that I am in,_

 

Adam was actually really enjoying Blake’s take on his song. He was crooning smoothly, a slight southern twang ringing throughout as he hit the notes beautifully. Blake was looking out into the audience, mainly, but every now and then would meet Adam’s eyes, and the younger man wondered whether he was talking about him while singing the song. Now, that was a dangerous line of thinking.

 

_Fingers trace your every outline_

_Paint a picture with my hands_

_Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm_

_Change the weather, still together when it ends_

 

By this point in the song Adam was getting uncomfortably hot, shifting uneasily in his seat as he began to get excited, begging Blake to stop occasionally glancing his way. What the hell was Blake trying to do? Adam took a long sip of his wine, and quickly ordered another glass.

By the time Blake got back, Adam was three glasses in and feeling considerably more relaxed. So his straight best friend that he was in love with decided to sing one of his songs about love to him as they pretended to be in a strained relationship on a gay cruise? No big deal. No big dealio at all.

“How much have you had to drink?” Blake asked as he approached the table, eyeing the empty glasses and raising his eyebrows, impressed. “I’ve been gone for like 10 minutes.”

“You know, you’re the biggest asshole ever,” Adam responded, waving his finger in the air at the other man, and downing the rest of the fourth glass. “I told the last guy it was Justin Bieber, but you know what? He’s okay. He’s a cool dude. His new songs are okay.”

“I think I’m going to cut you off,” Blake said, gently, signaling to the waiter that they were leaving. “And how are you this out of it after four glasses of wine?” The country singer laughed slightly, and prodded Adam to stand up. Adam gripped the table and leaned over it a bit, staggering upright and starting to move. Fortunately, most of the attention of everyone else was on the considerably more drunk man swaying on the stage singing ‘Barbie Girl’.

Blake managed to guide Adam back to their room where the smaller man collapsed on the bed in a heap.

“How many times have I done this for you?” Blake asked, taking off Adam’s shoe.

“How many times have I done it for you?” Adam asked back, flicking the other shoe off his foot. “Asshole,” he added for good measure, and struck his leg out to kick Blake. Blake caught the leg and grabbed Adam’s foot, tickling the foot.

“Noooooooo,” Adam moaned into the pillow, trying to get Blake off with his other foot half-heartedly.

“Go to sleep, Adam,” Blake said fondly, pulling off the man’s pants and trying to tuck him in. Adam rolled over onto the stomach and covered the length of the bed with his body, stretching out and refusing to let Blake pull up the covers. Blake responded by smacking him on the butt, hard.

“What the hell!” Adam yelped, tumbling over and falling on the ground in the other side of the bed. “I hate you,” he mumbled from the floor.

“Whatever, Levine,” Blake responded, plopping down on the bed wearing his boxers and a t-shirt, “You know you love me.”

Adam pulled himself back up with a groan, grabbing a pillow and wrapping his body around it. Blake turned off the lamp light and they were enveloped in darkness. Adam, miffed at ending up on the floor, stayed on the far side of the bed, curling up and facing away from Blake. After a moment, though, he felt a probing hand attach itself to one of his own, and startled, he turned back the larger man. Once he had faced him though, he saw that Blake was already asleep, mouth slightly open and breathing evenly. Adam smiled softly and kept the hand in his grip as he fell asleep.

  
  



	12. My Heart Is Full And My Door's Always Open, You Can Come Anytime You Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize beforehand for the rather extreme fluff/angst contrast of this chapter. Enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> If you want to know what Adam is supposed to say when they're at the front of the ship: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YGfrGKK9Mo

The rest of the cruise was… surprisingly uneventful, but very pleasant. Blake and Adam got a couple’s massage, which made Blake extremely uncomfortable and Adam very happy. Blake dragged the smaller man to a game of basketball, and Adam took it upon himself to thoroughly kick Blake’s ass despite the height difference. The country singer was laughing more than shooting hoops by the end of the game, until Adam jumped on his back and scored a dunk.

As the last day wore down, Adam began to feel intensely sad, realizing that he had spent so much time pretending to be with Blake that it almost had seemed like they had actually been together. Blake was more touchy, now, even alone, and always had an arm thrown over Adam, or his hand holding the younger man’s. They had made friends with the other couples and had daily brunches where they just casually chatted pressed against each other, pretending their lives were neatly entangled. Adam forgot he didn’t actually live with Blake, that they didn’t actually have a pool and three dogs, that they didn’t actually drive to the beach on Saturdays to get ice cream. He’d never met Blake’s mom, didn’t have a cute get-together story where they’d finally confessed their mutual feelings. These were all backstories that the two men had made up to blend in with their surroundings. And when they left, it would all stay on the boat.

Depressed and feeling dangerously like he might cry, Adam slipped into the suite’s bathroom, having told Blake he was going to nap for the afternoon. He pressed the heels of his palms into his closed eyes as he sat on the edge of the bath, desperately trying to control his breathing so he wouldn’t cry. He couldn’t cry. He was a grown man; he felt like he should just punch the wall or stand out in the pouring rain or just pretend it wasn’t an issue. Anything but locking himself in a tiny bathroom almost sobbing.

His phone buzzed from his pants. It was Gwen. He sucked in a breath.

“Hello?” he said hesitantly, not really knowing why Gwen was calling. Adam still wasn’t sure if they were really close or not.

“Adam? How’s the cruise going?”

“You are a witch,” he said, but was glad for the distraction.

“Look, I know it might not have been cool to send you without warning on a couple’s cruise--”

“--very not cool--”

“--but I thought it might help. Like maybe Blake would stop being a blind idiot and tell you he loves you.”

“He doesn’t love me,” Adam hissed into the phone, thinking this was not what he needed right now.

“Exactly how many times have you caught him stalking you and Phil?”

“That’s different, he doesn’t like Phil.”

“Yeah, but has he told you why?”

Adam hesitated. He wasn’t sure on that one either. “He thinks he’s shifty…”

“Yeah, okay, whatever. You two need to get over yourselves. How has it been?”

Adam sighed. “It’s actually been a lot of fun,” he revealed reluctantly. “We’ve been pretty busy and met a lot of people. I feel like we both needed this a lot, to be honest.”

“Well, I’m glad I could be of service.”

“No no no no no, you’re not getting out of this that easily. It could have gone very wrong and I’m still pretty mad.”

“I don’t think you’re mad. Isn’t this, like, the last night? Are you, maybe, a little bit sad that it’s all over? It’s okay if you are.”

Adam was mad at Gwen. Really he was. But when she asked if he was sad, it hit him right in his feelings. Instead of being indignant about being tricked, he remembered that he would be sleeping alone tomorrow night. His bottom lip wobbled and he bit it. He could open up to Gwen, he could tell her how he felt. But somehow, to say it all out loud made it that much more real and depressing.

“Gwen,” he started, pretending his voice wasn’t breaking, “I’m perfectly fine. I’ll see you at the shoot on Monday.” With that he hung up the phone. He was a little impressed that he hadn’t broken down, because as soon as he hung up the phone he started crying.

 

 

 

 

Blake found him, some time later, wrapped up like a giant man burrito on the bed watching reruns of ‘The Nanny’.

“Hey you missed a great story from Chad and Daniel--” the country singer stopped when he noticed the bundle and the TV.

“It must be pretty bad if you’re watching ‘The Nanny,’” Blake observed, sitting delicately on the bed next to Adam.

“This is a great show. Everyone gets together at the end. Even Niles and CC. Do you remember that?” Adam had his chin jutted out, watching the show directly in front of him. He turned and rested his head on the sheet with a sigh.

“What’s going on, bud?” Blake asked, soothingly rubbing circles through the comforter against Adam’s back. The rock singer leaned into the touch and then thumped his forehead on the bed with anger at his automatic response.

“I’m being stupid.”

“What’s new?” Blake said teasingly. Adam tore his hand from the blankets and made to hit him, but ended up on the floor with everything from the bed.

“I’m going to miss this stupid cruise,” Adam said when he extricated himself from the blankets.

“I agree with you on that one,” the country singer replied, taking off his shoes. “This was a great time. We pretty much had a whole life here.”

“Yeah,” Adam said faintly, looking at the strewn blankets with renewed interest. Maybe he if he buried himself deep enough, he could pretend tomorrow wouldn’t come.

“But if you spend all night grousing about it, you’ll miss the end,” Blake said, smiling up at the other man. How was it that Blake always managed to bring sunshine into his life? The older man had such a penetrating calmness that Adam found himself wondering how he ever chilled out before he met him.

“I guess you’re right. But the night’s pretty much over anyway.”

“I have an idea. A great one,” Blake said mysteriously.

 

 

 

 

“No, absolutely no way. This is the dumbest idea you’ve ever had and that’s saying something.”

They were at the tip of the bow of the ship. Blake was leaning over the railing watching the water part in two ways as it hit the sharp ridge at the front. Adam was a little terrified.

“You know you’ve always wanted to do it,” Blake said.

Blake’s hair was crazily windswept, and Adam was seized with the idea that it probably smelled thickly of seawater and fresh air and suddenly wanted very badly to test that theory. There was a wild glint in the country singer’s normally calm eyes as he turned to regard Adam, and it shocked the breath out of the younger man. His stomach did flips as he tried to stay away from the ledge.

“I have,” he said, gulping, not sure what they were talking about anymore.

“So come here then.”

Adam, not usually capable of refusing Blake of anything, walked over to the pointy edge. Blake’s hands grasped his sides, and then trailed down to his hips slowly. Adam’s breath hitched once more and he wondered if it was healthy to have this much trouble breathing. Blake turned Adam so he was facing the wind and clear water ahead of them and put his hands over the younger man’s eyes.

“What the hell?”

Blake started humming quietly next to Adam’s ear, his hair tickling Adam’s neck. “Now, keep your eyes closed, don’t peek--”

“--Oh my God, fuck you, Blake, I’m not doing this--”

“Step up onto the rail--”

Adam kicked at Blake and laughed.

“--Or not,” Blake continued, chuckling.

Adam grasped the railing in front of him, trying not to laugh and feeling a rush of exhilaration from the wind or Blake, or maybe both.

“D’you trust me?” Blake asked, and stopped humming. Adam stopped laughing as the mood seemed to change.

“I trust you,” he said and meant it. He could feel Blake’s warm body pressed into his, the other man’s face beside him, so close he could turn and press his lips to it at any moment.

Blake gently took Adam’s arms and lifted them up so they were both standing with their arms locked and stretched out at their sides. Adam still had his eyes closed, but Blake whispered to open them so he did.

He hadn’t realized it was so close to sunrise. The sky was just beginning to wake up and was a low pink color that Adam felt like he had never seen. The water was bright blue and seemed endless. The air smelled salty, but under it Adam could detect Blake’s natural musky and woodsy scent.

“You have to say it,” Blake whispered near his ear, breaking Adam out of his reverie.

“No, no way,” Adam whispered back, wondering why they were whispering.

“Guess we’ll have to stand here all night. Wait ‘til the tabloids get a shot of this when we dock.”

“Okay, okay,” Adam said, laughing slightly. He took a deep breath, “I’M KING OF THE WORLD,” he shouted.

“That’s not even the right line,” Blake said, exasperated, but let go of the other man’s arms.

They had been giggling and laughing the whole time Blake had started the whole scene, so once they got away from the railing, it only took one look at each other for them both to collapse in fits of hysterics.

They were still laughing as they got inside their room. Both of them had wind tousled hair and were freezing. They quickly pulled on sweaters and jumped under the comforter on the bed, shivering. Adam glanced at Blake before deciding to keep his distance and avoid cuddling. With the way he was feeling now he might not be able to contain himself if he wanted anything more. Blake turned on the TV and they noticed the season they had just shot of their show was already on television. Settling in, they watched, renewing each debate as they saw it played out before them on the screen. It was a fantastic last night.

 

 

 

 

It didn’t take long for Phil to find out that he was back.

“Adam!” he said, exploding through the door of the other man’s house, phone in hand. Adam had no idea why people kept barging in on the places he stayed in, but it was getting annoying. The dogs barked loudly at the intruder. “You’ve gotta see this.”

“Oh, Phil! I missed you.”

“Shut up, you did not,” Phil replied, and Adam blinked. “I know you were with your boy toy.”

“I don’t think anyone’s ever called Blake that,” Adam snickered. He looked over at the model who had seated himself on Adam’s couch, looking at home. Phil was deeply involved in whatever he was doing on his phone.

“Look, that’s why I came over,” Phil explained.

“Wait, now you’re into Blake? That’s quite the plot twist. This is becoming a daytime drama.”

“What? No. No, that’s not it.”

“Didn’t you miss me even a little?” Adam asked pitifully.

“We’re fake boyfriends.”

“Yeah, but you’re my first fake boyfriend, and I’m a little insecure about it.”

“You should be, since you’re paying me to do this.”

Adam sighed and then pouted on the couch, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, sure, okay, I missed you. But you have to see this.” Phil turned his phone to Adam so he could see the grainy picture on the screen. The rock singer twisted his face up and tilted his head.

“Is that… Bigfoot?”

“No, jesus, it’s Blake and his new girlfriend.”

Adam crashed to the floor of his living room unexpectedly and scrambled up to the couch that Phil was seated on. He pulled the phone from the other man’s hand a little too firmly and squinted his eyes at the dark picture.

“Blake doesn’t have a girlfriend. This is just tabloid trash.”

“I don’t know, it looks real to me.”

If you looked at the picture (on TMZ’s website, Adam noted with disgust) the right way you could make out a man in a cowboy hat leaning over towards a slim figure.

“That could be anything. Maybe she’s got something in her eye.”

When Adam looked back up at Phil he was raising one eyebrow and looked sort of pitying.

“Wait, why are you telling me this?”

“I ship it.”

“Excuse me?”

“You two. Together. I’m into it.”

Adam blinked and looked down at the phone again for not having a better place to look. Then he looked back up at Phil.

“What?”

Phil sighed and laid out on the couch, pushing Adam off with his feet. The rock singer slid to the floor and turned to face him. Phil laid an arm over his eyes, dramatically, before starting to speak.

“I watched the new episodes. You guys are super cute. Like, way past adorable. You’re great for each other, like a perfect balance. You have this nervous energy until Blake sort of soothes you. And when Blake seems a little bored you seem to challenge him and make him light up.”

“Have you been on the message boards?” Adam asked suspiciously. Not that he had ever googled ‘Shevine’.

“Yes? No? Does it matter?” Phil said, and then sat up, regarding Adam intensely. “You guys should be together.”

“You can’t say that! _We’re_ supposed to be together!”

“Fake together, Adam, I know you don’t have feelings for me.”

“Maybe not,” Adam said. “But that doesn’t matter.”

“It’s exactly what matters! This is my whole point! You need a real boyfriend!”

Adam sighed and climbed back onto the couch across from Phil, burying his head in one of the pillows.

“So then why are you showing me that picture?”

“Because we need to find out if it’s real.”

Adam picked his head up from the pillow and looked up at Phil like he was crazy.

“What?”

 

 

 

And that was how Adam found himself out on a perfectly good Saturday night with his fake boyfriend stalking his best friend. It would have been funny if it wasn’t so tragic.

“This was a stupid idea,” Adam muttered from the passenger’s seat of Phil’s little Prius, sunk low in the seat so he wouldn’t be seen.

“Shut up they’re going inside,” Phil hissed, and Adam sat up a little higher to observe the two figures entering the restaurant.

“That’s not Blake, he’s too short,” Adam said grumpily. “Can we at least pretend like we’re just hanging out instead of being almost criminally creepy? Talk about something.”

“Okay, I just watched your ‘Animals’ video. Talk about creepy. What the hell is up with that? Who thought smearing blood on your chest would be sexy?”

“Okay, conversation over.”

“Hey, that’s gotta be him.”

Adam looked up. It was Blake. He was in his fancy clothes, which meant they were black and included a vest and cowboy boots, naturally. He was with a curvy blonde woman with a cute smile who looked fairly put-together. The pair walked into the restaurant, arm-in-arm. Fortunately they were seated by the windows so Adam and Phil could track their progress across the establishment. Adam had a sinking feeling in his stomach as he realized that Blake really was dating. Well, he had known the other man had been involved, but not seriously. This really didn’t confirm it. He voiced this to Phil.

“We have to get closer then,” Phil said, like he was a spy or something. Adam figured he was getting a little too into this.

“I guess we could just go in, right? It wouldn’t be that weird that we happened to be having dinner, too.”

“Great idea, Levine,” Phil said, taking out some aviators and pushing them up his nose. Yeah, maybe a little too into this.

“Jesus, take those off, it’s the middle of the night.”

 

 

 

 

 

They made it inside with little issue. Actually, the hostess recognized Phil from his modeling and started squealing and hopping up and down. Adam was actually getting a little disappointed that he hadn’t been recognized recently.

“‘Moves Like Jagger?’” he said desperately to the waitress as she led them to their table. “I was just in movie, for christ's sake…”

“Let me, Adam,” Phil said a little obnoxiously, leaning towards the waitress. “Look, can you get us in next to that Southern guy?”

“Sure, Phil,” the woman said dreamily, as Adam and Phil slipped into the booth behind the couple.

Adam sulked, but strained his ears to hear any conversation over the din of the people at the restaurant.

“What are they saying?” Phil whispered.

“Shut up,” Adam responded, hearing Blake’s deep voice. There was a sad sort of puppy inside of him that perked up and wagged his tail when he heard that voice. Adam clamped that feeling down firmly.

“I think they’re talking about beer. Or deer. One of those,” Adam whispered, squinting his eyes.

“And what would you like tonight?” the waitress asked, cocking one eyebrow at the silent men.

“Um,” Adam said, picking up the menu quickly, but not actually looking at it. “Two of those.”

“Sure,” she replied slowly, scooping up the menus and giving them one last look as she walked away.

“What now?” Phil asked quietly.

“She said something about his pie. Or maybe his tie.”

Their food arrived and Adam began eating without really looking at it, concentrating on the space between him and Blake. Phil seemed to be doing the same, scooping his portions into his mouth without changing the direction of his gaze.

“Shit,” Phil said suddenly, his spoon clattering into his bowl.

“What?” Adam said, tearing his eyes away from staring down the back of the booth.

“I think this has strawberries in it. I’m allergic to strawberries.”

As Phil said it Adam saw his lips were beginning to swell into bright red masses. It looked like he’d been making out for a while, or just rubbing them furiously.

“Shit,” Adam agreed, wondering what they should do, and trying to think fast. He lunged for his napkin, intending to hand it to Phil, but instead flung all of his silverware onto his seat, where it soon fell to the floor.

Phil, although he was clearly reacting more to the strawberries, dove under the table to retrieve the missing utensils, as it seemed they were attracting attention. Half the restaurant was looking at them, confused. Adam smiled reassuringly and did a little half-wave and tried to peek under the tablecloth at Phil. This was the moment Blake and his date chose to rise and see what all the commotion was about at the booth next to theirs.

Blake looked at Adam with surprise as he jumped up in his seat.

“Ah! Hi, Blake! Fancy meeting you here,” Adam said nervously, feeling Phil still below him. He was sure Phil had heard Blake and had decided to hide under the tablecloth. Adam appreciated the action, as he was sure it was meant to help, but realized it would be super weird now if Phil came out. He also wondered, yet again, how he got into situations like these.

“Adam, I didn’t know you liked this restaurant,” Blake said suspiciously.

“Yeah, it’s great, my favorite.”

“It’s a barbecue place,” Blake said, Adam nodded, trying to get them to leave as quickly as possible, “and you’re a...vegan.” The country singer trailed off and exchanged a look with his date.

“Yeah, it’s my cheat day. Gotta do it in style, you know what they say!” He laughed nervously and grew concerned about Phil, who had stopped moving.

Blake and mystery woman still remained, hovering by the booth and looking confused. Adam opened his mouth to say god knows what when Phil popped up, mouth still an angry red and face flushed and sweaty.

“Oh,” Blake’s date said, sounding completely thrown, “Is that legal to do in public?”

Adam’s face turned bright red and he felt like sinking directly into the floor. Blake’s left eye was twitching slightly and he seemed, for once, to be at a loss for words.

“So, I think maybe this was a bad idea,” Phil said, and promptly fainted.

 

 

 

 

 

Adam refused to make eye-contact with Blake at the hospital. He sat impatiently in one of the uncomfortable chairs and watched the late night television show blasting from the TV in the waiting room. Blake was sitting across from him looking at him with a strange sort of mixture of disbelief and confusion. Adam ignored him.

The nurse came out, glancing around the room a little frantically before spying Adam.

“Are you Mr. Best’s lover?” she asked, and Adam was a little startled by the phrasing.

“Lover?” he asked.

“Would you prefer life-partner? Husband?”

“Okay, I think we’re getting a little carried away here,” Adam said uneasily, darting a glance at Blake who was now frowning.

“Well, your life-partner is okay now. We’ve put him on something that will calm the swelling down. It looks like his breathing was fine as far as we could see, if anything made him pass out it was something environmental.”

Blake whistled and said, “I’ll say.”

Adam glared at him.

The nurse ignored them both. “You can take him home now, he’s just getting dressed.”

Adam let out a huff of breath he didn’t know he was holding and relaxed. Blake was still frowning and looking miffed.

“What’s the deal, man?” he asked, facing Blake for the first time since they had arrived.

“I don’t see why you’re still with that guy,” Blake grunted, folding his arms across his chest. He looked like a petulant child, and despite his own anger, Adam couldn’t help but find it cute.

“Look, Blake, it’s important that you like Phil because I like both of you,” Adam said. “I’m sure you’ll want me to like whatsherface.”

“Who?”

“That woman you were with tonight,” Adam replied.

“Oh, Kiera?” Blake asked. Adam narrowed his eyes and tried to detect Blake’s feelings toward her.

“Is that getting serious?”

“Maybe,” Blake answered simply, seeming to understand somehow that Adam was pissed about it. Adam didn’t understand why Blake was upset with him.

The two men sat down again facing each other in the uncomfortable plastic chairs. Adam rubbed the space between his eyes, trying to calm himself down. He didn’t even remember getting angry, but now he felt frustrated and could feel the familiar sensation building in the back of his throat and behind his eyes indicating that he might cry. It had been a long evening, Blake seemed angry at him and Phil was in the hospital.

But what was the most upsetting, what Adam couldn’t even acknowledge to himself, was how nice Blake had looked with his new girlfriend, and how happy he had sounded talking to her. The rock singer could feel the conflicting emotions of wanting to be happy for Blake, but being incredibly jealous as well. Why couldn’t that be part of his and Blake's relationship? They were close enough as it was, and on the cruise it was like they were together as a couple. Just without the sex. Was that the difference between friends and lovers? Was it normal to be so close to another person you weren’t sleeping with?

Looking across at Blake’s windswept, tousled hair, his enormous blue eyes and his idea of a fancy outfit, Adam felt his heart clench in longing. He knew Blake the best out of anyone in the world. If anyone deserved to be with the other man it was him. He didn’t even need the sex parts of it, he’d take what he could get. But he did kind of want the other parts too, he thought, watching Blake stretch and following his enormous arms lift into the air with admiration. But it wasn’t like he could say any of this to Blake. He buried his head in his hands.

He smelled Blake’s calming scent before he felt the arm drape across his back. But somehow, instead of making him feel less like crying, he almost immediately burst into tears. What he needed to do was get home and form a sad pile with his dogs. He needed to be able to crawl into his bed and pretend none of this was actually a problem. The saddest thing, though, was that he didn’t have the strength to push Blake’s arm off. He couldn’t stand up and reject even the smallest bit of comfort from the older man.

“Adam?” Phil’s voice called across the room. Adam looked up quickly and took in the form of his friend who looked sort of drugged out, and was holding an ice-pack to his face.

“I’m gonna get going,” Blake said, patting his legs as he stood up and stretched. “I’ll see you at the studio on Monday.”

Adam waved dazedly at him as he exited the building, feeling sort of numb and overwhelmed. Phil took the seat next to him and looked at him with concern. It was a little ironic considering Phil was the one who had to be hospitalized tonight.

“The doctors said everything was fine,” Phil said carefully, putting his hand on Adam’s shoulder. “I’m just gonna use the bathroom before we leave.”

“Sure, yeah, I’ll wait outside,” Adam replied shakily, standing up and looking towards the exit. He had an overwhelming need to go home and was just happy that the night was over.

As the damp air of the night hit him, an unusually humid one for LA, he breathed in deeply and headed in the direction of his car. He stopped, though, hearing murmuring voices coming from beside him. It was almost 2 a.m. so the hospital parking lot was mostly deserted and only inhabited by scurrying nurses or people taking smoke breaks.

When he looked over, though, it wasn’t a nurse or doctor leaning against the wall of the hospital, it was Blake. Adam opened his mouth automatically to say ‘goodbye’ again, but noticed that the other man wasn’t alone.

Blake was bent over his lady friend, speaking to her in a soft voice. He had one hand on the back of her head, and the other on her waist. There was a light directly above their heads, illuminating what seemed like a very private scene. Blake was smiling at her, but Adam could tell it was his fake one that he usually did for the camera. As he leaned down to kiss her, Adam turned around forcefully and walked straight over to his car, getting in quickly and slamming the door.

Phil found him, his forehead pressed into the steering wheel, eyes red-rimmed, as he entered the passenger’s seat.

“Wanna talk about it?” Phil said quietly.

“Ugh, I’m such an ass,” Adam said, turning to him. “You were the one in the ER. How’re you feeling?”

“I’m fine. You’re the one who’s had his heart ripped out of his chest.”

“Is it that obvious?” Adam sighed. “I just want to go home.”

They drove through the mostly empty streets without speaking, Adam’s head fixated on the image of the perfect couple glowing in the low light, leaned close together and smiling.

 

 

 


	13. I Know Where You Hide, Alone In Your Car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was mostly done with the chapter when I heard Blake just got turned down by Gwen after he proposed, and then I felt like a terrible person because I'm torturing my own version of the man. I'm sorry, Blake! Also, maybe slow down with Gwen. I feel like he needs a hug. Anyway, next chapter will bring back the fluff!
> 
> Also, 'Honey Bee' in case you haven't seen it, the cutest song and video in the world: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZjosn2u1gA

 

“You’re lucky my kids are with their Dad,” Gwen said, pouring some orange juice and sitting on the couch next to Adam.

 “I didn’t know if we were on the ‘consoling through heartbreak’ level of friendship yet, but I didn’t know who else to come to,” Adam replied, sipping on his own glass. The only thing he could manage to throw on today was a loose pair of jeans and an over-sized sweatshirt. Gwen had told him he looked adorable.

 “That story was extremely funny, I’m not going to lie,” Gwen said. Adam frowned at her. “I’m sorry but it was. I don’t know how you thought that was all going to turn out.”

 “I hadn’t thought it through,” Adam grumbled, his fingers barely peeking out of his long sleeves as he held the glass up to his lips.

 Gwen sighed long and loudly and looked pityingly at her fellow coach.

 “Maybe you should just stop being friends with him,” she said sadly.

 Adam put his glass down quickly and sat up ramrod straight, looking at her.

 “I can’t do that!”

 “Well what other options do you have?”

 “What I’ve always been doing; just pretending the women he’s with don’t exist! It was easy enough with Miranda.”

 “Yeah, but Adam,” Gwen started tentatively, “Eventually he’s going to find someone he really likes, and he’ll have a family and be with them. You might have a place in that life, but it won’t be what it is now.”

 Adam bit his lip and frowned. He knew what Gwen was saying, but it still wasn’t easy to hear.

 “Can we just not talk about it? I feel like this is all I ever talk about nowadays.”

 Adam leaned back on the couch with a sigh, flipping through the channels with the remote that he’d picked up. He heard the front door bell ring.

 “Come in!” Gwen yelled from her own spot.

 “Who the hell keeps their front door unlocked in LA?” Adam said wonderingly to her.

 “Hey Gwen.” It was Pharrell, looking relaxed as ever and wearing a hoodie. “I have that demo tape you asked for--”

 He cut off, noticing the other man’s presence.

 “Adam, I’m having a real hard time keeping track of all the ‘Voice’ coaches you’re sleeping with.”

 “What is that supposed to mean?” Adam asked indignantly, turning around to face him. “I can’t come over as a friend?”

 “I don’t know,” Pharrell said, a little sheepishly. “You always get into these weird situations. And now here you are, the day after your…. uh… incident at a very public restaurant. Plus, you have a reputation.”

 “Yeah, a reputation for being gay,” Adam replied, mortified that said incident had gotten out.

 “Adam’s…. decompressing,” Gwen said, mulling over the right word to use. “He’s had a tough couple of weeks.”

 Pharrell grabbed a bag of chips out of a cabinet, like he had been over before and sat down between the two on the couch, putting up his legs and looking very comfortable.

 “Is this about the whole being in love with Blake thing?”

 Adam turned his head from the television, which he had still been perusing, so quickly that his neck hurt.

 “Does everyone know about it?” he spluttered, looking desperately between Gwen and Pharrell.

 “We spend everyday with you two,” Pharrell explained, watching the movie that had popped up on the screen. “Of course we know about it. You’d have to be blind and deaf not to know about it. You’d have to have every conceivable sense removed not to know about it. You’d have to--”

 “I get the picture,” Adam interrupted, mumbling.

 “He likes you too, though,” Pharrell said. Adam narrowed his eyes at the other man and looked at him hard. “You can tell it’s kind of tough on him. Not the kind of thing he knows a lot about. I think he wants it but doesn’t know quite what to do.” Pharrell was talking as though he’d put quite a bit of thought into it, and Gwen was nodding in agreement next to him.

 “You guys just like to mess with me,” Adam said, shaking his head and stealing back the remote from Pharrell who had taken it from him. “Blake’s as straight as they get.”

 “Hey man, you spent an episode on his lap. I’ve lost track of how many times he’s kissed you on national television. Plus, he looks like he’s close to murdering your boyfriend.”

 Adam resolutely watched the screen of the television, completely dismissing Pharrell’s claims. He couldn’t allow himself to hope for anything. That was dangerous territory.

 “Well, since I’m here we might as well do some fun moping,” Pharrell decided, scooping back up the remote from Adam and finding what he wanted.

  
  
  
  
  


The three ended up watching Titanic and by the end Adam had commandeered an entire box of tissues and was blowing his nose profusely.

 “I’ll never let go, Jack,” Adam bellowed pitifully, clutching at the blanket he had wrapped around himself. Pharrell glanced at his theatrics, askance, before giggling slightly. Gwen had tears pouring down her own face as well, but started laughing slightly with Pharrell.

 “What if Blake had drowned on the cruise?” Adam directed towards Gwen, his hazel eyes big and shiny with tears.

 “Blake’s not dead, Adam,” Pharrell said, resting a hand on the other man’s arm comfortingly.

 Adam responded by shoving his face into the blankets in his lap and sobbing loudly. Pharrell, slightly concerned, asked Gwen if he would be okay.

 “Yeah, I think this is good for him. It’s a bit of emotional release,” she said, thumping his back.

 As the movie wound down, Adam gradually felt calmer and calmer, eventually laying down. Pharrell moved to the floor as Gwen covered the rock singer up, tucking him in as he closed his eyes.

 “I think I really do have to do something about it,” Adam mumbled as she put a pillow under his head.

 “Hmm?” Gwen hummed questioningly.

 “Maybe I can’t be his friend…” Adam trailed off and fell asleep. Gwen sighed and sat next to Pharrell on the floor, both at a loss for words for how to deal with their friend.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“How do you break up with your best friend?”

 “Somehow I didn’t think I would be having this kind of conversation after middle school,” Gwen said from in front of her mirror, where she was carefully applying makeup.

 “Gwen, I need some support here,” Adam said, picking up her various nail polishes and examining them closely.

 “Are you actually going to be able to do this?” she asked skeptically, looking over at rock singer briefly before working on applying mascara.

 “I’ll… try,” Adam replied, sounding pained. He sighed and picked up a bottle of pink nail polish absentmindedly, opening it and swishing the little brush around.

 “I get where you’re coming from,” Gwen started, “but I can’t see it actually working. You guys seem pretty dependent on each other. And you’re really good for Blake. He needs someone to drag him around LA having fun. And you make him laugh more than I’ve ever seen.”

 “Yeah, but I just can’t do it anymore, being around him,” Adam responded miserably, distracting himself by slowly attempting to paint his nails pink. “Maybe if we were just acquaintances it wouldn’t hurt this much. People drift apart anyway, I just have to figure out how to make it convincing.”

 “This is actually breaking my heart a little,” Gwen said, putting down her various makeup items and putting her face in her hands. “Somehow this seems kind of serious.”

 “I guess it is serious. I need to actually make it serious. That’s what I need to do.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was Pharrell’s turn to watch his contestants duke it out, although with all the events in Adam’s life, he was surprised they were still only at ‘Battle Rounds’. It felt like the season should almost be over. But then there would be a new season. Another season full of his favorite country artist. He glanced over at Blake uneasily, remembering his plan for the day. He had already resisted making comments or walking over to the other man several times, and the introductions hadn’t even started. It was going to be a long day.

 Two of Pharrell’s male, vaguely rock-y contestants were up, and there was a palpable tension on stage as they approached one another. The Battle Rounds went all sorts of different ways: there were the conversation battles where it seemed like the singers were talking to each other, the super competitive battles where both people were on different pages and almost seemed to be singing different songs, and then there were the spectacular battles where the contestants were constantly vocally one-upping the other. This was certainly the latter, Adam observed, as the two men belted out each line more intensely than the last.

 As the song finished, Pharrell rose to his feet, clapping. Adam was a little too down in the dumps for it, even though the two had been great. Gwen started with her criticism, although it seemed like one of those times the singers were evenly matched. It came down more to preference, and Adam said so when it was his turn to talk.

 “Looks like Adam’s coming in for the steal,” Blake said, grinning widely.

 Adam was only a little surprised that the other man had gotten over his mild anger from the night Phil and he had followed him; although they got upset with one another, they always had an easy time settling back into easy camaraderie. Blake wasn’t the type to hold grudges, and usually just needed time to cool off from things. Not that Adam was supposed to be admiring Blake’s qualities, rather he had to find a way to distance himself from the other man.

 Adam shrugged dismissively in response, looking in the opposite direction. He looked over as the audience cheered, though, and saw that Blake had turned his big, wide, blue eyes towards him questioningly, like a sad puppy who had missed his walk. This was going to be harder than he had thought.

 Blake made several comments during the night that Adam brushed off. He didn’t ignore the older man entirely, that would be completely immature, but he definitely broke up their usual train of banter. Blake pressed on, regardless, and it made Adam’s heart heavy to watch the man struggle with it. By the last performance Blake’s normal grin was faltering a little bit, and he was darting glances at Adam so often the he doubted the country singer had even caught the last act.

 It made for a somewhat somber coaching group, as even Gwen and Pharrell were tuned into the situation. They walked slowly from the judges chair after being dismissed by the producer, who had looked them all over after filming was done and asked who had died. Adam was a little worried that she might send them back out on another bonding trip, which might be enough to lose his already shaky resolve. He imagined spending another night wrapped around Blake and had to hug his arms around his body to keep himself together as they walked.

 Adam stopped at his trailer to pick up some stuff he had left there, when he noticed a presence behind him. Turning around, he didn’t know what he had expected, because of course it was Blake. The taller man looked as awkward as he ever had, fidgeting like he was trying to look anywhere but Adam while trying to talk to him. Blake bit down on his lip, and Adam followed the motion, feeling an unexpected surge of want.

 “Adam,” Blake started. The rock singer was weirdly shocked by the use of his first name, realizing he was so used to the various nicknames Blake had for him. “Have I done something--” the other man cut off and swallowed. “Are you--” the country singer paused again and looked down at his large hands. “Did I do something to upset you?”

 Adam hadn’t expected to be confronted like this. Maybe he had done this a bit too quickly. Now his heart was slowly dying, as he observed the visible pain on his friend’s face. He wanted to leap up and wrap his arms around the other man’s neck in a hug. He wanted to tell Blake he had been stupid and it would never happen again. But his mind flashed, suddenly, to the image of Blake and his date embracing in the dark. He didn’t want to take that from Blake. But he also couldn’t be around it.

 “Sorry, it’s been a hard day,” Adam said, smiling a little fakely at Blake. He could tell the other man noticed. “I think I just need to get home.”

 “I thought maybe we could--” Blake cut off, and shut his mouth firmly, like he was trying to control himself. He seemed to gather some more courage and took a deep breath. Adam wanted to bury himself in the ground he felt so awful. “I thought maybe we could get some pizza and watch a movie?” Blake added hopefully, a tentative smile forming on his face.

 Adam was sure that if he wasn’t already going to hell, he would be sent there for this. Blake looked nervous and endearing, his eyes a bright shade of blue against the slowly setting sun. He looked absolutely beautiful. Adam’s chest surged brilliantly with the sensation of loving this man, of wanting to spend as much time with him as he possibly could. He imagined how great it would be to go home and squash together on the couch in the comfortable way they had gotten closer on the cruise. It would be so easy to say yes.

 Instead he said, “Rain check, maybe?” and forced himself to smile.

 Blake’s own smile faltered for the second time that night and he looked crushed.

 He didn’t look behind him as he scurried to his car. He would admit that he was a bit of a coward.

  
  
  
  
  
  
The rest of the week’s filming was uneventful. It was even almost boring, without Adam's usual daily goal of annoying the hell out of Blake. Instead he responded logically to the other coaches, was thoughtful about his criticism towards the contestants, and mostly kept his mouth shut. Thankfully Gwen and Pharrell were picking up the slack, teasing one another and drawing Adam out of his shell a little. Blake had become progressively more grumpy, even making a somewhat rude comment during one performance that had all the coaches looking at him in shock. He seemed to calm down after that, but bristled every time Adam talked, no longer looking at him as he did so. Adam took it all with the resignation of a job well done, but one he didn’t want to have done.

He wouldn’t have expected it to such an extent, but he missed Blake’s presence in his life like a gaping hole. Since he didn’t have Blake to go with to the clubs he normally frequented, he convinced his band-mates to join him for an evening. He had a decent time, but missed the conversations he knew he would be having with Blake, had he been there. In fact, he knew almost precisely what the other man would say about each interesting person he saw, or new pop song he heard. He knew so well that he pretended Blake kind of was there, and talked to him in his head. It was probably not the top sign of mental stability.

He tried to have a pizza and movie night with Phil, which was actually pretty fun, except Phil wasn’t Blake. They were very different people. He missed the country singer’s easy presence, they way he never mocked Adam for often saying the most extreme thing, how he took Adam’s inflammatory comments in stride, and how he always met every teasing insult with a matching one, until all they could do was laugh.

After a week of moping, he opened the door on his free day to find Blake standing there, outlined by the morning sun. Although it was unexpected, Adam was fantastically happy to see him. He couldn’t stop the grin that formed, taking in Blake’s familiar flannel shirt excitedly, wanting to run his fingers over the material and breathe it in. Okay, Adam, it’s only been a week, he tried to tell himself.

“Adam,” Blake said in a curiously formal way.

“Blake,” Adam replied, raising a brow.

Blake sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair, messing it up so it spilled sloppily in his face. Adam opened the door a little more so the other man could come in, which Blake did, almost stomping into Adam’s living room.

Blake was clearly ticked off, and although Adam had seen the other man get a little angry before, this was on a different level. Blake’s fingers were drumming tensely on the couch with one hand and was gripping the couch a little too hard with the other. He sat across from him and wondered if he should offer the other man a drink.

“The hell has been going on with you?” Blake asked suddenly, his accent thick. Adam took this as a bad sign.

“I guess I’ve just been busy,” Adam said, and to his own ears it sounded like bs. “Just been seeing Phil a lot.” He was grasping at straws, trying to think of a reasonable explanation for why he hadn’t contacted his best friend in a week.

“Phil,” Blake bit out, looking incensed. “This is about Phil? What, are you two getting married?” There was a certain mocking tone to the last question, and although Blake’s face was starting to turn red, and he was madder than Adam had ever seen him, the rock singer could feel his own anger rising as well.

“So what if we were?” Adam snapped back. “Are you going to marry that Kiera girl?”

Blake looked momentarily thrown. Adam realized that it was an unfair comparison, but couldn’t help the surge of jealousy he felt remembering the reason why he had stopped seeing Blake.

“You’re just too busy now, huh?” Blake said after a while, his voice as chilly as ice. Adam winced slightly at the tone, realizing he had never heard it directed at himself. He didn’t want to have this side of Blake directed at him. 

“I guess so,” Adam replied doggedly, averting his eyes from the other man’s.

They sat in silence for a few moments while Adam tried to look anywhere but at the man across from him. He could hear Blake’s furious breathing, but eventually it evened out. Adam could hear a distant car alarm going off on the next block.

“So you don’t want me around anymore?” Blake asked. Adam’s head shot back up and he looked at the other man with shock. He hadn’t expected him to be that direct. A lump formed in the back of his throat and he had trouble swallowing. Blake didn’t look sad anymore, he just looked resigned and disappointed. His anger seemed to have worn off and he just looked tired and sad.

Adam breathed in deeply through his nose and attempted to speak. He was afraid his voice was going to break.

“I think maybe I need to focus on some other things right now,” he replied, studying the fabric of his couch, avoiding Blake’s eyes again. In intense moments Blake’s eyes got so blue that it almost felt like you were drowning in them. He couldn’t even look at that damn flannel he was wearing; it was so comforting and familiar, it just reminded him of what he was losing.

Blake stood up to leave. Adam could feel his towering presence in front of him, but he couldn’t bear to look up. It was extremely tempting to wrap his arms around the denim legs and apologize, so he just closed his eyes. He heard the door open and close, and then it was quiet again.

 

 

 

 

Adam fiddled with his song writing notebook as he tried not to look at Blake from across the meeting table. Gwen was next to him texting on her phone, but her presence made him feel slightly calmer. He didn’t know what terrible thing he had done to deserve another all-staff meeting in the creepy high-ceilinged conference room, but here he was.

The head honcho producer stood up and the rest of the table quieted. He had a comb-over and very shiny shoes. Adam tried not to get distracted.

“We all know why we’re here,” he said, looking around the room significantly.

Adam and Gwen shared a confused look. The rock singer had no idea what was going on, and looked around the rest of the room to see if it was actually obvious. Pharrell, sitting across from him, next to Blake (Adam’s heart skipped a beat) was nodding.

Adam tried to get Pharrell’s attention quickly by waving slightly, but the other man had already directed his attention back to the head of the table.

“Maybe you can provide more insight, Adam, since you’re so willing to share.”

Adam stopped mid-wave as everyone at the table turned to him. He felt very much like he was back in high school and in trouble for something.

“I honestly have no idea what’s going on,” he admitted sheepishly. He heard a bark of laughter from Pharrell.

The producer sighed and said, “We’ve had some feedback from the sponsors about the atmosphere in the recent tapings,” he paused and looked significantly towards the rest of the coaches. “The negative atmosphere.”

Adam blanched and ducked lower in his seat.

The director stood up alongside the producer and cleared her throat. Adam couldn’t remember if these were new people. He felt like he should know.

“So we’ve decided to have a coach bonding game,” the director explained. Adam wanted very much to groan loudly, but realized he’d created this whole situation. That was probably why Pharrell was looking annoyed with him from across the table. Blake still wasn’t looking anywhere near him.

“What kind of a game?” Gwen said, resigned.

“We’re going to have,” the woman paused and smiled broadly. Adam felt a wave of impending doom.

“A soccer match.”

 

 

 

 

 

“This is definitely not in my contract,” Adam muttered, lacing up his cleats.

“What this is is your fault,” Pharrell said quietly from beside him, making sure Blake wouldn’t overhear.

“Like you’ve never had lady troubles that led to complicated situations.”

“Not to soccer games.” But Pharrell was smiling a little now, as though the whole scenario was funny. Adam was thankful that he worked with pretty nice people.

“You’re going down, Levine,” Gwen said, fixing her ponytail and swishing it. Well, mostly nice.

Adam half-heartedly stood up and stretched. The various producers, staff and directors were all lined up in the shade, drinks in hand. And, naturally, it was going to be filmed.

Adam darted another look at Blake, who he’d been trying, but failing at ignoring. He hadn't known the country singer was hiding toned calves underneath his relentless jean wearing. But now, in shorts, he could clearly see them. He had never found legs so attractive before. Blake was also wearing a cute yellow jersey, which would probably look ridiculous on any other man his size, but was adorable on him. But Adam really wasn’t looking.

But a strange tension was forming inside of Adam as he looked at the older man. He was starting to feel a little annoyed at how complicated this situation was getting. He was also annoyed that Blake was letting it interfere so much with their job. There _was_ a little part of him that was jumping for joy over the idea that Blake missed their friendship so much. But to be so outwardly angry at him? Adam felt himself getting defensive in return.

“How’re we doing this with four people?” Adam asked Gwen a little gruffly. As soon as he did, two more figures came on the field.

“Usher!” Adam yelled, running over to the other man. Blake had decided to walk quickly over at the same time, which led to a tense stand-off.

“Heeeeeey,” Usher said slowly, looking back and forth between the two men. Neither looked at him, instead choosing to continue heatedly glaring at one another.

“Let the games begin!” Carson shouted, running onto the field with a ball. He threw it carelessly and shot after it, and everyone sprung into action. Pharrell and Gwen exchanged a look and jumped into the goalie positions. Adam gave Blake a final glance before turning around and charging at the ball full force.

The game was heavy with a tension that surrounded Blake and Adam, who were furiously trying to out-compete one another. Carson and Usher hovered near the goalposts with the others, not having been able to keep up with the two men running around the field.

Adam was glad he was wearing himself out running; it was a great alternative to feeling guilty and depressed about Blake. The feeling of mild annoyance he had started with started to consume him, turning into anger. He wasn’t quite sure what he was mad about. He felt like most of it was just rising to Blake’s own anger, something inside of him responding to the challenge. Also, it was easier to be angry than sad.

He caught up to the ball and ran with it, kicking it towards the goal in which Gwen was hunched over waiting for him. He side-stepped Carson who fell dramatically into a lump on the grass, laughing and pushing himself up.

He could see Blake behind him catching up, a look of determination on his face. For a second he felt truly terrified by the sight of such a large man coming after him. But the feeling passed as he realized Blake could never hurt him. Instead he smirked, thinking about that idea.

Blake had been careful throughout the game about interacting with the ball near Adam. He would delicately manage to extract the ball every time, not touching Adam or kicking him in any way. Adam had seen the way his eyes had widened in horror at one point when he almost slammed the ball directly into Adam’s face, but it instead sailed over his shoulder. He knew the truth: Blake would rather lose that hurt Adam. And Adam was truly the kind of asshole to use this to his advantage.

Gwen pressed her lips together as Adam approached with the ball, Blake trailing behind them. There hadn’t been a goal scored yet, and the sun was slowly setting. This might be it. He looked behind himself once more and realized he couldn’t outrun Blake anymore. He stopped, put his foot on the ball and turned to face the other man.

Blake slowed down, a confused look covering his face. The field was silent as the other players paused to watch the lull in the action. Several of 'The Voice' staff from the sidelines held their drinks mid-sip at the tension.

Somewhere in Adam’s brain, the stand-off music from Western movies played dramatically. He felt like he should be grasping for his pistol. Blake looked torn. He clearly wanted to win, but seemed reluctant to come closer to Adam.

He stepped forward, now they were two feet apart. He moved again and now he was so close Adam could feel the familiar longing pumping through him. Blake’s cheeks were flushed from activity and maybe a little sunburn. There was a sheen of sweat on his forehead, and his hair was glistening in the sun. Adam panted in unison with him, and tried to pretend it was still from running.

Blake quickly darted forward, but Adam sideswiped him, moving the ball with his foot so that they were both behind Blake. The country singer grunted with frustration and turned around. There was a heated look in his eyes as he regarded Adam, clearly trying to strategize. Adam smirked and the look grew more incensed. Adam’s breath caught in his throat, and Blake, seeing his pause, swept forward and took the ball from him.

Adam was right behind him, though, kicking the ball from beneath the other man. Blake cursed as Adam regained control, taking the ball and moving back toward Gwen, who was watching with wide eyes. Blake took a different strategy this time, and ran in a curve, cutting off Adam before he got to the goal posts.

As Adam approached he was overwhelmed by the singular focus in the other man’s eyes. He looked like a wolf tracking prey. Adam took a deep breath before continuing towards him, trying to regain his own focus. He pushed the ball backwards with his foot as he approached Blake, tricking the other man and managing to get around him. Blake, however, was quicker, and gained control of the ball again.

Adam ran desperately this time, feeling all the activity catching up to him and tripped slightly as he went, sweat pouring down his face. The sun was completely down now, but the remaining light lit up the field as a cool wind swept through.

In a last-ditch attempt, Adam threw his body in Blake’s way, hoping that the ball would go flying. Instead, Blake looked bewildered as he tried to make sure his feet didn’t make contact with Adam’s body. This resulted in both of them, tangled up, rolling onto the grass. It all happened so quickly that Adam didn't realize for a few moments that he was lying on his back on the soft grass and Blake was on top of him.

Blake’s confusion had quickly morphed into anger again. But instead of being directed towards the soccer game, it was completely at the man beneath him. Blake’s hands were on either side of Adam’s head, and his knees were next to Adam’s hips. Adam felt a little intimidated.

“The hell is wrong with you?” Blake suddenly said. “What’re you tryin' to pull?”

Adam wasn’t sure if he was talking about the soccer game anymore. The rock singer’s own anger started pulsing again. Adam used his own knees in time with a strong push to get Blake beneath him in a mirrored position. Now he was on top, his arms on Blake’s shoulders, digging him into the ground. Blake’s eyes widened in surprise. He felt a thrill at getting the larger man into such a vulnerable position. 

“What’s wrong with you?" he responded, yelling back, even though they were in each other's faces. "Why can’t things just be easy?”

Adam felt like this was the first time he’d ever been so close to Blake and initiated it. Usually on the show when Blake picked him up or pulled him close, Adam uneasily pulled away, afraid that his reaction would reveal his feelings. But there was a power to being in control of this situation, and Adam could feel his eyes narrow as Blake’s continued to widen. He drew in ragged breaths as he sunk closer to Blake, pushing past the man's personal bubble so they were almost touching noses.

He was so into the heated energy between them that he pushed into his own anger instead of trying to calm down. He suddenly wanted to punch Blake right in the face. The country singer seemed to read this intention because there was a flicker of alarm and real fear in his eyes.

Adam got as far as curling his palm into a fist before he saw the other man's reaction, and shocked, his anger quickly deflated. Blake's eyes were wide and his face was turning pale. Adam was sure that if he did anything Blake wouldn't even fight back. In that moment, a terrible shame and guilt filling him, he saw the situation for what it was: he really wasn't mad at Blake at all. What would he be mad at the other man about? Being so awesome and easy to fall in love with?

No, Adam knew the truth. He was really mad at himself. Mad that he couldn’t continue things the way they were. Mad that he couldn't handle things without hurting Blake. Mad that he was the cause of losing his best friend.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed, as he heard footsteps hitting the ground in close succession coming toward them. Blake’s worried eyes morph into ones of confusion again. Adam felt himself being lifted from the other man.

"Adam, what the hell was that?" Gwen demanded, pushing him back so he was farther from Blake. Adam could see Usher brushing Blake off, the country singer still staring at him with a distant look in his eyes. Adam huffed out another couple of breaths, putting his hands on his knees and bending over slightly. He felt like he desperately needed to get away from the area. Gwen seemed to understand this, because she grabbed one of his arms and quickly directed him toward her car.

Pharrell raced after them. "Hey, I got a ride with you, remember?" he said, out of breath by the time they were at the car.

"Well, you'd better get in then," Gwen responded before pushing Adam in the car and shutting the door.

They were all quiet in the car as they got on the highway, Gwen choosing not to turn on the radio at all. Adam could still feel his heart racing frantically as his mind tried to catch up with the situation.

"Wanna talk about what happened there?" Gwen asked quietly, her focus on the traffic in front of her.

"I don't really know," Adam mumbled, head on the dashboard. "I got really angry."

"Men." Gwen sighed heavily. "What did _you_ have to be angry about?"

"I thought Blake was gonna kick your ass," Pharrell chimed in from the back.

Adam scoffed. "Blake would never hurt me."

"But you find it so easy to hurt him?" Gwen responded. Adam didn't know what to say to that, realizing that it was 100% true. He was hurting Blake, and the other man wouldn't do that to him. He felt even worse. He was also sore all over and wanted to go home.

Gwen turned on the radio after the silence became unbearable. 'Honey Bee' was playing and Pharrell began to hum along to it, not realizing how upset the song was making Adam.

"The whole world is against me," Adam whimpered. Gwen sighed again and reached over to rub his back. No one said anything about his sniffling on the way home.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Know All The Things That Make You Who You Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra long chapter because I hit 50,000 words! Yay! Thanks for sticking with me this long, and I hope this all doesn't seem too dragged out. 
> 
> Thank you to all that comment, it always makes my day!

Adam Levine was more miserable than he could ever remember feeling in his life. He’d cut off his best friend in an attempt to get over him, but just caused an unmenable rift to be created between them. Gwen was busy racing between consoling the two men. His bandmates were even sick of sitting with him as he sulked and ate junk food and had tried to cheer him up and failed. So here he was, on a Saturday night with Phil, his fake boyfriend. But Phil had come in looking particularly grim and Adam had a feeling he wouldn’t be the best pick me up tonight.

“Mmm,” Phil hummed, scrolling on his phone, “it looks like you’ve killed the Shevine fangirls on Twitter with the soccer footage.”

“In a good way?” Adam asked hopefully from the floor, where he was laying face-down and trying melt into it.

“No,” Phil said, frowning. “This one girl says her life is over because you and Blake are fighting. This other girl says she’s going to track you down and murder you because it looked like you were going to punch Blake. They’re very protective, you know.”

Adam groaned and hit his head against his plush carpeting as one of his dogs came over and licked his face. He sighed.

“Blake is doing the exact same thing right now, it’s pretty funny.” Phil tilted his phone down and Adam looked up to see a very similar picture of Blake lying down on the floor with his face pressed into it. It was on Gwen’s Twitter.

“Traitorous woman,” he muttered, turning over to lie on his back. They sat in silence for several minutes as Adam listened to the rain falling outside.

“Actually, Adam, I came over because I think we have to talk.”

Adam sat up abruptly. “That’s a relationship phrase, right?” he asked, scrunching his face a little. “But not a good one.”

“Not really a good one,” Phil responded, wincing. “The thing is… Blake came to talk to me last time I was on set to see you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and he basically said that you’ve seemed really down lately, and that if what we had wasn’t making you happy that I should find a way to make it work.”

Adam was touched that Blake, although angry with him, had said this to Phil. It probably took a lot to talk to a man he didn’t clearly like, and watch out for Adam’s interests when they weren’t even talking. He suddenly really missed the other man, and had the urge to just go and see him and stop this madness.

“And he added that he would make my life a living hell in this one and the next if I didn’t treat you right,” Phil added.

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. But I guess I’ve been thinking about it, and Blake’s right. And being with me isn’t making you happy. I don’t know what will, but this really isn’t it.” Phil looked awkwardly away from Adam, turning his phone over in his hands uneasily.

“So you’re fake breaking up our fakelationship?”

“No, I’m real breaking up our fakela-- don’t call it that. We’ve just got to end it.”

Adam felt himself tearing up a little, which was ridiculous because he’d never actually been with Phil. They had never been intimate, and they’d barely done anything that counted as a real date. But Phil had been growing on him, and it had almost felt like he  _ was _ dating someone. At least he knew the other man would be around if he needed him and that was a nice feeling. 

“But-- really?” Adam asked pitifully, looking up at Phil with doe eyes. 

“Adam, I really think it would be best for both of us. And honestly, I ship Shevine so hard now that I sort of hate myself for coming between that.”

“There’s nothing to come between,” Adam grumbled, looking at his hands and feeling his eyes begin to tear up.

“We’ll still be friends, you know. And that’s pretty much all we’ve been anyway. You just can’t keep the pretense up to the media that you’re dating. But at least they’ll have thought you did it for a while.”

Adam sighed and leaned on his couch, somehow feeling worse than he had thought possible. It was like his whole life was falling down around him. He couldn’t even feel sad anymore, he just felt defeated and worn out.

“I’m gonna take off,” Phil said awkwardly, sidling towards the door. “You gonna be okay?”

“Just peachy,” Adam replied, his hands over his face.

“Great, I’ll catch up with you later then,” the other man said, and then slipped out the door. 

Adam picked up a throw pillow next to his head and screamed into it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The Knockouts were always intense. Particularly when your fellow coaches were all acting like they wanted to knock _you_ out. Adam tried to make himself as small as possible as he watched two of his remaining contestants take the stage for the round. Gwen and Pharrell refused to even look at him, exhausted by the tension that had surrounded the recordings from the previous weeks. It was so bad that the producers had tried to have another meeting where they attempted to get the coaches to open up about why interactions seemed so icy, but it only served to annoy the coaches more and create a bigger rift. Adam fortunately had other good friends and had invited Jesse and James over to listen to is ranting and raving about the situation.

Adam was having arguably the worst week of his life after being broken up with for the first time. Well, kind of broken up with. He was trying to sort through some confusing feelings and missing the hell out of Blake at the same time.

Blake looked like a wreck too, though, Adam thought as he snuck a glance at him. His nose was bright red, hair sweaty and he was swaying slightly. The country singer sneezed loudly and then sniffled. Adam held himself back from going over and giving him an enormous hug. It was clear the other man was sick.

The contestant on stage began their performance and Adam directed his attention toward them. He wanted to make sure he gave his all to the show, despite what was going on in his personal life. Also, his contestants had been kicking ass, and he was proud to work with them.

“You guys are making it really hard this season,” he said when they were done, sizing up the two on stage. “I’m gonna need some advice on this one.”

He looked at the other coaches, but no one opened their mouth. The crowd was silent. It was extremely awkward.

“Or not, I guess,” he said, sighing.

“You bouf’ were gread,” Blake contributed, his nose clearly stuffed. Adam felt a little like laughing, which improved his mood slightly. “Sarah, you were a liddle rushed, and Ameila, you missed some gotes.”

“Goats?” Adam asked, smiling a little.

“Gotes,” Blake tried to clarify, glaring at the other man.

“Maybe she needs to check a farm.”

“You’re ang idiod,” Blake said before he blew his nose. Adam actually felt bad for him, and stopped teasing, going with his gut and picking Sarah.

Adam watched Blake carefully throughout the remaining rounds, not paying as much attention to Pharrell’s contestants as he maybe should have. Blake was clearly very sick, and seemed to drift off into a nap periodically, slumping in his seat and then waking back up when the singing ended.

Adam walked over to the producers during the break and explained the situation to them. Then he threatened them a little. They seemed surprised that he was sticking up for another coach. Maybe they thought they all hated each other now.

“Well, we can just call it a day here,” the director said after a while, smiling a little at Adam.

Adam rushed back over to the judges area to find Blake completely asleep now, Pharrell and Gwen crowding his chair.

“I think he needs to go home,” Gwen said, concern on her face.

“I can take him,” Adam responded. The two other coaches looked up, shocked, not expecting Adam to be standing there. “The directors said we could call it a day. I’ll take him back to my place.”

“Do you really think that’s a good idea, Adam?” Gwen asked skeptically. “What if he wakes up and realizes where he is?”

“Gwen, I’m just real tired of all this,” Adam responded, rubbing the sleeping Blake’s shoulder and feeling the heat radiating from him. “He needs to be taken care of, and I can do that.”

Gwen and Pharrell exchanged a look, but finally nodded, apparently deciding it was okay. Between the three of them they managed to move the semi-conscious Blake to Adam’s car.

Once they’d gotten into the car and Gwen and Pharrell had gone to their own, Adam realized how hot Blake was. Well, on many different levels.

“Hey, Blake, man, should we go to a hospital? Are you okay?” he asked with concern, pressing his hand onto Blake’s sweaty forehead.

“M’fine. Always lige this when I’m sig,” Blake responded breathlessly, coughing a little. “Jus’ need a bed.”

Blake was ridiculously endearing like this, Adam thought as he stroked back his messy hair before starting the car.

The country singer was awake enough by the time they got to Adam’s house that he could drag himself through the door. But Adam made sure to steer him to the bedroom when the other man began to stumble around the living room.

He pushed the bigger man into the bed, going through the familiar motions of taking off some of his clothes. Boy, that was a weird thought to have. But Blake and Adam had taken care of each other so many times that it wasn’t even weird anymore to take off socks and pants. He hadn’t really seen Blake sick before, though, and Adam felt like he was in a little over his head, watching as the other man twisted fitfully in the sheets.

“I’ll get you something for the fever,” Adam said, rushing to the bathroom and grabbing some Advil.

He lifted Blake’s head up carefully, basking in the close contact that he had been missing for the past several weeks. Even if it was in these circumstances.

Blake managed to swallow down the pills and drink some water. His long arms were strewn across the bed, his face drawn in an uncomfortable expression. Adam grabbed a washcloth and wet it, pressing it to the other man’s forehead. Blake groaned with relief as the cool surface eased some of the discomfort of the inescapable heat of the fever.

After a while the pills kicked in and Blake seemed a bit better. Adam eased up a little from his position cradling the other man’s head, but Blake groaned and grabbed his arm.

“Don’ leave,” the older man pleaded woozily. Adam’s chest constricted at his words.

“Don’t worry, Big Country,” Adam murmured, running his hand through Blake’s sweaty hair. “I’m right here.”

“Missed you,” Blake said quietly into the dark room. Adam wrapped himself around the larger man, sticking his body under the comforter next to him. He sighed as he was enveloped in heat and the rich scent that always hung around the country singer. For the first time in weeks he felt a balance he had been lacking and a hole fill that had been empty. He pressed his nose into Blake’s arm and made a happy noise he hoped the other man was too out of it to hear.

 

 

 

 

 

When Adam woke up, Blake was hot again. He hopped up, feeling mildly distressed and got more pain killers. Blake’s head was turned to the side against Adam’s white pillows. He looked so vulnerable that Adam didn’t want to wake him up to give him more meds.

“Hmm, wha’?” the country singer slurred, stirring. “Adam?” he asked, blinking in confusion.

“Right here,” Adam responded quietly, holding a glass of water to the other man’s lips.

Blake’s shuttered expression of confusion and distress lifted, and wide blue eyes looked up at Adam. Then Blake sneezed loudly and grabbed for a tissue, rubbing his bright red nose. Adam couldn't help but smile a little at him.

The rock singer went to the kitchen after Blake drifted off to sleep again. He looked around for something he could make for Blake, but didn’t find any good sick people food. Just when he started to wonder if there was an app for delivering chicken soup, Gwen barreled into the apartment towing a resigned looking Pharrell.

“We brought food and sick stuff!” Gwen announced cheerily, putting some plastic bags on Adam’s kitchen table. Her hair was done up in a high ponytail and she appeared to be wearing workout clothes.

“Why is Pharrell always with you?” Adam asked curiously, unbagging what they had brought.

“He babysits my kids.”

“Aren’t you, like, a multi-million dollar producer?” he directed toward Pharrell, who was unpacking a bag.

“He babysits my kids,” Gwen repeated again.

“Well, who’s with them now, then?” Adam asked.

“Funny, Levine,” Gwen responded, taking out three types of cough medicines. “They’re with their Dad,” she put down her last bag and headed towards Adam’s bedroom with a bottle of Dayquil. “I’m going to check on the patient.”

“She’s taking this really seriously, isn’t she?” Adam asked Pharrell, as soon as she left.

“Yeah, I mean, she’s a mom, so taking care of people is in her blood,” Pharrell responded, looking closely at a bottle of pink liquid.

“I can take care of him,” Adam responded indignantly.

“Adam, you can barely take care of yourself at this point.”

Adam would have responded, but Gwen came out with Blake on her arm, looking miserable and wearing Adam’s shirt and sweatpants. He looked a little better after the medicine that Gwen had brought him, but the rock singer still wanted to swoop him up and hide him away until he was better. Blake’s face was flushed and as he entered the room, he sniffled loudly.

“Aw, poor baby,” Adam said dramatically and ran over to the other man, picking up his face with his hands and inspecting the country singer.

“Are we-- are we not fighting anymore?” Blake asked, confused.

“I can’t stay away from you when you’re dying.”

“I’m not dying, I’m sick.”

“Look,” Gwen said, breaking up the conversation with an amused expression. “We’re gonna hang out here for a while because the producers said they’d pay us for ‘bonding time.’”

“Seriously?” Adam asked, taking his hands off the older man.

“Yeah, they’re pretty desperate to appease the sponsors,” Pharrell added, sitting on the loveseat and swinging his feet up. He turned on the TV and stretched out.

“Why’d you bring Blake out?” Adam asked from the kitchen, assembling the snacks he had found in the bags Gwen had brought together.

“Blake is right here. Blake didn’t want to be stuck in a room all day,” Blake grumbled from the couch, blowing his nose.

“Yay, the gang’s all here!” Gwen cheered, jumping into the armchair by the TV.

“Don’t pretend we’ve ever willingly hung out,” Adam said.

“Would you please let me post something positive to Instagram?” Gwen yelled back. When Adam came in with bowls of fruit and veggies, he saw Gwen with her phone out, taking selfie videos. “This is what we’re being paid for, after all.”

“There’s no vlogging allowed in my house,” Adam said, putting out and the bowls and sitting next to Blake on the couch. But he didn’t say anything else when Gwen glared and refused to put her phone away.

“I’m putting on ‘The Avengers’ because it’s basically us,” Pharrell said.

“What the hell are you talking about, Pharrell?” Blake asked from his spot under many blankets on the couch. Adam was slowly adding more and more while Blake tried to push him off.

“Adam’s Tony Stark.” Pharrell nodded to himself as he said it.

“I need to know why you think that,” Adam said, getting a final blanket over Blake, who let out a loud huff.

“You’re closed off? A little? And a little crazy? Uh,” Pharrell snapped his fingers, “you both have dark hair.”

“Great.”

“And that makes Blake Steve Rogers.”

“Wait, why does that automatically make me Steve?” Blake asked, pulling off blankets.

“You don’t get cultural references, although Steve actually has an excuse. Steve is pretty level-headed. And you’re kind of our leader.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“So I guess I’m Black Widow?” Gwen asked dryly.

“Yeah, you keep us in line. And you’re an assassin.”

“Not actually true, thanks.”

“Andddd,” Pharrell continued, “That leaves me with Loki--”

“--No, no,” Adam interrupted, sitting up straight. “You’re totally Bruce. You’re chill and level and nice. I bet you’re all crazy when you get angry so it makes sense.”

“I want to be Loki! I’m secretly evil and--”

“Adam, I think your soup's done,” Gwen interjected. Adam shot up and ran to the kitchen to salvage his soup. He came back balancing it delicately so it wouldn’t spill.

The rock singer took his seat on the couch, but sidled close to Blake with the soup, stirring the spoon around carefully.

“Okay, open your mouth,” Adam commanded, thrusting the spoon toward Blake. Gwen and Pharrell, who’d been previously watching the movie, both turned their attention slowly toward two men, visibly amused. Gwen pulled out her phone and held it up to record.

“Adam, I’m not that sick. I can feed my damn self,” Blake muttered, looking at the spoon in his face, his cheeks heating slightly.

“You’re delirious, you just need some food,” the rock singer insisted, putting a hand against Blake’s shoulder to hold him down.

“I think you’d better just go with it,” Gwen said from the side, her phone out and recording. Blake glared at her. “Plus, this is great footage.”

“Come on,” Adam goaded, holding the spoon up to Blake’s lips encouragingly. The country singer sighed and tilted his eyes up skyward in some semblance of a prayer before putting his lips over the spoon and sipping the soup. He glared at Adam the whole time. Adam smiled brightly in return and stuck the spoon in the bowl for more.

“That’s really enough of that,” Blake said, and lunged over to take the spoon back from Adam.

“This really is a great movie,” Pharrell commented, popping carrots into his mouth. Blake had gotten the spoon from the other man and they were now involved in a tug-of-war over it, pulling back and forth, Blake sniffling rapidly.

“I love RDJ, I met him at a party once,” Gwen said, sipping some soda she had brought along. Blake gave a ferocious tug and the spoon went flying into the air, soaring up and landing on the carpet in front of the TV. The two men froze and exchanged a look.

“Really? He seems like he would be cool,” Pharrell said, watching the two men out of the corner of his eye. As if responding to an unspoken signal, the two dove toward the carpet, ending up in tangle of bodies. Gwen and Pharrell watched calmly from their positions.

Adam quickly gained the upper hand, grabbing the spoon and curling into a protective ball around it. Blake frowned and crawled over to him, tickling his side without remorse, a determined look on his face. Adam yelped and dropped hold of the spoon. Blake swooped it up and sat up straight, wiping his nose quickly. The rock singer narrowed his eyes before pouncing, pushing his full weight into the larger man and tumbling over him, knocking the spoon out of his hand.

“Arrrgh, I’m dead,” Blake said, flat on his back staring up at the ceiling in defeat.

“See, this is why we shouldn’t fight,” Adam smirked, sitting up and dusting off his pants.

“I hate you,” Blake responded.

“Do you think they do this when they’re alone, or is this just a special show for us?” Gwen asked Pharrell.

“Hey, Adam, where’s Phil anyway? I haven’t seen him around the set in a while.” Pharrell asked after a moment.

“Oh, yeah,” Adam replied, suddenly sober, sitting up straight on the carpet. “Yeah, so, he uh, sort of broke up with me.”

“Really?” Gwen and Pharrell asked mildly, both knowing that Phil was not the real deal. Blake looked momentarily shocked before looking over at the two slightly angry, as though he couldn’t believe they could be so unsupportive of their friend.

“Why?” Blake asked, looking at Adam with sympathy. Adam felt a little bad that Blake didn’t know the truth of the situation.

Adam didn’t know how to respond. Phil shipped Shevine too hard? He pitied me because I wasn’t in the real relationship I deserved? He was intimidated as hell by you?

“It just wasn’t working, I guess,” Adam replied, sticking as close to a truthful answer as possible. Blake looked thoughtful, but not necessarily unhappy. He reached across from his position in criss-cross on the rug and pulled Adam into a hug, drawing him onto his lap. The country singer buried his face in Adam’s hair, and Adam blushed, looking up at a smirking Gwen.

“What happened to that girl you were dating?” Pharrell asked, apparently needing all possible relationship details.

“Oh, what, Kiera?” Blake asked, picking his head up from the top of Adam’s. The rock singer’s ears perked up, curious about the answer as well. “I only had a couple of dates with her and she called it off.”

“And?” Pharrell needled, leaning closer.

“And what? Adam interrupted our last date and she just told me she wasn’t really interested.” But Blake seemed to be holding something back because he refused to look at anyone and said it all quickly and firmly.

They all sat silently looking expectantly at the country singer, who was still wrapped around Adam and had hid his face in the rock singer’s neck. Blake looked up after a while and frowned at them, his face turning slightly red.

“What else?” Gwen asked.

Blake narrowed his eyes and huffed. He looked annoyed and uncomfortable.

“She said,” he started, but paused licking his lips, releasing a reluctant Adam and walking over to the couch to sit down. “She said I was preoccupied and needed to spend less time,” he said quickly and then mumbled the last part.

“What?”

“She said I needed to spend less time talking about Adam.” Blake’s face was firmly red now and he had turned his head completely so that he wasn’t looking at anyone. Gwen and Pharrell chuckled in response and Adam grinned.

“Now shut up so I can watch the end of this damn movie.”

 

 

An hour later Adam and Blake were both asleep on the couch. Gwen was curled up and drifting off to sleep. Pharrell was quietly snoring.

Gwen’s phone buzzed a text notification and she glanced at it groggily. Noticing the time she slowly sat up, looking around the room and stretching.

Adam was nestled in between Blake’s legs, the rock singer’s arm curled around the other man’s waist and his face pressed into Blake’s stomach. Adam’s mouth was slightly open, and as Gwen watched he nuzzled closer to the larger man. Blake grumbled happily in response a pulled an arm tighter around the younger man’s torso, pulling him tighter.

Gwen blinked and then pulled out her phone once more, snapping a quick picture.

Yeah, that ought to do it.

 

 

 

Adam showed Gwen and Pharrell out the door later that night, comfortably relaxed from enjoyable company. Blake had spent most of the afternoon napping on the couch in various positions across Adam. He’d spent some time with his head in Adam’s lap, part of the time with his legs in Adam’s lap, and somehow, at one point, with his head buried in Adam’s neck. In short, the two men were inseparable after their brief but extreme hiatus. Gwen got some great pictures for the Twitter and assured the producers that things would be going back to as normal as they ever had been on the show.

Adam walked back into his room drowsily, hesitating at the door, almost having forgotten that he had grammy nominated singer still in his bed. He blinked slowly into the darkness of the room before looking down at the other man, watching as he curled around one of Adam’s white pillows before sighing slightly. He wasn’t sure on the protocol here. The other times he had slept in the same bed or area as Blake he had been invited there. Not wanting to push Blake or make him feel uncomfortable, he had always let the other man set the pace. Crawling into the bed with an unconscious guy who hadn’t given his consent wasn’t really his thing, but he teetered restlessly in the doorway anyway wondering what to do.

He scuttled forward quickly, intending to grab his pillow and go back into the living room, but a hand caught his wrist.

Adam exhaled a little gasp as he looked down at Blake. “I was, um, going to sleep in the living room.” He’d been in the room long enough and adjusted to the dark well enough that he could see Blake’s eyebrow raise speculatively in response.

“What’s wrong with the bed?” Blake asked, groggily but coherently. “S’not like we haven’t done it a million times. It doesn’t mean anything.”

The worst part about being in love with you straight best friend was a comment like that coming unexpectedly. Adam always tried to be prepared for it, but it hit him like a ton of bricks every time. Blake didn’t mean any harm, but that ignorance almost made it worse. Adam had an uneasy sort of inkling that suddenly becoming the other man’s bestie all of a sudden might not have been the best choice.

Something in Blake’s eyes softened, though, and he pulled Adam towards him and into the bed. The rock singer followed obligingly, tentatively pushing under the soft, slightly cool comforter that Blake had been wrapped in, immediately feeling the warmth of the other man.

“Is this about Phil?” Blake asked quietly, turning to him so their noses were almost touching. The comment came so far out of left field that Adam didn’t know how to respond. “It’s gotta be tough after the first,” The country singer continued, his voice oddly coming out a little gruff at the word ‘first’.

They stared into each other’s eyes for a few moments, which under any other circumstances might have been pleasant and romantic. Blake sneezed loudly and broke whatever tension there was, laughing afterward.

“You can cry if you need to,” Blake continued a little teasingly, pulling Adam into his neck. Adam spluttered at the contact, resisting initially but eventually relaxing into the hold, giving into the safe feeling of being held. He didn’t get this particular hug too frequently, and didn’t take it for granted.

“Oh shut up.” His voice was muffled by Blake’s neck. “I’ve literally held you while you cried, so fuck off.”

Sick Blake was a cuddler, unsurprisingly. The older man, still holding the back of Adam’s head into his neck, shifted so that half of his body was covering Adam’s, cocooning the two further into the comforter around them. Adam exhaled slowly, overwhelmed by Blake’s scent and heat, feeling his body relaxing. It wasn’t long before he drifted into a restful sleep.

 

 

 

Adam woke up abruptly and realized immediately that it was still the middle of the night. He looked around the room in a panic, wondering what had woken him up and realized that Blake was shivering wildly. The country singer was still wrapped in the comforter but was sweaty and flushed. Adam’s breath caught as he saw Blake’s obvious discomfort and sat up in bed.

“Blake, hey, you okay?” he whispered.

“Adam?” Blake whispered back, and stopped shaking. The room was pitch-dark save for the moonlight streaming through the window. Adam could barely make out his friend’s watery eyes in the black. “Where am I?”

“My house,” Adam replied, realizing Blake was disoriented.

“I think I’m having that thing, y’know? When you’re sick and you have nightmares and feel like everything’s wrong.” Blake was still wrapped around a pillow but was sitting up now, his eyes wide and alert.

“Yeah, I know what you’re talking about.”

“It used to happen all the time when I was a kid. Then my mom would come in and tell me everything was alright.”

Adam smiled. Blake didn’t seem to be out of it and wasn’t hot enough to be having a fever. The rock singer breathed deeply to try and calm himself down from being woken up so suddenly. Blake slowly laid back down and covered himself up.

“Everything’s alright, Blake,” Adam said softly. Instead of laughing at the joke, Blake just continued to look at him intensely, like he was some sort of lifeline.

“Are we really okay now?” Blake asked as though it’d been on his mind all day. Which it probably had.

Adam sighed. “Look, it wasn’t really cool of me to totally abandon you without really talking about it.”

“I think I know why you did it,” Blake said. Adam drew back, thinking at first that the country singer had figured out the not-so-friendly feelings he had for the other man. But after a moment he blew out a breath, realizing there was no way they would be sharing a bed in that case. Blake must have had the idea that something else had caused it. “Gwen told me I was following you around like some sort of sad puppy. Overstaying my welcome a bit.” Blake shifted his eyes away from Adam’s when he said this, like he was too ashamed to look at him.

“Oh, buddy, it wasn’t that at all,” Adam reassured, rolling closer to the country singer and wrapping an arm around him. “Look, we’ll talk about it in the morning, how ‘bout that?”

Blake was shivering again, and Adam clutched him tightly to his chest, suddenly afraid he might disappear. The tiniest whimper escaped the older man’s lips, and Adam rubbed his back soothingly, humming slightly. Finally the shaking subsided and the younger man stroked his fingers soothingly through Blake’s hair, almost feeling like they weren’t separate beings, but one big person. Or maybe Adam just needed some sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

When he woke up, he was alone in bed and the house smelled like breakfast. He walked in the kitchen and saw a plate ready with his favorite breakfast things, Blake nowhere in sight. Shrugging he sat down to eat, pulling out his phone and catching up on some emails.

After a while he heard Blake shuffle out of the shower and go into the living room. Adam stood up and joined him, but was surprised to find the country singer didn’t have a phone or the TV on or anything at all. He was just sitting on the couch staring at Adam’s entrance.

Blake shifted uncomfortably. He looked tense and was slightly hunched over, something he did when he wanted to appear smaller but ultimately failed because he was part giant. He usually did it when he didn’t want to be seen, so Adam was immediately on guard.

“Who died?”

“No one died. Jesus, Adam,” Blake responded, rubbing his large hands together.

Adam turned his head slightly in a questioning way still looking at the country singer. He tilted his head a little and scrunched his mouth together.

“Are you breaking up with me? Because I’ve seriously had enough of that for a lifetime.”

Blake looked momentarily guilty before he responded quickly with,

“No. Just because I want to talk to you about something serious doesn’t mean someone’s died or you’re gettin’ broken up with.”

Adam sat down carefully on the chair across from Blake. He drummed his fingers on his legs anxiously and looked at the older man.

“So.”

“So,” Blake repeated. “I want to apologize. I reckon I owe you that. And you need to listen without interrupting.” Adam blinked. “When I heard about your break up,” Blake paused and bit his lip before continuing, “I realized I mighta’ had a hand in it, seeing as how I talked to Phil the other day. And then it hit me that I’d been doin’ it for a while, you know? Causing things to be not right with you in your relationship.” Blake swallowed and looked around the room, avoiding Adam’s eyes.

“Have you been talking to Christina?” Adam asked dryly.

Blake had the sense not to look too ashamed. “Yeah, she called me the other day,” the other man answered, grimacing. “She, uh, brought some things to light for me.”

“I’m sure she did,” Adam replied, remembering all the times Christina had sat him down when he had done something stupid. She was also particularly protective of her friends. Adam had seen her at a party recently and had a long talk with her, so it didn’t surprise him that Blake had gotten a talking to.

“Look,” Blake continued, looking pained. “I do need to say sorry. I shouldn’ta chased Phil off, even if he’s making a profit selling dime bags to kids in playgrounds--”

“--still completely unsubstantiated, by the way--”

“I shouldn’ta interfered with y’alls private time by showing up and waiting in the dark in front of your house--”

“--how many times did that happen?--”

“And most of all, I need to respect the,” Blake paused again to rub his face, “boundaries in our friendship. I get why you were mad with me now, and your feelings are valid.”

“Wow,” Adam replied thoughtfully. “I think Christina should be paid for this stuff, that was good.” Blake frowned in response. “Oh come on, that did not come from you.”

“Yeah, well.” Blake tried to defend himself. “I get what she meant, and I agree with it. I feel god-awful finding out about Phil breaking it off with you. I think if I wasn’t in the picture it wouldn’ta happened and you would still be happy.”

“I wasn’t happy with Phil,” Adam replied quietly, looking at his hands. Blake looked up, surprised, and looked directly at Adam for the first time that evening. “But I get what you’re saying and I appreciate it. We do need boundaries.”

“So,” Blake repeated again. Adam looked up and met his gaze and couldn’t help but smile.

“So, friends?”

“Friends.” They both reached out to shake hands because it seemed like the right thing to do, but held on for a little longer than most friends might. Boundaries my ass, Adam thought.

“So where is Phil now? I told him I would kick his ass if he hurt you,” Blake said, his southern twang coming out in full force.

Adam just laughed.


	15. I Know That Goodbye Means Nothing At All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This'll help later in the chapter, but I googled 2011 Blake and hot-damn, this is the visual I'm going for: http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/thevoiceusa/images/f/f7/Blake-shelton-ap-2011.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120218035131
> 
> Here's 'Sad' so that you can get your angst on later in the chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XB77xNl7Kyc
> 
> Also, I love hearing from you guys, so please leave a comment with anything that you're thinking at all!

Adam pretended he wasn’t waiting for Blake to come back from getting his taping clothes and makeup taken off and stood awkwardly next to his trailer. There wasn’t anything weird about it at all since they had made up and people were gradually getting used to them, and ‘The Voice,’ returning to normal. He tapped his foot impatiently, but was deliriously happy he was about to spend some time with the country singer. He was sort of surprised sometimes by how happy the other man made him even after all these years of spending time together.

Pharrell walked by, attention on his phone, but stopped after seeing Adam. The record producer smirked and backtracked.

“Surprising how quickly things go back to normal,” Pharrell commented slyly.

Adam took out his phone and pretended to be busy. “I’m not doing anything weird. Just standing.”

Pharrell smirked again and walked off, whistling and texting. Adam resisted the urge to trip him.

“Hey, Rock Star,” Blake said, coming up to the trailer and opening the door. “You stalkin' me now? Waitin’ for an autograph?”

“That’s rich, coming from you,” Adam replied, entering and throwing himself backward onto the couch. “I texted you.”

“Yeah, I don’t speak emoji.”

“Well, I got something in the mail,” Adam said, waving a pamphlet in the air. Blake snatched it up and looked at it curiously.

“People still mail things? This is… Aw no, this isn’t what I think it is, is it?”

“Cruise reunion!” Adam squealed, grabbing the invitation back and looping his arm over Blake’s shoulder, which was tough because the older man was like, half a head taller than him.

“I’m so glad we stopped fighting in time for this,” Blake intoned blandly.

“Everyone’s going to be there! It’ll be great.”

“D’you even remember the crap we got into last time? Sure, it was fun, but keeping up the charade was stressful as hell.”

Adam paused to consider, looking down at the pamphlet and back up at Blake pouting, his eyes big.

“What could possibly go wr--” he started to say, but Blake scrambled over and put his hand on Adam’s mouth.

“Don’t say that, whenever you even think that the worst thing happens.”

It was a bleak premonition.

 

 

Blake frowned later that week, looking over the large hotel conference room, observing the banners reading: 'Relationships, Emphasis on the _Ship'_ and 'Smooth Sailing or Your Money Back.' There were men in black trailing around the corners of the room, looking at all the couples with extreme suspicion.

Blake frowned deeper and looked down at Adam. “You’re tellin’ me that you didn’t read the agenda?”

“I’m not a big agenda guy,” Adam replied, craning his head and looking around the room for people they might know.

“So, you have no idea what’s planned for this weekend then?” Blake asked, mildly annoyed from beside him.

“Nope, not a clue,” Adam replied, spotting their friends. “Maybe it’s just mixers and singing and stuff! Why would they have any of that counseling stuff from last time?”

The room quieted as an announcement came overhead. “Participants can now break off into their check-in counseling groups which will take place in the adjoining rooms.”

Blake slowly looked down at Adam with his arms crossed, unamused. Adam grinned and shrugged. Blake smacked him lightly on the back of the head.

 

 

 

“Welcome back friends!” Todd said, clapping his hands excitedly and looking out across the circle of assembled men. Blake still had his arms crossed and was frowning. Anything else and the Southern man would have been chill enough to handle, but talking about emotions? That was Blake’s biggest weakness and fear.

“Hopefully the super villains never find out,” Adam whispered under his breath, amused at the whole situation.

“Shut up,” Blake muttered back.

“Trouble in paradise, boys?” Todd asked, miffed that he was interrupted. “You were by far the most functional couple the last time you were here. Almost as if…” he trailed off and looked at the man in black by the door, whose eyes darted suspiciously over the two men, “well, I don’t want to imply that you snuck onto the cruise as a couple with no real problems....”

Adam and Blake both bristled in shock, remembering the reason they had had to pretend they were together the last time. It was said that if you snuck onto the cruise faking either your relationship or having actual issues that you would be banned from every LA club for life.

“Blake cheated on me!” Adam squeaked out suddenly, shooting the larger man an apologetic glance.

The other men in the room let out a surprised gasp at this confession and Todd flung back in his chair, as though the statement had physically hit him.

Todd put a hand over his mouth and said, “Blake, is this true?”

Blake looked overwhelmed and very uncomfortable now, feeling the weight of the room casting judgmental eyes at him. He opened his mouth and then closed it quickly.

“And she was half his age,” Adam continued, keeping his voice low in the quiet of the room.

"She was _not_ 19," Blake hissed to Adam.

“Oh no, girl,” someone said from his side.

Todd scooted forward on his chair and took Adam’s hands in his. He looked deeply troubled. Adam almost felt bad for lying to the counselor, but realized he was probably just getting off on the drama.

“Adam, I’m so sorry that happened to you,” Todd said, “It betrays the trust of the relationship when someone goes behind our backs and seeks out another companion. It might feel like the worst part of it was the physical betrayal of your partner being with someone else intimately, but the part that really hurts is when they hide something from you, isn't it?”

“I wasn’t with her ‘intimately’” Blake said, using air quotes around the word. “Adam interrupted our date before anything could--”

“--well of course he did! And he has every right!” Todd exploded, turning to the country singer.

But Blake looked contemplative all of a sudden, staring at Adam.

“I still never figured out why you were at that barbecue restaurant with Phil any--” the country singer cut off, his eyes brightening with understanding.

“Adam,” Blake continued in a chiding tone, his expression amused as he smiled knowingly at the other man. “You hypocrite, did you follow me--”

“I do feel betrayed,” Adam interrupted quickly, turning back to Todd. “I just want to understand why he did it.”

Todd considered this thoughtfully, stroking his chin. The other men in the room were silent, watching the unfolding scene closely, as though it were a daytime drama. Blake looked pleased with himself that he had figured out Adam's crashing of his date. You'd think he'd be a bit more peeved, but Adam was glad he didn't bring it up again.

“Blake, are you still in love with Adam?” Todd asked in a very direct way.

“Yes,” Blake answered without taking time to think. Man, Blake really got into character for these things, Adam thought.

“And do you still desire him, physically?”

Blake hesitated for a second, looking around uneasily before replying, “Yes.”

“Hmmm,” Todd said, and Adam could understand why the other man was paid for this, if only for the deep expressions of concern and empathy he made. It gave a gravity and importance to everything that made it feel like a soap opera.

“Adam, tell us about the moment you knew you were in love with Blake,” Todd said decisively.

“What?” Adam asked, baffled.

“It’s an exercise, please. It’ll bring you closer together.” Adam looked at Blake, next to him, who had one eyebrow raised and an amused expression on his face again.

“Uh,” Adam said, thinking about it. The exact moment? He knew.

 

 

 

 

It was a Tuesday. Adam remembered it because it was raining and he hadn’t been on tour for awhile and hadn’t really had any real obligations, so he’d been hanging out at home and mostly partying for the past few months. He recalled that he’d been pissed that they’d scheduled the first meeting for a Tuesday, because it was such a hard day of the week to start on since the weekend was so far away. Rich people problems.

He’d been a little nervous at the prospect of meeting a whole new crew to work with, and these coach people that he’d be on camera with the whole season. Well, he knew Cee Lo, sort of, from parties, and he was sure he had met Christina at least once. But Blake Shelton? He was a new one. He did know he was a country artist, which intimidated him a little because it was the genre of music he was least familiar with.

He was also a little worried because he’d just come out of the closet and it had been a pretty big deal. There still weren’t many celebrities who were really out. The whole gay marriage thing and Prop 8 were hot in the news and ever since he’d come out, he was somehow the national gay icon. Except he slept around like crazy and had never really settled down at all. Which interviewers liked to bring up after they asked him about all the issues affecting the LGBTQ community.

So he was definitely wary going into the meeting on Tuesday. His hands were sweaty and he couldn’t stop licking his lips nervously. He awkwardly walked around the table, noticing there weren’t many people there yet, but Christina Aguilara was. He sat down next to her and smiled a little.

“Do you think this show is really a good idea?” Christina asked suddenly, looking up from her phone.

“Um,” Adam responded slowly, feeling out of his element. “We’ll we’re here, so it’d better be.”

Christina threw back her head and laughed, which Adam took to be a good sign.

Then a very pretty man walked into the room. He had slicked back hair, bright blue eyes and the whitest teeth Adam had ever seen. He was so tall he looked slightly ungainly as entered. He was wearing a button-down shirt that stretched against massive forearms and jeans, and he was pretty much the most beautiful thing Adam had ever laid eyes on. Adam’s heart thudded loudly in his chest and he felt his face heat up.

Adam's mouth must have been hanging open because Christina started giggling and pushed his chin up.

“What--Who?” Adam spluttered as the man took a seat at the other side of the table.

Christina laughed again and put an arm over Adam’s shoulder and leaned in close, whispering in his ear.

“That’s Blake Shelton.”

“ _That’s_ Blake Shelton?” Adam whispered back incredulously, still staring at the other man who was chatting up Cee Lo.

“He’s engaged.” Christina patted Adam on the shoulder sympathetically and sat back against her seat as the meeting started up.

As far as meetings went it was still boring as hell. But Adam didn’t really notice because he was trying to peek at the country singer as subtly as he could. From the elbow to the side he got from Christina, he wasn’t being that careful. Despite this, Blake didn’t really say 'hi' or make eye contact at all. During introductions Adam got a nod and smile, which made him catch his breath, but nothing more. Soon the meeting was over, thankfully. Adam stayed in his seat saying his goodbyes to Christina.

By the time he looked up again, the room was mostly empty. He tried not to feel sad that he hadn’t been able to really introduce himself to the mysterious blue-eyed man. He took some time walking over and picking up one of the folders he had forgotten to get, when one of the interns (he could tell because of his name badge) walked over and frowned at him.

“You know, you’ve got everyone else fooled, with your little TV interviews and all your fan-girls,” the man said, sneering.

Adam paused with a piece of bread covered in hummus in his mouth, looking up at the man. The room was empty, save for them. The man stepped forward and Adam tripped backward, feeling very much like he didn’t want to be near the crazed man. He wasn’t really scared, just a little bewildered. The stress from the day pumped through his system, though, and his mouth was full, so he didn’t respond.

“They all think you’re normal, but I know better. I know how _perverted_ you are,” the man spit out, clearly feeling as though he was spouting some sort of truth. Adam wasn’t intimidated, but was beginning to become a little amused at how cliche this guy’s approach was.

“I know what you do, you dirty little--” The man didn’t get to finish because before he could say another word, Blake rushed up to him, his hands balled into fists at his sides. He might as well have come in on a white horse for how brave and majestic he looked. He almost seemed to have a shining halo circling his perfectly swept-back hair.

“Leave,” Blake growled, and Adam could still detect his southern accent with just the one word. It made his pulse race in a way the skeezy man had intended, but hadn’t been able to accomplish.

“Blake, you should be with me on this,” the man said a little desperately, turning to the country singer. “I know in the South they don’t allow this kind of--”

“You don’t know a damn thing about the South,” Blake said angrily, pushing into the guy’s personal space. “The South ain’t got no place for bigots like you, s’all I know. Leave.”

The intern looked completely shocked for a moment before he put his head down and scurried out the door. Adam was still in distress from the whole exchange. Mostly from how incredibly hot Blake was; just the whole package. Something clicked into place and suddenly lyrics for songs he’d never heard before were running through his head. This was way bigger than ‘Songs About John’.

“You won’t see him again,” Blake said, still staring at the closing front door with anger. When he looked back at Adam, though, he was smiling in the sweetest way, his blue eyes shining. Adam felt like he couldn’t move his hands or open his mouth. He was reduced to a shaking teenager.

“Now don’t go and let him get to you or nothin’,” Blake continued, putting a heavy hand on Adam’s shoulder. It radiated heat. It was pulsing heat. Adam leaned into it dazedly. “You coming out was awfully brave. Probably made a whole lotta folk’s lives better for it.”

“Thanks,” Adam said, his voice hitching slightly.

Blake stared at him closely and Adam was sure he would hear how fast his heart was beating.

“I’m a big Maroon 5 fan,” the country singer finally said a little self-consciously, shaking Adam slightly with the hand on his shoulder. Blake looked up at the ceiling suddenly, as if embarrassed, and Adam watched with fascination as a slow blush began to spread on the other man’s cheeks. Adam gulped and moved back slightly, remembering the whole engaged thing. Or at least he kept reciting the word his his mind like a mantra.

“I’m a big--” Adam had almost been about to say ‘fan of you’ before he stopped himself. He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, I haven’t actually heard any of your songs.”

“Well, you’d better google me, Rock Star,” Blake said with a grin. Adam thought his heart was literally going to thump out of his chest. This guy was so not real.

“Blake!” Cee Lo’s head popped in the door. “You said you’d show me the new stuff.”

“Oh, yeah, ‘course,” Blake replied, but he didn’t turn his head away from Adam.

The country singer finally turned around toward the door, after a moment, but not before ruffling Adam’s hair, messing it up.

“Catch you on the flipside, Levine,” Blake said, smirking at Adam and following Cee Lo out of the room. Adam sat down in a chair with a thump and rubbed his face, trying to get a handle on his rapidly beating heart.

 

 

 

 

“The _first_ time you met me,” Blake intoned disbelievingly as Adam finished his story. “From the first words I said to you, you were in love?” Blake sounded like he was implying that Adam could have come up with a better story, but the rock singer honestly couldn’t think of anything better than the truth.

“That was a lovely story, Adam,” Todd said, holding his hand. Adam wasn’t sure when that had happened. Blake narrowed his eyes at the motion and Todd dropped his hand, laughing nervously. “And how about you, Blake, when did you know?”

Blake looked like he hadn’t expected the question, which he should have, knowing how these things go. The country singer twisted his face and rubbed his chin, frowning.

“I think it was--it was...” Blake said looking upwards as though recalling something from the distant past. “Yeah, during the first audition.”

“That was the _second_ conversation we had,” Adam said dryly, lifting his eyebrows at the other man, but trying to remember what had happened.

Blake smiled at the memory and replied, “It was when you said, ‘What do you know, you country--”

 

 

“--bumpkin!” Adam crowed, pushing up in his seat. He was suddenly caught up in the very vivid memory of that second time they had talked, on the first audition of the first taping of the show.

Blake blinked in response to his insult before smiling slowly.

“Ohhh,” the country singer started. “A city boy with a big mouth, what’re we going to do with you?” he asked suggestively. Adam felt his whole body get hot at that remark, which honestly couldn’t be taken in any kind of innocent way. Was this guy really getting married?

Adam coughed slightly to cover up his flushed face.

“Will you two get a room already?” Christina asked. “Is it going to be like this all season?”

Adam ignored her. “All I’m saying is that you don’t have to put an artist into a ‘rock’ box or a ‘country’ box. They can be multi-genre, and having a coach of a different genre could really push them.”

Adam expected Blake to mock him for that comment, but instead of doing so, Blake just looked thoughtful. He tilted his head a little and stared full-on at Adam, like the audience and other coaches weren’t there at all. Adam shifted in his seat, trying to get comfortable again, but failing.

“You might have a point, Levine. But, he is from Nashville, which you’ve never been to, so I have a feeling he’s going to go with me,” Blake smirked, and now Adam felt a little ticked off, glaring at him before opening his mouth again.

 

 

 

“--Wait, how is _this_ your falling in love story?” Adam in 2015 interrupted.

“I don’t know,” Blake replied, frowning in confusion. “I mean, it’s not as exciting as your big rescue story, but that’s when I knew.”

Adam looked skeptically at the man next to him, wishing he would put a little more effort into making up a convincing story. It might be hard to draw on what wasn't there, but at least Blake could try.

Blake paused and frowned a little, looking up. “I think it’s because you challenged me. There weren’t a lot of people in my life doing that at the time. But it wasn’t only that, you were saying smart things. And when you insulted me,” Blake smiled, remembering it, “it didn’t seem like you meant it at all. It just felt right. Talkin’ to you. I dunno. It might have really been from that first moment I saw you sitting at that table at the meeting, your face flushed, talkin’ to Christina. I had listened to your music like crazy and was a big fan, but to just see you in person...”

Blake trailed off and looked at his hands, his face turning a little red. Adam felt bad for calling him out on it, because that right there sounded way too convincing.

“Blake that was a wonderful story,” Todd said, seeming to warm back up to the larger man. “What I’m sensing from you right now is that your infidelity doesn’t stem from a lack of caring on your part.” Todd seemed to be waiting for Blake to affirm that, which the country singer quickly did, nodding furiously. “That leads to the more intimate part of your relationship. Blake, tell us about the first time you kissed Adam.”

Blake immediately blanched, looking to Adam for support. Adam gave him a sort of a ‘I don’t know how to help, you’re on your own gesture’ which made Blake look more distressed. The country singer paused to take a breath and turned back to the circle of men, totally lost.

“Uh, the first time?” he asked Todd, accent thick. Blake squeezed his eyes shut like he was thinking very closely about it, which he might have had to do anyway; it’s not like every couple could recite that off the back. He opened his eyes a moment later and looked marginally more relaxed, which Adam took to mean he’d thought of something he could say. Adam’s throat got dry thinking about how that particular story would go.

“It was only a few months after that,” Blake said. “The day before I was going to get married. We were in Adam’s trailer...”

 

 

 

 

Adam remembered that day well. It was raining heavily outside of his trailer and he could hear the pitter-patter of it above his head. He was lounging on his couch trying to catch up with song writing work for the new album. He tapped his pen on his notebook and looked over what he had so far.

“ _Man it’s been a long day_ ,” he sang quietly to himself against the pelting of the rain on the metal of his roof. He leaned back his head on the couch.

“ _Stuck thinking ‘bout it driving on the freeway,_  
_Wondering if I really tried everything I could,_  
_Not knowing if I should try a little harder_.”

Adam heard on knock on the door and put down his notebook to go answer it. He let Blake in without missing a beat, grabbing a small towel and tossing it to the wet man. Blake shook out his hair and ran the towel over the top of his head. The country singer took a seat on the couch. There was a moment of silence where all they could hear was the rain banging down.

“I’m gettin’ married tomorrow, y'know,” Blake said, still toweling off his hair. He threw it over to the couch after and shook his head roughly.

Adam knew, oh Adam knew. That was why he was in his trailer on set even after the day’s filming had ended, writing a song literally titled ‘Sad’ and trying to pretend like he wasn’t majorly sulking. He might as well be out in the pouring rain letting it pelt him while he cried.

“You sure you still don’t wanna go?” Blake asked, picking at his nails and not looking at Adam.

In fact, that was the only decision Adam felt good about recently; just avoiding the whole scenario of how much it would hurt to see Blake getting married. He had only known the man for a few months, but he’d fallen deep for him. It was so bad that he grabbed for the country singer at night in the bed next to him sometimes. It was so bad that the producer had to have a talk with him about how in all the shots they had of Adam he was staring at Blake. It was so bad Miranda herself had suggested he skip the wedding.

It shouldn’t have been so terrible, but in addition to falling in love with the country singer, he had also become Adam’s best friend. They were seen at every hot LA club together, leaning on one another and laughing while they danced to pop songs. Blake was a near-constant presence at Adam’s house, particularly when Miranda was touring. Adam had come to rely on Blake to even him out in situations, and felt a little emptier when he wasn’t there. There was no one easier to talk to than Blake, no one else he could banter with so effortlessly. Adam thought about all of these things while he looked at the other man.

But to answer Blake, Adam just shrugged, as though he hadn’t really thought about it. Or hopefully that was what it looked like.

Blake picked up his notebook before Adam could grab it back.

“‘Sad,’ huh?” Blake asked, putting down the notebook and looking up at him. “Not your usual style.”

“I’m sure you’re happy about getting married tomorrow,” Adam replied, desperate to change the subject.

“Yeah,” Blake said distantly, looking out the window at the rain running rivulets down the glass. Blake sighed and stood up without warning. He strode with long legs to the door, running both hands through his still damp hair. “See ya when I get back, I guess.”

He didn’t look behind him. It would have been better if Adam had been outside in the rain. At least then when he noticed his face was wet he wouldn’t have had to feel so ashamed.

 

 

 

2015 Adam frowned at Blake as he paused in his story momentarily. God, what a depressing memory. And certainly no kiss. Where was Blake going with this? But as Blake recounted a new part of the memory, one that certainly wasn’t real, he realized the other man had more to say. He could almost see it happening as though it were real.

 

 

 

Adam blinked as Blake suddenly burst through the door, quickly drying his face off and pretending he was doing anything but crying by himself in an empty trailer in a mostly vacant lot.

“Did you forget something?” Adam croaked from his position seated on the couch. Blake was still standing, now soaking wet and looking determined. Adam was sure his eyes were red-rimmed and felt embarrassed.

“Yes.” It felt like there was more to that answer than Adam understood, some hidden meaning that Blake was struggling with. The man looked conflicted and almost seemed to want to rush back out of the trailer.

“Blake?” Adam asked uneasily.

“Adam--” Blake started, walking over and getting on one knee in front of the rock singer. Adam’s eyes widened wondering what the hell the other man was doing. Blake still looked torn and a little self-conscious.

“Adam, I, uh,” the other man stuttered. It was the first time Adam had ever seen the man unsure of himself and truly shaken up. “I need to say something before I marry Miranda, just to be sure.”

Unbelievably, although Adam felt incredibly tense and could feel his heart trying to shatter his ribcage, the song ‘Say’ by John Mayer began to play in his head. Jesus, what a time for John Mayer.

“Is there, uh,” Blake licked his lips and Adam realized how close the other man was, “Is there any chance of us… y'know?”

Adam didn’t know. He had no idea what Blake was trying to say.

“Us?” he asked disbelievingly.

“Us, as in, together us. Us together,” Blake tried to clarify, still on one knee.

“Together?” Adam repeated dumbly, knowing that Blake was getting a little frustrated but truly having no idea what he meant. The reality was Adam had never allowed himself to hope that the country singer had feelings for him. It had never even crossed his mind.

“Jesus, you can be a real idiot sometimes,” Blake muttered, almost to himself before capturing Adam’s face with his hands.

Blake stared him down as Adam’s face began to redden, his breathing becoming uneven. And then suddenly, without warning, Blake's hand grabbed the back of his neck, pushing him down and soft lips were pressed against his. The country singer’s damp hair dripped onto Adam’s face. Blake’s lips were wet from the rain but warm and firm.

Blake drew back as quickly as he had come in, as though afraid Adam would hit him. But Adam just sat stock-still, barely breathing, just staring at his friend.

“I just wanted to tell you, to see if you felt the same, but you were really bein’ damn obstinate.” Blake’s face was pale and his hands were shaking slightly. Adam still hadn’t said a word.

Blake cleared his throat rather desperately. “It’s not gonna work with Miranda and I, not with you around. I don’t know if you feel the same, and I really don’t want to ruin our friendship--”

Somewhere in the middle of Blake talking Adam’s brain kicked into gear again, piecing together the impossible and rewriting what was possible. He rushed forward toward Blake so suddenly that the other man fell back on his butt with an armful of Levine. Adam wrapped his arms around Blake’s neck and kissed him fiercely, not holding anything back.

 

 

 

2015 Adam stared unblinkingly at Blake as he ended his story, the larger man’s face bright red, his hands pink from how hard he had been balling them into fists on his lap.

Todd fanned himself with his program. “Woo-ee. That was quite the story.” The other men in the room looked similarly worked up, shuffling in their seats. “Doesn’t sound like there was any issue in that department when the relationship started. How long ago was that?”

“Six years,” Adam answered, his voice scratchy and slightly hoarse. He was still staring at Blake, who was staring at his fists.

Todd clapped lightly. “That’s a long time for a couple as young as you two are. You should be proud of that. It’s natural that some of the fire has died down.”

The statement was almost comical to Adam as he felt an overwhelming attraction swirling inside of him to the country singer across from him. It was was probably stronger than it had been six years ago. He certainly felt no less like jumping him in a room full of people. Especially after that story.

Adam was amazed that the older man had been able to come up with such a detailed account after such a short preparation time. And for such a specific day. It was totally bizarre and made Adam feel like he had misjudged how good of a liar Blake was.

Todd titled his head as though he were considering something and then frowned. “Wait, from what you told me last time you two haven’t been intimate during your relationship… for six years?”

“Uhhhh.” Adam clearly had to take the reigns on this since Blake was in some traumatized silent state in his chair. But it was really getting hard keeping up with their story. “Well, uh, Blake actually did get married.” The group in the room gave a startled gasp and Adam tried not to roll his eyes. “And so we weren’t together, because it wouldn’t be… right. But they recently got divorced. But we still haven’t been... together at all.”

Put all together like that, it sort of made some weird twisted sense, Adam hoped. Although at this point, looking at Blake’s still pale and unmoving form, he would be willing to run from the hotel like hell anyway. This all wasn’t really worth the lying and humiliation. Plus, he wouldn’t forget Blake’s story anytime soon. Not with that ‘The Notebook’ level of rain kisses in it. He also sort of wanted to know where Blake would have gone with that. What would have happened after that kiss? He cleared his throat loudly to knock that thought out of his head.

“Wow,” Todd said, shaking his head. “Wow, that is a pretty complicated history. And you waited six years for him?”

“Well.” Adam paused, swallowing, wishing he could leave the room. Was that what he was doing? Waiting for Blake? “Well, yeah. I knew he would come around, eventually.” He smiled to himself sadly, letting his mind believe that they had really gotten together after all that time. Like it had really been worth all that waiting.

Todd looked at his watch. “Well, we’ve used up all our time today. I mean, literally all our time, we don’t have time for any other couple. Blake and Adam, I think you two have some things to work through, namely how to turn your relationship into an intimate one.” Adam snorted quietly. “And remember your non-disclosures, boys! If anyone hears about this you’ll be weighed down to the bottom of the sea with lawsuits!” A few men winced as they started to stand up, murmuring to one another as they left the room. Adam quickly thanked Todd and grabbed Blake’s arm, dragging him out of the room.

They walked down the long corridor to their hotel room in silence. The door to their room proudly proclaimed it a honeymoon sweet.

“Seriously?” Adam squawked, pushing open the door and pulling Blake inside. The country singer trudged into the bathroom and closed the door firmly. Adam sighed and pushed the rose petals off the the king-sized bed before flinging himself down on top of it. He was drifting off, surprisingly, but heard a quiet voice from the shower before he was swept into the world of sleep.

Blinking and lifting his head, he realized it was Blake, singing. He pushed himself up from the bed and walked tip-toed over to the bathroom door, sliding down it and sitting with his back up against it.

“ _Ooh, but I'm scared to death_

 _That there may not be another one like this_  
_And I confess_  
_That I'm only holding on by a thin, thin thread_  
_I'm kicking the curb 'cause you never heard_  
_The words that you needed so bad_  
_And I'm kicking the dirt 'cause I never gave you_  
_The things that you needed to have_  
_I'm so sad, sad_.”

Adam cocked his head against the door, recognizing his own song, although changed slightly by the soulful cooning of the country singer. It was deeply laden with a sort of grief that Adam couldn’t understand. Was he regretting having decided to marry Miranda? Was he depressed that he had to tell that story?

“ _Man, it's been a long night_  
_Just sitting here trying not to look back_  
_Still looking at the road we never drove on_  
_And wondering if the one I chose was the right one_.”

But somewhere in the far reaches of Adam’s mind, he sort of knew. He’d have to be completely blind not to understand the lyrics to his own song. The tiniest of light bulbs, the barest of hope lit up inside of his chest. Could it be, might it be possible that the story Blake had told was one he had thought about before? Was it something he had thought about doing that night six years ago?

Adam sighed and stood up, walking to the bed and wrapping himself in the comforter. Maybe it really didn’t mean anything at all.

When he woke up alone in the bed in the morning, he was more sure of it, and was able to squash down his ever-present disappointment.


	16. Comes Back And Makes Me Catch Him Every Time He Falls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was pretty devastated today to hear of Christina Grimmie's death. Then I thought of how sad all 'The Voice' people must be feeling. And then I thought the people that read this must be feeling down, so I pushed through to post this today. Hopefully it can brighten things up.

Adam blew out a sigh of relief as soon as Blake dropped him off at his house. He loved being with the other man, of course, but the weekend had taken a terrifically tense turn after the counseling session. Blake was closed off, grumpy and barely spoke more than two words to him. Actually, ironically, it made them more convincing as a couple having trouble in their relationship. Their friends looked at them askance during meals as Blake failed to answer many of the rock singer’s questions, instead grunting and looking away.

Adam wasn’t really worried though. When the two of them fought, on the rare occasion they did (which had actually been increasing recently,) they always made up pretty quickly. The best thing for Blake was space to sort out his thoughts and feelings, and he always came to Adam when he was done, logically mapping things out and apologizing. It was a bit different when Adam got upset at Blake for something, as furniture tended to get upended since the smaller man had a general flair for dramatics.

On Monday his theory was proved correct when, before filming, Blake came over to his red chair grumbling under his breath. Adam waited patiently and expectantly as the country singer scuffed his shoes on the ground, looking anywhere but at him. Pharrell came over talking on his phone, but as soon as he was in his own chair and done with what he was doing, began to watch the scene with amusement. Frankly, the record producer was pretty used to this apology procedure, even after one season of the show.

“I’m sorry that was all so awkward, what I said at the reunion thing the other day,” Blake ground out, looking like a petulant 5-year-old asked to apologize by a teacher.

“It didn’t bother me,” Adam replied honestly. Unless he counted being hot and bothered as being bothered. Maybe that _hadn’t_ been the truth.

“I just felt real weird afterwards and didn't want to talk. But I think I might'a ruined the end of the weekend,” Blake continued to say. It was clear he had thought through this speech over and over and just wanted to finish. “I don’t think we should go on anymore gay cruises.”

Pharrell dropped his phone.

“I agree,” Adam replied easily. He was just glad they were avoiding another major fight. He didn’t feel like he could do that again.

Blake seemed a little disturbed by Adam’s lack of fight and simple concession. The country singer wandered back over to his coach's chair, glancing back at Adam as he walked.

“I’m still gonna kick your ass tonight, though,” Adam called out, leaning over and cracking his knuckles.

Blake sighed and leaned back in his seat, but was smirking slightly. “Not how the show works, Rock Star. Knockouts involve your own team members competing, so there’s no way to beat anyone else.”

“I’m still gonna kick your ass,” Adam grinned.

“Wait, when did you two go on a gay cruise?” Pharrell asked.

“I’m gonna kick your ass, then,” Blake shot back quickly.

“How does this show even function between the two of you?” Gwen sighed as she came out and took her place.

The two men grumbled and looked fiercely at one another throughout the audience filtering through the studio, and even up to Carson Daly nervously entering the stage several minutes late. At that they looked up.

“Hello, all,” the show’s host said pleasantly, although he was clearly hiding something.

“What the hell happened, Carson?” Adam said immediately, needing to know the deal.

Cason sighed. “Look, one of Gwen’s contestants dropped out and we won’t be able to do the first number.”

“What?” Gwen said, standing up. “Which one, Viktor or Noah?”

“Noah has, unfortunately. He had to return home to his family.”

The coaches were quiet as they digest this.

“Does that mean Viktor automatically wins this round?” Pharrell asked.

Viktor wandered out after he had asked it, looking far too depressed for somebody who was probably going to automatically win.

“We’re consulting with the producers, but, yes, I think so.” Carson looped an arm over Victor’s back and pulled the other man against him.

Viktor sighed and looked out at the coaches. “I’ve just been practicing this song for a while and it’s actually a little disappointing that I won’t be able to sing it.”

“What song did you choose?” Blake asked.

“I was going to do ‘Moves Like Jagger,’” the man replied a little sadly.

“Yesss,” Adam hissed, pumping a fist up. “One for Team Adam.”

“Adam, will you shut up,” Blake yelled from his chair.

“Look,” Adam said, putting his hands on the arms of his chair and lifting himself up momentarily to reposition. “You can still sing. I’ll sing with you.” And with that Adam pushed out of his chair and ran up on stage.

“Adam, that’s not strictly necessary,” Carson said as Adam looked around for a mike.

“We’ve got the time, don’t we? And this way I can beat Blake,” he said, eyeing the country singer competitively.

“This in no way means you’re beating Blake. This has nothing to do with this singing competition,” Blake responded, but sat up in his chair and glared slightly.

“And yet, I will be singing on a singing competition. I think you’re intimidated.”

“Bring it on,” Blake growled.

“What the hell is happening right now?” Pharrell asked.

“I think we’ve got ourselves a coach/contestant duet,” Carson explained reluctantly. The crowd cheered wildly.

“Wait, but Viktor’s on my team!” Gwen shouted indignantly.

“...A nontraditional duet,” Carson continued, stepping down from the stage.

Adam hopped from one foot to the other on stage next to Viktor, who looked appeased and excited. The intro to ‘Moves Like Jagger’ started playing.

“Are we seriously letting this happen?” Gwen said, turning to Pharrell.

“Look, Adam could do pretty much anything on this show and get away with it. He could probably just get up there with an acoustic guitar and play for the whole show and no one would say anything. You know Blake wouldn’t.” They both turned to the country singer who was watching the two men on stage with burning eyes. Gwen blew out a breath a put her head in her hands, leaning forward in her chair.

The thing about Adam Levine was he was ultra competitive. Everyone has a friend that’s pretty competitive and consequently not as much fun to have lighthearted competitions with, but Adam took it to the next level. He would do most anything to win.

Strictly speaking, there was no way to win what he was doing on stage with Viktor. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try like hell anyway.

Adam indicated to Viktor that he should take the first verse. Viktor sang,

“ _Just shoot for the stars_  
_If it feels right_  
_And aim for my heart_  
_If you feel like_  
_And take me away and make it okay_  
_I swear I'll behave,_ ”

He had to give the kid credit, he sang the song well. Adam had always really liked the song as well, and felt himself giving into the beat as he sang the next part,

“ _You wanted control so we waited_  
_I put on a show now we're naked_  
_You say I'm a kid my ego is big_  
_I don't give a shit_  
_And it goes like this_ ,”

He might have looked directly at Blake as he sang theverse. Blake was grinning in a rather predatory manner back at him and as Adam felt the beat of the song and the familiar thrill of being on stage, he began to get excited. His heart thumped loudly in his chest and he felt his face flush and sweat slightly. Viktor was getting into it too, moving his legs with a fluidity that rivaled the rock star’s.

The two men sang,

“ _Take me by the tongue and I'll know you_  
_Kiss me 'til you're drunk and I'll show you all the moves like Jagger_  
_I've got the moves like Jagger_  
_I've got the moves like Jagger,_ ”

It was a delightfully playful song, and both men sang it that way, weaving around one another and smiling as they danced arcross the stage. Christina’s solo was coming up and Adam attempted to communicate with Viktor about how they would handle it. As far as he could understand from the other man, it looked like he was intimidated and wanted Adam to take the part. Well, Adam didn’t have a problem with that, although he was pretty sure he had never sung it.

As he got close to the solo he noticed that Blake was resting his head against a propped up fist, his eyes dark and following his moves throughout the stage with a strange intensity. It sent a thrill through the rock singer, and he wanted badly to be able to saunter up to the other man and sing directly to him, maybe on his lap. That thought made him squirm as he sang the end of the chorus.

The way Blake looked now, cheeks flushed and eyes glowing reminded Adam of the other man's fake memory from the other day. As the music before Christina's part played out, he remembered the way and detail with which Blake described their fake kiss. Emboldened, he stepped closer to the judge's area, almost to the edge of the stage. The song started and he sang, 

 _"You want to know how to make me smile_  
_Take control, own me just for the night_ ,"

He looked directly at the country singer as he sang, watching as the larger man's eyes widened slightly.

  
" _But if I share my secret you're gonna have to keep it_  
_Nobody else can see this_ ,"

The crowd was cheering wildly now, noticing that Adam seemed to be singing directly to Blake. Feeling drunk on this response and Blake's lack of visible protestation, he carefully swung down from the stage, landing lightly on the floor and lazily walked over to the other man's chair, maintaining contact with dark eyes. Blake seemed sort of frozen in time and was simply watching the other man's actions, his mouth hanging slightly open.

  
" _So watch and learn I won't show you twice_  
_Head to toe, ooh baby, rub me right_ ,"

Adam leaned down to grip the podium part of Blake's chair, where the button was held, his face about a foot apart from the other judge's. Gwen started giggling madly from her chair, face in her hands as she leaned over. Pharrell looked impressed.

" _But if I share my secret you're gonna have to keep it_  
_Nobody else can see this_ ,"

Adam gyrated a little on the podium, still close and in front of Blake, grinning a little up at the audience before looking back at the man in front of him. The country singer still looked intense, his eyes strangely almost black, hands gripping the edge of his seat. Adam shivered despite the air conditioning and felt himself leaning closer to the other man. Viktor had stopped singing, seemingly enthralled with the carnal display taking place in front of the judges. Adam finished the rest of the song a little slowly, with a deep sultry voice.

" _Take me by the tongue and I'll know you_  
_Kiss me 'til you're drunk and I'll show you all the moves like Jagger_  
_I've got the moves like Jagger_  
_I've got the moves like Jagger_ ,"

It felt like he was actually talking to Blake, shaking his head at the next line and smiling at the other man.

" _I don't need to try to control you_  
_Look into my eyes and I'll own you with them moves like Jagger_  
_I've got the moves like Jagger_  
_I've got the moves like Jagger_."

When he finished the song, the audience leapt to their feet, clapping and screaming loudly.

"Adam, I think you might have won that round," Pharrell said dryly, using a folder as a fan to cool off Blake. The country singer looked a little broken and seemed unable to speak.

Adam turned around, sweaty and exhausted, and collapsed in his chair and breathing out a loud breath.    

The rest of the Knockouts for the day went without issue, although Blake didn't really regain his ability to string together words. Adam was sure he had made the other man intensely uncomfortable, and remorsefully met him by his trailer to say so. Once he had, the country singer opened his mouth as if to reply but then closed it quickly. Blake seemed to make a decision and picked up a large hand, placing it on Adam's shoulder briefly, shaking him slightly before turning around and walking back into his trailer. Adam grinned. He had totally won.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was their typical Friday night hang out sesh before clubbing. Adam was scarfing down slices of cheese-free pizza, as per his mostly vegan diet, and trying on outfits.

“How’s this?” Adam asked, turning around in front of Blake. He was wearing a pair of designer jeans and a tank top.

Blake choked on his pizza. “How do you get into those? I’m not kiddin’, I really don’t get it. D’you have to cut them and then sew them on?”

“How about we get you a pair?” Adam said, tossing a throw pillow at the other man’s head. Blake caught it.

“I think my ‘Southern Gentleman’ status would be automatically revoked if I did.”

“And what a loss that would be…” Adam replied, trailing off. He picked through the various outfits laid out along the couch consideringly. 

Blake chucked the throw pillow back at him and hit his head and it bounced off and fell to the floor. Adam laughed and went to the kitchen to get water, carrying it back and checking his phone quickly.

“So, where are we going tonight?” Adam asked.

Blake froze for a second, slowly looking up at him. His eyes shifted back and forth before he made eye-contact again with Adam. The country singer opened his mouth, but then closed it slowly, the tops of his cheeks turning slightly red. It wasn’t often that Blake blushed, so Adam sat down across from him and lifted an eyebrow in concern.

“I thought--” Blake started. “I thought, maybe we could…”

“Yeah?” Adam asked encouragingly.

“I just think, uh, we’ve been to pretty much every club in LA…”

“Yeah, well we don’t have to go to a new one each time. The music _does_ change, you know.”

“But, uh,” Blake licked his lips and looked up at the ceiling. “We just, we’ve never been…”

“Never been…” Adam repeated, lifting his eyebrows and leaning closer to Blake.

“--to a gay club.”

Adam’s eyes crinkled in confusion. “What?”

“I’ve just,” Blake rubbed one hand against his chin. “I’ve never been to one. I wanna see what it’s like.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah. What’s the harm?”

“What’s so mysterious about it? It’s just like any other club, just with gay guys,” Adam explained, still a bit confused.

“I dunno. I just, well wonder about it. What it’s like without all of the women. Something like that.”

Adam considered this for a moment, tilting his head to the side and regarding the larger man. Blake did like new things, strange enough as that was from a man from a small town with an insulated population. He’d also learned early on that Blake was pretty accepting and very easygoing, usually not having a major problem with anyone he met.

“Well, we can go,” Adam said, standing up and stretching. “No problem with that. Just don’t come running to me when you get hit on.”

“I think I can handle myself,” Blake responded dryly.

 

 

 

 

 

The thumpa-thumpa of the music pulled Adam in immediately, and he realized it’d been way too long since he’d been out dancing. Blake went over to the bar to get drinks and Adam walked out onto the dance floor, baseball cap pulled low over his face so he wouldn’t be recognized. Not that it ever actually worked.

He got caught up in the beat, discarding his outer jacket and getting bunch up between many good-looking men. He was sweaty and hot when he walked over to Blake, who had been watching with hooded eyes.

“Why aren’t you dancing?” he asked, panting.

“I’m not a big dancer,” Blake replied a little awkwardly.

The country singer didn’t look all that awkward, though, given the situation. He had dark jeans on with a simple white shirt, covered by a leather jacket that was hanging open. The collar of his shirt rode low, and Adam could see a tan collarbone poking out. The larger man was resting on the bar, both arms up against it, leaning casually backwards. He wasn’t half-naked like the rest of the men in the room but somehow he was still the hottest thing there. Adam wanted to drag him out onto the dance floor and press up against him.

“Well what are you going to do then?”

“Watch,” the country singer replied thickly, his gaze piercing. Adam swallowed.

The rock singer picked up the drink Blake had offered and downed it quickly, feeling its calming effects at once. He pushed Blake slightly, but good-naturedly, and walked back out to dance.

When he finished dancing this time, Blake wasn’t in the same spot. Adam felt his heart skip a beat as he looked around the room desperately searching for his friend. The hallway near the bathroom was dark, but Adam could pick out Blake’s tall and distinctive form anywhere. The larger man was chatting with a thin, but pretty guy wearing all leather. The two men were actually equal in height, which was a rarity for Blake.

The leather-clad man was leaning into Blake’s personal space, and for once Blake looked a little unsure of himself. The country singer stepped back a bit, but the other man followed into his space, leering a little. Something in Adam reared up like an angry animal and he stomped over to where they were. It also occurred to him that he was a little tipsy. 

“You stay away from him!” the rock singer yelled, grabbing Blake’s arm possessively.

“Adam, we were just talking…” Blake said, looking at him with confusion, but a little relief.

“Yeah, man, chill, everything’s consensual here,” the leather man said smirking.

Adam hissed at him a little. The smaller man looked up at Blake, trying to confirm if he had actually totally misread the situation. Blake had both eyebrows up and looked deeply amused, which answered the question for Adam. He could feel his face fall with disappointment. It wasn’t like he had wanted Blake to have been in a bad situation, but for once he felt like he could help the bigger man with something. For once he felt like he could be the real hero, like Blake had done for him all those years ago.

“B-But--” Adam stammered, looking back and forth between the two men and probably looking pretty pathetic.

“D’you have--" Blake paused and chuckled slightly. "D’you have a fantasy where you save me from having my virtue stolen or somethin’?” Blake said smiling slightly.

“No! Maybe!”

“That was not what was going on here!” the leather man yelled indignantly, starting to look a little peeved.

“You’d better just let him finish it, man. I know Adam too well,” Blake said fondly, ruffling Adam’s hair. Adam pushed his arm off resentfully.

“Uh, okay?” Now mystery man was just confused.

Adam looked at both men again before standing straighter and puffing out his chest. “The man said ‘no’!” Adam said firmly, feeling pleased with himself.

“He really didn’t have to, I wasn’t doing anything to him!” the other guy answered, but he still hadn’t backed away. If anything he looked like he was enjoying the fight. Adam, feeling a little dominated in the presence of two men who had to look down to talk to him, took a deep breath and looked the guy squarely in the eye.

“THE MAN SAID ‘NO!’” Adam reaffirmed. He could hear Blake desperately trying not to laugh behind him.

The last yell had attracted the attention of several men in the hallway who were looking over, mildly concerned. The leather man sighed. “Okay, okay, whatever bro, I’m leaving.”

Leather man walked away, obviously not nearly as intimidated as he should have been by Adam. But the rock singer did feel mostly sort of validated, despite the fact that there was no real danger. If anything Blake hadn’t seemed cool with that conversation.

“Really, we were just talking about the declinin’ appreciation of country music. But I guess he was sorta entering my personal space a little.”

“Did I save you?” Adam asked a little desperately, wondering he if he had just done something weird and maybe inappropriate.

Blake looked down at him fondly, sort of exasperated, but not upset. “Yes. Yeah, sure, you saved me.”

 

 

 

Adam made sure for the rest of the night to keep his distance when someone approached Blake, even just to chat. They _had_ talked about boundaries, after all. Of course, this was easier said than done. All sorts of guys came up to the country singer; some who recognized his music, a couple of small men who raked lecherous eyes over his form before whispering probably very dirty things to him which made Blake look amused, some larger guys who seemed to want to size him up and then invite him home. Adam wouldn’t have expected Blake to take all these offers so calmly, but the other man just leaned against the bar with an air of congeniality and listened and nodded or just said no politely. Adam seethed and glared at these men, who usually didn’t really notice him or just looked confused.

On the other hand Adam had gotten his own set of admirers who mostly just thought he was hot and wanted to hook up. He swore he saw Blake’s hand actually twitch when one came over and simply latched his arms around Adam’s neck and propositioned him. He turned the guys down, though, as was usually the procedure on their club nights. Adam wasn’t totally sure if that was what most friends did, and he could imagine that maybe you might go to a club specifically with your friends around to hook up and leave them. But somehow with him and Blake it was an unspoken rule that you didn’t leave with anyone. Numbers could be given out, but even that was sparse. Although looking over at Blake now, who had a man of a very similar build hanging off his shoulder, he could understand why they had stopped doing the clubbing thing as much in the past few years and mostly did house hang-outs.

All in all the effect was pretty exhausting. It wasn’t that Blake didn’t get hit on in clubs by women, and during those times Adam was pretty silently peeved, but somehow seeing an endless line of men having the guts to do what Adam never could in such a direct way, bypassing the rock singer’s deeply rooted fears that Blake would never be interested in another man, just hit a particularly sensitive nerve.

Adam was just ready to call it a night. But as though someone had actually heard this thought, a voice came on the microphone to make an announcement.

“Hello, boys and… well, boys,” A deep, but feminine voice said. “If ya’ll want to gather around the stage we are going to have a mechanical bull riding competition, for all ya’ll with a hankering for riding!”

“No,” Adam said, quietly, with growing terror. Knowingly, he looked slowly over at his companion who was grinning widely. “Please, god, don’t do this to me,” Adam muttered under his breath.

“Adam,” Blake started, white teeth gleaming.

“No,” Adam whimpered.

“Well why the hell not?” Blake demanded, already pulling him gently by the arm over to the stage area.

Why? Because Adam still hadn’t gotten the image of Blake’s shirtless form from a month ago when they took their woods trip out of his head. Because Blake’s description of their fake kiss was burned into the back of his corneas and he saw it every time he tried to go to sleep. Because he didn’t need the image of Blake riding a freaking bull added to that list.

But to Blake he said, “okay,” and conceded quietly to his fate. He took Blake’s leather coat and gripped it with white knuckles.

There was only a short wait for the bull after the first couple of guys were flung onto the other end of the soft mat surrounding the bull. One of them had managed to be sort of sexy before he tumbled down, cursing profusely.

And then Blake was up, taking the proffered cowboy hat (oh god no, please) and sauntered up to the stage. The crowd cheered madly and Adam could see why: with his swagger, wide shoulders and stage presence, Blake embodied what it meant to be a cowboy.

Adam whimpered quietly.

“Ohhh lordie,” a man next to him said, whistling and batting himself with a fan.

Blake approached the bull slowly and purposefully, walking around it first and then getting on. His long, strong legs wrapped firmly around the sides. He leaned back and the thin material of his white shirt spread across his torso, giving the crowd a nice view of his abdomen. As Blake grasped the reigns of the animal, his massive forearms tensed and his large, but nimble fingers curled around the leather of the material.

Adam was already incredibly aroused and uncomfortable surrounded by men on all sides making noises of appreciation. No one really needed the bull to turn on; this was working well enough.

But the bull did start, and after jerking back and faltering, Blake grabbed the reigns tighter. He began moving with the mechanical animal, pulling his hips back in time and thrusting forward as the bull moved. He looked like he owned the beast and no amount of variation in the tempo seemed to disturb him at all. Rather, as it got more unruly and wild, Blake smiled a bit more, even laughing at one point. Adam swallowed thickly and clenched his fists around the leather jacket, which probably wasn’t helping because it just smelled like sweat and Blake. Adam didn’t know why he had tried to market his own cologne when the best and most erotic scent on earth was simply the country singer.

Blake managed to stay on the bull for a full five minutes. If you had asked Adam had long it had been, he might have answered somewhere nearer to three hours. By the time Blake left the stage with a wave, amongst the loudest hooting the rock singer had ever heard, Adam was having trouble breathing and felt his whole body tingling, desperate for contact. It didn't help that when Blake came over he slung an arm around his shoulder and hugged him close.

"That was great," the taller man declared jovially, smelling to Adam like the way a real cowboy probably did: of sweat, man and leather. Adam woozily took this all in. 

Blake was still wearing the cowboy hat and was smiling like a lazy cat who had gotten the cream. Obviously he had felt validated by his display of ultra-masculinity and Southerness and was riding high from it. Adam was intensely attracted to him, and could see that most everyone in the room also was.

"Let's go home, Blake," Adam said loudly, hoping that the other man wouldn't contradict the idea that they would be leaving together. The rock singer looked pointedly at the other leering men as Blake agreed, feeling better.

"Yeah, I haven't really had anything to drink, so I can drive us," Blake responded easily, leading Adam to the door. They pushed past the exit and were hit with the cool night air, which felt surprisingly chilly with the amount of sweat they were covered in. They walked in contemplative silence to the car before Blake turned to Adam, arm still over one shoulder.

“Adam, did you... like watching that?” the country singer said, voice rough as he pulled Adam to him. Adam pushed out of the hold and looked up at Blake, sobering up slightly.

"What?" he asked, overwhelmed by how direct the question was.

"I just, I wonder sometimes," Blake responded. "Since you're attracted to men, are you ever attracted to me?"

Adam had naturally expected this question at some point in every friendship with any man, but he hadn't expected it from Blake, six years into being friends, after visiting a gay club. Actually the whole night was a mystery. Feeling the effects of the alcohol though, he floundered, trying to remember the appropriate response. 

"What the hell, Blake?" he spluttered instead, losing his cool.

"It's just a question," Blake responded, but looked a little put out. "I'm just asking. You looked a little..."

"What, _turned on_?" Adam asked, suddenly sort of drunk and angry. They had arrived at the car but Adam just leaned against it, crossing his arms and glaring at the other man.

"Wh--"

"That's what you meant, right?" Adam asked, slightly hysterical and poking the larger man's chest. Blake didn't answer, but looked taken aback by Adam's anger and probably wondering how to backtrack in the conversation. Adam _was_ pissed though, suddenly very aware of Blake's complete ignorance about his feelings toward him. He didn't need to be reminded of it.

"If you can't even say it, don't bring it up," Adam demanded, inches away from Blake's face. The country singer's face slowly contorted as he listened, and then he looked a little angry too. But as quickly as that emotion showed on his face it was erased, replaced by slowly burning eyes. Adam blinked at the transition and felt like he had lost the leverage he had had. He leaned back against the car as Blake invaded his personal space, pressing forward.

"Did it, then?" Blake asked, voice low and gravely in a way Adam hadn't heard it before. He felt his body shiver again and heat up despite the chill in the air. "Did it turn you on?"

Adam couldn't hear anything but the two of them breathing heavily. The street was empty and music drifted lightly from the club they were in. Blake was way too close to Adam's face.

And then the car alarm went off.

"Shit," Adam yelled, falling over sideways and gasping loudly. Blake fumbled with the car keys and got the car to turn off quickly. 

They exchanged a look, barely able to see one another in the low light of the parking lot. Adam stood up again and they both laughed, Blake helping the other man up. As they drove silently down the LA streets, Adam felt his heart flutter as he saw Blake smiling at him again. Not the weirdest night he'd ever had.

 


	17. Tap On My Window, Knock On My Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been working on this since earlier in the week, but keep going back and forth with it. I wanted to do something right after the tragedy on Sunday. I needed some major fluff, so it takes a bit of a break on the story and is just fluffness. I'll probably edit it later on because I felt like I couldn't get it right.
> 
> If you want to play the song when Adam hears it, here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ey_Sz9nhSa8  
> Or you could cheat and listen to it beforehand.
> 
> Also, 'Boys Round Here': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXAgv665J14
> 
> Thank you to all who left comments on the last chapter! I do a little happy dance every time I get one.

Adam curled his palm into a fist, watching as it turned the red of his flushed palms white. He stretched out his hand again, feeling relief, but then quickly balled it up once again, frustration pouring through his body.

“You okay, buddy?” Blake questioned, cautiously poking his head through the door into the other man’s trailer. 

“Yeah,” Adam replied, not looking up. He breathed in and out slowly, shoulders hunched over. “Actually, no. Did Gwen talk to you at all? I saw her when I was coming in this morning. My doctor is trying to switch my ADHD medication, so I’m off all my meds today. It really, really sucks.”

Blake plopped down on the couch in front of him noisily, but Adam couldn't look up, barely keeping it together by restricting his field of vision. When he was off his medication everything was over-stimulating: sounds, smells, sights, touch, and even taste. It was easiest if he was somewhere quiet with very little moving objects or people. It had been so long since he’d been off of it that everything was hitting him in an excruciating way and even the slightest of stimuli was giving him a migraine.

“Well, why the hell did you come into work today?” Blake demanded, voice taking on a mildly hysterical tone as he began to understand the implications of what the other man was saying.

Adam sighed, he didn’t really know the answer to that question himself. “I guess I thought I could control it? I don’t know, my doctor said it might not be that bad. But I can’t,” he stopped and groaned, banging his fists down on the couch and leaned forward, picking his knees up to his chest, “I can’t focus on anything. I’m already exhausted. Fuck.”

Adam glanced up and saw that Blake looked very alarmed. “Well, jesus, I’ll just drive you home then. Screw the taping today.” Blake grabbed his keys and stood up, ready to go.

Adam really wanted to do just that. He wanted to wrap his arms around the other man’s neck and get put in the car and when they got home Blake would tuck him into his bed and curl around him and everything would be okay. But it wasn’t that easy.

“Blake, I can’t just abandon the set when people have spent the morning setting up and all the contestants are here. I’ll just have to get through the day,” he said with another long sigh.

Blake frowned and took a seat next to Adam, gathering the rock singer’s red, sensitive hands in his large warm ones, rubbing them slowly with concern. Adam melted a little, feeling the anger and tension drain from his body as he exhaled a shaky breath.

“Look, Rock Star, you do what works for you. But any time you want to leave, I’ll be right next to you, ready to go.”

Adam was pretty sure that even though they weren’t at all in a relationship, Blake still called him pet names in the exact way he would if they were. It always warmed him, and Blake always knew when to bring them out. He was also sure Blake was the best non-boyfriend boyfriend ever.

“Thanks,” Adam replied, looking up at the other man. He felt his eyes well up a little from frustration or gratitude, or maybe both. Blake’s eyes were bright blue in a distracting way, and even though every other visual stimuli in the room called out to him, he felt trapped looking at them.

“Come on, we have contestants to knock out,” Blake said, gently pulling Adam by the arm towards the door.

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Adam replied, slightly cheered and already feeling a bit better just knowing that Blake would be around for the day.

 

 

 

It should be something he could handle, Adam kept telling himself. And at first it was. Blake was visibly tense, both because his contestants were up that day, two guys that were awesome singers, and because he was trying to keep an eye on Adam. After the first performance was recorded and the rock singer made a half-assed attempt to make a semi-coherent comment about the singer, Adam retreated to his trailer to sit in the dark over the lunch hour. Blake had frowned at him and tried to follow him, but Adam had been firm and that had been enough. 

Blake had his eyes glued to him upon his return though. It almost seemed like the country singer was having to physically restrain himself from getting up and whisking the younger man away. It wasn't like Adam was really capable of hiding how much his headache was bothering him, or how his body was tired and sore from being so tense and alert. 

Adam felt much better after the second and last performance for the day was completed. Unfortunately, the directors announced that they needed an additional shot of the end of the song. This basically meant another half an hour of waiting around. The audience immediately began chatting among themselves, and Adam felt his attention be pulled toward every individual voice.

He groaned as his already aching and sensitive head was assaulted by unwanted chatter. Hunching over in his chair, he pressed his forehead into the podium where the button sat, trying to focus on the feeling of the cool surface pressing into him. As he tried to regain control over his mind, sifting through what he was having trouble processing, he felt himself slipping. All of a sudden he couldn't handle it and didn't know what to do. He felt his pulse quicken, his heart thudding quickly in his chest like a rabbit's. He was distantly aware that he was having a panic attack.

Adam was definitely having trouble breathing, but tried to remain in the position he was in. There was no way of getting out of the large auditorium without causing alarm and having to face the repercussions. He whimpered at the helplessness of the situation he was in.

It could have been five minutes or twenty, but the next thing he was able to process was the familiar smell that was pure Blake. He relaxed marginally and could finally start hearing the voices around him again. 

He heard a sigh from above and a gentle hand pressed into the back of his neck. “He needs to leave,” he heard. “I was dang stupid for letting him stay for the day. Clearly he didn’t think it through.”

“How’re you going to get him out of here?” he heard a woman say. There was a brief silence where Adam's brain started latching on to all the sounds from the crowd again, making him sweat slightly. “You know what? Let me deal with the directors, you just get him out.”

There was a quiet clinking of high heeled shoes that Adam’s brain chose to pick out despite the overwhelming sound of the large crowd all speaking at once.

“Buddy,” the voice said, and a large but soft hand ran through his hair. Adam came back to himself a little at the comforting warmth of it. “I’m gonna take you out of here, okay?”

He didn't open his eyes, but stood up and pressed his body into Blake's, wrapping his arm around the other man and sticking his face into his side. Blake guided him, somehow, out of the busy room, down the long corridors and into the parking lot. It was all vaguely familiar, and it occurred to Adam that Blake had saved him like this during his leg injury. He really was just constantly a damsel in distress.

“Talk to me about something,” Adam muttered, detaching from the other man. He held his head in both hands and stared at his moving feet, finally feeling okay to open his eyes as they meandered across the parking lot.

He hoped he wouldn’t have to explain to Blake what that meant, like so many other people might ask. He blew out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in when the country singer began talking.

“There’s an old tire swing by the house I grew up in in Oklahoma. I found it when I was out wanderin’ when I was 10," Blake started, guiding Adam with a gentle hand pressed to his back. "It’s funny though, because that property has always, as far back as we remembered, been owned by people from my family, but no one could remember who put it there. When I told my parents they thought I was makin’ it up, and when they came and saw it, they reckoned it must’ve been put up a real long time ago and no one remembered. But I knew that the wood looked in too good condition and the tire wasn’t that old. I started to imagine that there must be some really fun kid breaking onto our property and just hangin’ out there. So I’d always go out looking for him.” Blake laughed.

Adam realized he was already in Blake’s truck. He drank in the familiar dusty surface of the dashboard and the CDs that Blake always had strewn about. He slowly realized that he felt much better, a bit dizzy, head pounding slightly, but everything looked normal at least.

Blake was looking at him with a great deal of concern, though, pausing slightly before turning the ignition on the car. The country singer drove almost too slowly, making sure the car didn’t bump too much, and that there wasn’t any real fear of anything on the road. They made the turn in the direction of Adam’s house, but the rock singer said,

“I don’t want to go home.”

Blake blinked slowly in response and flipped his turn-signal, making a U-turn and driving down the road to his place without replying. They drove in silence for a while.

Blake tried not to look like he wanted to help Adam from the car when they arrived at his house, but the smaller man was glad that he was able to retain his dignity and go in by himself. Adam pulled himself carefully from the car, clutching the door of the vehicle as he slowly stepped down, and cursed Blake’s love for ridiculously high trucks. He entered the house, taking in the lavish furniture and tastefully painted walls, wondering if Miranda got any input from Blake at all. Eyeing the deer head hanging on the wall, he thought maybe she had just a little.

He collapsed on the thankfully comfortable couch, taking up all the available space and moaned, rubbing his face into the rough surface. Blake trailed cautiously after him, still looking hesitant about how he should be treating the rock singer. Blake’s natural state was teasing, sarcastic and jovial, and when he couldn’t be any one of the three, he seemed at a loss.

“What do you need?” Blake asked, taking a seat in a paisley wing-backed chair across from Adam. He looked almost comical trying to fit into it, as large as he was and as small as it was.

Adam knew exactly what he needed. He needed to feel secure and present and that was usually best achieved through physical means. He could wrap himself up in a blanket or curl into a ball, but what he really wanted was Blake’s arms wrapped around him.

Adam wasn’t a particularly self-conscious guy, and didn’t mind opening up about what he wanted. Hell, he had a song with the line ‘Won’t you come and put it down on me?’ whatever that meant. He'd never felt weird about asking Blake for a hug before. But somehow when it came to the ADHD he was embarrassed and a little ashamed. This was evidenced by his choice to come into the studio that day despite his doctor’s warnings. Things that were in your head; sicknesses that no one else could see, well there was a certain stigma to them. Adam had had this all his life, and had pretty much been trying to overcome it by sheer will. He still resented that he had to be medicated for it.

So even though his best friend would probably be down for a hugging session, Adam instead sat upright on the couch curled into a tight ball and simply looked at him. He wasn’t going to ask for it, he could at least manage that.

“How do you calm down when you’re stressed?” Adam asked, hoping to distract the other man.

Instead of answering, though, Blake’s eyes shot to the side and the tops of his cheeks turned a soft pink. There was an awkward minute where the country singer didn't say anything at all.

"Maybe you need food?" Blake said, more than asked, and stood up to go into the kitchen. "I've got... beer and celery?" Blake's voice drifted out from the other room. Adam snatched the celery from the other man's hand as he approached, munching on it and eyeing the other man intensely. 

Blake took a swig of beer and looked at the ceiling.

“I listen to music,” the country singer finally answered, still not making eye contact. Adam narrowed his eyes, forgetting about his aching head and shaking hands for a moment.

“What music? Country stuff?”

Blake made a face and shook his head.

“Come on, this is actually helping. Tell meeee,” Adam pleaded, feeling insanely curious. “You were really stressed out the other day, right? Because your team was up for Knock Outs today. So you must’ve had to chill out recently.”

Adam trailed off and let his eyes flicker quickly around the room, spotting an iPod in a dock on the mantel above the fireplace. Who had a fireplace in LA anyway? And who still had an iPod? He sprang up and raced over to it before Blake could even blink, hitting the play button and hearing the song fill the room.

“No way, Blake,” he whispered, slowly turning to the other man with large eyes. Adam's voice drifted across the room,

" _I hope you_  
_always keep your hand this close to mine_  
_And I hope you_  
_never hesitate to wonder why."_

“You knew I was a Maroon 5 fan!” Blake shot back defensively.

“This is _not_ Maroon 5,” Adam replied, looking closely at the songs on the iPod. “I didn’t even think this album existed anymore.”

“It’s good,” Blake muttered defensively, looking at his hands with a very embarrassed expression. Adam came back over to the couch, hearing his young voice echoing throughout the living room sound system.

“That’s actually-- It’s actually really sweet that you listen to it,” Adam realized, his mouth parting in awe as he thought about it. He looked at Blake closely. “It’s so sweet.”

“Shut up,” Blake grumbled, still not looking at the other man.

“Come here, you buffoon,” Adam laughed, walking over to where Blake was an pulling the taller man down onto the couch with him, feeling deeply touched. He could picture Blake sitting on this couch in the dark, listening to his voice and letting it calm him. It made a warmth spread deep throughout his body, and he couldn’t help but grin, feeling lighter. Suddenly it didn’t seem so weird to clutch the other man for support. Maybe they needed each other to get through things.

When he’d finally cajoled Blake into sitting next to him, he got up onto his knees and wrapped his arms around the country singer’s neck, burying his face under the man’s chin and just breathed. Blake’s arms came up to tentatively wrap around his back, their sturdy presence grounding Adam and allowing him to let the tension seep from his body as his breathing evened. He still appreciated that there were so many years he couldn’t touch Blake like this in private, and it was only a recent development that allowed him to do so. Thank god for couple’s cruises.

Blake slowly settle into the hold and made a happy grumbling noise as he held Adam against him. They sat comfortably in silence as Adam’s voice drifted across the room.

"How're you feeling now?" Blake asked after a while.

Adam was warm and felt safe, nestled in Blake smell. There really wasn't anything better. But as he moved his arms slightly, he realized the day had taken a toll on him.

"I'm actually sore as hell. I kept my muscles tense all day and now my body just... hurts." He winced slightly as he felt the ache all over, wanting to just take a pain killer and sleep. 

"I could," Blake cleared his throat hesitantly. Adam smiled slightly; he always enjoyed it a little when Blake was deeply uncomfortable since he was generally so unflappable. "I could give you a message..."

Adam slowly pulled his face from where it was nestled in the other man's neck and stared at him. Alarm bells were going off in his head; the ones that said, 'probably not the best idea, abort!'. But instead he opened his mouth and said "Sure."

Per Blake's instructions he positioned himself on a footrest in front of the other man, peeking behind him as he settled in and watched the serious look on the other man's face with trepidation. 

"How do you even know how to give massages?" Adam asked, suddenly feeling nervous.  The Kara's Flowers album had slowly turned into piano music that was airy and keeping Adam calm.

"I've never--I mean, I've never given one," Blake admitted sheepishly. "Miranda never wanted to--Well, never mind."

Adam flinched a little as Blake's large, warm hands settled onto his shoulders. Those were the same hands, Adam's mind helpfully supplied, that had been gripping leather straps firmly, forearms straining, the other night at the club. Wow, thanks brain, Adam thought. He squirmed a little on the foot rest and leaned into the touch. When Blake dug his hands into Adam's sensitive shoulder muscles, he yelped a little, and Blake apologized quickly, pulling back his hands. Adam felt the loss of warmth keenly.

"No, it's cool, just--" Adam said, turning his head to look at Blake. "Just don't dig so deep. Just kind of...rub."

Blake raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"You want to be rubbed?" Blake said suggestively, voice low. 

"Oh, fuck off," Adam said, pushing Blake's leg half-heartedly and turning back around.

Blake tried again, setting his heavy hands down on Adam's shoulders and actually rubbing firmly, but considerately, using his thumbs to dig into the other man's back just a little. It started to ease some of the pain from the day, and Adam closed his eyes, moving his head around as he stretched out a bit. Combined with the relaxing aspect, he was also starting to feel a burning heat travel throughout his body, making his heart thump loudly, but pleasantly, his breath catching as he got excited. Well, this was certainly a good way to focus his attention and distract himself.

He moaned out loud a little, managing to surprise both him and the man behind him. Blake stilled momentarily and Adam heard him clear his throat again before continuing. The rock singer was overwhelmed by his appreciation for Blake for essentially rescuing him (yet again) and this feeling of being totally safe and cared for. He wanted to just be able to turn around and kiss him, but with a pang remembered that he couldn't.

"I, uh." Blake's voice broke. "I just need to go get something," Blake said, standing suddenly and rushing out of the room. Adam rolled his shoulders and sighed, twisting around so he could curl up on the couch, back facing outwards so he could calm his body down. Although he was tingling all over, body yearning for more touch and whatever else, he also felt exhausted. He eyed Blake's bedroom hungrily, taking in the slightly open door and coming to a decision. 

He turned over and stood up, walking over to the room and tentatively going inside. He saw Blake's giant bed, the one he had tucked the other man into not too long ago, right before Miranda had caught him. Adam glanced behind him before running over to and jumping on the bed, wrapping himself up in the soft down comforter and closing his eyes for what he felt like was only a minute.

He emerged from within the material after a while, and pushed his face out, making sure to keep everything else covered. Blake was sitting on a plush armchair reading a book, one leg folded on the other, head leaned on his hand. He carefully dog-eared his page before smiling slowly at Adam.

“Did you ever find the kid that put up the swing?” Adam asked, only his face visible from amidst the plush, white cave of material.

Blake laughed, tipping his head back and exposing the line of his neck. The sun was setting and a creamy pink light was filtering in the room, making it dim enough that Adam had to strain his eyes slightly to see the other man.

“The damnest thing was I remembered later on that I'd actually set it up myself," Blake replied, chucking. "Some older boy had come over and helped me do it when I was younger. I guess I’d been obsessed with having one at the time.”

“So you… you’d been looking for yourself the whole time?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

It was quiet for a moment as Adam nestled in the blankets, feeling the stillness of the house. The rock singer reflected on the last time he had ever felt this safe. He breathed in Blake smell again from the pillow underneath him and closed his eyes, feeling all of the tension, pain and anxiety melt from his body yet again. It was still difficult to concentrate and the stress was making him tense. He had to keep consciously diffusing it.

“That’d make one hell of a country song,” the smaller man finally said, chuckling.

Blake snorted and laughed, getting out of the chair and walking over to the bed.

“Better than ‘Buy Me a Boat,’” Adam continued, grinning up at the other man, knowing that would rile him up. “Better than ‘Boys Round Here,’ even,” he added slyly.

“Don’t even go there, Levine,” Blake said mock threateningly, placing his arms on the bed and leaning over the other man.

“ _Yeah the boys 'round here_ ,” Adam sang, looking challengingly up at the other man and trying not to laugh.

“ _Drinking that ice cold beer_.” The rock singer ducked quickly as Blake shot out a hand to tickle him and rolled to the other end of the bed.

“ _Talkin' 'bout girls, talkin' 'bout trucks, runnin' them red dirt roads out, kicking up dust_ ,” Adam put on his finest Southern accent for the line and howled with laughter when Blake jumped on to the other end of the bed with him and grabbed his sides, running long fingers up the smaller man’s ribs.

“I’ll have you know that song's the Shakespeare of country tunes,” Blake said, collapsing his body on top of Adam’s as the other man gasped for breath after laughing hard.

“I’m not saying I disagree, but it’s a looooow bar,” Adam replied, wrapping his arms around the older man and pretending he wasn’t rubbing his face into the other man’s chest like a kitten.

"I was proud of you today," Blake said, stilling, his voice gruff. He was still over Adam, resting his body on his elbows so he wouldn't crush the other man.

"What?" Adam asked, taken aback.

"Just, I can't imagine it was easy, y'know, tryin' to manage your head without the pills. You looked really roughed up. But you got through it."

Adam smiled and felt his chest ache with love for the country singer. 

"I was fine because I knew you were there," Adam replied. They stared into one another's eyes until it became so sickly sweet that they had to laugh. Blake rolled over onto his back and flung his arms out, not taking long to grab Adam with one and pull him back to his chest. Adam rubbed himself again on the soft material of Blake's sleep t-shirt, feeling its cool surface in combination with the other man's reassuring scent. Adam figure by this point Blake understood that he needed to be surrounded by simple sensations that he could focus on. That was what he would say if Blake asked why he couldn't stop rubbing his face against him.

"Do you need anything else?" Blake asked considerately. 

"Sing 'Honey Bee,'" Adam demanded, emerging from burying his face in the larger man's shirt. He picked his head up and looked seriously at Blake.

"What?" Blake coughed out, laughing.

"It's my favorite one of yours. 'Honey Bee.'" Adam frowned and repeated the name, as though that were going to convince the country singer.

Blake sighed and looked at him again, eyebrows raised, trying to get him to change his mind.

“Fine, but I get a ‘Sunday Morning’ one of these days then.” 

“Agreed,” Adam responded, settling under the covers. He turned to face Blake, grinning up at him and waiting for him to start. 

Adam drifted off to sleep listening to Blake's lilting voice softly crooning.

  

 


	18. I Want To Make You Feel Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, guys. I just realized there was a chunk missing from the beginning of chapters 13 and 14 that were a bit necessary to the story. It might've been a little confusing without them. So maybe go back and read them, since I stuck them in. Oh well, I'm glad that's the only mistake so far.
> 
> So this chapter is a dream. Or an excuse for me to actually give you guys some real action since you've all been waiting so patiently.
> 
> Also, this chapter is an AU within an AU! AUception. 
> 
> Watching the 'Honey Bee' music video is critical to the understanding of the intricacies of the chapter and you also get to watch Blake sit in a chair next to a dog for some reason, which is always a plus.
> 
> When I got the image of Adam behind the honey stand with his arms covered in tattoos, probably looking less than enthused, I decided I had to write it.
> 
> 'Leaving California,' one of my favorites: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rfd6gP9uXAY

He was in front of a corn field. What the hell? And it was hot as hell, he thought as he swiped his hand across his forehead, feeling sweat start to form. His little stand wasn't blocking out any of the sun and it was beating down hard on this particular day in Mississippi. The sun glinted off of the many jars of honey in front of him, making him squint a little. Adam perched on his stool with his head on his hand, looking bored. He frowned. He was a little pissed that he'd agreed to come out here for his Aunt when she mentioned that she needed to get rid of all the honey from the harvest. The stand was not one of Adam's better ideas. Nobody had even come across this damn stand in the middle of nowhere anyway. Who the hell was going to stop for a honey stand run by a guy with full arm tattoos who looked angry as hell?

Just as he had that thought, though, a shiny pick-up truck pulled up, rolling to a stop directly in front of him. Adam perked up and sat straight up, pushing a hand through his short brown hair nervously as the door opened. A tall guy came out. A really tall guy. He was wearing a button-down shirt rolled up on his arms and jeans. He had bright blue eyes and longish wind-swept hair. Adam felt all the air rush out of his lungs as he took him in. The man smiled a little, and Adam imagined they were about to have this cute little interaction over the honey, all smiles and joking.

Instead the man said, "Who the hell let you sell honey?" and walked straight up to the stand smirking and picked up a jar, lifting both eyebrows at him dubiously.

Adam's jaw dropped as he bristled with indignation. "Screw you, man. Who asked you anyway?"

If anything, mystery guy grinned wider after that.

"Mmmm, not gonna attract any bees with that mouth either," the man said, but didn't move to leave. He looked happy to stand there, picking up the various bottles of honey and giving an impish look to Adam that made hot anger shoot through his body.

"I have plenty of paying customers, so scram, will you?" Adam growled, plucking the jar from the taller man's hands. The man laughed, amused, and turned sparkling blue eyes back down to Adam. Adam's hands were clammy and his body was tingling a little, but he blamed that on the sun, certainly not this doofus. Even if he was extremely attractive.

Blake cocked his head and glanced around the empty road. "Doesn't really look like it," the taller man said, and Adam huffed loudly in response, "I've never really driven through this town before," the man added thoughtfully, looking around.

There was a pause and Adam looked desperately down the road, hoping that someone would pull up and distract him from this distracting man.

"You from around here?" the man asked, chuckling a little like the question was a funny one. Adam figured he didn't really look like he was a local.

"I'm visiting my aunt from LA," Adam said, not quite sure why he was explaining himself to this asshole. "These are all from her bees."

The man nodded as though he weren't very surprised. He was still smiling though, like he was having the best day of his life. It made annoyance simmer within Adam once more. Something about this guy was too cocky and self-assured. He was also too pretty, with his small waist and long fingers. Adam had figured a summer in the South meant that he wouldn't be seeing any guys he would be interested in, and he was irked that this man was attracting him. He just wanted him to leave.

"Hmmm, I'll take this one," the man said, scooping up a jar and getting some money out of his wallet. Adam was simultaneously relieved and disappointed that the transaction was almost over. "Hope the business improves," the other man added smarmily, smirking again.

"Name's Blake," Blake said before he turned around to leave, winking at Adam.

"Great thanks,” Adam muttered after him. “Screw off, Blake!" Adam sing-songed loudly as the man pulled open the door to his truck. Hearing him, Blake tipped his head back and laughed heartily. Adam was a bit overwhelmed by it, rarely having ever met anyone who laughed so genuinely and openly. The other man got into his truck and beamed at Adam once more, the sun streaming through his hair as he drove away. Goddamn him, Adam thought, fanning himself, hotter than he had been 10 minutes ago.

  
  
  
  


Business picked up over the next few days. Well, very barely. An old woman stopped by and bought a jar of honey. Adam's skin took on a darker hue as he spent the day in the sun; even when he went back to his aunt's house to sleep his body was still warm. And he was certainly not keeping an eye out for a certain sky-blue pickup truck or its owner.

Three days after he had started he saw the truck again. His heart started fluttering the moment he saw it. He kicked the stand a little to calm down, putting on a bored expression and looking the other way.

"Still out here, eh?" Blake asked, shielding his eyes from the bright sun as he walked over. It wasn't a very windy day, and the dust particles moved almost lazily through the air, illuminated by the sun.

"I haven't given up yet," Adam grumbled, as though he were defending himself.

"Sooo, what've you got today?" the taller man asked, leaning on the counter towards Adam.

Adam gave him a ‘seriously?’ look. “The hell do you think I have? Honey. It’s a honey stand. Man, I knew guys from the South were dumb, but not this dumb.”

Blake laughed his full laugh and Adam couldn’t help but feel his lips twitch up a bit, which he made sure to stop as soon as the tall man looked back at him.

“Cool it down, city boy, just makin’ small talk here,” Blake responded finally, rubbing his chest like he’d laughed too hard.

Adam scratched the back of his head, suddenly feeling awkward. “Well how could you need more honey? You just bought some the other day.”

“Maybe I just came here to talk to you.”

Adam’s cheeks flushed a dark red as his eyes widened. Was this Southern guy flirting with him? He looked around quickly to see if there were any cameras around recording the whole thing.

“You came back just to harass me?” Adam asked, willing his cheeks to calm down.

“I came back because you’re the most interesting thing I’ve ever seen around here,” Blake replied, and damned if Adam knew what to say to that.

“I don’t know if that’s really a compliment in this town,” Adam said, looking around at the cornfields pointedly.

Blake laughed again and it was rapidly becoming one of Adam’s favorite sounds. Jesus, if he was falling for this buffoon it would really be the end of him.

“What do you do?” Adam found himself asking curiously. He kicked himself afterward, his internal mantra of ‘don’t engage!’ going off in his head like an alarm.

“I’m a musician,” Blake replied, picking up jars of honey and looking at them casually, like he was trying to pretend that he wasn’t that interested in Adam. What a weird guy.

“I’m a musician!” Adam exclaimed happily, always pleased to meet another like mind. Blake’s eyes flickered back up to him at his cheery tone, still holding a jar in his hand, forgotten. The taller man smiled warmly, his eyes scrunching up adorably in the corners as he did so.

“You don’t say?” Blake replied, almost sarcastically. Adam frowned a little, he’d been banking on the idea that no one in this small town would recognize him, after all, this really wasn’t his demographic. Before he could ask though, another car pulled up with a woman inside.

Both men turned to watch as a woman in a pretty sundress came out and approached the stand.

“Well hello there, sweetie,” the young woman said, her perfectly golden hair falling off her shoulders onto tan, even skin. “Haven’t seen you in these parts before.”

She walked up to the stand and much like Blake leaned a little against it while she talked, grinning broadly. Blake frowned.

“Hi!” Adam said, attempting to be chirpy. This would be his third customer, so he tried not to brood and scare her off. “D’you want a sample of anything?”

“Oh honey,” she replied, her eyes raking over him unsubtly. “I would _love_ a sample.”

Blake tripped a little, even though he was standing still and looked her over with wide eyes, which he slowly narrowed. Adam chuckled a little and reached under the counter for some small samples.

“Here, try the clover honey, it’s our specialty,” Adam said. The woman looked a little taken aback at his unshaken attitude and Adam had to hold back a smirk. He occasionally ran across women with faulty gaydars who had never been rejected in their lives and couldn’t figure him out. It was always a little amusing. Blake didn’t look amused, though, Adam observed. The taller man was still frowning at the woman and looked a little pissed.

The woman took the proffered honey reluctantly, but smirked as she ate it lasciviously, looking Adam in the eyes as she did so. Adam returned her look with a rather unimpressed one, smiling in amusement as the woman slowly realized he wasn’t interested.

Blake cleared his throat and Adam turned his attention to the other man. Blake was still frowning, although now it was more of a pout. Adam found it ridiculously endearing and almost wanted to reassure him that this woman wasn’t going to be taking away any of his attention. Blake drummed his fingers impatiently on the stand and glared at the woman.

“I’m still lookin’ for something,” Blake said pointedly, mostly towards the woman.

The woman snorted. “Honey, you’re lookin’ up the wrong alley,” she said sneering a little bit. Adam blinked a little. What the hell was going on now?

“I think if you look at this situation a little more closely, you’ll see you’re in the wrong city altogether,” Blake replied, staring daggers at the woman now.

“I think both of you need to buy some honey or find somewhere else to hang out now,” Adam said, rolling his eyes. It was amusing, but the woman was coming on uncomfortably strong, and he didn’t like the way Blake was making him feel like a possession. Or maybe he liked it a little too much, he thought as he cheeks got a little hot.

The two turned to look at him. The woman gave him a once over again before quickly paying for a jar and getting back into her car. Blake hung around though walking back and forth, still looking a little angry but not knowing quite what to do.

Adam looked at his watch. “You know, it’s been an hour, have you decided yet?”

Blake looked over at him from where he was pacing a little in front of the stand. Adam was still taken aback by how good he looked standing there, his eyes a crazy intense shade of blue, jaw strong and stubbly, hair pushed back but wildly framed around his face.

“You could make it big in music,” Adam said suddenly, hoping it wouldn’t be offensive that he was basing it mostly on the other man’s looks. But judging by the way Blake held himself, he probably had a great presence on stage as well.

Blake’s anger appeared to completely simmer out as he regarded Adam with smiling eyes. The wind picked up for a moment, whooshing through and providing temporary relief from the heat.

“That so?” Blake asked, looking a little like he was thinking of a private joke. Maybe the other man was big, in like, Nashville or something. Adam hoped he hadn’t offended him.

Because despite Adam’s initial impression of Blake starting from when the other man implied he wasn't the sort of person who should be running a honey stand in the south (true,) that was slowly changing to a warmer feeling, something like a crush. Something a 12 year old girl might feel.

“I oughta’ go,” Blake said, holding up his hand to block out the sun as he observed some dark clouds coming from the other side of the field. Well, it was supposed to rain a lot this week.

Adam felt a sudden pang of sadness shoot through him at the other man’s words. He felt the desire to ask him if they could get coffee or something. But being in the south made the singer alert, and he knew it could all end up being very uncomfortable. Besides, he barely knew this guy.

Blake looked reluctant to leave as well, glancing back at Adam before shuffling towards his truck. He honked once as he got inside. Adam followed with his eyes as the truck drove away, watching intently until he could no longer see it. Yeah, he had it bad.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The next time Adam saw Blake, he was incredibly depressed. He didn’t really have a reason to be, but he hadn’t seen the other singer in a few days, he was going home tomorrow and now, well now the stand was empty. There had been some crazy rush for the past few days, and Blake had also bought quite a bit of honey. 

Adam sighed as he packed away the bits of the stand, ending up with an empty table with a plastic sheet drawn across it. It was dark out, but hadn’t started raining, even though the air was thick and had a chill to it and the trees were blowing forcefully in the wind.

What if he never saw Blake again? Why did it even matter, anyway? Busy lamenting, he barely noticed the other man’s truck pull up across the road. He did look up when he heard a car door slam.

Blake was staring at the empty stand, his face morphing from happy to miserable in the span of a second. Man, that guy must really like honey. Adam was elated to see him, though, and stood up quickly, bursting into sight as he greeted the taller man.

“Yo, Blake!” he said cheerily, wondering if it was weird that he was suddenly being so friendly towards him.

“Hey,” Blake said, catching sight of him and smiling warmly. Adam’s chest did a little flop and he felt like bouncing up and down. Totally normal things for a grown man to be feeling. Adam realized after a moment that Blake didn’t actually know his name; he’d never said it.

He opened his mouth to do so but was interrupted by a loud peal of thunder. Lightning lit up the sky and a downpour of rain came crashing down unexpectedly, soaking the two men within seconds.

“C’mere!” Adam shouted, motioning under the large table that was thankfully covered by a plastic table cloth. Adam ducked down and scrambled under, breathing out a sigh of relief as he got out of the rain, waiting to see if Blake would appear. The other man did a moment later, panting slightly and trying to shake the water out of his hair.

“Why’re we under here when my car is right over there?” Blake asked, slightly out of breath, but smiling still.

“Uh,” Adam answered feeling like an idiot.

“No, it’s fine, kind of like a fort, you know?” the singer said admiringly, peering around the underside of the rather large table. Lightning lit up the edges of the table cloth for a minute before loud thunder followed, making Adam jump slightly from where he was sitting.

“What happened to your stand?” Blake asked, sobering up a little and not looking quite as happy.

“Oh,” Adam replied, feeling a little warm from being in such close proximity with the other man. They were less than a foot apart, and Adam could hear Blake's heavy breathing mingling with the sound of rain hitting the top of the table, and even smell a somewhat woodsy masculine scent coming off of him. It was making him a little dizzy. “Yeah I guess I sold out of everything, which sort of works because I’m going back to LA tomorrow.”

Blake frowned and settled into a more comfortable sitting position, sitting in criss-cross on the soft grass beneath them. “Back to LA? Oh, yeah,” Blake said, but it was more like he was talking to himself.

“Yeah, but I mean, if you really want more honey my aunt has some great places I could recommend to you--”

Blake picked his head up suddenly from where he had been observing the grass, and stared at the smaller man. “I don’t like honey.”

Adam blinked and licked his lips, tilting his head to the side with confusion. “What?”

Blake huffed out a breath of laughter before scooting even closer to other man, so that Adam could see the pale freckles on the other man’s face and the way it was sort of flushed, despite how chilly it had gotten.

“You’re adorable,” Blake said wonderingly and slowly, trailing a single finger across the line of  Adam’s hair where it met his forehead. Adam shivered and tried to control his suddenly uneven breathing. “I’ve ever met anyone as sunny and fiery as you before.”

“I could say the same thing,” Adam defended, not sure if he should count that as a compliment or not. Blake chuckled again. He seemed to do that every time Adam talked.

“Not many people argue with me,” Blake said, his head bent a little so it wouldn’t hit the top of the table. Honestly, Adam was impressed the tall man could even fit comfortably under here. “It just makes me want to fight back or kiss you.”

Adam choked a little and coughed, feeling his face heat up as his eyes widened. Blake shifted a little more, until they were so close Adam could feel the other man’s breath puff on him.

“Would that be okay, Adam?” Blake asked, his voice low and teasing.

“W-what?” Adam stuttered out, feeling a blazing coil of want building deep inside of him. “Kissing or fighting?”

Blake smirked slowly, his eyes glowing slightly. “Maybe a bit of both,” he said mildly. Blake leaned in closer, and Adam followed towards him, feeling drawn in.

“Wait,” Adam said abruptly, pulling back and drawing his eyebrows together, looking accusingly at the other man. “I never told you my name.”

Blake leaned back a little too, rolling his eyes skyward before looking at Adam like he didn’t know quite what to do with him.

 _“You got in so late, it’s Sunday morning,”_ Blake sang quietly, the notes fighting with the storm and sounds of the rain.

_Said that you were leaving, letting go of us,_

_Where did we go wrong, oh.”_

“Oh,” Adam repeated, his mouth a little open and eyes wide.

_“And now you say you’re leaving California,_

_Gotta head back east and wanna leave tonight,_

_Pack your things and go,_

_But if you run away, I won’t be alright,”_ Blake sang the last part and quieted, his eyes still glowing eerily blue and looking far too big. It had gotten dark outside and Adam could barely see in the makeshift tent they were still sitting in.

“You knew the whole time who I was,” Adam breathed.

“Yeah, jesus, man, you’re Adam Levine. I’ve watched your whole career since Kara’s Flower’s. Who wouldn’t recognize you?”

“You’re a really good singer,” Adam added, feeling his attraction pumping up a notch at the quiet and sincere performance. “But that song doesn’t quite fit this situation.”

“Close enough,” Blake said, back into Adam’s personal space and breathing into his face. “No one’s quite written ‘Leaving Oklahoma’ yet, but I could right now.”

The larger man smiled once more, sweetly, before closing the distance between them, pressing his lips to the other man’s. Blake tasted like honey, despite having confessed that he didn’t like it. His lips were as warm as Adam had imagined and the rock singer breathed out a sigh through his nose as he pushed closer to the other man, digging his palms into the grass as he did so. Blake wrapped an arm around Adam’s shoulder and pulled him into his lap, opening his mouth and kissing him more deeply.

Another clash of thunder rang out across the field but neither man noticed, wrapped up in one another. Large drops of rain crawled under their enclosure, dousing their clothes and spraying droplets across their faces and arms.

Adam groaned loudly and pushed against Blake, causing the other man to lose his already precarious positioning trying to support the smaller man. The larger man landed on the grass with a thump, his back cushioned by the soft ground. Neither man had let go of the other, their lips still joined together and sliding wetly as the rain added to it. Adam was on top of Blake, carefully straddling the other man at the waist, with his hands twisted in the grass beside his head, his arms bent as he kissed the other singer furiously.

Blake swung his arm up again and pulled the other man down and the two tumbled in the confined space of the table until Blake was on top, pressing into Adam. Adam’s body felt wild with need, a twisting within him so explosive he was sure he’d never felt it before. He heard Blake moan loudly as the other man stuck his face into Adam’s neck and sucked deeply. Adam panted from under him and forcefully pulled the larger man’s jaw so they could kiss again, biting slightly at his lips.

Adam stilled, though, as an idea hit him so hard in the head he physically recoiled.

“Wait, Blake? As in Blake Shelton?” he yelped, pulling away and sitting up again, ignoring the way his body was still aching.

Blake looked stunned for a moment before erupting in laughter so loud it rivaled the thunder. “I thought you had figured that out already!”

“Dude, we’re starting a show together tomorrow!” Adam shouted a little, completely thrown for a loop.

“Yeah,” Blake said, pulling one leg up as he remained lying down, looking far too comfortable and incredibly sexy. “Yeah, so what?”

“You’re that Blake Shelton! The country singer! We’re going to be working together! And we just made out!”

“Yeah, it all sounds great,” Blake responded, a little confused now. “C’mere, you need to calm down. Are you always this high-strung?”

Adam hesitated briefly before lying down and wrapping himself against the other man, pressing his face into the side of Blake’s chest and breathing him in.

“Yeah, I guess so. Most people can’t really handle it.”

Blake snorted a little before humming, staring up at the top of the table with a smile on his face.

_“Even if the sun, crashes into us,_

_I won’t let go, I won’t let go,”_ the country singer sang, butting his head a little against Adam’s.

Adam groaned. “Noooo we are not singing my song in some sickly romantic way.” Blake stared at him unrelentingly, grinning charmingly. Adam’s breath hitched a little and he groaned again.

“ _And I can be your light, stay with me tonight,_

 _I won’t let go, I won’t let go_ ,” Adam sang reluctantly, but got into it at the ‘oooh’s’ laughing a little with Blake as they attempted to harmonize their voices like the dorks they were.

“Yeah, this’ll make the show so much more interesting,” Blake said, pulling Adam closer to him and kissing his head. Adam had to agree.

  
  
  
  



	19. I Don't Mind Spending Every Day, Out On Your Corner In The Pouring Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this chapter will move forward the plot a little, as it got distracted. 
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with me this long! And thank you to all the reviewers that always leave comments! You guys are awesome and keep me going!

“Are you watching the ‘Honey Bee’ music video again?” a voice asked.

“What?” Adam replied quickly, exiting out of the tab on his computer and swinging around towards the voice. “No, not at all. Totally wasn’t.”

He glared when he recognized who it was.

“Phil, my ex-fake boyfriend,” he announced sullenly.

“God, you’re so weird,” Phil replied, jumping up and landing on Adam’s couch.

“It’s research,” Adam continued petulantly, gesturing towards the laptop.

“If it’s research into eye-fucking a computer, I think you’re set,” Phil responded, stretching out on the couch.

“What’re you doing here anyway?” Adam asked resentfully.

“Just checking in, seeing how things are going, you know,” Phil said, tossing one of Adam’s paperweights back and forth between his hands. “So have you banged Blake yet?”

“What?” Adam choked.

“I need to know for professional reasons.”

“For selling drugs?” Adam let slip out. Phil had no idea that Blake so fervently thought he was a drug dealer.

Phil raised an eyebrow and turned to the other man slowly. “Is that what you think I do on the side?”

“Blake’s convinced that’s what you do. I think you’re just a weirdo.”

Phil snorted loudly. “Tell me of the developments with Shelton.”

“No developments.”

Phil sat up, putting the weight down and blowing out air in a huff. “Okay, then just tell me what I’ve missed.”

Adam did, reluctantly, although eventually he felt good about putting it altogether out there to hear himself. He’d had quite the month, when he thought about it.

“Whewee, wish I had been there for that performance,” Phil said, referring to the bull at the club.

“Yeah,” Adam said, as he zoned out remembering it.

“Okay, back to earth, Levine,” Phil said, snapping in his face. Adam blinked and frowned. “You are doing good work; God’s work.”

“That’s 100% not true.”

“Well, I’m proud anyway. That you’re getting closer to the truth,” Phil said, smirking and standing up, walking towards the door.

“Wait, what truth?” Adam asked, feeling bizarrely like he was in a children’s book where a character came to give him a vague message of some importance.

“What I’ve been telling you from the beginning: Blake loves you.” And with that he winked, and spun around, twisting the doorknob quickly and pirouetting out the door.

“What the hell even was that?” Adam directed towards his dog, who was sitting, tongue lolling out. “Was he even really here?”

 

 

 

“Adam, this is an intervention,” Gwen said, looking at him with concern.

It was a Tuesday and he’d gotten a weird text from Gwen. It contained not three, but four emojis expressing an emergency. Alarmed, Adam had come to meet her in one of the conference rooms. Pharrell was also sitting in the room, doing things on his phone.

Adam furrowed his brow and sat down slowly. “But I’ve been trying so hard at not dying from drugs and fulfilling every rock star stereotype.”

“No, not for that,” Gwen replied, rolling her eyes.

“Is that something you really have to try consciously at?” Pharrell questioned Adam curiously from down the table.

“Yes, jesus, have you been to a party in LA recently? The last one I was at had a bowl of coke next to the salsa like it was another dip--”

“Pharrell! We came here to do something!” Gwen proclaimed.

“Gwen, you dragged me here, and I’ve pretty much given up on trying to get out of things with you,” Pharrell complained, not looking up from his phone.

“Anyway, Adam, we’re here to talk to you about something…” Gwen interrupted, glaring at Pharrell.

“Is this about the bill for the cruise? Because you totally deserve that, you set us up.”

“Gwen, you knew about the gay cruise thing?” Pharrell asked, perking up and turning toward the other coach.

“Yeah, of course I did, I sent them on it,” Gwen responded, preening.

“Nice,” Pharrell said, giving her a high five.

“What the hell, guys, are you plotting to get Blake and I together or something?” Adam asked, looking back and forth between the two.

Gwen and Pharrell exchanged a look before answering both yes and no at the same time.

“Ugh, please don’t, Blake is never going to be interested in me.”

As soon as Adam finished saying it, Gwen’s head popped up and she glared fiercely, drawing in a breath like she was going to yell. Adam sat back suddenly, never having seen this side of Gwen. She looked pissed.

“Gwen, now, calm down,” Pharrell said gently, patting her back.

“No! No I am not going to calm down! This is what I asked you here to talk about! Adam this is ridiculous and we have all had to watch it for way too long! I mean, I’ve only been here one season and I see it as plain as day. So let me say it clearly so you have no way of avoiding the truth: Blake has feelings for you. Blake wants to be with you. Please let this happen because otherwise we’re all going to burn in the hellfire that is the unresolved tension that’s been brewing between the two of you for six years!”

It was quiet after Gwen’s abrupt and intense outburst, both Adam and Pharrell stunned into silence. The only sound was of Gwen’s slight panting after having riled herself up so much. Both men stared at the singer, neither really knowing how to respond.

Adam breathed in deeply and let it out, looking Gwen square in the eye. “Fine, okay,” he said.

“What?” Gwen asked, confused.

“Fine, tell me something though. If Blake likes me so much and wants me so much, why hasn’t he said anything?”

It was a good question. Pharrell wisely stayed out, pursing his lips together as Gwen looked over at him, as though to imply that he wasn’t going to contribute.

“I guess… maybe he’s just being as stubborn as you are. He might think he doesn’t have a chance. Or maybe he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship,” Gwen replied, a little more uncertain than when she had started.

“Well, maybe someone should talk to him then,” Adam replied, angry now, slamming down his notebook on the table and standing up. “I’m tired of getting all the shit for this; if you’re so adamant that we should be together, talk to Blake. I mean, he’s giving me mixed signals all over the place.”

Adam’s anger suddenly dissipated into frustration and confusion. He sagged his shoulders and sat down abruptly, feeling tired. Gwen frowned in sympathy and leaned over to pat his shoulder.

“What do you mean?”

Adam rubbed his forehead hard. “I’m sorry to say it like this, but you know that Katy Perry song?”

“‘I Kissed a Girl?’” Pharrell supplied unhelpfully.

“‘Last Friday Night?’” Gwen tried.

“No. What the hell guys? What the hell would those have to do with anything? No. I mean ‘Hot n Cold’. You know, like, ‘You’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re no,’ That kind of thing. That’s what it’s felt like with Blake recently.”

“I really prefer ‘I Kissed a Girl,’” Pharrell said thoughtfully.

“Not the point here, Pharrell,” Gwen muttered, elbowing him in the ribs.

“What is the point of all this, Gwen?” Adam asked plaintively. “Things don’t change, people don’t change. If something was going to happen between us, it would have happened from the very beginning.”

“But Blake was engaged when he met you, so it must have been tough for him, trying to work through confusing feelings for his friend when he was about to get married.”

“Yeah, great story, Gwen, I’m sure all that was going on,” Adam replied sarcastically, drumming his fingers anxiously against the wood of the table.

“He’s never said anything to indicate that he might have had a trace of doubt about his marriage?”

Adam stilled his fingers, holding them against the table. He had, and recently at that. The story Blake had told during the counseling session hadn’t sounded like something he’d made up on the fly, it sounded more like something the country singer had really thought about, as though he’d retraced his steps in his mind and wished it could have gone differently.

“Maybe,” Adam responded reluctantly.

“And you said that he’s been giving you mixed signals?” Gwen continued encouragingly.

“I felt like he was going to--” he almost didn’t want to say it, it sounded so ridiculous. “I thought he was going to kiss me the other night.”

“See, just like ‘I Kissed a Girl,’” Pharrell contributed from his spot down the table, looking down at he typed on his phone.

“That song is about lesbians, not guys.”

“Might as well be lesbians with the way you’re pussy-footing around one another…” Pharrell trailed off, looking at Adam with total exasperation.

Gwen turned her head towards him so quickly she should have gotten whiplash. “Pharrell! That is totally sexist and rude!”

“Yeah,” Adam said, glaring at the other man. “You’re supposed to be the nice one.”

“And you’re supposed to be the ‘Sexiest Man Alive.’ Can’t even seduce your best friend.” Pharrell tsked, wagging a finger at Adam.

“Why does everyone always say that like it means I can do anything!” Adam whined, putting his head down on the table.

“Boys, please. This isn’t productive,” Gwen said, putting her hands up towards both men.

“How is this going to be productive? It’s useless. I’ve already been through all this in my head. I’m not giving up my friendship with Blake.” Adam put his head in his hands and covered his face.

“But, Adam, you already did. I mean, you were ready to do that after accepting that as soon as Blake found someone to be with, your relationship would change and you wouldn’t be able to deal with it.”

“Yeah, and that worked out really well,” Adam mumbled, his head still resting in his hands, elbows propped up against the table.

“Well if you were ready to do that, and you’ve been getting these signals from him, why don’t you just go for it?”

“Go for it?” Adam echoed numbly.

“Yeah, Romeo, like seduce him,” Pharrell said matter-of-factly.

“You want me to seduce Blake?” Adam intoned disbelievingly.

Pharrell and Gwen exchanged another glance. It was getting kind of annoying.

“Yeah, why not?”

Adam opened his mouth to reply but then closed it, considering the question. Gwen was right. He had made the choice to stop being friends with Blake because it was too painful being around him and seeing him get together with someone else. And they had become friends again, but something seemed to have changed. Blake was touching him more, asking to go to gay clubs, asking him if he found him attractive. It seemed to all be leading towards something, some answer that Adam had never allowed himself to consider. Just like when Blake had sung ‘Sad’ and it was almost impossible to avoid the implications of the song.

“I… I could try?” Adam said, his voice wavering.

“Oh for god’s sake, Adam. It’s not rocket science. Just drag him behind the trailers and kiss him, it wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened,” Pharrell instructed, putting down his phone and giving him an irritated look.

“Who… who else has done that?” Adam asked, puzzled.

“Nevermind,” Pharrell answered shortly, picking up his phone and looking busy.

They sat in an awkward silence together as Adam ruminated on his new mission. Gwen looked torn between wanting to be supportive and a little uneasy that she might’ve created a monster. A sexy monster.

“You could just tell him how you feel,” she said slowly.

“No, that never works in real life,” Adam disagreed, still distracted by his thoughts and looking out the window.

“I don’t think I’ll ever understand men,” Gwen muttered, as she stood up and gathered her stuff. She pulled Pharrell from his spot and dragged him towards the door. “Meeting adjourned.”

The door almost closed before she heard a voice from inside. “Did you at least bring snacks to my intervention? I don’t see any.” She sighed and continued down the hall.

 

 

“Last week of Knockouts!” Blake cheered, putting his hands above his head. “And thank god, because I never thought they would end!”

“Yeah,” Adam replied awkwardly, feeling Pharrell and Gwen staring at him. “Yeah,” he repeated, not knowing what to say.

Blake turned to him, barely suppressing a smile. “Well you’re Mr. Talkative today.”

Adam leaned over, crossing his legs at the ankle and attempted to leer at the other man. “I’m Mr… Mr. Awesome today.”

Pharrell groaned from his seat, as if he was in pain.

“How did you even manage to write ‘Sugar’?” the producer moaned, falling sideways off his chair a little.

“It’s different when you’re on a stage!” Adam whispered back at him, trying to make sure a confused-looking Blake didn’t hear him.

“Come here,” Pharrell hissed from beside him. Adam got out of his chair and crouched down, shuffling over to him. “We have five minutes ‘til showtime, and I’m going to give you some tips from ‘Pharrell’s School of Love.’

“If ‘Pharrell’s School of Love’ has anything to do with the concept behind ‘Blurred Lines,’ I’m out. That song was 100% uncomfortable,” Adam said, crouched by Pharrell’s chair, watching the stage get set up.

“First of all, shut up, and second of all, who’s the married one here?”

Adam paused and stared at Pharrell. “Neither of us....?”

Pharrell slapped his hand down on his podium. “What the hell, man? I’ve known you for almost a year now! I’m married!”

“What?” Adam peered over him towards Gwen who was laughing at him. “What? When?”

“Why do you think I spend so much time with Gwen? Our kids love one another and we combine babysit them.”

“Kids?” Adam choked, looking at the other man with wide eyes.

“Okay, I’m going to let this one slide because you live a weird Blake-obsessed life where you get stuck on cruises and stalk him and end up in hospitals.”

“It wasn’t stalking,” Adam said, glaring at the other man a little. Pharrell looked back at him, unconvinced. “Okay, it wasn’t consensual stalking.”

“We don’t have time for this, we’re about to start taping. Look, there are three rules to seducing a woman.”

“Blake is not a woman,” Adam commented, and both men looked to the last judge’s chair, almost to confirm this statement. Gwen was distracting Blake by telling a funny story of some sort and the country singer was laughing, voice deep, and banging his podium loudly.

“Fair point,” Pharrell said considerately, stroking his chin. “This should still work though. Number one: compliment the shit out of her.”

“Wow, Pharrell,” Adam said sarcastically. “You should totally get that copyrighted, that’s great--”

“Just try it, Levine.”

“Ugh, I hate this stuff.”

“Adam, you’ve literally written, like, 20 songs about this and I’m starting to find that really confusing.”

 

 

“Blake is now in a position where he has to make a very difficult decision,” Carson said from the stage, one hand gripping the shoulder of a terrified looking contestant. “He needs to decide which of these singers he will take…. to the live shows!” The host paused, looking at the judges consideringly.

“Adam we haven’t heard from you!” he said, gesturing toward the coach.

The audience went wild, cheering and chanting the name of their favorite contestant. Blake looked serious and was glancing back and forth between the two contestants, scrutinizing them.

Adam blinked, looking up at Carson. He cleared his throat. “Um. Yeah. Right. Well Tyler, you seemed to have picked a song that didn’t really work that well for you. You’ve got to play to your strengths, you know? And a ballad doesn’t really work right with your vocal range. But it also seemed like Chris made the same mistake, since he picked a really fast-paced song that he had trouble keeping up with. I mean, you guys have gotten this far because you’re great singers, so that makes this choice tougher,” Adam turned to Blake, “And your eyes look really blue today.”

There was a beat as the audience took in what Adam had said, and then a horribly awkward silence. The two men on stage looked at one another and then over to Blake, whose brow was furrowed, but was smiling slightly. Carson’s mouth was open, hanging awkwardly before he closed it and asked Blake in a strained voice to pick the winner.

“I’m going to count that as a fail, Levine,” Pharrell whispered as they took a short break. “You need to step up your game, for real. Okay, number two is make her feel special.”

 

 

Adam looked sullenly into his chip bag. He didn’t know how to make stupid Blake feel stupid special. That didn’t even make sense. He was just angry that he was so bad at all of this. His stage persona was so good at all this junk. He was pretty sure several women had passed out at his concerts before. And he was usually good with the guys at clubs. But somehow knowing it was Blake made it that much harder.

He looked over at the country singer for the 100th time in the past couple of minutes. The older man was coming over, long legs taking broad steps. Adam jumped a little in his chair and watched him with large eyes.

“What’s up, Rock Star?” Blake asked, still standing, but leaning slightly on Adam’s podium with an outstretched arm. “You’re actin’ weird as hell today, and that’s saying something because you’re normally weird as hell. This is, like, extra weird though.”

“Thanks, Blake,” Adam replied sarcastically, grabbing another chip. Make Blake feel special. Well, what the hell did that mean? He paused for a second, contemplating the chip in his hand.

“Do you want a chip?” Adam asked, holding it up hopefully. Blake’s lips twitched as though he were trying to repress a smile.

“That’s your last one,” the country singer observed, peering into the open bag Adam was holding. Adam looked down as well, seeing the same thing and sighing sadly. Blake knew how much he loved food. Like, really loved food.

The rock singer looked up and winced a little as Blake chuckled. “Adam, you can eat the chip, I’m fine,” Blake said, full-out smiling now and looking inordinately fond. Adam wavered slightly, glancing at the chip and letting out a huff of breath before he ate it. Blake laughed and ruffled his hair, going back over to his spot as the director called for filming to begin again.

“You are officially failing ‘Pharrell’s School of Love,’” Pharrell hissed from the other side of him.

“Screw ‘Pharrell’s School of Love,’ maybe it’s failing me,” Adam muttered back.

Pharrell looked mildly offended. “There’s only one more step,” the producer said, pausing for dramatic effect. Adam was not impressed. “You need to make a move.”

“What?” Adam yelped, but the cameras were rolling again and he quickly screwed his face up into his serious ‘I’m paying attention, really’ face.

 

 

Adam walked down the hallway with Pharrell and Gwen after the day of filming, heading towards the parking lot. Blake had stepped out a couple of minutes earlier, needing to take a phone call. The country singer was leaning on the wall, checking something on his phone while he waited for everyone to walk over.

“Okay,” Pharrell said quietly. “Now’s your chance to implement the final stage.”

“Stop making this sound more interesting than it actually is,” Adam muttered back, but slowed in his steps, reluctant to catch up to the country singer.

“So Adam’s supposed to ‘make a move’ on him?” Gwen asked skeptically, using air quotes. “This is your grand scheme, Pharrell?”

“Look, if Adam had played this right, he would be making out behind the ‘making out trailer’ right now.”

“Whose trailer is the ‘making out trailer?’” Adam asked, confused.

“Yours.”

“What?” Adam exclaimed quietly. “What? Since when? And, ew, what the hell?”

“Focus, Adam,” Gwen said. “You need to go over and work your magic. Just pretend to be that sexy guy from your music videos.”

“What’s wrong with the real me?” Adam hissed, looking over at Blake with growing trepidation.

“The real you is great,” Pharrell said in a fake, disingenuous voice. “You’re totally not the most awkward guy on the planet. I’m sure there’s someone worse. I just haven’t met them.”

With that Pharrell gave him a little push and a thumbs up. He and Gwen quickly ducked behind a corner at the end of the hall, peering over the side. Adam realized he was all alone and moved forward. Blake was looking at him, both eyebrows raised high on his forehead.

“Are ya’ll in a cult I should know about?” Blake asked, putting his phone away as Adam approached.

“It’s complicated,” Adam said with a sigh, wishing he was just going to invite the other man to come over to his house like they did every Friday. He could just do that, he thought, but caught a flash of Pharrell’s ridiculous hat of the week peeking out behind the wall down the hallway. Christ, what a mess.

He could make a move. He’d made all sorts of moves in his life. It was a little more intimidating when the guy was half a head taller than you and you’d made a fool of yourself all day.

Adam got closer to Blake, close enough that he was in the other man’s personal bubble. Blake didn’t look alarmed, just watched him closely. Adam shot out an arm, leaning casually against the wall, his hand right next to Blake’s shoulder.

“Blake,” he said coolly, leaning in a little.

“Adam,” Blake responded, a little confused, but amused. “You feelin’ okay today? You stressed about the ‘Lives’ or something?”

“I’m feeling… hungry,” Adam said, voice low and a little growly.

“Well, we could go to that restaurant you really like. The one where they put tiny umbrellas in the drinks.”

“Yes! No! No. I’m hungry… for something else,” Adam said pointedly.

“So, like, Thai then?” Blake said, looking slightly bewildered.

“No, stop,” Adam said, frustrated. He pushed both of his hands on Blake’s shoulders, gripping the taller man and looking him in the eyes. “Look, I think you’re really cool.”

“Oh my god, is he in middle school?” he heard Pharrell mutter from down the hallway.

“You’re cool too, buddy,” Blake replied, ruffling his hair for the second time that day. He beamed down at Adam, opening his mouth again to say something, but pausing when his phone began to ring again. He frowned at it. “I’ve got to take this. How about you tell me where you want to go when I get back and I buy you dinner?”

Blake winked at Adam and walked out the doors to the parking lot, leaving the rock singer standing there dumbly. Gwen and Pharrell came up from behind him, Gwen patting his shoulder sympathetically.

“I think you just got friend-zoned,” Pharrell said wryly.

“Pharrell, again, you’ve got to work on the sexist stuff. And Adam! That wasn’t a total trainwreck.”

“It was a total trainwreck,” Adam said miserably, still staring at the closed doors.

“We’ll try again tomorrow,” Gwen said encouragingly. “And this time it will be my turn to help.”

Adam leaned against the wall and groaned, slipping downwards until he was laying on the floor. Pharrell prodded him with his boot. He didn’t get up for a while.


	20. Look For The Boy With The Broken Smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Heart Is Open: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_kvy7s4-ng
> 
> Don't know if I'm the only one confused by this song. 
> 
>  
> 
> As always thanks for reading and reviewing throughout this journey!

Adam was jamming out in one of the rehearsal rooms by himself when Gwen came in. He let loose on the drum set, flipping up his sticks and swinging his head back and forth vigorously. He played for a few more moments before he completed the piece, holding the sticks tightly before chucking them across the full length of the room, where they landed with a dramatic clatter. He panted, his head hanging low until he slowly brought it up to meet Gwen’s unimpressed gaze.

“Feel better?” she asked as she took a stool across from him.

“Can we just pretend we already had the girl talk so we don’t have to?” Adam asked hopefully, wiping the sweat off his brow with a small towel.

“No,” Gwen replied simply.

Adam grimaced and stretched out his legs. “Fine, but let’s do this quickly.”

“Why, so you can get back to sulking like a moody teenager?”

Adam grumbled under his breath, lifting his eyes briefly to meet hers before kicking the drum in front of him petulantly. “Yes.”

“Look, Pharrell’s idea was really stupid,” Gwen started, crossing her legs and looking serious.

“No kidding,” Adam muttered.

“But you don’t really need help seducing anyone. You were quite a force to be reckoned with in your twenties. I mean, I’ve read the articles. I was actually a little impressed a couple years ago with that story about the mega-orgy you started in Florida. Was any of that true?”

Adam looked down, trying to look modest. “Yeah, mostly. I mean, the cult that formed around it died off mostly, but there are still people who refer to it as a religious experience.”

Gwen’s cheeks grew a little red and she cleared her throat. “Right. Well. So Pharrell giving you advice to seduce someone was useless. Clearly you don’t need help in that field. But something seems to be holding you back with Blake.”

“Yeah,” Adam said musingly, rubbing his chin between his fingers. “Yeah, I’ve just never crossed that line with him. I didn’t know how it would change things between us. And also… I guess I don’t really understand my feelings. I’ve really never felt this way about anyone else.”

“No one?”

“Well, there was John. But I never told him either. And we were never together,” Adam sighed and cleared his throat. “It was just-- It was really hard when I came out. I’d been lying to myself for a long time, trying to make myself see girls in a certain way. And when I started letting go and being with guys, I kind of pretended that it was just sex. That I didn’t need anything else from it,” Adam paused and swallowed heavily, “I’ve never really let myself-- really been able to comfortably fall for anyone. Even with John-- well I just made sure not to talk to him after I knew that I really cared. And after that it was always one night stands. All the guys I met at clubs or parties I’d already slotted in my mind as conquests. It was different with Blake, though, because we were friends before anything. And I fell for him and I felt like in some weird way that I couldn’t combine the two.”

“What?” Gwen asked, having progressively leaned forward during Adam’s speech.

“Sex and love, I guess.”

“Jesus, Adam,” Gwen breathed, blinking slowly.

“Is this what therapy is like? I don’t think I’ve ever said any of that out loud.”

“Yes, and you really do need therapy, by the way.”

“Fuck, I’m messed up,” Adam moaned, pressing his hands into his eyes and leaning back in his stool.

“Look, everyone’s messed up. You’re not the first person.”

Adam wasn’t really paying attention to her, his face had scrunched up as he stared at the ceiling. He looked back down at Gwen with a perplexed look on his face.

“Is that why I write all of these sad songs about lust and love? Because I don’t-- I don’t really get them?” Adam looked a little like he was having a mental breakdown, slowly analyzing the rest of his life choices as he stared at the high ceiling of the studio. There was a moment of silence as they were both lost in their own thoughts.

The Gwen snapped her fingers and grinned. “That’s what we need to do! You need to write a song about Blake so you can work through your emotions!”

Adam’s eyes darted to make eye contact with Gwen before he looked quickly away. “Sure, yeah, a song about Blake,” he said haltingly.

“What?” Gwen asked suspiciously. “What, is that dumb?” Adam still wasn’t looking at her. “Have you already thought of that before?” Adam smacked his lips and investigated his fingernails. “Have you-- Adam, have you already done that?”

“Might’ve,” Adam replied, still looking at his nails.

“You’ve written a song about Blake? Which one? Have I heard it?” Gwen asked these questions in rapid succession, getting a little more excited with each one. Adam still wasn’t looking at her though and his cheeks were a little red at the tops.

“Wait,” Gwen said slowly. “How many songs have you written about Blake?” Adam didn’t answer. “Are we talking about a couple of songs here?” Silence. “Three?” Adam coughed. “Jesus, are all of your songs about Blake?”

“Not the ones from ‘Songs About John,’” Adam said defensively, finally looking at her.

“Well, obviously,” Gwen replied, whipping out her phone. “But do all of the rest basically fall under ‘Songs About Blake?’”

“Not as catchy of an album title,” Adam muttered, tapping one of the drums with a finger.

“Wait, you met in 2011, right? What songs have you written since then?” Gwen asked to herself, mostly, looking it up on her phone. “‘Love Somebody?’” she asked, looking over at him. Adam sighed and raised his eyes to the ceiling as if silently asking for intervention from a higher power. “‘Beautiful Goodbye?’”

Adam blew out a long breath and glared at Gwen. “Okay, yes, they’re all about him in some way or another. Except the ones that are mostly about sex. Or vapid men. And not ‘Ladykiller,’ that was just a public service announcement.”

Gwen bit her lip and looked meditatively to the side. “Well, so, maybe a new song. One that’s about these complicated feelings. Maybe we could both write it? And then sing it to him? Would that be easier?”

“Gwen, we’ve literally already written a song together.”

“We have?” Gwen asked, trying to remember. “We have. Well okay, let’s do that one.”

“Really?”

“Well, yeah.”

 

* * *

 

 

They decided to do it at soundcheck the next day. It wouldn’t be that weird, Adam tried to reassure himself as he walked casually across the stage in the empty auditorium. It was too early in the day for the audience to have arrived. Gwen was already at the mic, trying to explain to the director that they needed a moment.

“Gwen, we’ve already done a soundcheck for today,” the director said.

“Yeah, well, we’re just doing it again.” The director didn’t move, continuing to give Gwen a doubtful look. “Look, this is for team building,” Gwen hissed, gesturing pointedly at a mystified-looking Pharrell and Blake who were sitting in their judge’s chairs.

The director sighed, running a hand over her face. “God knows how we’ve gotten through this many seasons…” she muttered as she walked off the stage. Gwen grinned triumphantly. Adam groaned.

“What’re ya’ll doin’ up there?” Blake asked, raising his voice slightly so the two on stage could hear him. “D’you know anythin’ about this?” he directed toward Pharrell, who was on his phone surfing the web.

“I don’t ask questions anymore,” Pharrell replied, not looking up.

“Blake,” Gwen started confidently. “This song is dedicated to you. I mean, we didn’t write it for you. I mean, I didn’t write it for you. But, it’s for you.”

“Okay?” Blake replied hesitantly.

“Trainwreck,” Pharrell coughed loudly into his hand. Blake looked at him, puzzled.

Adam gripped the mic stand nervously and looked for reassurance from Gwen, who gave him a grin and a thumbs up. He hesitantly tapped the mic to make sure it worked. He saw Gwen give the signal to their pianist playing from the back. The rock singer felt his tension ease as he heard the straining chords of the piano play. He took a breath.

“ _I know you're scared, oh I can feel it_ ,” Adam started in a breathy voice, looking directly at Blake.

“ _It's in the air, I know you feel that, too,_

 _But take a chance on me, you won't regret it, no_.”

The rock singer’s voice began to get stronger and Adam gripped the mic stand tightly, drawing it to his body.

“ _One more no and I'll believe you_ ,” Gwen’s voice joined in with Adam’s as they harmonized.

“ _I'll walk away and I will leave you be,_

 _And that's the last time you'll say ‘No’, say ‘No’ to me_ ,” Adam finished singing and breathed deeply, feeling himself grow warm at Blake’s intent gaze.

“ _It won't take me long to find another lover but I want you_ ,” Gwen sang, looking like she was enjoying herself.

“I can't spend another minute getting over loving you,” 

They started in the chorus together,

“ _You don't have to say yeah_

_Let me hear ya say yeah_

_Wanna hear ya say yeah_

_'Cause my heart is open._ ”

Blake was watching intently, seemingly captivated by the performance. Pharrell was another matter.

“What is this song about, exactly?” he questioned during the instrumental riff.

“Shut up,” Blake muttered back gruffly, eyes trained on the pair.

“ _Now ya gotta say yeah,_

_Let me hear ya say yeah,_

_Wanna hear ya say yeah,_

_'Cause my heart is open_.”

They sang the rest of the song passionately and beautifully, both putting power into the words. The director and some of the producers came out to watch, clapping when it was over, murmuring about the oddest cast on television as the proceeded with the set-up they had been forced to delay.

Adam finished the song and leaned over slightly, closing his eyes and feeling the last chords of the piano as died down. Looking up he cast his gaze over to Blake who appeared very serious. Maybe this was it. Maybe Blake got the message. He really did just want the other man to say ‘Yes.’

“Gwen, can I talk to you outside for a minute?” the country singer asked unexpectedly, standing up and walking to the edge of the stage to help Gwen down. Adam stumbled a bit and stared dumbly as they walked out together, Gwen shooting him a confused look behind her as the pair walked out the doors.

“Well, that went about as well as I predicted,” Pharrell said, tapping on his phone.

“When did I ever think you were the nice one?” Adam mused, still on the stage, not sure what to do with himself.

Gwen came back a short time later, after Adam had sadly and dejectedly lowered himself from the stage. The rock singer was cradling a hot beverage in his hands and staring unblinkingly out into the distance like a trauma victim.

Gwen plopped into her seat with a loud thump, which jarred Adam enough that he broke out of his reverie and looked at her.

“Well, the good news is Blake very certainly doesn’t want to date me,” she said cheerily. Adam groaned and collapsed over his podium. Pharrell laughed like a hyena.

“Was that really the only outcome of that whole performance?” Adam moaned, turning his head to face Gwen’s twinkling eyes.

“He was really nice about it though,” she continued. “So you have that to look forward to, if that’s the case, which it won’t be, because he loves you. I mean, just the way he was looking at you during the performance,” she sighed, looking wistful, “I wish someone would look at me like that.”

“You’re taking that rejection pretty well,” Pharrell said, putting away his phone and looking interested.

“Pfff,” Gwen said, waving her hand down. “Blake and I? Seriously? That would be a mess.”

Pharrell titled his head consideringly. “I don’t know, Gwake could be really cute--”

“No. Shut up,” Adam interrupted, holding up a hand, palm faced towards Pharrell. “I’ve already been through this line of reasoning and I hate it and I hate you.”

“Aw, someone’s feeling a little defeated,” Pharrell said, but came over and thumped the rock singer reassuringly on the back.

“I give up, I give up on everything.”

“Did you expect him to run up to the stage and confess his feelings for you? Honestly, has serenading anyone ever worked? This isn’t ‘Enchanted,’ you know.”

Gwen sighed a little, standing up and lending her support as well , rubbing Adam’s back.

“You know, you’ve tried it both of our ways, Adam. But have you tried your way?”

“That’s the point though, I don’t _have_ a way,” Adam said miserably.

“Well maybe you need to actually think about it.”

When Blake returned, ready for one of the final pre-recordings before the live tapings, the three were huddled together, a cozy picture of friends.

 

 


	21. Ask Him If He Wants To Stay Awhile

Adam tapped his foot on the floor of his trailer. Filming was over for the season, at least until the live performances started up. That meant a lot more free time. It was nice, but all Adam could think about was how he needed to find his own way to confess his feelings to Blake. But what was the Adam way? Simply saying it and hoping for the best? Just kissing the other man and risking getting punched in the face? How did normal people do this, anyway?

Just as he was heatedly contemplating a very intricate plan involving locking himself in a room with Blake and tying him to a chair, the door burst open and Blake hopped inside, looking happy.

“Gah,” Adam said articulately, scrambling up on his couch.

“Hey,” Blake said pleasantly, opening the other man’s refrigerator and rooting around, pulling out a yogurt and propping himself up on the counter, while he devoured it. “So were you in on Gwen’s sweet song confession?”

“You sort of got that all wrong,” Adam snapped, flicking some lint off his jeans.

Blake stilled, his spoon stopping mid air as he frowned. “Whatta’you mean?”

Could this be it? He could clarify everything right here. Could explain to Blake that _he’d_ been the one singing the song to the other man the whole time. As he contemplated what to do, Blake had finished the yogurt and tossed it in the trash, passing Adam’s messy table on the way back.

“What’s this?” Blake asked curiously, picking up a bright folder with the words ‘Do Not Open!!’ scrawled across it.

“That’s Phil’s I think,” Adam said, squinting as he looked over at it. Blake grimaced and looked like he wanted to throw it on the floor. “I don’t think he meant to leave it here; he was pretty secretive about his model shoots.”

Blake opened it without even pausing and Adam yelped, “Don’t open it!”

“Well this is…” Blake began, his eyebrows lifting up high. “This is… unexpected.”

“What?” Adam asked, standing up and rushing over. “What is it?”

It was a collection of photos, but not of Phil. They looked to be paparazzi pictures, but all of couples kissing. Adam’s eyebrows began to follow in suit of Blake's as he looked over the scandalous shots, some of them not very safe for work.

“Did you know about all of this?” Blake asked wonderingly.

“No! What? No, of course I didn’t,” Adam protested.

“We need to investigate,” Blake muttered excitedly. “This might be connected to the drugs thing. I need to find out once and for all.”

With that, Blake swung around and bound out of Adam’s trailer, leaving the other man still standing by the table, stupefied.

“No we don’t,” he sighed, realizing the country singer certainly couldn’t hear him. Then it occurred to him that he had completely forgotten to explain to Blake why he had gotten the song thing all wrong.

“Dammit.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Do you see him?” Adam whispered, feeling an incredible sense of deja vu. The kind where you actually knew why you felt that way, in Adam’s case because he had stalked the man next to him with the man he was currently stalking. That sentence was probably a little too indicative of the sad turn his life had taken.

“No, just his car,” Blake replied, leaning back in the driver’s seat and looking at the man next to him.

“Can we at least pretend we’re doing something normal?” Adam whined slightly. “Can we talk about something?”

“Sure,” Blake replied, turning the radio on low and listening to the music for a second. “So… what’s the deal with ‘Lost Stars?’ Why is it ‘hunting season and the lambs are on the run?’ What kind of sick fuck hunts lambs? Is that a metaphor? And why are a lion and deer on the same continent? Did you mean antelope? Did you write the song like that just to fuck with me? Because it worked.”

“I’m done with this conversation,” Adam said, crossing his arms and sinking down into the passenger’s seat.

“Is that Drake?” Blake whispered loudly, peering into the darkness in front of the club they were parked near.

“Oh shit, Drake?” Adam whispered back, pressing his face to the glass.

“D’you know Drake?” Blake asked.

“Never met him, seems like a chill dude. Why is Phil in a club with Drake?”

“The plot thickens.”

“Shut up, this is stupid. We’re stupid. I’m stupid for letting you drag me out here.”

“No argument here. You are pretty dumb,” Blake said teasingly, smirking a little. Adam’s heart thudded loudly and he was annoyed at how much affection he had for the other man when he said things like that.

“You’re dumb,” Adam replied grumpily.

“Ooooh, nice comeback, Levine. I’m gonna have to write that one down for later.”

Adam sat up and pushed the larger man's shoulder. Blake pushed him back. They began pushing one another fervently, rocking the car back and forth before dissolving into laughter. They quieted after a while, both breathing heavily and smiling.

“Wouldn’t it be great if this were a date?” Adam asked. He froze as he realized what he had said, turning his head slowly toward the other man. Blake was blinking slowly at him.

“You want us to be on a date where we’re stalking your ex-boyfriend as he takes raunchy pictures of celebrities?”

“What?” Adam asked, scrunching his forehead in confusion. Blake gestured towards the club where Drake had stepped out and was kissing a woman in the alley. Phil was further behind them, taking pictures. “What the hell?”

Adam watched for another minute or so, feeling like he was taking the word voyeur to another level as he tried to make sense of Phil taking photos of the kissing couple.

“I think that’s Serena Williams,” Blake said, cocking his head a little and looking like an adorably confused puppy. “That’s pretty cool. Power couple, for sure.”

“Are you into this?” Adam asked incredulously.

“I mean, I wouldn’t pay money to see it, but I guess some people would.”

“Is that what Phil is doing?” Adam asked, eyes wide. “Is he like some undercover paparazzi who takes photos of celebrities making out?”

“How does he have the time to do that _and_ deal drugs?” Blake asked mockingly. Adam glared at him.

As they watched, Phil disappeared suddenly into the night. Both men flinched, ducking down to avoid being seen. Blake frowned from his spot, suddenly, staring at Adam.

“D’you think--” Blake started, but hesitated. “D’you think he only dated you, to, y’know, get photos of you?”

“What the hell, Blake? Is that the only reason someone would have to date me?”

“No!” Blake replied, spluttering. Adam secretly felt pleased that he’d riled the other man up. He didn’t really care why Phil had fake dated him, since they had only fake dated. But it was a weird thought that Phil might have been using him. “No, anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Adam narrowed his eyes jokingly. “What kind of photos do you think he has of me?” he asked in a low, sultry sort of voice, looking Blake directly in the eyes.

“Uh,” Blake said haltingly, looking distracted, the tops of his cheeks turning pink. “I don’t know-- We’d better look for them later, y’know, for research.”

But Adam wasn't listening anymore, he was searching for Phil in the darkness of the parking lot by the club. They sat together for a while, listening to the low radio before Blake turned to him again.

“What did you mean about a date before?” Blake asked, tilting his head a little.

Adam opened his mouth slowly, thinking about what he could say. This was for sure it-- the moment he had been waiting for. All he had to do was ask Blake out, that would be a great way to do it. "Well, actually, do you wanna--"

“So you’ve discovered the truth,” Phil said, appearing in the backseat. Adam yelled shrilly for a second before Blake covered his mouth.

“What the hell, you psycho?” Blake bellowed, twisting his body to face the intruder.

“Well this is certainly more comfortable than the last time _we_ did it,” Phil commented, eyeing the McDonald’s bags by Adam’s feet.

“I knew it,” Blake said triumphantly, pointing at the rock singer. “I knew you were following me that night. I thought I saw your car.”

“Judge not, that ye not be judged,” Adam grumbled back at Phil, reaching for a french fry.

“Are you quoting scripture at me when you’re the one in a car at 3 a.m. with a country singer?”

“What is _that_ supposed'ta mean?” Blake shot back at the same time Adam said, “Are you seriously trying to claim the moral high ground?”

They all stared at one another for a moment, everyone quiet.

“Were you dating me just to get unsavory candid pictures while I was sleeping or something?” Adam asked.

“Ah, well, I don’t take just any old celebrity picture, Adam,” Phil replied, grinning in a sort of an evil way.

Blake, who had been looking defensive from when he had first spotted the model in the back of the car, scowled at him now and placed a protective arm over Adam’s shoulder.

“What does that mean?” Blake questioned gruffly.

“I mean, I only take couple photos. And only the kind that will sell big.”

“You haven’t answered the question,” Adam pointed out, leaning back against Blake’s arm.

Phil grin faltered. “That actually makes it sound really shitty, though. I think we were both trying to get something out of that situation.”

Blake’s face reddened and he withdrew his arm, turning his body more fully towards Phil, who shrunk back.

“You little asshole!” Blake bellowed. Adam grabbed his arm to try and calm him down and looked around nervously, hoping the car was insulating some of the yelling. “I knew you were trouble! You didn’t deserve him, you sneaky little shit--”

Phil scrambled further back into the car’s backseat, mouth open as he stared at Blake with wide, scared eyes. He turned those eyes slowly to Adam, and they grew accusatory.

“Adam, you never told him that we weren’t actually dating?”

Adam heard a few crickets chirping outside the car as Blake slowly took in what Phil had said. Now everyone in the car was looking at the rock singer.

“Wait, what?” Blake asked, shaken from dropping out of anger so quickly.

“Adam paid me to date him,” Phil explained, sitting upright again and regaining some confidence. Adam’s face drained of its color.

“Like a prostitute?” Blake said, utterly confused.

“No, that really makes it sound way hotter than it was. Also, Adam, you never paid me anything, so I guess it’s not really that scandalous. Actually, with that in mind it’s all kind of lame. We just hung out.”

Blake was still staring at Adam, though. The rock singer, on the other hand, was resolutely staring at the dashboard of the car, fingers drumming on his thighs as he avoided the other man’s gaze.

“Why would ya’ do that?” Blake asked wonderingly.

Adam sighed and finally looked at him. “I was just tired of everyone saying I couldn’t do it; couldn’t be in a relationship. Or that I was a slut or something. I just wanted to get everyone off my back.”

“What about me?” Blake asked sadly, staring at him with big, blue, puppy-dog eyes. Adam swallowed, feeling like the biggest jerk alive. Honestly, it had just been easier at the time. He’d also secretly enjoyed that Blake had been so jealous of the time that Phil had taken from him. But that was a shitty reason.

“Oh, this is good,” Phil said from the back, munching on Adam’s french fries like he was in a movie theater.

“You are _not_ helping,” Adam muttered to him out of the side of his mouth, eyes still on Blake.

“No,” Phil responded excitedly. “This is for real my kink. Can you like, comfort him, but with your mouth?”

Adam groaned. “Blake, I’m pretty sure you’ve always thought I slept around too much. So maybe I was trying to prove something to you, too.”

Blake’s mouth opened in indignation. “I never called you a slut! I ain’t never judged you for anythin’ that you chose to do!”

“Oh my God,” Phil said from the back. “This is gold. Have you guys ever thought of doing reality TV? I mean like, real reality TV, ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashian’s’ level reality. I can see it working really well.”

“Shut up, Phil,” both men said simultaneously, still not looking at the man in the back.

“Fine, okay,” Adam said apologetically. “Maybe it wasn’t fair. But I needed to do something. I mean, you weren’t going to date me, and I sort of need to start having an adult life.”

Blake’s eyes grew wide. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Phil whistled loudly, starting high and letting it drop low.

“I mean,” Adam said, jutting his chin out. “I mean, I can’t spend my life just hanging out with you: I need a partner.”

Blake’s cheeks were a little red and he looked uncomfortable. “I-I’m sort of your partner,” he stuttered out defensively.

Adam raised his eyebrows skeptically, despite feeling completely overwhelmed and a little terrified confronting Blake like this. But now that he’d started, it felt like the best opportunity to see what would happen. He wasn’t doing this Pharrell’s womanizing, cool and collected way, or Gwen’s genuine and heart-felt way. He was doing it the Adam way, in a stuffy car at 3 a.m. outside a club where Drake and Serena Williams were sloppily making out with his former fake boyfriend watching, eating fries in the back seat. How could it ever have happened a different way?

“You know what I mean,” Adam said directly, looking Blake square in the eyes.

Now Blake looked really confused. “Wait,” he said, tilting his head to the side and furrowing his brow. “D’you want me to be that sort of partner?” Blake looked like something was slowly dawning on him, like he was putting pieces together that had once been disjointed.

“Guys, I’m just so happy that I get to be here for this moment. Please kiss. Like now.” Phil had his camera up in front of his face and was waiting expectantly.

Adam blinked. Wait, what the hell? Did Blake never have any idea that Adam had always wanted to be with him? Blake was looking at him now with a little bit of hope in his eyes, and sort of a sappy expression on his face. Was Blake-- was he maybe receptive to what Adam wanted?

“Why are we hesitating here? We all know what we want. Do you need help? I can sort of, I can push your heads together…” Phil reached forward to touch Blake’s head, but the country singer slapped his hand away.

“Can we please get rid of this guy?” Blake asked, breathing suddenly, like he’d forgotten to. He was smiling a little, though, and letting his eyes slip over to Adam before focusing back on Phil. Adam was smiling a little too, feeling like something big had happened. And then was ruined by Phil.

“Where the hell is your car, dude?” Adam asked.

Phil looked like he was going to say something else about kissing, and Adam was getting dangerously close to slapping him, but the model sat up suddenly instead, looking alarmed.

“I think it just got towed,” he said slowly, looking out the front window. Sure enough his car was getting towed.

“At 4 a.m.?” Blake asked. “You must have pissed someone off.”

“I piss a lot of people off,” Phil admitted. No one disagreed.

“We could leave him here,” Adam said hopefully. But outside Drake had stopped kissing Serena and was looking suspiciously toward their car.

“Yeah, so Drake sort of has a restraining order against me so that might not work well,” Phil muttered, ducking down in his seat and looking at Adam hopefully.

Blake sighed and started up the car, looking behind him to give Phil a warning glance.

“We’ll have to take him home,” the country singer said reluctantly.

“Can I actually go home with you guys? I’m a quiet watcher. I can hang out on the end of your bed. I just feel like this is going to get really hot and make me lots of money.”

“No!” both men said quickly, looking at one another uncomfortably.

 

* * *

 

 

Phil sulked in the back all the way to his place. No one talked in the car and the only sound was of the rumbling truck engine. Adam had to open Phil’s door and practically push him into his house, ignoring the other man’s disappointed muttering about ‘early retirement’ and ‘hottest pictures ever.’

When Adam got back to the car, Blake didn’t look at him, but drove silently towards the rock singer’s house. Adam was a little confused, because it seemed like right after their conversation, Blake had been happy and receptive. But now he seemed closed down and thoughtful, staring at the cars in front of him like they held all the answers. Blake parked his car in Adam’s driveway and the two men sat in the car, both lost in their own worlds.

“Did you mean what you said back there?” Blake asked hoarsely.

Adam’s heart beat like a rabbit’s in his chest and he felt a little dizzy. The world seemed sort of surreal for a moment as everything he had been waiting for came to fruition. He stared at his house blankly like he’d never seen it before.

Adam opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out. He tried again and squeaked a little.

“Look,” Blake said gently. Adam could barely hear through the blood rushing in his ears. Was Blake going to let him down easy? Was this going to be super awkward? “Look, we have a couple of month until ‘Lives,’ and until then I’m touring--”

“What?” Adam choked out, hating to interrupt what Blake was saying but feeling a little devastated by the news.

“I had to schedule it somewhere this year,” Blake explained. “I think that we need to talk about lots of things. I think I need to think about some things too. I guess-- A lot of things are making sense to me now, is all.”

Adam could feel Blake’s eyes burning holes into the side of his face as the other man tried to gauge his reaction. Adam was feeling sort of numb from the events of the night, his confession, and the sort of heartache that came from knowing Blake wouldn’t be in LA for a while. He was surprised that that feeling was the strongest, considering he could be losing the country singer altogether right now. Somehow, he didn’t get that impression though. It almost seemed like Blake actually wanted something with him. He finally looked over at the other man.

“I’ll, uh--” Adam started, wincing as his voice cracked like a teenager’s. “I’ll be here then. When you get back, I mean.” Adam paused, not sure if he should say something more. Maybe he should just directly confess his feelings? That was surely appropriate now, right?

Blake looked like he was wavering a bit, torn in some decision. The other man was breathing heavily, and sighed, running a hand over his face, leaving it there.

“Go,” Blake said, his voice rough and low.

“What?” Adam responded, not really understanding what Blake was talking about.

“Look, I need some time to think about this,” Blake said thickly, swallowing and shifting his eyes away from the other man, looking a little trapped. “I don’t want to do the wrong thing right now, but I feel like I might if you just stay there lookin’ like that…”

“Like what?” Adam asked, still genuinely perplexed.

Blake groaned. “Adam, get the hell outta here, before I take you on tour with me.”

“Is that an option?” Adam asked, grinning cheekily.

Blake turned to him at that, suddenly in Adam’s personal space, so close that the rock singer’s whole vision was wrapped up in Blake’s eyes: blue as bright as the sky.

“I need you to leave before we do something neither of us has really thought through,” Blake forced out through a clenched jaw, his fists balled up on Adam’s seat. Adam felt a thrill run through him, and he licked his lips slowly, leaning toward the other man, feeling dizzy with lust.

“Speak for yourself,” the rock singer said, smirking.

Blake leaned over and Adam’s eyes widened realizing that this might be it, this was the moment. Blake was going to kiss him. Blake was leaning in! Blake was… opening the door. Adam gave him an unimpressed look as the country singer pushed him out of the car.

Adam watched with blinking eyes as Blake’s truck drove away. What… what exactly had just happened? He wasn’t sure if he should feel successful or defeated. Blake had to think about things? Like, how to deal with my best friend who has feelings for me things? Or how to start tolerating my best friend who has feelings things?

Groaning in frustration and kicking dirt, Adam walked inside his house, feeling more confused than when he had started.


	22. And He Will Be Loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I meant to have Blake in this chapter. I swear I meant for this madness to be over! Anyway, to all those who have come 80,000 words without a kiss, props to you. 
> 
> This story will soon be winding down. I'm thinking there are less than five chapters left. I'm sorry if this has been a blue balls of the year fic and everyone is tired of it. Hopefully the despondent, depressed Adam of this chapter will fulfill all your 'whump' needs. 
> 
> I'm also contemplating a sequel where Adam hilariously attempts to navigate his first real relationship. Let me know if you're down. 
> 
> Also: 'All of Me,' the Adam Devine version for weird meta-feels and because that's how they'd sing it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkZsBfERvac

Adam checked his phone again. Yes, it was still only five days since he’d last seen Blake, gone through an unhelpfully ambiguous confession session and gotten kicked out of a car. Blake was on tour, probably somewhere in the south, probably drunk by now, maybe even making out with some cute blonde girl--

No! He couldn’t do this to himself. His life did not revolve around the country singer. His life did not revolve around Blake freaking Shelton.

*Ding*

Fumbling with his phone in his hands, he pulled down his notification screen. ‘Blake Shelton Twitter Alert!’ the message cheerily read. He’d forgotten he had put out an alert for anything related to his friend. Totally normal stuff.

Adam glared at it and opened up the Tweet roughly. ‘Lovin Alabama! Great drinking, great people!’ it read, and Adam frowned at it, unbearably jealous. Blake was clearly having a great time without Adam. Well, Adam was having a great time too!

At that moment one of his dogs trotted over and slowly licked the hand that was hanging off the couch. Adam leaned his head back and groaned loudly.

Feeling bummed, he despondently flicked his finger through his Twitter feed, checking out what was going on with his friends. Maybe if he took a selfie the right way, it might not look like he was totally alone in his sadly empty house with his dogs. He stilled his finger, though, spotting a Tweet from AwesomePhil, his sort of ex.

‘Scandalous photo of Adam Levine and Blake Shelton making out in front of hot LA nightclub,’ it read. It was reblogged from TMZ.

Adam felt his unused hand ball into a tight fist. The attached photo was grainy, but unmistakably included a shot of his arm, complete with his identifying tattoos. Blake was leaning close to him, and yes, if you looked the right way it could be them kissing.

Adam smacked his fist onto his couch so ferociously his dogs looked up concerned.

First of all, this totally blew Phil’s cover of having been his boyfriend to the whole world. After all, who would post a picture of their recent ex making out with someone so cheerily? It was going to raise awkward questions at his next interview. Second of all, he’d saved Phil! And this was the thanks he got? Third of all, Adam hadn’t even gotten a kiss, so this was just plain cruel.

Adam huffed a little and clicked on Phil’s page, trying to investigate where the man was so he could confront him.

Excellent, he thought, smiling a little evilly at the phone as he found a recent location. He was even going to get to pretend he was doing social things.

 

* * *

 

 

It was too damn hot at the beach. Adam had come in a tank-top, aware that it was scorching outside, but he still felt perspiration forming the minute he left his car. Grumbling, he turned back to grab his sunglasses from his dash, and walked purposefully down the street towards what appeared to be a hopping celebrity party, keeping an eye out for Phil.

He approached the beach and stood up on his tippy-toes to survey before he moved into the party, only to bump into a lithe man’s outstretched arm. He bounced back, confused.

“Sorry, celebrities only,” the man, apparently a bouncer, who looked only slightly older than a teenager said.

Adam growled and the man flinched back in surprise. “I’m Adam freaking Levine,” the rock singer said. The man stared blankly back at him. This was a little too much for Adam, who blew out a loud breath of air and started to sound a little hysterical. “Maroon 5? ‘Sugar’? Oh, come on. Jesus, uh, ‘Payphone’? I’m not that old, am I?”

“I’ve got him, Fred,” said a voice from his side. Christina Aguilera’s blonde head popped into view and Adam allowed himself to calm down marginally. Christina pulled him onto the beach near the crowd and the band and handed him a drink.

“Thanks,” Adam sighed, drinking quickly.

“Sure,” she replied, smirking a little. This didn’t surprise Adam as she always looked smug; Christina always looked like she had something over you and was laughing about it in her head. Adam wasn’t sure if he liked that about her or not. “What brings you to the beach?”

“Why wouldn’t I be at the beach doing social things with people and not hiding in my house with my dogs?” Adam replied, evaluating his fingernails and looking up coolly. Or at least trying to be cool.

“I don’t know,” she replied, taking a sip of her own drink and watching the band for a moment. “You always get sulky when Blake goes on tour.”

“I do not!” Adam replied indignantly, downing the rest of his drink and turning to the bartender near them for another. Christina watched this action pointedly, as if it were confirming what she had said. “It’s just been really confusing lately, is all.” Christina’s eyes widened with interest in an unusually expressive way for her.

“Ohhh, you need to tell me what you mean by that.”

Adam darted his eyes around, marking whether the coast was clear. And he still hadn’t found Phil, which was his original mission. Although, with every drink it was getting harder to focus on what he had come to do. He told Christina he had to check something and walked the perimeter of the party, drinking and looking for Phil. He came back to where the pop singer was, defeated, and sighed. She looked at him expectantly.

“Oh fine,” he said, after another quick shot, his voice now coming out a little slurred. “First of all, Blake is an asshole.” Christina snorted loudly into her drink. “Second, or third of all, I can’t remember... look, we’ve been doing this weird dance for like, ten years," Christina raised her eyebrows but didn't interrupt, looking very amused, "It's like, just tell me, right? Tell me if you're interested. Is he? Who the hell knows? Who the hell knows what goes on inside that weirdo country brain of his? Was it fried at birth by weird southern things like fried chicken and sweet tea?"

"Okay, Adam," Christina said in a consoling way, patting his shoulder. "Maybe just tell me what's happened recently."

"We went on this gay cruise!" Christina coughed into her drink, looking up, "We went to a gay bar! He sang this sad song, actually it was my song, 'Sad,' and man he has a pretty voice. All deep and raspy and that accent? Oh my God, I can't hear anything but that damn accent even when I'm with other guys--"

"Focus, Adam," Christina interrupted, looking like she was trying not to laugh.

"Yeah," Adam said, suddenly looking very down-trodden. "Yeah, well, he sort of tried to kiss me. Then I said I wanted a partner and he could never be it, and then he was all surprised and said he didn't know I wanted that, and maybe that could be a thing. But then he told me he needed space and was going on tour!"

Christina took all this in, pressing her bare feet into the sand and watching as her toes stretched out. Adam watched, too, enraptured, and then decided he was maybe a little drunk. He took another sip of his cocktail to dispel that thought.

"Adam, we've always known Blake has liked you," Christina said slowly, like she was talking to a young child. Adam blinked and sat down in the sand, not feeling like he could stand anymore. Christina rolled her eyes heavenward, but then joined him, sinking next to him and spreading out her legs. "I've known since the day you met him. He stared at you that whole first ‘Voice’ meeting. And then he stayed afterwards and watched us talk. And then, when you still hadn't noticed him, he left, asked me about you, and then went back in."

Adam's mouth was opened in a small 'o' as he recalled the day in question. He'd never noticed Blake looking at him, but he'd always wondered why the other man had been able to return to save him.

"He was always a big Maroon 5 fan. Talked about it all the time. He flipped out when he heard 'He Will Be Loved.' Said he was in love with the song. But I always thought that was bullshit. That it was just the song he liked, I mean."

Adam pushed his hands deep into the tan sand beside him, watching the party near them get quieter as the sky grew darker. "It's my favorite too," he mumbled.

"I mean, for me," Christina continued, looking out into the ocean, "I just never got that song. It's sweet and all, but then it starts to go into how complicated relationships are? And the two guys are not even together in it?”

The band that was playing went away on break and all the pair could hear were the distant conversations of the party-goers and the lapping of the waves of the ocean on the beach. There was something soothing and it and Adam closed his eyes a little to listen.

"It's a complicated song," he explained, speaking quietly. Christina turned towards him to listen. “The guy who’s singing is in love. And he wants to help his friend, who never really seems to be happy. But his friend is always dating someone else. But the narrator, he wants so much more than just friendship from this guy. And despite all that, the longing and the pining, he’ll still do anything for him, this guy he loves. Even though his feelings aren’t returned. That’s the title, right? ‘He _Will_  Be Loved.’ Love doesn’t cure everything, it doesn’t suddenly make a relationship, it’s not even pretty sometimes. It hurts. But you can’t stop it. And at the end of the song, the narrator’s just sort of saying he’ll always be around. He won’t stop being in love. Even if his friend says goodbye.”

Adam felt strangely drained after he'd finished talking. He looked back up at Christina and noticed her eyes were a little red-rimmed, looking deep out into the ocean.

"You two are absolute idiots," she said finally, turning back towards him. "What you have doesn't come along every day, so I just can't believe you're not snatching it up like the precious gift it is."

Adam threw his arms into the air and swung them around, breathing out loudly. "Christ! It's not as stupidly easy as everyone makes it out to be! It's not some pretty Disney movie where the two straight, beautiful character simultaneously fall in love and kiss because their lives become perfect because they've found one another!" Adam exploded. The slaps of the water hitting the sand roared in his ears for a moment, before he exhaled, pulling his legs to his chest. "I mean, you can't get it. You're straight. Or something. You made out with Britney Spears once, right? I don't know what you are. But still, you grew up knowing that most boys would want you and you didn't have to worry about being beat up or yelled at if you weren't right. But, I _have_ to think about it, okay? Like, if Blake is actually into guys, then why isn't he out? Would he ever come out for me? Would I have to hide what we had?"

"Sounds like you have things to think about too," Christina said quietly.

"The thing is," Adam said, feeling his voice crack slightly, but pushed through it. "It doesn't matter. If he'd have me I'd do anything. I'd work through it. I just, I just want to be with him."

Christina lifted her arm, putting it over his shoulder and pulling him towards her. They faced away from the party, towards the ocean and watched the sun set without saying another word.

 

* * *

 

  

After a while Christina had to leave, although she made sure to check that Adam wasn’t too drunk before saying her goodbyes, wishing him luck. Also telling him she would castrate Blake if he hurt him again. Adam blanched and stared after her, slightly terrified, as always, of the woman.

He sat in the sand for a while, totally spacing on why he had actually ended up at the party in the first place before spotting a very familiar form. Adam narrowed his eyes drunkenly and pointed at the approaching man.

“You menace. You friggin’ menace,” he growled.

Phil froze and slowly lowered his still raised foot as he turned towards the voice coming from the ground. His eyes widened dramatically as he realized who it was.

“Ah, Adam, yeah, was wondering when I would see you,” the thin man said, smiling hesitantly at the rock singer.

Adam picked himself up from the ground unsteadily, swerving a bit and grabbing a chair quickly before righting himself and walking casually over to Phil as if none of it had happened.

“Explain yourself.”

“Look, Adam, sweetie,” Phil tried, putting an arm around the rock singer. Adam just continued growling. “It’s business, really, this is Hollywood, you know--” Adam grabbed the other man’s arm and swung it down off of him, breathing loudly through his nose as he pushed Phil towards a tree away from the party.

“Don’t give me the bullshit Hollywood speech. I’ve been here before you even knew what that word meant,” Adam said in a low voice, pushing into Phil’s personal space.

“Wow, I’m sort of liking this side of you. Are you this pushy with Blake? I’m into that. Does he take it or does he put you in your place--” Adam quickly put his hand over Phil’s mouth with an exasperated sigh.

“I need you--” Adam paused to hiccup “--I need you to take down those photos. I can’t handle them on many different levels.” The rock singer sighed and dropped his hand off of the other man, looking desolately into the ocean.

“Jeeze, Adam,” Phil said, blinking in surprise and pushing the other man back a little. “I didn’t mean to cause you this much grief.” The model bit his lip and looked at him with concern. Adam against the tree with his arm, still close to Phil but swaying slightly. He sniffled a little and wiped his nose.

“Ohhhh, man, are you crying?” Phil asked, putting his hand on the rock singer’s shoulder in concern.

“No, fuck you,” Adam sniffed, shrugging off the hand and curling down farther.

“You know what this calls for?” Phil asked, grinning a little.

“Alcohol? Drugs? Counseling?” Adam hiccuped.

“Karaoke.”

 

* * *

 

 

“‘ _Cause all of me,_

 _Loves all of you_ ,” Adam and Phil belted out in unison on the stage. The crowd surrounding them cheered loudly as Adam practically fell off the stage stumbling around. Phil righted him and swung his arm over the other man’s shoulder.

“ _Loves your curves and all your edges,_

 _All your perfect imperfections_ ,” sang Phil, beaming out into the audience.

“ _Give your all to me,_

 _I’ll give my all to you_ ,” Adam continued, bending over while he sang dramatically into his mic. He drew out the notes with his eyes closed, still hanging onto the other man.

“ _You’re my end and my beginning,_

_Even when I lose I’m winning,_

_Cause I give you all of me,_

_And you give me all of you_ ,” They finished together, ending by clasping hands with one another and holding them high between them, bowing to the audience.

“Are we good now?” Phil asked, smiling and panting as they exited the stage.

“What the hell? No,” Adam replied, stopping as soon as they were down and turning to face the other man, a frown on his face.

“Damn, that usually works,” Phil said, stroking his chin.

Adam sighed and rubbed his eyes with both hands. “Just, jesus. Stop with the paparazzi stuff with me. My life is not up for sale, okay? I don’t need everything projected and analyzed. I just want to be happy.”

“You’re a celebrity,” Phil explained, watching the party wind down around them as people collected their things and left the beach. “It’s kind of part of the job.”

“Ugh, I just don’t know what’s going on with my life! I’m trying to figure out stuff with Blake. I don’t know how any of this is actually going to work, or if it’ll really happen.”

Phil’s eyes zoomed in on him at this, his face suddenly affixed with a serious look that somehow didn’t suit the man. Or maybe Adam just wasn’t used to seeing it.

“Do you love him?” Phil asked.

“What?” Adam replied, taken aback and stumbling a little bit.

“It’s simple, do you love him?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Then fuck it, don’t worry too much about the other stuff,” Phil replied, pulling Adam by the arm. “I’m going to take you home, you’re wasted and sad and that’s not a sexy combo.”

Phil dragged Adam, who was stunned and drunk, to his car and pushed him in, slamming the door and revving the engine.

  

* * *

 

 

They drove silently for a while, Adam having pleaded with Phil to keep the radio off in case a Blake Shelton song came on. Just normal, 100% mentally healthy stuff.

"What's it like," Adam asked out of the blue, his body slumped in the passenger's seat, face pressed into the window. "You know, being intimate with someone you care about?"

Phil glanced at him before pulling his eyes back onto the dark road in front of them, the traffic thin because of the late hour. "Oh Adam," he said sighing. "That's the saddest question anyone's ever asked me and considering I spend most of my time with failed male models, that's saying something."

"But is it, like, different?" Adam slurred, his head bumping the window as they went over a bump. "I've never been with anyone I really cared about."

"Never? Do you maybe sort of like, do that are purpose? Make sure you don’t care about the people you sleep with?"

Adam turned his head towards Phil, eyes wide and alarmed. "Oh, God, do I?"

Phil tilted his head back and forth as though considering it. "Yeah, sounds like you have a fear of intimacy. Could be that you're afraid that if you slept with someone you cared about they might ultimately reject you, or that you feel you're incapable of being loved."

Adam was still staring at him with rounded, freaked-out eyes.

"I majored in Psychology in college. Used to call me Dr. Phil. I was just too pretty to pursue it."

Adam looked straight ahead of him, staring blankly out into the darkness of the night. The two men drive in silence for a while.

"You've hugged Blake, right?" Phil asked, breaking the silence. Adam nodded. "It's not too different from that. It's just a physical form of how you feel. And less of..." Phil trailed off and searched for the right words, "an anonymous physical release for fun. That's the difference."

Adam crossed his arms and slumped back down in his seat, feeling remarkably more sober. He stayed that way until Phil pulled up into his driveway. The car idled there as neither men moved. Adam remembered what happened the last time he was in this situation. He shuddered and groaned, putting his head in his hands.

“Look, he just said he had to think, right? You guys have known each other for a long time. He’s not going to stop seeing you completely. He’s probably just trying to get his shit together. He’s probably just as scared as you are. But you’re awesome, and he knows that, and everything will be cool,” Phil said, and then mumbled something incoherent at the end.

Adam pulled down his hands, squinting his eyes over at the other man. “What was that last part?”

Phil shifted in his seat and looked the other way. “Or I’ll just lock you in a room and give you guys a love potion.”

“What the hell, Phil, have you been reading weird fanfiction or something?”

“Maybe. But the point is, don’t sweat it.”

Adam sat back up and opened the door to the car. He paused and looked back at Phil. “You know, you’re actually kind of a decent person.”

“Thanks, Adam,” Phil deadpanned. Adam grinned and left the car, walking to his front door. He could do this. He so could do this.


	23. He Will Be Loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALMOST AT THE END. Place both hands firmly in the vehicle, folks, this is going to be a wild ride.
> 
> No songs this time, what the hell. You'd think I could have fit 'Misery' in here somewhere...

Adam’s eyes snapped open. He glanced around, flustered, as he tried to figure out why he was up at--

“Ugh, what? 6:30?” he groaned, picking up his phone to check the time. A text alert from Blake popped down as Adam attempted to open his eyes more fully.

‘Have we been making out? :S’ the text read. Adam squinted his eyes at it, trying to remember what that emoticon meant. Also, what?

‘WHAT,’ Adam texted back, his fingers flying across his phone’s keyboard. He slumped back into the comfort of his bed, but laid tensely, waiting for Blake’s reply.

‘Saw your fake bf’s tweet >:( hope you gave him a talking to!’

Adam twitched a little bit, trying to discern if Blake was upset because of the betrayal of it or because the other man didn’t like the idea of being caught kissing him. He held his phone above his face, staring at the angry face emoticon, trying to glean some further piece of information from it.

‘Yeah, we sang karaoke, it’s all good,’ Adam replied after a while.

‘:\’

Adam glanced at the text and put the phone down, his eyes drifting closed as he almost fell asleep. His phone, however, dinged again.

‘I’m coming back this week! See you at the first Live show!’ Blake texted. It was such a generic, bland text that Adam felt an unreasonable amount of anger pour through him at the sight of it. He tossed one of his pillows across the room and then another for good measure.

‘Are we going to talk?’ Adam wrote. He tapped his finger irritably as he waited again for a response, feeling like a teenage girl from the 1990’s waiting by a phone after a date. It wasn’t a super big deal. Blake could say what he liked, and Adam would just live his life like a normal human being.

‘Yeah, sure...’

Adam stared blankly at the response on his phone. He turned his phone screen off and on again just to make sure he’d read the response correctly. What the actual hell? What did ‘...’ mean? He continued staring at the screen incomprehensibly for several minutes, just staring at those damn dots until he received another text.

‘Heeeey Adam! Ready for Lives?’ It was from Gwen, but Adam was too enraged to really acknowledge it, or wonder why Gwen was texting him out of nowhere. He quickly pushed the call button and put the phone to his ear.

“Oh hey, Adam, how are--” came Gwen’s surprised sounding voice.

“Hey,” Adam said, interrupting and speaking low and fast. “If you ask someone if they’re going to talk to you and they respond, ‘yeah, sure’ followed by--” Adam stumbled over the word, trying to remember it “--freaking ellipses, what the hell does that mean?”

The line was silent as Gwen mulled over the question. “Uh, how many ellipses?”

“I don’t know, a set?” Adam said, groaning.

“Is this about Blake?” Gwen asked tentatively. Adam remained silent, still fuming at the text. “Look, I texted to check up on you because we’re all… slightly concerned. The producers want to meet before the show to set up a promo after the shooting, so I thought we could drive over together and I could make sure...  you're still functioning to some extent.”

“Wait, a promo after the Live show? What’s the point of that? What is it promoting?”

“I don’t know,” Gwen admitted, “But they want us there for it. And to brainstorm ideas for it. So can I pick you up at 11 on Monday?”

“Yeah, sure,” Adam replied distantly, already curling back into the covers of his bed. He ended the phone call with Gwen and pushed himself deep in the cave of comforters that he had made, groaning and cursing a certain country singer’s name.

 

* * *

 

 

Gwen was parked in his driveway waiting as Adam dragged himself from his house, pulling his feet against the dirt as he slowly made his way towards her shiny SUV. Gwen looked fantastic in a short dress, her hair pulled up into a tight ponytail. Altogether she was very composed. Adam had thrown on an incredibly holey t-shirt and a worn pair of jeans and had forgotten to shave.

Gwen lifted a perfectly manicured eyebrow. “You do know we’re filming live tonight, right?”

“I’ve given up on my life,” Adam replied,  closing the car door and looking despondently out of the window.

“Is this about the ellipses?”

“Oh, if only that were the most confusing part of my life right now.”

They drove in relative silence for a while, Adam looking at the passing LA scenery while Gwen looked ahead, clearly thinking about something.

“So have you thought of anything for the promo?” Gwen asked.

“What?” Adam said, furrowing his brow and turning to her.

“I told you about it,” she replied with a sigh, “The producers want us to film a promo tonight to pump up interest in watching the finale shows.”

Adam continued pouting in silence for a few minutes before his whole body jolted and his eyes widened.

“I may have an idea,” Adam said in a steady voice, sitting up straight for the first time that day, “A kind of evil idea. Blake’s not going to be there until the filming starts, right?”

“No, stop. I refuse for this promo to turn into yet another demonstration of your top-tier level unresolved sexual tension. I can’t do it again,” Gwen glanced at Adam while trying to keep her eyes on the road, but saw that he was still smiling maniacally, “Adam, pleeeease.”

But Adam just looked smugly in front of him, significantly happier with the way the day was going.

 

* * *

 

“Any more ideas?” the producer asked, standing at the front of the room, looking over the group. Adam waved his hand frantically, using the other to prop himself up higher on the table. “Anyone who didn’t attempt to murder a fellow coach during the last promo?”

“I wasn’t trying to murder him,” Adam whined quietly from his spot on the far end of the table. The producer looked at him dubiously. Pharrell snorted and Adam jumped a little because he hadn’t noticed the other man enter the meeting. “I was just angry and it was your idea to pick a full-contact sport.”

“Okay,” the producer said warily, her subordinates sitting around her looking uneasy. “What’s your idea?”

“Full-contact sports?”

Pharrell snorted again, louder this time. Gwen groaned.

The producer’s eyebrow twitched as he considered Adam’s proposition. Anyone else might think Adam was crazy to suggest something that could so obviously end in potential injury and upset. But the rock singer had been involved with reality television for quite a while now and knew how it worked. It thrived on drama. Adam could practically see the producers and directors at the head of the table salivating over the idea.

The head producer had a whispered conversation with several people, their heads bent together. Adam tried to avoid melting under Gwen’s glare.

“What sport did you have in mind?”

 

* * *

 

 

Adam was not a 14-year-old girl. Not that there was anything wrong with 14-year-old girls; after all, they made up a large portion of his fanbase.

He didn’t even look at Blake when the other man walked in to take his judge’s chair. Gwen flew up with a quietly muttered, ‘thank god!’ and Pharrell held up a single hand in greeting before looking back at his phone. Adam could see Blake staring at him over Gwen’s shoulder as she hugged him. He didn’t look up, though, choosing instead to examine his fingernails. Not a 14-year-old girl at all.

Blake stood up uncertainly, wavering by his own red chair before heading over to Adam’s. Adam focused on controlling his breathing so he wouldn’t look like he was freaking out as much as he really was.

“Adam,” Blake said, sounding a little broken. The rock singer looked up briefly, noticing how uncomfortable the other man looked, his posture slightly bent and submissive. He looked sort of like a dog who’d been caught ripping a pair of shoes to shreds. “I think maybe we should talk.”

Adam looked up and narrowed his eyes at the other man. “‘Yeah, sure, DOT DOT DOT.’”

Blake looked confused as hell. “What?” he asked.

“Is everyone ready for the Lives?” the director yelled enthusiastically from the empty stage. Blake jumped a little, shot Adam another baffled look and sat back down in his chair. The other coaches looked blankly at the man on the stage. The director sighed. “Come on guys, just paint on some interested faces. This has been the weirdest season ever and let’s just celebrate the fact that it’s over.”

“Yay!” said Pharrell, pumping one fist into the air. His voice echoed around the empty room and the director sighed again.

Adam did get excited when his contestant entered the stage, ready to duke it out with one of Blake’s. It felt sort of symbolic and remembering Blake’s Tweet from earlier in the week, Adam scootched up in his chair and paid rapt attention to the singers on stage.

“Kick her ass!” he yelled during the first number’s instrumental part. His contestant stared back at him with wide-eyes and continued singing. Her partner on stage looked similarly disconcerted.

“I don’t--” Blake said hesitantly, during the commercial break, “I don’t recall Lives being quite this competitive before.”

Adam was on stage prepping his next contestant by putting both hands on her shoulders and impressing on her the magnitude of the competition, punctuated by lightly pulling her backwards and forwards. And then he reminded her to have fun.

At the end of the afternoon, everyone felt collectively exhausted by the events of the day. The winners were thrilled, but ready to collapse, the judges were tired and beaten and even the crowd was ready to go home. There was a certain tension in the auditorium, like an itch that couldn’t quite be scratched, or something right on the edge of your peripheral vision, lingering there and never moving forward.

“Sexual tension,” Gwen muttered angrily from her chair. “You could cut it with a knife.”

Blake looked mopey from his red chair as he sulked and stared past the other judges at Adam. Adam was trying to look anywhere but the other man. Pharrell was grinning like a madman.

“This promo thing is going to be great,” he murmured to Gwen, “Blake has no idea about it. They’re going to tear each other apart.”

“Are you kidding me?” Gwen said quietly enough that the two brooding men wouldn’t hear. “There’s going to be nothing PG about it.”

“Wanna bet?”

Gwen stared down Pharrell. “You’re on, hundred bucks they make out.”

Pharrell just smirked.

 

* * *

 

 

A single ball, moving so fast Adam couldn’t even make it out, flew at him and slammed into the mat in back with a loud thud. Adam looked slowly at Blake who had turned to regard it as well. The country singer looked at Adam with round, wide eyes. They both turned to the front at the somehow angry looking machine spewing out baseballs before springing into action.

Adam wasn’t really sure how they had gotten to where they were now. His suggestion to the production crew was a series of sports-related challenges that resulted, each round, with one coach being kicked out. The first two challenges had been difficult, and Pharrell had lost round one, although he had been weirdly smiling despite having lost. Gwen lost the second but looked pleased. Blake just looked confused as hell, not totally understanding why they were doing a promo in the first place. Adam was still angry, but regretting his choice of maximum physical activity while standing next to a man he was both incredibly annoyed with, but looked freaking fantastic and very distracting in a tank-top.

Adam gripped his baseball bat, hoping it would imbue him with strength. He had to actually talk to Blake.

“So, had yourself a good think, then?” Adam asked, sneering a little bit, but not taking his eyes off the machine flinging objects at them.

“Didn’t help a whole lot, actually,” Blake replied, swinging his body around as he avoided a projectile.

“Well, maybe you could clue me in anyway,” Adam responded in a more angry voice than was necessary, whacking a ball impressively across and over the opposite fence. They both watched as it curved high in the sky and hit a car. Blake shot him an admiring look.

“Look,” Blake said, pausing and turning to the other man, slightly exasperated. “It’s complicated okay--” A ball whooshed towards him and hit his shoulder with a loud ‘whack.’ Adam felt a little bad as Blake clutched his shoulder, looking shocked and hurt.

“What the hell!” the country singer yelled in frustration, waving a fist towards the production team who were casually enjoying smoothies on the sidelines. “Who the hell came up with this stupid ass idea anyway?”

Adam whistled innocently and dodged a ball nimbly, springing to the side at the last minute.

Blake narrowed his eyes at him and glared. “You’re a dick.”

“Tell me what’s so complicated about it,” Adam insisted, needing to continue their conversation.

“What’s complicated about it?” Blake asked, his voice strained and on edge, still holding his shoulder while attempting to avoid the oncoming balls. “The hell is not complicated about our situation? I just got divorced. For the second time. You’ve never been in a relationship. We’ve been best friends for five years. I can’t lose that,” he paused and his mouth twitched, “And you’re a hot mess on a good day.”

Adam nodded thoughtfully. “Yes, that’s all true. Especially that last part,” he said, twisting and hitting a ball over the fence once more. “But all I’m really asking--” Adam paused and took a deep breath, “All I’m asking is whether you care about me. That’s what really matters.”

Blake blinked and tripped over a rolling ball, but caught himself and stumbled into Adam. He looked serious, though, like he was really listening to what Adam was saying.

The country singer frowned as he regarded the man next to him. His voice grew soft and he said, “Of course I care.”

“No!” Adam said, cursing and whacking his bat at an oncoming ball, appreciating the catharsis of being able to hit something when you needed to. “I’m so tired of this run around,” he turned to face Blake, damn the stupid balls flying at them, “If anything’s going to happen we need to be honest with each other.” Adam hesitated, searching for the right words. “Look, do you like me? Or do you _like me_ , like me?”

Blake breathed deeply and licked his lips, looking out at the machine and not at Adam. He seemed scared, his hands shaking as they gripped the bat. “Isn’t there a better way to ask that? Maybe like less of a 14-year-old?”

“Isn’t there a better place to have this whole conversation?” Adam yelled in frustration, but paused suspiciously as the balls lulled. He eyed the machine distrustingly, but turned back to Blake.

Adam breathed in deeply through his nose, clenching his empty hand into a fist and making his own decision. After all, he hadn’t been completely up-front with Blake, and he was already in this deep, so what could it matter?

“The truth is--” Adam panted a little and pursed his lips together, making eye-contact with an intense-looking Blake. “The truth is, I really care about you. From the first time I met you I wanted to be with you and I never stopped,” Blake’s mouth was hanging open a little, but he wasn’t making any move to reply. In the back of Adam’s hysterical mind, he thought maybe he wasn’t being clear enough, “Ugh, I mean. Just--” he took in a deep breath, “I love you, you stupid hillbilly country-bumpkin absolute idiot!”

The sentence rang out in the clear silence of the lot they were filming on, most likely every local inhabitant hearing the words. The crew certainly had and most of them were comically frozen mid-sip of smoothie. 

Despite all the physical activity, Blake looked decidedly pale. The taller man had opened his mouth but closed it, looking more shocked and frustrated than Adam had ever recalled seeing. He looked over at Pharrell and Gwen who seemed tense, gripping one another with one hand, and clenching the other into matching fists. Everyone was crazy.

Adam deflated a little, feeling exhausted and sort of done. He felt completely embarrased by his loud confession and Blake's lack of response. He looked down, but lifted his head up as he felt a heavy and warm hand on his shoulder. Adam tensed, stepping back slightly as he realized just how close the other man had gotten to him. Blake hair was dripping at the ends with sweat, his hair folded back but disheveled. He clearly hadn’t shaved in a while and had a stubbly bit of a beard. Upon closer inspection Adam could see bags under his eyes, and wondered if Blake had been sleeping at all. Adam was hit again by how he’d let his anger take over like last time at the soccer promo, and how it, yet again, put them in a stupid situation.

Before he could say anything else, Blake moved his other hand tentatively so it was lightly running through Adam’s hair. The rock singer froze, his mouth hanging slightly open. Blake started smiling deeply now, fondness and affection clear in his eyes. He seemed to have thought something to calm himself, or maybe he had just finally made a choice. Adam stopped breathing.

“I reckon I might _like you_ , like you,” Blake said, his voice low and steady, as he leaned closer to Adam. The rock singer felt his face flare up with heat as he remembered their audience. Gwen sounded like she was making a high squealing noise from the sidelines. "Might love you a bit too."

“T-that so?” Adam stuttered out, his voice breaking slightly. He felt like the whole situation was unreal and was having trouble breathing. His whole body was on fire, wanting to pull the other man to him, and just-- He wasn't even sure. 

“Could be.”

Adam had a niggling thought in the back of his mind that he had forgotten something. But he was so close now, close enough to the country singer’s descending face that he could see the sheer, glittering blue of the other man’s eyes and he couldn't think of anything else. His stomach twisted up and his heart thumped so loudly it drowned out every other noise.

The rock singer realized that Blake was entering his personal bubble, and moving very close to his face. The smaller man completely forgot that the entire crew of The Voice were all watching raptly, that Pharrell was groaning in what seemed to be disappointment as Gwen cheered. All he could see were how pink and soft Blake’s lips looked.

"I shouldn't--" Blake whispered, so close that Adam could feel the other man's breath on his lips. "I told myself I wouldn't do this."

Adam’s breath caught in the back of his throat the moment before Blake’s lips touched his, just as soft and warm as he had imagined. His senses were filled up with a comforting Blake-scent and he felt like he was finally home after being away for far too long. He made a shocked sort of squeaking noise before slowly pushing forward and wrapping his arms around the larger man’s neck, pressing into him and deepening the kiss. He heard the whirring of a machine in the background and froze. Adam pulled back, hating himself but remembering what he had forgotten.

“Duck!” he yelled, attempting to pull Blake down. He watched as though in slow motion as the baseball hit the side of the other man’s head. Adam felt his heart stop as Blake grunted and fell to the floor.

“Aghhhhh! What the hell!” Blake yelled as he gripped his head, pulling himself up and crouching slightly.

“Oh thank god you’re alive,” Adam said, springing up, and running his hands over Blake’s head as the other man blinked slowly at him.

“What--” Blake said, rubbing his head tentatively. “Why would that have killed me?”

The paramedics bustled onto the scene as Adam crouched protectively over Blake. They shone lights into the country singer's eyes, asked him a series of questions and finally looked at him skeptically, like maybe he was hiding that he had a concussion.

“I’m fine!” Blake said firmly, waving his arms in the air a little as though to try to shoo the paramedics away. “I’ve had worse, this is nothin’.”

Finally the paramedics walked away, going over to discuss the situation with the producers and directors who were huddled around in a large circle, glancing over their shoulders at the sitting coaches, still in the batting cage.

Gwen and Pharrell took this as their cue to enter the cage as well. But before they could enter they paused, clearly having some sort of argument.

“How many fingers am I holding up?” Adam said, his heart still beating loudly in his chest.

Blake looked at him like he was crazy. “The medical professionals just checked me out, d’you think you can do it better?”

Adam shushed him and scooted closer, grasping the other man’s face and staring at him so closely their noses were almost touching. Blake didn’t resist, but sat amused, his mouth quirked into a tiny smile.

“You’ll live,” Adam decided with a nod, still holding the other man’s face.

“Good to know,” Blake responded with a bigger smile.

Although there were people surrounding them, they were all having their own private conversations. Despite the commotion Adam felt like he and Blake were the only people in the world. He stared a little woozily into Blake’s blue eyes, remembering the events of the past several minutes.

“You kissed me,” the rock singer accused.

“I did. I told myself I wasn't going to,” Blake replied with a frown, clutching an ice pack to the side of his head.

“You’re gay?” Adam asked stupidly, quirking his head to the side in confusion.

“Pans,” Blake responded like it was the most normal thing for him to say in the world.

“What?”

Blake sighed a little, but smiled again. “I was being honest when I said it on the cruise. Gender’s never really mattered to me.”

“But you’re from the south,” Adam responded, his brows knit together in confusion.

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” Blake asked defensively. Adam got flustered and apologized, creating a somewhat awkward silence.

They were both quiet as they briefly turned to listen to Gwen and Pharrell arguing about who had actually won a hundred dollars. Adam looked at the pair suspiciously before he decided it didn’t matter.

Blake put down the ice pack and ran his finger across his face, sighing heavily. “Look, Adam,” the country singer started, his smile disappearing, “There’s a reason I spent so much time thinking about this. And I know it hasn’t made a lick’a sense to you.”

Adam nodded in agreement, feeling strangely worried about the tone Blake was taking with all of it.

“It’s just-- I always found it freaking incredible how you came out so far into your career, trusting that your fans and family would support you,” Blake looked out at the arguing producers and directors, smiling bitterly, “But-- I’ve never seen that as an option for myself. Even when I was younger and didn’t have the career I do now.”

Adam felt his stomach drop, something inside of him understanding where Blake was going. He resisted the urge to run away.

“I-- I’d have to give it all up. The touring, the albums, my fans. I’m sure some of them would stick around, but to be honest, it’s a whole lot different in the south, and I don’t know how it would affect my career.”

Adam opened his mouth but wasn’t sure what to say. He felt small and numb and just wanted the conversation to be over. “We could-- We wouldn’t have to tell anyone,” he said quietly.

Blake, who had been running his fingers across his icepack looked up quickly and locked eyes with him. “No,” the country singer said hoarsely, his voice breaking slightly, “I can’t do that to you. You deserve a real relationship. What would happen if we were together for a long time? What, would I--” Blake laughed, but it sounded more like he was choking, “Get married again just to pretend to the world? You don’t deserve that. You need someone who can be their whole self with you, someone who’s honest.”

Blake shut his eyes tightly and gripped his hair in his hands at the top of his head. Adam felt trapped. He got what Blake was saying--even if everything worked for the best, it would still dramatically change the other man’s career. That was asking a lot of another person. It also wasn’t fair.

When Blake looked back up his eyes were large and watery, the tops of his cheeks red and blotchy. Adam felt a thick knot form in the back of his throat as he tried to breathe normally. The rock singer tried to think of something he could say to make the situation better, but he couldn’t and instead looked at the ground, blinking back tears.

“Hey,” Blake said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. Blake’s hand was large and warm, grounding Adam in a comforting way, but reminding him of what he couldn’t have, causing him to crumple more into himself. “Hey, I’ll figure it out. I just need some time.”

But Adam couldn’t get himself to listen anymore. In his view it was all over. He could never ask Blake to let go of his singing career. And he knew he didn’t want some giant secret. They were at an impasse and everything seemed final.

Gwen finally seemed to notice there was a problem and stopped her conversation with Pharrell, bending down in front of Adam while looking accusatorily at Blake. Blake looked away and stood up wobbly.

“Gwen, could you take him home?” Blake asked in a flat tone of voice. Gwen looked up at him, staring hard before seeming to take in the other man’s haggard appearance. Gwen gently pulled Adam’s arm until he followed her despondently, being drug like a rag-doll.

Pharrell sighed knowingly and pulled Blake in the opposite direction, wordlessly taking responsibility for the larger man.

Neither man looked behind him at the other, both wrapped up in the enormous situation they had somehow ended up in.

 

 

 


	24. I Don't Mind Spending Every Day, Out On Your Corner In The Pouring Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this will be the second to last chapter. It's the only one from Blake's perspective! Yay! I've also been rearranging the chapter titles in preparation for the last chapter. Dun dun DUN.
> 
> The only song in this chapter is a reference to 'Take My Drunk Ass Home' and you really, really, don't have to listen to it. Sorry, Luke.
> 
> Oh, except for 'This Love.' You can listen to that one if you haven't.
> 
> I will be editing this in maybe a big way, not sure yet, but if you want it in original maybe download it after I post the last chapter. I'll leave it up in its original form for a couple of weeks though, so no worries.
> 
> Thank you for your reads and reviews and time and everything!

Blake despondently flicked his thumb through his Twitter feed as Maroon 5 blasted in his massive, empty house. Sighing, he pressed the ‘like’ button on a picture of a puppy falling over before turning and pressing his face into a couch pillow.

He hummed a bit with the music, feeling his heart break a little more with every word Adam sang in the song.

_“This love has taken it’s toll on me,_

_He said goodbye, too many times before,_

_And his heart is breaking in front of me,_

_And I have no choice, ‘cause I won’t say goodbye anymore_ ,” Blake sang, keeping in perfect harmony with Adam’s voice over the surround sound speakers.

“Oh, sweet Jesus, this is the saddest thing I’ve ever seen,” Blake heard a voice say. He jumped up from the couch to see Luke Bryan walk through his door with a pitying look on his face. Blake grinned.

“Luke!” he shouted, jumping clear over the back of the couch to sweep the other man in his arms.

“Have to breathe, Blake,” Luke muttered, pressed into Blake’s shoulder.

“Well ain’t you a sight for sore eyes,” Blake said happily, holding the other man at arms length and looking him over. “You haven’t been in LA since… I can’t even remember.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy touring,” Luke explained, backing up and taking a seat on the couch. Luke paused though, wincing at the blaring music before standing up and turning off the iPod on the mantle. “The hell has happened to cause all this?” he asked, gesturing towards the music and Blake’s previous sulking.

“It’s a long story,” Blake said, taking a seat in one of the chairs and propping a foot on his leg.

“Does it maybe have something to do with Adam Levine?” Luke asked tentatively, glancing at the iPod again with one eyebrow raised.

“Might,” Blake replied shortly, running his hand across the soft top of the armchair.

“Hmmm, you need a major pick me up,” Luke decided, standing up again and walking towards the door.

“What I need is to drink until I can’t think anymore,” Blake replied groaning and lying back on the couch again.

“Nah, that buys way too much into the southern stereotype. No, we have to do something fun.” Luke tapped his finger on the arm of the couch as he thought over options. Blake looked skeptical.

Luke snapped suddenly causing Blake to jump a little and stare at his friend. “I’ve got it! We’ll go to that carnival!”

“Wait, what? What carnival? No, that’s exactly what I don’t need. People, fans, noise, chaos--”

“--No, shut up, I’ve got a baseball hat for you to wear, it’ll be cool don’t worry.”

Blake sighed deeply and turned over on the couch to press his face into it. “Why’re we friends again?”

 

* * *

 

The carnival was bright and everyone was cheery and Blake kind of hated it. He grumbled as he firmly tilted the baseball cap down over his face, chasing behind Luke as they entered the park. As soon as they got in, though, Luke said he had to grab some tickets or something from a friend, disappearing in the crowd and leaving Blake alone. 

As Blake wandered, his eyes stopped at a small enclosure with the words ‘Fortune Teller’ above it. To be honest, Blake was a little superstitious. And even though he was pretty religious, he sort of privately believed in magic. He stopped in his tracks and wandered over.

Ducking into the dark and drafty tent, he waited for his eyes to adjust as he peered around. It seemed almost empty--

“Hello,” a voice said, cracking with age. A little old woman appeared, and Blake pretended he hadn’t jumped. “Can I help you, young man?” Blake bristled a little because, after all, he was almost 40 and didn’t appreciate being called young by anybody.

“Uh,” Blake responded, still squinting and having to duck his head slightly as he was taller than the small purple tent. “I may be beyond help.”

The old woman cackled, throwing her head back and grinning at him when she was done. “Perhaps you just need the right kind of help.”

She gestured towards her small table, complete with a large glass ball, glinting in the candlelight. Blake looked at the table skeptically, getting the heeby-jeebies and feeling a little creeped out. But he had come in and it would be rude to just leave, so he sat on the small stool precariously, watching as the old woman collected some materials.

“I’m going to do a palm reading,” the old woman announced, taking Blake’s large hand between her small, withered ones and examining it. Blake resisted the urge to grab his hand back and held still, wondering why the hell he chose to do this.

She hummed, bring Blake’s hand so close to her face he thought she might smack herself with it. “I see you’ve done something stupid recently.” The country singer snatched his hand back, rubbing it defensively before staring at it himself, trying to discern how she could see that.

“You’re not denying it,” she said self-assuredly, smirking at him.

“Just tell me about my damn future or somethin’,” Blake grumbled, regretting his choice to come in, but reluctantly putting his hand back into hers.

She hummed again but didn’t look back down at his hand, staring up at the singer with a penetrating stare. Blake felt uncomfortable. “You’ve come seeking guidance. It may be simpler just to ask,” she looked back down at his hand, tracing a finger down a long line across his palm, “You have a big choice to make, one that could affect your entire future.”

Blake winced a little, startled by the accuracy of her claim. Was it a stab in the dark or did she really know?

Blake licked his lips and took a breath. “What should I do?” he asked, his voice trembling a little.

“Only you know what to do,” she said, letting go of his hand. “You know in here,” she pointed at his chest, prodding him briefly, “Listen to that.”

Blake sighed, resting his head in his hands and rubbing his face. “It’s not always that simple.”

“Love is always simple,” she replied lightly, raising her eyebrows like it was that easy.

“What’re you my spirit guide in some cartoon movie?”

She looked unimpressed with his response, and more so of him. “Just don’t be a wimp,” she said, before ushering him out of the door, pushing with both hands.

Blake stood blinking in the sunlight, wondering what the hell had just happened.

 

* * *

 

 

“So I got us into a concert, apparently there’s one going on around here,” Luke said, pushing Blake in the direction of a large arena.

Blake let himself be led as he thought over what the scary fortune-teller woman had said. Could he totally disregard the complications of his career and be with Adam? Could it be as simple as saying love conquered all? He didn't know, but was glad he was back in the sun and with Luke.

They got into the arena and Blake was slightly impressed with how close Luke had been able to get them into the action of whatever concert they were at. Granted, they were fairly famous, but it really depended on who the singer was whether they would get prime seats. Blake narrowed his eyes as he realized he actually had no idea what performer’s concert they were crashing. He voiced this to Luke.

“Oh, yeah,” Luke responded, leaning back in his chair, “Well it’s Christina, I know you guys are friends--”

“--Christina Aguilera?” Blake wheezed in horror, turning to look at the stage. “We need to leave, now,” Blake whispered fiercely, standing and tugging on his friend’s arm.

“Blake, what the hell?” Luke said, pulling back. “I thought she was your friend! You guys were on a TV show together!”

Blake made a pained noise as he spotted Christina on stage, just having come on after taking a break. She swaggered to the microphone and spoke icily into it.

“I have heard,” she started, her voice sounding like it was capable of freezing continents, “That Blake Shelton has decided to grace us with his presence today,” the audience cheered as Blake shuddered, “Would he be so kind as to step up to the stage?”

“Blake, did you piss of Christina off? I went away for three months and you’ve gotten yourself into this much of a complicated mess?” Luke asked, looking up with amazement at the other man.

Blake stiffly walked on the stage to meet his maker. Christina looked at him once before slapping his arm.

“You dick! Why couldn’t you just leave him alone to live his life! You keep leading him on like some obtuse--”

“We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties,” a man came on stage to say as Christina dragged Blake backstage. “We’ll be back in a few moments.”

“Christina, you hit really hard,” Blake moaned piteously, grabbing his arm.

“And you deserve it,” she shouted, pushing him into her dressing room. “Have you seen Adam lately? He’s like the saddest thing on earth, all mopey. He called me crying the other day, Blake! Crying! Can you imagine that?”

Blake could, and a pang of despair shot through him at the very thought of the other man being that miserable. He imagined Adam’s soft, pink face and how he would take it in his hands and gently kiss the tear tracks, pulling the smaller man into an enormous hug.

“I didn’t mean you should imagine it that intensely,” Christina said dryly, raising an eyebrow at his expression. Blake flushed.

“It’s a very complicated situation,” Blake said hesitantly, knowing it sounded weak.

Christina frowned at him. “Look, I need to get back to my concert,” she said, “I’m going to tell you what I told Adam: what you guys have doesn’t happen for everyone. You shouldn’t waste it. And don’t be a wimp,” she pulled Blake close to her by the collar, gripping his shirt firmly as she brought his face to hers, “I also told him I would castrate you if you hurt him, so you’d better fix this.” She hit him again for good measure.

“Okay,” Luke said, his voice wavering from behind Blake, “So I’m never, ever messing with Christina. Good to know.”

Blake collapsed against the wall of the dressing room, running his hands over his face and moaning.

“I fucked up bad this time, Luke,” he muttered bridging his nose with his hands and breathing deeply.

Luke smacked a hand on Blake’s shoulder, reassuringly. “Don’t worry, buddy, there’s always a way to fix these things. I know women problems, trust me, we’ll figure something out.”

Blake peered at his friend through his tented hands. “He’s a guy,” he replied.

“Yes, a guy, right,” Luke looked around, as if searching for information, “Yeah, actually I know shit about dealing with men romantically. How do you even talk to another guy about your feelings?”

Blake tilted his head up and groaned. “I don’t know.”

“Would it make you feel better if we went to see him?”

Blake looked back down at his friend. “Like, spy on him?”

“I know, it’s a little skeevy actually...”

“No, it’s fine, Adam and I have a history of it so…”

“Wait, you haven’t started dating and you already have a history of stalking? Are we sure this is a good choice?”

Blake paused, feeling weirdly like that statement summed up his whole relationship with the rock singer. Was any of it a good choice? He smiled a little to himself. “Yeah, I might just be sure.”

 

* * *

 

 

They leaned down in Luke’s car, Blake peering over the edge of the window to look at Adam’s house.

“How did we even manage to get in here, isn’t this a protected community?”

“Hmm, security recognized me,” Blake replied, eating a bag of chips. “I’ve done this a lot.”

“I’m a little ashamed that I’m your friend right now,” Luke admitted, eyeing the other man with alarm.

“Look, you try not stalking your best friend when he starts fake dating a drug dealer who's actually a sex paparazzi.”

Luke’s alarm grew. “Okay, so I don’t know if we’re friends anymore.”

“I see him,” Blake whispered, his chest filling with warmth as he spotted the familiar figure walking in front of the window. He smiled, despite the shitty situation, wishing he could get up and just knock on the man’s door with a box of pizza, like it used to be so easy to do.

“Why is he walking around half-naked?”

Blake looked at his friend with surprise. “Have you ever even met Adam? He barely wears clothing.”

“Ah, so now I get this stalking thing a little more.”

Blake punched him.

Adam was walking quickly across his living room, clearly distressed. The other man’s hands were balled into fists and his face was bright red. Blake’s fingers twitched to open the door and run over to him.

“So what’s all the drama about anyway?” Luke asked, slumped in his seat and looking at his phone.

“I may have kissed him,” Blake said, still watching Adam.

“Ah.”

“I may have told him I loved him.”

“Ah, okay.”

“And then I said it wouldn’t work.”

“Wait, what?” Luke asked, surprised, as he put down his phone and turned to Blake. “Why the hell wouldn’t it work? Does he love you too? I mean, it’d be fine if he just liked you.”

“He loves me,” Blake said, his mouth quirking up into a smile even as he talked about the sad reality of his life. Adam loved him. Adam had told him. He felt warm and woozy again, grinning at the man in the house across from them.

“Woh, back to earth, Blake,” Luke said, waving his hand in front of his friend’s face. “So what’s the problem? What could possibly be wrong?”

Blake tore his eyes away from the small form of shirtless Adam to regard his friend in the car. “I can’t-- I don’t think I can come out,” he replied in a small voice, feeling like the biggest loser in the world.

“That’s it?” Luke said, raising his eyebrows. “Didn’t Adam come out?”

“Yeah,” Blake said uneasily, looking back out the window at the man in question. “He’s the bravest person on the planet.”

“But you can’t,” Luke said flatly.

“It’s different.”

“How is it different?”

“My fans-- It would mess up touring-- I might be dropped from my record label--”

“First off,” Luke said authoritatively, looking at his friend with disappointment, “Fuck the fans that would leave you if they found out. Second, fuck the cities that wouldn’t want you to tour there. Third, fuck the record label that would drop you if they found out, there are others.”

Blake sat in silence, pressing his hands together and feeling uncomfortable. Luke had some very good points.

“Man, are you really ready to give _him_ up for all of that bullshit?” Luke asked, gesturing to Adam who had chosen that moment to trip over his dog and fall to the floor. “...Maybe not the best timing.” Blake chuckled as Adam stood up and brushed himself off.

“But seriously,” Luke continued, “Christina’s right. If you really care about him, you’ve got to try to move past all that other stuff,” Luke turned to his friend and put an arm on his shoulder, “Are ya scared?”

Blake paused, considering the question. “Yeah,” he replied in a small voice.

“Good,” Luke replied, throwing an arm over his friend’s shoulder. “Because it’s gonna be scary as fuck. But that don’t mean you shouldn’t do it. Otherwise we’ll just drive out of here and you’ll never see him again.”

Blake felt a chasm open in him at the thought of never seeing Adam again. It felt like the suckiest, most awful thing in the world. If he never saw Adam again he’d probably write only sad, depressing songs. And that would be a little off-putting for country music.

“Don’t be a wimp, man,” Luke finished, shaking his head and going back on his phone.

Blake started a little, because that was the third time someone had said that to him today. Was it true? Was he really just being scared?

The fact was, he couldn’t live with himself if he was giving up Adam just because it was challenging. He wasn’t raised that way; to run away from problems with his tail tucked between his legs.

Luke was right. There were ways to work around messing up his career. And honestly, was he really being truthful to himself, living in the closet and hiding a part of himself to the world? Well, Blake had never really been one for labels, but maybe it mattered.

He watched as Adam’s dog came over and licked his face, the rock singer rocking backwards and laughing as his dog attacked him playfully with a wagging tail.

Blake knew what really mattered.

“I know what I have to do,” Blake said firmly, sitting up straighter and looking at Adam with determination.

“Uh, do I have to stay and watch?” Luke asked, looking up with flushed cheeks. “Because I’m straight, but somehow not totally averse to the image--”

“No,” Blake said, looking at his friend funny. “No, knowing Adam I have to do this in the most extravagant, over the top way possible to win him back.”

“So you’re going to sing a sappy song to him?” Luke said matter of factly.

“How’d you know?”

“Blake, we’re singers, what else do we have up our sleeves?” Luke responded, sighing and turning on the car and driving towards Blake’s place.

“I am going to sing the most fucking romantic song in the world to him.”

“Might I recommend not singing ‘Take My Drunk Ass Home’ to him, that’s gotten me in trouble before.”

Blake was shaken out of his intense reverie, turning to his friend with an exasperated expression. “What the hell, Luke? No, no, never,” Blake looked out into the setting sun as Adam’s house faded into the distance, “I know exactly what I’m going to sing.”

 

 

 


	25. Please Don't Try So Hard To Say Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this was delayed, but it consumed me for two weeks and I felt like I couldn't get it right at all and here it is.
> 
> Thank you to all that have joined me on this weird journey and I hope you will join me on the next. Special thanks to those that kept commenting: you kept me going! I love reading every one! 
> 
> I'll be taking a bit of breather to write other stuff, but I'll be back to for the sequel at some point.
> 
> If you read this at any point in the future, please let me know what you think! And what you'd like to see! 
> 
> Thanks!

Adam thumped his feet against the cabinet he was sitting on as he munched on a bag of chips in his kitchen.

“Why is Phil here?” Pharrell asked for the third time that evening. Phil looked up from where he was stirring a bowl on the kitchen island next to Gwen and gave the producer an unimpressed look.

“He’s an official member of my support group, Pharrell. Leave him alone,” Adam replied, leaning his head against a cabinet and watched everyone else cook.

“Wait, is that what this is? I didn’t sign up for that,” Pharrell responded, halting in his chopping of vegetables.

Gwen looked up from where she was carefully measuring flour and glared at Pharrell until he quickly began cutting the celery again.

“I’m only here to document the real-life love story of Shevine,” Phil explained, watching the spoon moving in his bowl with a little too much focus. “It’s a complete train-wreck and people are going to love it.”

“Thanks, Phil,” Adam said sarcastically, throwing a chip at his head.

“Are you serious with all this giving up talk right now?” Gwen interjected, pausing in her measuring to give Adam a long, hard stare. “Blake’s not done yet, he’s got something up his sleeve. I just know it.”

“You wanna bet?” Pharrell cut in.

Gwen snorted. “We never even worked out who won the last bet. Adam, would you say you two kissed or Blake got hit with a ball first?”

“Wait, what?” Phil asked loudly, frozen in what he was doing as he stared at the group with wide eyes. “I didn’t hear that part of the story. Whose balls hit Blake?”

Adam considered the question, rubbing his chin thoughtfully as he ignored Phil. “Well, the kiss happened first, but it really wasn’t a full kiss before Blake got hit, so I’d say it happened at the same time.”

Gwen considered what he said, nodding thoughtfully. “That makes absolutely no sense,” Pharrell muttered.

“No, no, I get it, they were separate events, but then they combined into one, so I think we both won the bet,” Gwen decided, pointing her finger in triumph.

“Guys, wait, what happened?” Phil said weakly from where he was holding his spoon midair in shock.

“Wait, but no--” Pharrell interrupted, “The bet was whether they’d beat each other up before they kissed, but Adam didn't actually beat Blake up.”

“Does it count that I had wanted him to get smacked pretty badly?” Adam said from between the two arguing.

“So what you’re saying is you did lose, because you bet that someone would get beat up by someone else and no one did,” Gwen summed up, smirking at Pharrell who looked stumped.

Phil took a very loud, deep breath, cutting off Pharrell’s reply as he braced himself on the counter. “WHOSE TESTICLES TOUCHED BLAKE’S FACE I NEED TO KNOW.”

 

* * *

 

 

Dinner eventually got made with no help from Adam, Phil or Gwen. Phil had sulked when he heard the real story and accused the group of misrepresentation of what could have been hot, and Adam cut in to ask what kind of sick stuff Phil watched on his own if it involved people getting minor concussions by means of genitalia, to which Phil proceeded to explain in great detail _exactly_ what he watched while Gwen scooted closer, listening very carefully and basically Pharrell ended up making dinner.

“So what’s Blake gonna do next, since you seem to know everything?” Pharrell asked Gwen. They were all sitting nicely around Adam’s barely used, super long dining table.

Adam groaned and held up a hand. “No please, let’s just have a normal dinner that doesn’t involve talking about Blake Shelton.”

“Maybe he’ll propose,” Gwen responded. Adam turned beet red.

“That sounds a little dramatic--” Phil responded intelligently. Adam coughed and patted him on the back in thanks, opening his own mouth to agree. “--He’ll probably just take you to the make-out spot behind your trailer.”

Adam, who had been taking a sip of his wine, spit a bit out at Pharrell and turned to him in shock. “Why does everyone know about that place except me? And why is it behind MY trailer? And why the hell do you know about it?”

“Pfff, of course I know about it. I know about all of the major hot-spots in LA.”

Adam just sighed into his soup, his face bowed down over the table. “I just don’t think I can do this anymore. I’m going to tell the producers I’m leaving the show next season.”

A heavy silence hung briefly in the air before Gwen and Pharrell yelled, “What!”

Adam rolled his eyes and looked accusatorily at Gwen. “You aren’t even going to be on the show next season,” he said, pointing his spoon at her.

“Yeah, okay, but it wouldn’t be ‘The Voice’ without you and Blake,” she replied.

“I _only_ watch it for you and Blake, honestly,” Phil muttered.

“Aw, come on, you can’t let it get you down like this,” Pharrell said, still trying desperately to get wine off his fancy shirt.

“It’s already gotten me down,” Adam said, pushing his food away from him. “I don’t think anything’s going to change that. Blake’s not going to give up his career, and it was my fault for thinking I could change our relationship. We could be doing normal friend things right now,” Adam whimpered lowly, “And I heard Luke Bryan was in town yesterday and I missed hanging with them together. That’s like, the best.”

Phil leaned over to pat Adam on the shoulder, but got gradually distracted as his hand drifted down to the taut muscle on the rock singer’s arm, which he proceeded to squeeze with raised eyebrows. Adam swatted at his head and glared.

“Well, the live finals are tomorrow,” Gwen said, “And if he doesn’t do anything then, I guess I agree with leaving. You don’t need to torture yourself by hanging around him if he won’t do anything.”

Adam felt a strong pang of longing and sadness ring through him at the thought of not seeing Blake anymore. It was one thing to have been able to see the man for the past couple of weeks and still be able to watch him and interact on some level, but cutting everything off? It would be losing his best friend forever. And that was exactly why he’d been so against trying to change things in the first place. He sighed again deeply and watched his friends banter over the dinner table, preparing himself for the next day.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a fantastic day in LA. The sun was shining, the palm trees were swaying with a slight breeze, and everyone was pretty happy. Except for Adam Levine, who was sitting in his red judge's chair, arms crossed and so mopey that it almost seemed a dark rain cloud was hovering over him.

He shouldn’t have been so depressed, however, because his contestant Jordan Smith, was utterly slaying it. Jordan had always been a fantastic contestant, even from the blinds, but somehow he’d gotten more impressive along the way, and Adam was so proud of him, he felt like his chest could explode.

But it was also gradually occurring to Adam that as this was the last day of the current season of ‘The Voice,’ it might be the last episode he did, and that brought his mood down significantly. Not only that, but trying to avoid looking in Blake’s direction at all was hurting his neck and his heart and he didn’t really know how to take it anymore.

It finally got to that point in the night where the two final contestants competed; one of Blake’s and one of his. It felt incredibly symbolic, but there was a definite strained quality to their interaction that made things more tense than exciting. It would have been a great moment for some teasing banter, the easy back and forth he and Blake had always had on the show, but instead the auditorium was silent, the room thick with emotion.

As Carson Daily held the shoulders of the contestants before what was surely to be a long and deliberately drawn out process to announce the winner, Adam found it hard to breathe. This was the end, wasn’t it? Would he even be able to say goodbye to Blake? Should he just walk out after the announcement of the winner, never looking back? There was a heavy weight on his chest as he slowly tried to even his now quickened breathing out. He glanced at Blake out of the corner of his eye, feeling the familiar pull to be near him, to talk to him, for things to simply be normal again.

Carson opened his mouth as Adam shut his eyes, pretending to be overwhelmed by the suspense. The reality was his heart was shattering, part of a lyric he thought might pop up in his next song. It felt like time was standing still for a moment, Adam suspended in a place where he could hear nothing but the roaring of blood in his ears, feel nothing but the pressing of his fingernails into his clenched fist.

He heard Jordan’s name echoing in the silence, and suddenly everything flooded back to him as he opened his eyes. The crowd was roaring at his sides; Jordan was illuminated by a single spotlight, fighting back tears as Carson hugged him. Adam was overwhelmed with elation as he stood, grinning, his own feelings temporarily cast aside as he felt sheer exuberance for his contestant. He bounded up the side stairs to the stage and threw his arms around Jordan in a tight hug, jumping up and down. It occurred to him that the moment would usually be playfully punctuated by holding the victory over Blake; their longtime Voice rivalry having always been focused on who would win the season. 

Adam squeezed Jordan one last time before backing up, trying to decide what to do. It would be easier if he left now. Jordan would do his winning solo, the crowd would cheer, the season would be over and the lights would go out on set. Life would continue on.

The audience quieted down as Jordan took center stage, standing poignantly in the dimmed lights. Adam made a quick decision and ducked down and stealthily slipped past the judge’s chairs, shuffling quickly towards the exit. Was this the coward’s way out? Maybe. Adam just didn’t think he had it in him to be brave anymore.

There was a confused murmuring from the stage that Adam ignored as he attempted to weave between the backstage crew to the back door out to the parking lot. He cursed as he realized a group of producers was blocking the way talking in excited hushed voices to one another and shooting confused looks at the stage. Adam turned quickly around before they saw him and snuck back in the other direction. He could still leave from the main doors that the audience came through, but it would be risky.

Peering out from beside the stage, he noticed that every eye in the auditorium was fixated on center stage where Jordan and Blake were standing and having some sort of conversation. Adam didn't have time to think about it, he shot forward and into the audience, walking in front of the stands with a baseball hat tipped low on his head. He saw the audience exit, manned by a bored looking security guard who wouldn't even notice Adam's presence. But as he walked straight up to the door, his hand poised to push the metal lever, the audience erupted in loud cheers.

Adam furrowed his brow, finally catching on to the fact that something was off. Why wasn't Jordan singing? And why had Blake of all people been on the stage? And that was when he heard it: the opening riff of one of his songs. He froze, hand still resting on the door as he slowly turned wide eyes back to the stage some ways behind him.

Blake was standing resolutely under the dimmed lights now. Not only that, but Jordan was noticeably absent. And somehow, despite his distance on the other side of the large room, among the audience, Blake had still spotted him. And was opening his mouth to sing.

Oh God no. Gwen had been right, Blake was doing something big.

" _Beauty king of only 18_ ,"

Adam let his head fall against the door with a 'thud' as he groaned softly. No, he could not handle this. If Blake was playing games, he was totally done for. He slowly turned around and pressed his back against the door. He stared right back at Blake's watchful eyes, challenging the other man to keep singing.

" _He had some trouble with himself_ ,"

What was Blake playing at? Was this a goodbye? Was he even singing it to Adam?

" _He was always there to help him_ ,"

Some of the members of the audience twisted around to try to get a look at who Blake was staring so hard at and Adam darted to the side so he wouldn't be seen. He slipped underneath the bleachers and panted lightly, feeling overwhelmed by the whole situation.

" _He always belonged to someone else_ ,"

Blake sounded sad, and despite all of the confusing feelings he was having, Adam felt his heart tug toward the other man.

" _I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door,_ "

Adam was facing the door again and it was only ten feet from where he was standing, hidden. He could make a run for it.

" _I've had you so many times but somehow I want more_ ,"

He could be gone and done with all of this. He would never have to step on 'The Voice' set again.

But without warning, the music changed from what Adam usually sang. He glanced behind himself in surprise, making eye contact with Blake again.

" _Tap on my window, knock on my door_ ,"

What, Blake had skipped the chorus? What the heck did that mean?

" _I want to make you feel beautiful_ ,"

Adam felt his cheeks heat as he heard Blake's words ring through his body. He really felt like he was being sang to. And as corny and dumb as it was, it felt kind of nice.

He'd said once, to Christina, that he didn't need perfection from Blake. He didn't need him to come out, he didn't need anyone else to know, he just wanted Blake to love him.

" _I know you tend to get so insecure; it doesn't matter anymore_ ,"

He pressed his eyes shut as he tried to decide. Should he take another chance on Blake?

" _It's not only rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along_ ,"

Okay, his own words now coming back to bite him in the ass.

" _My heart is full and my door's always open, you can come anytime you want_ ,"

His eyes snapped open, the sincerity of those words pushing through clear as day in the way Blake was saying them. Why exactly had Blake chose this song, out of all he had to sing? Adam had written clearer songs, ones about desire and heartbreak. The thing was, 'He Will Be Loved' was probably his most, well, love-focused song.

The song changed yet again, skipping the chorus. Adam wanted to groan again, couldn't Blake just say what he meant? This was some confusing set-up. But despite that, he was getting it. Blake hadn't averted his eyes, he was definitely singing to Adam. And Adam happened to know very well what he was saying, after all, he had written it.

" _I know where you hide, alone in your car, know all the things that make you who you are_ ,"

Taking a deep breath he steeled himself. He knew what he wanted. Adam stepped forward towards the judge's chair.

" _I know that goodbye means nothing at all_ ,"

Blake's voice was growing soft and fond as Adam drifted once again into view. Somehow, miraculously, the audience didn't notice Adam creeping back towards the judge's chairs, but were enraptured by Blake's performance.

" _Comes back and makes me catch him every time he falls,_ "

Blake was almost whispering at this point, the audience growing tense with the emotion dripping from each word.

“ _Tap on my window, knock on my door, I want to make you feel beautiful_ ,”

Adam slipped his hand over the side of Gwen’s chair, pausing as he heard the chorus pick up. Somehow Blake having skipped it before made it that much more important, resonating more than it ever had when Adam had sung it. He felt his heart beat loudly in his chest as he smiled. 

“ _I don’t mind spendin’ everyday,_

_Out on your corner in the pourin’ rain,_

_Look for the boy with the broken smile,_

_Ask him if wants to stay awhile_ ,”

Adam breathed out. If this was a confession, if Blake wanted to say something, let him deliver the next line without hesitating. If Blake wanted Adam, that’s all he had to do. That was all Adam needed.

“ _And he will be loved, he will be loved_ ,”

Blake never broke eye-contact with Adam as he sang the lines, and was additionally walking over to where Adam was, a small, knowing, smirk on his face, as though he knew how Adam was being affected by the song. Adam didn’t know if his face had ever been this hot.

“ _Oh, he will be loved, he will be loved_ ,”

Gwen was squealing from below him, kicking her high-heeled shoes into the ground in delight.

“ _I don’t mind spendin’ everyday_ ,”

Adam’s mouth opened almost involuntarily as he sang the part right after the other man, “ _Please don’t try so hard to say goodbye_.” It was one of his favorite parts of the song.

Blake stepped off the stage and seemed to be approaching where Adam was standing. Adam’s face cooled as it drained of color and he wondered desperately what Blake was thinking of doing. Was he going to kiss him in front of all these people? He couldn’t let the other man do that to his career.

His heart was apparently on a different page as he sang softly again, “ _Please don’t try so hard to say goodbye._ ”

Adam shut his mouth and gulped, taking a firm step back as if to try to dissuade Blake from coming any closer.

The song ended slowly, closing notes trailing throughout the quietening studio before the audience burst into applause, getting to their feet as they cheered.

Adam and Blake were left staring intensely at one another while Carson awkwardly sidled onto the stage, looking between the two men as he seemed to be deciding whether to interrupt or not.

“Well that was certainly non-traditional,” Carson said, his eyes squinted at Blake who was still staring at Adam. “It’s not like the winner of this season should have sung or anything. Actually, the whole season was a mess, it was a fitting ending. Just to add some further ambiguity to Adam and Blake’s messy relationship.”

“Shut up, Carson,” Gwen leaned over and yelled, shaking her fist.

“Well, that’s it for this season, see you next time!” Carson continued. “I guess we’ll forgo the group hug! I’m going to go curl up in a ball in the corner, thanks everyone.”

The audience murmured among themselves as they piled through the exits. The producers and directors rushed on stage to high five and start drinking. Interns scuttled around the judges, taking microphones and handing off the last batches of paperwork.

And through it all Adam stood stock-still, faced towards the stage, still trying to understand what had just happened.

Blake twisted around as an intern divested him of his mike and frantically grabbed the piles of papers they handed him, side-stepping a mass of people awkwardly as he strode towards Adam with purpose.

“I’m very confused,” Adam intoned as soon as Blake was close to him. Pharrell had gotten up and started to wave a hand in front of Adam’s face to see if he was still registering movement.

Blake put a hand on Adam’s head, pushing through his hair in a distracting motion, and guided him towards the back door. “I think we need to actually have a talk now.”

Blake’s arm came to rest on top of Adam’s shoulders in a casual way as he used the other hand to wave goodbye to the crowd that was still exiting the building. As they passed a group of fans talking excitedly, Adam listened in to see how they had reacted to Blake’s singing.

“See, I knew it, I knew Shefani was real the whole time,” a middle aged woman said to her friend.

“Whatever, that’s bs, it’s Shevine all the way. Even if we don’t have proof any longer,” was the reply from her friend, who had smacked the other woman on the arm.

Adam slowly looked over to where Gwen was standing by Pharrell, watching the big screen next to the stage, where they were replaying Blake’s singing for some reason. He looked at her, alarmed, and she pointed frantically to the screen. On it, Blake was still serenading, but as the camera panned back from his location it stopped at Gwen in her chair, who he appeared to be looking at. Gwen on the television looked as gobsmacked as the current Gwen looked watching on, apparently not having realized Adam had come to stand behind her. The two on screen stared at each other and honestly, it looked pretty romantic, until #shefani appeared in the middle of them.

“Ah, yeah,” Blake said from above him, warm arm still swung over Adam. “That’s gonna make things a little complicated.”

“Are they broadcasting that?” Adam yelped, trying to pull away from Blake. “I can’t let them-- Ugh, I didn’t even think about it--”

Blake used his arm to direct Adam’s body out the doors and away from the still-playing image. “Calm down, rock star, it’s not a big problem.”

“Not a problem? You didn’t have to contend with stupid Shefani fans--”

Adam cut off with an ‘ooff’ as Blake pulled him closer and buried his face in Adam’s hair, huffing in laughter. Adam felt distinctly warm and wobbly, not quite sure what he had been yelling about, but willing enough to stop if it meant this much Blake.

“I have a feelin’ it’ll work itself out soon enough.”

Blake led him out of the back doors of the building and towards Adam’s trailer, but took a sharp left in front of it and turned towards the back. Wasn’t this the famous area of ill-repute?

“Uhh, I mean, I guess I could be a first date kind of girl...” Adam murmured, detaching himself from the other man and inspecting the space.

Blake looked confused for a moment before the top of his cheeks turned red. “Jesus, what? I know that’s what it’s known for, but I just come here to think sometimes. I mean, someone even set up some nice chairs…”

He trailed off as he saw who was sitting in said nice chair behind Adam’s trailer.

“Well, well, well, I think I just won a hundred dollars,” said Phil, smirking and sipping a beer. “I just watched the lives. If I didn't know any better, I'd say Gwen should be the one back here with you."

"Could you leave?" Blake asked with exasperation, running a hand down his face. "I can't deal with you today."

"I'll leave," Phil said in an easy tone. "But I need one thing."

"What?"

Phil held up his camera, grinning. Adam rolled his eyes skyward before he ran over to the other man, pulling his arm and pushing him out of the area. "Phil you're a great friend and all, but you need to go."

Phil popped his head over the side of the trailer, so just his eyes were showing. Blake made a frustrated noise and moved towards him and the head disappeared.

"So why'd you skip the chorus?" Adam asked, sitting in one of the wicker chairs.

Blake looked distinctly uncomfortable and mumbled something Adam didn’t catch. Then he said louder, “I have trouble talking about my feelings.”

“Well, you could have picked a better song for it then. I do have a song called ‘Sex and Candy,’ and that one has very little emotion in it, I assure you.”

“I just-- I wanted you to hear it at the end, so you’d know.”

“What? Know what?”

“That-- Do I have to say it? This is cheesy even for us.”

Adam gave him a long, level look.

“That you will be loved, okay?” Blake burst out, looking flustered. “Well, you are loved, by me. So that. That’s what I was saying.”

“Oh.” Adam didn’t really have a response for that, but he slowly smiled, feeling his face heat up. He stood up suddenly, walking the few steps it took over to Blake’s wicker chair, standing in front of the man self-consciously, pulling on one of his arms with the other, looking for a moment at least ten years younger than he was.

“I, uh-- You don’t have to tell anyone about us, if we get together. We can even ride this Shefani wave or whatever. I just want-- If you want--”

Blake pushed his legs out and looped a foot with Adam’s, causing him to fall over and have to grip the arms of Blake’s wicker chair to avoid tumbling straight into the other man.

"I'm going to tell them," Blake said, flicking his eyes down to Adam's lips, inches away and back up to his eyes. "We're going to tell them everything."

"What--" Adam coughed, "We-- We don't have to do that. You don't have to do that."

Blake brought his hand up to rest on Adam's cheek, holding it while he smiled. "Yeah, I do. You deserve that."

"But what about singing?" Adam asked desperately, sort of willing to give in due to the proximity of the other man's face, but still concerned. "You just stop, and this'll mess everything up--"

"Hey," Blake said quickly, pulling Adam closer. "Let me worry about that, okay? Or we can worry about it."

Adam's eyes grew soft as his protestations turned to dust. What exactly was he fighting anymore?

They both drew into each other at the same time, and both heard a distant click from Adam's trailer. The sound almost made Blake pull his face away to yell at what was presumably Phil, but Adam grabbed the back of his head and pressed the other man's lips to his.

Adam carefully moved his knees on both sides of Blake's body, thanking whatever power there was that there was enough room on the chair. He was now effectively kneeling both in front of and on top of Blake, his head higher than the other man's, which was nice for a change, but causing him to have to swoop down to capture his lips.

Blake groaned and grabbed onto Adam's thighs, guiding the other man closer as he deepened the kiss. Adam gave into temptation and ran his hands madly through Blake's hair, finding that it was as soft and wild as he'd always suspected and appreciating the small groan Blake made in return. Honestly, he hadn't expected Blake to be that vocal.

Adam took the opportunity to pursue the other man's open mouth, sweeping in and grinding his body down into Blake's. Blake definitely moaned then, sliding his hands up on Adam's legs until things were getting quite steamy. Hearing the noise Blake made again, Adam couldn't help but laugh into the other man's mouth.

Blake broke apart and frowned teasingly at the man on top of him. "What? What're you laughing at?" His voice was deep and gravelly and it made Adam shiver while laughing again.

"I didn't expect you to be loud," Adam explained. "I've never been with a, uh, bigger guy and I just always imagined them to be quiet."

"Whaddyou mean, bigger guy?" Blake replied, his brows coming together in confusion. Adam regretted talking and kissed the other man again, ecstatic that he simply could without thinking about it. Blake chuckled into his mouth and pushed him back again, waiting expectantly.

"I mean," Adam sighed, screwing up his face as he looked away from Blake. "I mean, like a guy in control, you know?"

Blake tilted his head to the side and Adam couldn't resist pressing close again, leaning down to press his lips into his neck, trailing them up until he was at his ear. "D'you mean..." Blake started, his voice growing confident with understanding. "Oh my god, you mean like a top?" Blake laughed, booming and loud as Adam shook on his lap with the force of it. "So let me get this straight: you've never been in a relationship and you've always been a top?" Blake whistled, turning twinkling eyes back to Adam. "Oh boy, this'll be interesting."

Adam pushed Blake's head and leaned down to suck on the other man's neck in retaliation, causing Blake to throw his head back and moan again, his eyes pressed shut.

"Okay, wait, no, we're leaving. Not adding another notch to this place." With that, Blake picked Adam up as he was, causing Adam to have to quickly wrap his legs around the other man's waist.

"What? Are you saying there are actually tally marks on the back of my trailer for every person that's banged here or are you talking metaphorically?" Adam spied said marks on his trailer as Blake carried him to the front. "What the hell?" Adam moaned, pulling his head down to rest his cheek on Blake's shoulder. "Now I know how many times people have done it next to where I eat and rest and--"

As Blake attempted to shift Adam's weight so that he could open the front door, he froze, apparently spying something to the side of them. Adam picked his head up to look as well. Pharrell and Gwen were standing, about to enter Gwen's trailer, and instead of saying 'hi' they all just stared at each other. Adam considered what the scene must look like and understood why it was a bit awkward. Particularly with the way his legs were wrapped around Blake's waist, 

"I feel like--" Gwen said slowly. "I think Phil might have won this one."

"Guys," Pharrell added, looking worried, "Those chairs back there really aren't clean, man I could tell you some serious stories--"

"--Stop!" Adam yelled, pointing a finger at Pharrell, trying to look assertive while being carried by another man. "Stop right there and don't ruin this moment. Go inside and do whatever it is that you and Gwen do."

Blake opened the door finally and rushed up the stairs with Adam, throwing Adam on the couch with a huff and sitting down next to him.

"Are we actually doing this?" Adam asked somewhat skeptically, stretching out to lie down on the couch with his legs in Blake's lap.

"I guess so," Blake replied with a grin.

"Maybe we should go on tour together."

Blake laughed. "Yeah, I don't know about that one."

"You have to come out," Adam said seriously.

"I have to come out," Blake repeated, wincing. "How do I come out?"

"Mmm, I'll explain. It's a process."

"And then WE have to come out."

"Yup."

"Gonna be a long year."

"Yup."

"But not the worst year," Blake said, his voice deep and throaty again, eyeing up the man splayed out next to him before moving around and leaning over him so their bodies were pressed together. Adam made a whimpery sort of agreeing noise, pulling Blake towards him by the back of his neck.

"Not the worst at all," Adam murmured, his lips touching Blake's.

Blake eventually convinced Adam to pause to get food and go watch TV at Adam's house, which they did. And honestly, hanging out with Blake as a friend or a lover or whatever the hell they were wasn't that different from what it used to be. Except maybe for Phil peering through the living room window.

The End


End file.
